Quotes: Survivor Series PPV, November 14, 1999
Live from Detriot, MI (sold out)
"WARNING: Unauthorized Interception or Receipt Prohibited! This pay-per-view is the exclusive property of Titan Sports Inc. (Titan) The World Wrestling Federation. Federal law provides civil remedies and criminal penalties against any person divulging, publishing, intercepting, receiving, or assisting in intercepting or receiving this broadcast except as authorized by Titan, by a cable operator authorized by Titan, or by others authorized by Titan. Unauthorized viewers, be aware and be forewarned!!"
-- the threat at the beginning of the PPV (am I the only one who suffers through this little tirade EVERY SINGLE TIME?)
"Good evening, everybody, and welcome to the thirteenth Survivor Series, from the sold-out Joe Louis Arena in Detriot! We welcome over fifty countries, joining us tonight live!"
-- Jim Ross
"You think the '97 Survivor Series was something? You ain't seen nothin' yet!"
-- Jerry "the King" Lawler
"Puppies and kittens and hos, oh my! Puppies and kittens and hos! Ha! This is gonna be great!"
-- Lawler previewing the card as the Godfather and hos hit the ring
"The Godfather and his restaurant-quality hos..."
"You're not kidding! Look at that!"
"...having some fun here in the early going."
-- J.R. and Lawler as the Godfather and hos groove in the ring
"Look at that blue dress, J.R.! I love that dress; that blue dress! Think I could talk her out of it?"
-- Lawler on one ho in particular
"Ho Yeah"
-- sign in the crowd
"Mo Town is Ho Town"
-- sign in the crowd (WOW, we've got a lot of ho quotes)
"Look at D'Lo! D'Lo got ho attire on-- I mean, pimp attire on!"
"Ha! EVERYBODY wants hos! Look at this!"
"Everybody wants to ride on the Godfather's ho train, it looks like."
"Oh yeah! This is great; look at D'Lo! He never looked better!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as D'Lo Brown comes to ringside dressed as a pimp
"I thought Godfather said, "pimpin' ain't easy!" It MUST be easy if D'Lo can do it!"
-- Lawler
"Nowhere else but Motown, and nowhere else but the WWF are you going to see anything like this."
"Look at those afros! I think I saw a bird fly out of that one!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as the Headbangers come to the ring, also dressed as pimps
"Their opponents... first, from Dudleyville, D-Von, Buh Buh Ray, the Dudley Boyz!"
-- announcement of the Dudleys (Dudleyville?)
"Hey, Godfather! Ain't you gonna offer the Dudley Boyz any of your h-h-h-h-h-" (D-Von smacks him upside the head) "Hos?"
"N-N-N-N-N-N-No!"
-- Buh Buh Ray and Godfather, prior to their match
"Look at the scars on the back of B-B-B-Buh Buh Ray's head!"
-- Lawler
"I guess that's the only exercise you get, J.R., is jumping to conclusions!"
-- Lawler
"Bradshaw may be having a flashback to when somebody drank his cold beer."
-- J.R. as Bradshaw goes on a tear in the ring
"Bradshaw thinks Godfather's number one..."
-- Lawler as Bradshaw offers Godfather a one-finger salute
"Look at that blond ho, J.R."
"Boy, you're ho-crazy."
"She could suck the numbers right off my credit card, I'll guarantee ya!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Of course I'm ho-crazy! It's getting close to Christmastime. Ho ho ho!"
-- Lawler
"Just look over to your left, D'Lo! See what you've got waiting for you if you win this thing!"
-- Lawler directing a dazed D'Lo's attention to the hos
"Uh-oh... this could get ugly."
"That top turnbuckle ain't a La-Z-Boy, I'll tell you."
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Are you ready to come aboard, J.R.?!"
-- Lawler as the Godfather revs up the ho train
"And the survivors will be the Godfather, and D'Lo, and the hos!"
-- J.R.
"Look at Timmy White! He's quite the dancer!"
-- Lawler as the ref dances with the Godfather's ladies after the match
"This footage is as old as Moolah and Mae Young!"
-- Lawler as video is shown of Shawn Stasiak's dad, a former WWWF champ
"Let's see what that big gold medal will get him here in the WWF."
