Quotes: RAW is LOVE, November 29, 1999
Live from the Staples Center in Los Angeles, CA(sold out)
The Big Show (C) and Kane (w/ Tori) vs. the Big Boss Man (C) and Viscera; X-Pac interferes. D-X interview. Matt Hardy (w/ Jeff Hardy and Terri) vs. Edge (w/ Christian); all teammates end up involved. Clips from Stephanie's bachelorette party. Chyna/Jericho confrontation. The Godfather (w/ hos) vs. Steve Blackman. Clips of an Acolyte/Dudley poker game backstage. Too Cool (w/ Rikishi) vs. the Hollies (w/ scale). Triple H vs. Test; Shane McMahon interferes. Barbara "Beebee" Bush in-ring interview; confrontation with Ivory. Val Venis vs. Kurt Angle; the British Bulldog interferes. Clips of the wedding party preparing backstage. Al Snow/Mankind/Rock confrontation backstage. The New Age Outlaws and X-Pac vs. the Rock, Mankind, and Kane; Al Snow interferes. Test and Stephanie McMahon begin their wedding, but Triple H interrupts the proceedings and shows footage proving that Stephanie is already married, to Triple H himself.
"Tonight, WWF RAW is live from the beautiful new Staples Arena in Los Angeles, California! We are sold out to the rafters, in anticipation of tonight's wedding between Stephanie McMahon and Test..."
-- J.R., kicking us off as usual
"J-U-S-T M-A-R-R-I-E-D"
-- huge sign in the crowd
"Into Rock Climbing"
-- sign in the crowd
"Oh... oh no..."
-- Lawler freaking as the lights go out for Kane's entrance
"A tag team made in hell!"
-- J.R. as Kane comes to join the Big Show in the ring
"I don't know if the ring's gonna be big enough to HOLD this match, J.R.!"
-- Lawler as Viscera comes a-rollin' down the ramp
"He's got good taste in women; I can say that for him."
"Oh, you think she's cute too, huh?"
"Absolutely!"
-- J.R. on Viscera, and Lawler referring to Tori
"Do you get emotional at weddings, J.R.? I see this huge stack of Kleenex here; are they for you?"
-- Lawler
"Do you cry at weddings?"
"Well, I might."
"I cried AFTER mine."
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Boss Man sucks! Boss Man sucks! Boss Man sucks!"
-- chant from the crowd
"Kane climbs the ladder... the Big Red Machine up on TOP!"
"Awww, he's just trying to impress his girlfriend!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Kane executes a flying clothesline on Viscera
"What the hell was that about? That was no accident!"
-- J.R. as X-Pac spits in Tori's face and gives her a spinning kick to the face
"Oh man, you're really sappy."
-- Lawler making reference to J.R.'s Kleenex again
"I don't think these guys are invited to the wedding..."
-- Lawler as D-X makes their entrance
"Here comes Triple H, leading D-X our way... we've already seen X-Pac once tonight, and that'll be enough for me for a while."
-- J.R.
(Triple H and crew hit the ring. The D-X music ends, but some funky new age music continues even after their theme is cut off. The members of D-Generation X look at each other with some puzzlement.)
TRIPLE H: "I appreciate the disco..."
(the music abruptly cuts off)
CROWD: "Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!"
(With a wry expression on his face, Triple H starts loudly tapping the microphone)
LAWLER (from ringside): "Yeah, it's on."
J.R. (also from ringside): "I think it's on, there, Game."
TRIPLE H: "I appreciate the disco, but we really don't need it!"
J.R. (noticing the white roses pinned to the lapel of Triple H's leather jacket): "Triple H is wearing a boutonni¸re..."
TRIPLE H: "I'm gonna talk directly to Vince McMahon!"
LAWLER: "Oh, here we go..."
J.R.: "Vince is here..."
TRIPLE H: "Vince, the warnings were laid out, by you, by me, by everybody. But you crossed the line. YOU made it personal. It is your fault that this whole thing has escalated to the height it's at now. You crossed the line, you made it personal. So Vince, I'm gonna remind you of what has happened because of that."
FAN IN THE CROWD: "What?"
TRIPLE H: "You see, we have a T.O.P. against you, and for all you morons, that means temporary order of protection."
(crowd heat)
LAWLER: "That's right! Vince can't come within fifty feet of D-X!"
TRIPLE H: "And because most of you have probably had one against you at some point in time, I'll explain it to ya. That means that Vince McMahon cannot come within fifty feet of myself or any member of D-Generation X."
LAWLER: "See? I told ya."
TRIPLE H (turning to the rest of D-X): "And I don't know about you guys, but I feel pretty secure with fifty feet 'cause I don't even think Vince can throw a rock fifty feet or anything like that..." (Mr. Ass makes a comment) "Yeah, he can't even SEE fifty feet."
LAWLER: "Ha!"
TRIPLE H: "And I'm gonna remind you why exactly Vince has that put against him; I'm gonna show you some footage of what Vince McMahon has done to us to deserve having a T.O.P. put against him."