-- a doubtful Lawler as KurtAngle squares off against Stasiak
"Boring... boring... boring..."
-- brief chant from the crowd during the Angle/Stasiak match
"Let's go Red Wings... Let's go Red Wings..."
"The fans are chanting for the Red Wings... this is the Joe Louis Arena, the home of the former NHL champions the Detriot Red Wings."
"Is that what they were chanting? Red Wings?"
"I thought that's what they were saying."
"Well, you know, a lot of these people that are watching this match, they're probably not exactly with this style of wrestling that Kurt Angle does."
-- the crowd, J.R., and Lawler during the Angle/Stasiak match
"There's a little WWF for you right there!"
-- Lawler as Stasiak begins stomping Angle
"You do NOT boo an Olympic gold medalist! You DO NOT boo an Olympic gold medalist! I'm the best in the world! I came here for YOU! You do not boo me."
-- Kurt Angle
"He stole that move from me, J.R.!"
-- Lawler as Angle hits a fallaway slam finisher on Stasiak
"Now how, J.R., can you say that Val Venis has nothing in common with Sexual Chocolate? They both love the ladies!"
"Well I'm sure that all four of these men are heterosexual; I'm sure that all four of the men on this team love the ladies, King!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"If you get a hickey from Gangrel, you'll be hospitalized!"
-- Lawler as Gangrel, goblet in hand, hits the ring
"You've got to wonder what kind of memories the Survivor Series conjures up for the British Bulldog, thinking back to '97 in Montreal..."
"J.R., for the unenlightened, could you go ahead and just follow up on what you meant by that? Memories for the British Bulldog in 1997?"
"Well, the Bulldog's brother-in-law, Bret "the Hitman" Hart, was screwed by Vince McMahon in the eyes of some on that fateful night, the night that Shawn Michaels became the WWF champion. And remember, Vince said earlier tonight that he's got a feeling--"
"I've gotcha, J.R.; I've got it, I got it. He's got a feeling what?"
"Well what the hell are you interrupting me for?"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"When are these three morons going to get some wrestling attire and get out of those sweater vests?"
-- J.R. on the Mean Street Posse
"Where would YOU get cashmere in Oklahoma?"
"Arkansas. They've got a big mall over there."
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Rodney should break the arms of the guy who did his hair."
-- J.R.
"That's about four hundred pounds dropped right across the neck of Joey Abs!"
"You're not kidding!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as "Sexual Choklit" attempts to behead Joey Abs
"The first man to ever wear a green sweater vest at Survivor Series has been eliminated..."
-- J.R. on Joey Abs
"Oooh, he landed right on his Valbowski..."
"Why don't you go see if it's bruised? You seem to be more interested in it than anybody else."
"...J.R....!"
-- Lawler and J.R. on Val Venis
"I wonder if he does this in his hotel room?"
-- Lawler as Val Venis hits a top-rope money shot
"Val Venis with a penetrating move..."
-- J.R. (in rare form tonight)
"Ladies, you know tonight you've got a-- whoa!"
-- Michael Cole bursting in on a half-naked Terri in the dressing room
"What the heck is that, J.R.? Michael Cole gets that job and I'm stuck out here with you?"
-- Lawler after watching Michael Cole's antics backstage
"I found out where she got that crown, J.R.! She won it in a match with King Tut!"
-- Lawler on Mae Young
"Y'know, when she was young, King, she looked like Miss America!"
"She had a body like Miss America?"
"Yeah, when she was young."
"Yeah well, now it looks like she's lost most of Canada and added a lot of Mexico!"
-- J.R. and Lawler on the Fabulous Moolah
"I can see what he sees in her, but what does she see in that big red retard?"
-- Lawler as Tori enters the ring
"One fall, sudden death!"
"Hey, don't ever say "sudden death" around Mae Young and Moolah!"
-- J.R. on the match, and Lawler with a warning
"Luna may be a sandwich or two short of a picnic, but who the hell cares."
-- J.R. as Luna jogs to the ring
"Whoa, watch yourself! You want to get tangled up, come on over here with me!"
-- Lawler as Terri nearly trips over a camera cable
"We want puppies! We want puppies!"
-- an enthusiastic crowd during the sudden death ladies match
"Look, I see some vultures circling over the ring!"
-- Lawler, insulting the age of Moolah and Mae again
"Is this match AARP-sanctioned?"
-- J.R. getting into the spirit
"I have nothing to prove. I've already proved everything I need to against the big goof. I carried his ass for I don't know how long. He knows I'm better than he is; that's why he begged me to be his partner for I don't know how long, months and months; finally I did that. And another thing... the guy's got an inferiority complex. He's a seven-foot... seven-foot something... he's sexually frustrated, he's impotent, and plus I can whip his ass and I'm six-foot-one, two-hundred and something pounds!"
-- X-Pac in a pre-match interview
"Did X-Pac say Kane was impotent?"
"That's what he inferred, yes."
"That's nature's way of saying, "no hard feelings," right?"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Look at the power of Kane, trying to overpower X-Pac here!"
"Trying to?"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Kane has decidedly little trouble in gaining the upper hand
"Great martial-arts kick by X-Pac; right in Kane's face!"
"Those educated feet you like to talk about!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"X-Pac was going to saddle up the big red machine and ride, but Kane blocked it!"
-- J.R. as X-Pac catches heat for preparing the bronco buster; Kane gets a nice pop for preventing it
"The X-factor! Don't tell me that X-Pac is going to get the victory here this way-- no! Look at the power; look at the raw power and strength..."
-- J.R. as Kane bodily lifts X-Pac and throws him off to prevent a three-count
"Good God! X-Pac almost took Tori's head off with a martial arts kick!"
"I don't think he knew who it was!"
"And Kane is up! D-X scattering like quail!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as X-Pac cracks Tori in the face and Kane goes ballistic
(As Tori recovers, Kane tends to her in the ring)
LAWLER: "Aww..."
J.R.: "That's Kane's girlfriend; look at him rub her shoulder there..."
LAWLER (sarcastically): "Yes, what a touching moment!"
J.R. (getting mad): "What's wrong with that? Just because you've had eight failed marriages doesn't mean somebody else can't have a good relationship for God's sakes!"
"You DON'T walk in on one of the Rock's interviews, even if you are the game!"
-- Lawler as Triple H pounces on the Rock backstage
"Who Farted? (Hi Dad)"
-- sign in the crowd
J.R.: "The Big Show, seven-two, five hundred pounds... he's all by himself, is the Big Show, against four men! But the man the Big Show wants is the Big Boss Man!"
(the Big Show sweeps Mideon up into a chokeslam)
J.R.: "Oh, look out!"
LAWLER: "Oh my gosh!"
J.R.: "That's three hundred pounds in that chokeslam!"
(the ref counts the three)
LAWLER: "Wait a minute; you're kidding!"
J.R.: "Mideon's been eliminated in record time. And Prince Albert..."
(the Big Show chokeslams Prince Al)
J.R.: "...he's three-seventy!"
LAWLER: "Oh my gosh!"
J.R.: "And HE just got drilled in a chokeslam!"
(the ref counts the three)
LAWLER: "No way!"
J.R.: "Big Show now-- oh my God!"
(the Big Show grabs up Viscera and slams him to a big pop)
LAWLER: "Oh no!"
J.R.: "That's FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS in a bodyslam!"
LAWLER: "No way!"
J.R.: "The Big Show is going through this team like crap through a goose!" (*)
(the Big Show chokeslams-- CHOKESLAMS-- Viscera to a HUGE pop)
LAWLER: "Don't tell me-- LOOK at this!"
J.R.: "OH! The biggest chokeslam I've ever seen!"
(the ref counts the three)
J.R.: "The Big Show is dominant, and now the Big Show wants the Boss Man!"
LAWLER: "Run, Boss Man! You're the only one left!"
(*) - J.R. didn't actually say this, but what he DID say was unintelligible and this is just as funny anyway
"I think Boss Man did the smart thing. Run away, live to fight another day."
-- Lawler praising the cowardly actions of the Big Boss Man
"First it was the Rock, and now Austin!"
-- J.R. as Triple H attacks Stone Cold during a backstage interview
"You don't have to run; don't run."
-- someone's voice to the cameraman as Austin takes off after Triple H
"Hey, you son of a bitch! C'mere, you little bastard!"
-- Austin looking for Triple H in the parking garage (and, I guess, his last official WWF words for a while)
"GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! FOR GOD'S SAKES! THAT CAR JUST RAN OVER AUSTIN!! THAT CAR JUST RAN OVER AUSTIN!! STONE COLD JUST GOT RUN DOWN!"
-- J.R.
"I'm gonna go."
"Can you go see?"
"I'm gone."
-- J.R. and Lawler in the middle of mass confusion right after the hit-and-run on Austin, as J.R. leaves to go backstage
"Were you out here? WHAT THE HELL?! Do you SEE this?!"
"I see it."
-- Vince McMahon and beefy security head Jim Dotson as EMTs tend to Austin
"You SONOFABITCH!"
-- Vince McMahon as Triple H approaches; pandemonium ensues as Road Dogg and X-Pac back up Triple H, Test backs up Vince, and Shane jumps in between the groups
"Don't you accuse us when we didn't do it!"
-- Triple H yelling at Vince
"Is he all right?"
-- Stephanie watching the EMTs work on Austin (and clutching Austin's baseball cap)
"Okay..."
-- Lawler, still recovering from the Austin deal, as the Y2J ticker comes up to a big pop (seconds later you can see J.R. hightailing it down the ramp to get back on commentary, and to avoid the pyros)
"Don't treat me like a woman... don't treat me like a man... don't treat me like you know me... treat me for just who I am..."
-- Chyna's new entrance music (which I'm sure we'll all like more after we've heard it a few more times, but for now, retains the title of "funky")
"He just flat-ass got run down by a car! That simple."
-- J.R. on Austin
"Miss Kitty gonna get her claws into him!"
-- Lawler as Miss Kitty gives Chyna a hand against Jericho
"Go Jericho go! Go Jericho go!"
-- brief crowd chant
"I don't think that's going to work..."
-- J.R. as Jericho tries a low blow on Chyna
"Folks, I apologize for not getting into this match as much as it certainly deserves... when you're as close to Stone Cold as I have the priviledge of being and then seeing something like that happen right in the middle of our broadcast here; a human being being run down by an automobile..."
"C'mon, J.R., do your job! Be a professional here!"
"I'm really trying, King. I appreciate that support; you're all heart."
-- J.R. and Lawler during the Chyna/Jericho match
"C'mon, you filthy, disgusting slut!"
-- Jericho to Chyna
"I tell ya, J.R., you'd better take it easy. This guy is pretty unpredictable; I can't protect you like I did Arnold Schwarzenegger."
-- Lawler, referring to Jericho
"Chyna fighting back on Jericho, and Jericho, however, counters... and Jericho right back in the game. It sounds like Jericho has his share of fans here tonight, King!"
-- J.R.; the crowd gives Chyna heat and Y2J a big pop
"You've got to realize, J.R., this is Detroit! They booed a gold medalist here, for Christ's sakes!"
-- Lawler
"Well, this is not going to go the distance like Holyfield and Lewis did last night... in that snorefest..."
-- J.R.
"Jericho just put a liplock on Miss Kitty, King!"
-- J.R.; Jericho chose to kiss the Kitty when she refused to get out of his way
"Job Chyna"
-- sign in the crowd
"This is a WHOLE lot better than Holyfield/Lewis last night!"
-- Lawler
"If Jericho doesn't win the title, that cocky attitude may be something that Jericho regrets tomorrow."
"I think I heard that Jericho would get a sex change if he didn't win; is that right?"
"That's what he's cackling."
-- J.R. and Lawler
"ONE... TWO..."
-- the crowd with every cover, getting SERIOUSLY into this match
"Jericho kicked out of the PEDIGREE!"
-- J.R. as the crowd goes nuts
"The fans here, seemingly, wanted Jericho to get the victory that time!"
-- J.R. in response to healthy crowd boos
"What's this? No, don't tell me. There ain't no way..."
"Is she going for what I THINK she's going for?"
"There's no way... there's no-- YES! My God, a pedigree from the top rope! Chyna hit the pedigree from the tope rope... and Chyna has defeated Jericho!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"GET OUTTA HERE! GET OUTTA HERE!"
-- Shane McMahon taking no prisoners as Triple H and X-Pac pop their heads into the backstage room where Shane, Steph, Test, and the rest are
"Okay, relax! Easy, stress boy!"
-- Triple H to Shane
"Well, what a half-ass apology THAT was."
-- J.R., referring to Triple H
"Too Fools... how about Two Jackasses?"
"Hey hey hey.."
-- J.R. and Lawler as Too Cool enter the ring; J.R. is referring to a "Too Fools" sign in the crowd
"As redneck as you are, I'm surprised--"
"As what? Wait a minute; what did you say?"
"I'm surprised that you claim a son like Grand Master Sexay!"
"YOU, J.R., have called someone a redneck!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Too Cool moonwalks to the ring
"Oh, there they are."
"I'm assuming that you're saying "there THEY are" in reference to Matt and Jeff."
"Oh, are they there, too?"
-- Lawler (transfixed by Terri's puppies) and J.R.
"I heard her skills were so good in bed, that during sex she shouts her own name. I just HEARD that; I don't KNOW."
-- Lawler on Terri
"So your best friend got run over by a car! Life goes on, you know."
-- Lawler to J.R.
"I tell you something, this Matt Hardy... he may not be one of the greatest wrestlers in the world, but he's one of the luckiest wrestlers in the world, being managed by Terri Runnels. J.R., I still say you and I should've gotten in that tournament. I'd have carried you!"
-- Lawler
"There he is, Grand Master... that's how he is, too sexy! Ha-- oh no..."
-- Lawler as Grand Master Sexay does a big powerbomb on Matt Hardy from the apron, then gets clobbered by an aerial Christian
"Bodies are flying everywhere, J.R.!"
-- Lawler as Scotty Too Hotty, and soon Jeff Hardy, add themselves to the fallen wrestlers at ringside
"Folks, I'm told that we will have an update on Stone Cold's condition at the conclusion of this matchup."
"Boy, I bet you can't wait for it to end now, can you? I hope these guys drag it out; I hope it lasts a loong time!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Uh-oh; here we go, J.R.! C'mon, get pumped, just a little bit!"
"The whole world wants to know what's going on at the hospital; we all want to know--"
"GRAND... MASTER... SEXAY. THIS is what the world's excited about; right here."
"Well, it doesn't sound like they are."
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Now that's a blithering idiot, right there; to stop in the middle of the match to put goggles on. A blithering idiot."
"A wha-- a what?"
"A blithering idiot."
"You've got to be cool at all times, J.R."
-- J.R. on Grand Master, and Lawler
"Our cameraman just got taken out!"
-- J.R. as the camera sees ceiling, then floor thanks to a misplaced foot from Grand Master (listen and you can hear the cameraman thumping to the mats)
"C'mon, Crash; you're a superheavyweight! Oh... wait a minute; that's Holly."
-- Lawler
"Did he laugh like that when he was a baby?"
"How should I know?"
-- J.R. on Grand Master, and Lawler's usual comment of denial
"Waste some more time! Put your goggles back on! Do a dance! Sing a song!"
-- J.R. being sarcastic towards Too Cool
"Wear your hair a little longer, you hippie!"
-- Lawler to Jeff Hardy
"There is a cover, and that will be-- no, it's not enough."
"You're trying to tell me that wasn't a three-count, J.R.?"
"I'm pretty sure it wasn't, because the referee held up two fingers. I'll give you ONE finger here in a minute if you don't straighen up."
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Oh my God!"
"What the--"
"Tremendous maneuver from Jeff Hardy!"
"What are you holding up a card with a nine on it for?"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Jeff does a somersault off the top rope
"Boy, I'll tell ya. You come out here and you claim that Steve Austin's your best friend and you're getting all into this match, you're all excited; you talk about these beautiful maneuvers... where's your sympathy for your best friend, J.R.?"
"What do you want me to do, King? What the hell would you like me to do right now?"
"Weep?"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Why are you being such an ass?"
-- J.R. to Lawler
J.R. (from ringside): "Shane, this is J.R. here. Can you give us any update on Stone Cold's condition, please?"
(via a videofeed backstage, Shane turns to face the camera; Steph and Test are behind him.)
SHANE: "Yes, I just got off the phone with Vince. He's at the emergency room. The good news is, Stone Cold did not lose consciousness, which is a good sign. Unfortunately, Stone Cold has suffered severe head, neck, and back trauma. He's undergoing a lot of tests; he's in a lot of pain, and that's all we know right now."
J.R.: "So does that leave us with a one-on-one matchup here tonight for the championship; Triple H and the Rock?"
SHANE: "...No. There will be a triple threat match here this evening... unfortunately, it won't be with Stone Cold Steve Austin."
(HUGE heat from the crowd; wisely, this statement from Shane is followed almost IMMEDIATELY with the "Oh, you didn't know?" from the Outlaws to hype the crowd back up)
"Detroit Rock City, you damn right!"
-- Road Dogg as he and Billy Gunn (noticeably without his tag team championship belt) head to the ring
"I'll tell you what *I'm* wondering, J.R. Is why you haven't asked THE question. Why you haven't even mentioned one time, THE question. What's got to be on everybody's mind... who was driving the car?"
"You know, I'm worried more about my friend's health than who drove the damn car!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Where was Mr. Ass all day?"
"I don't know; it wasn't my day to watch him."
"Well, isn't this the first time you've laid eyes on him?"
"Yes, it is."
"Well, do you think he might have been the car driver?"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"I, quite frankly, King, I didn't even think about who was driving the car... I was more concerned about Austin's welfare and how he was."
"The first thing you should've done was try to get the license tag number!"
"I was out here with you, you dummy!"
"It was on T.V.!"
"Why didn't YOU get it, then?"
"Austin is not MY best friend."
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Fo-ley! Fo-ley! Fo-ley!"
-- crowd chant
"I wish I HAD gone to the hospital now, and gotten the hell away from you!"
-- J.R. to Lawler
"Mankind gave Al Snow Head last Thursday night on SmackDown."
"He did WHAT?! How dare you say that out here."
-- J.R. and Lawler
"We want Head! We want Head! We want Head!"
-- crowd chant
"Do you LIKE the fact that Austin got hurt? Do you enjoy people getting hurt, King? Is that because you're sitting there and you're the bad-guy announcer, you've got to keep riding my ass?"
-- J.R. to Lawler
"If one of MY friends got hurt, I'd show some sympathy."
"I doubt it. But how can you know that? It's never happened. Why? Because you have no friends."
"Oh, you're cold. COLLLLD, cold cold."
-- Lawler and J.R.
"There you go jumping to conclusions again. That could have CERTAINLY been an accident."
"How do you figure that?"
"The accelerator pedal could've stuck; anything could have happened."
"Well then why didn't they stop to check and see how he was?"
"
"How are they going to stop when the gas pedal's stuck?"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Mankind not doing anything too scientific here, just using that brawling style of his, trying to beat the Road Dogg down."
"That's the way he types."
"What, one finger at a time?"
"I think with his fist."
-- J.R. and Lawler
"He's like one of those idiot savants... only without the savant part."
-- Lawler on Mankind
"Bring me up to date on this. Shane told you just a few minutes ago that it's still going to be a triple threat match?"
"That's what Shane said, but we don't know who the third guy's going to be."
"Could we, um... possbily speculate?"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Eat your heart out, Evander Holyfield! That's what YOU should have done last night!"
-- Lawler as Road Dogg does some juke 'n' jive
"That "Have a Nice Day" book is a lot like Mankind... it's thick, it's heavy..."
-- Lawler
"Are you all right, J.R.? You're not hurt, are you?"
"What do YOU care?"
"I'm *concerned!*"
-- Lawler and J.R. after Mr. Ass drops Al Snow on the announcers table
"Right off the apron came the Road Dogg, as Al Snow was lying helplessly, trying to pull himself up by using our table."
"Did you notice how I threw my body in front of you to shield you and protect you?"
"I missed that."
-- J.R. and Lawler
"You wanna give me head now?"
-- Road Dogg to Al Snow
"Y'think Al Snow is still distraught over that action figure thing?"
"No doubt about it."
"Is that why he's doing so poorly right here?"
"I think part of his head is there."
"Say that again?"
"I think a lot of his focus, a lot of his thinking the last several days--"
"No, that's not what you said!"
"Part of his head is there?"
"There's Head, right over there in the corner!"
"Al almost took Road Dogg's head OFF there..."
"That's what got him in trouble in the first place!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Double-arm suplex on Mr. Ass; snowplow on Road Dogg!"
-- J.R. (watch this in slo-mo, Road Dogg fans, and you'll see that Al Snow damn near dropped Road Dogg on his head during that slam)
"I can't imagine what would be worse-- having that stinking, smelly sock shoved down your throat or having to read his book!"
-- Lawler on Mankind
"Vince, obviously, is not going to be the referee because he's not here, and nor do we know who's going to be the third man in the triple threat matchup."
-- J.R.
"Definitely a blond-headed person driving the car."
"I couldn't tell that."
"*I* could see THAT!"
"Well I'm not DENYING it! I'm just saying I couldn't TELL that!"
-- Lawler and J.R. seriously getting on each other's nerves
"People's eyebrow! People's elbow! People's everything!"
-- Lawler as the Rock comes to the ring for the main event
"And their opponent..."
(a silence thick enough to sink a knife into hangs...)
"Look at Finkel; he don't know!"
"WEEEELLLLLL..."
(Rock freezes, eyes narrowed and glancing from side to side before his scowl darkens; Triple H curses and continues pacing)
"It's the Big Show!"
-- announcer Howard Finkel, a comment from Lawler, entrance music, and J.R.
"Triple H is not pleased whatsoever..."
"Neither is the Rock! Look at the look on the Rock's face!"
"The Rock and Triple H have very unpleasant looks on their faces because this seven-foot-two, five-hundred-pound monster is now challenging for the WWF championship!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Is this going to be the only hope that the Rock and Triple H have? Are they going to have to unite?"
-- Lawler as the Rock and Triple H double-team Big Show
"He has had the most traumatic week of his entire life. He buried his father on Thursday!"
"No, wait a minute, now. You've got it wrong. He TRIED to bury his father on Thursday..."
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Triple H just had the smackdown laid on him!"
-- J.R. as the Rock puts Triple H through a table (notice some poor WWF sap gets trapped underneath)
"If Triple H was responsible for running down Stone Cold Steve Austin in that car, then Triple H should burn in hell!"
-- J.R. getting harsh
"Oh no... here it comes again!"
-- Lawler referring to the Big Show, who is stalking towards the ring
"I don't know if the Rock blew snot or blew water in the Big Show's face--"
"WHAT?!"
"--in any event..."
-- J.R. and Lawler
"The Rock-- no-- double team-- GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY!"
-- J.R. as the Rock and Triple H suplex the Big Show through the Spanish announcers table
"Wait a minute! The Big Show just pulled Shane McMahon right out of the ring!"
-- J.R., as substitute ref Shane tries to count the Rock's pinfall on Triple H
"The Rock thrown through those stairs, I mean thrown THROUGH those stairs, by the Big Show!"
-- J.R. (Foghorn Leghorn imitation)
"Triple H just pedigreed Shane McMahon, the referee!"
-- J.R.; Triple H got ticked when Shane took the belt away from Triple H, who had been intending to use it as a weapon
"D-X en masse, here to save Triple H's title..."
-- J.R. as D-X runs in
"Vince McMahon has the title belt in his hand... and he got him! McMahon just knocked Triple H down with the belt... the Big Show with a chokeslam!"
"No! I can't believe it!"
"One... two... three!"
"THE BIG SHOW!!"
-- J.R., Lawler, the crowd as the Big Show wins the WWF championship to begin his first title reign
"The Rock is PISSED!"
-- J.R.
[ Dogg Timeline || Dogg Articles || Dogg Gallery || Dogg Bio || Dogg Links ]