(footage of Vince ramming D-X's limo last week is shown on the TitanTron)
TRIPLE H (during the clip): "Deranged lunatic! Smashing a car against us!"
(crowd pops)
TRIPLE H (to the crowd): "Now, it just shows how sick the world is that you cheer that! Because this deranged psychopath..."
(crowd pops louder)
TRIPLE H: "...is assaulting us! We could have been seriously hurt!"
(crowd pops for this statement as the clip ends)
TRIPLE H: "But, much to everybody's delight, we were not hurt."
(crowd heat)
LAWLER: "Listen to these people!"
TRIPLE H: "But Vince McMahon WILL be hurt at Armageddon. And Vince, I will beat you down, I will beat you up; I will beat you within an inch of your miserable, billionaire life, and I will pay no penance for my sins against you! Vince..."
CROWD (loudly): "Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!"
LAWLER (listening to the crowd): "Uh-oh..."
TRIPLE H: "...at Armageddon, there will be no retribution from you on me! I will do what I want to you, and that will be it. And one last thing, for everybody here that has come to see the glorious wed-ding..."
(some crowd heat)
TRIPLE H: "And for all you people around the world that have tuned in to see that very wedding, I have bad news for you! I hate to disappoint, but there will be NO wedding here tonight!"
(crowd pops)
LAWLER: "Uh-oh, J.R.!"
J.R.: "What does he mean by that? Of course there's going to be a wedding tonight."
TRIPLE H: "I repeat-- there will be no wedding here tonight."
J.R.: "What does he mean by that? People have been flown in from all over the country to come to this wedding--"
(The "No Chance In Hell" music cranks up as Vince comes out to the stage. D-X steps up to the ropes.)
J.R.: "There's the father of the bride, Vince McMahon, about to give away his only daughter tonight in her wedding with Test!"
VINCE: "What a bunch of tough guys. D-X, you need protection from me just because I used my rent-a-car as a bulldozer? You need protection from me? You're DAMNED RIGHT you do." (Triple H fakes a bout of fear in the ring) "Because there's nothing I wouldn't do to protect my family. As far as you and me Armageddon is concerned, Triple H... your little temporary order of protection's not going to be any good there, is it? It's just you and me. Now, I'm not saying that you're not going to have any of mine on your hands, but I promise you this-- at Armageddon, I WILL have some of your blood on my hands."
(crowd pops as Triple H puts up his dukes)
LAWLER: "Wow... strong words!"
J.R.: "VERY strong words."
VINCE: "Because after Armageddon... you call yourself "the Game?" After Armageddon, it's simply gonna be "Game Over." Just to make sure you degenerates keep busy here tonight, I'm gonna give my soon-to-be son-in-law Test a wedding present. He could've had anything he wanted. You know what he wants, Triple H? In that very ring tonight..."
(crowd pops)
LAWLER: "Waitaminute... wait; he's gonna get married!"
VINCE: "It's gonna be Triple H one-on-one with Test. And to keep you other degenerates busy, X-Pac and the Outlaws, there will be a special six-man tag team match in that very ring tonight, and your opponents will be Mankind..."
(crowd pop as X-Pac glares at Vince cockily)
VINCE: "And, the ROCK!"
(crowd goes nuts; huge pop as the Outlaws, most notably Road Dogg, get upset)
VINCE: "...and a partner of his choosing!"
J.R.: "Man, what a six-man that's gonna be, live here tonight! Not to mention, Triple H and Test! What an unusual wedding gift..."
CROWD: "Rock-y! Rock-y! Rock-y!"
VINCE: "Now then... one other thing."
LAWLER: "I don't think he's done!"
VINCE: "The most important thing. You make reference to interfering in my daughter Stephanie's wedding night? No. You're not gonna be involved. Unless you're a McMahon family member or you've been invited to this wedding, you're not going to be involved; NO ONE will be involved, and if they are, and if they are indeed under contract to the World Wrestling Federation, if ANY of you interfere in any way, I promise you, I WILL fire your ass here tonight in Los Angeles!"
"Too Much Brahma For Yo Mama"
-- sign in the crowd
"Holy Mick Foley!"
-- sign in the crowd
"I am going to be Mick's mystery partner, and I'm going to show him that I'm the best partner he's EVER had, whether the Rock likes it or not!"
-- Al Snow, speaking enthusiastically to Head backstage
"Out of that tremendous rivalry grew a great deal of respect between Edge and Christian and the brothers, Matt and Jeff Hardy. These four men have become very good friends but they are competitors here tonight, as Edge takes on Matt Hardy one-on-one..."
-- J.R.
"We want Terr-i! We want Terr-i!"
-- chant from the crowd
"A springboard into a dropkick by Edge--"
"Oh, right into our cameraman!"
"That just took the cameraman down!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as we are treated to some interesting crooked shots of the ringside area
"This is NOT a tag team matchup..."
"Well, it's fast becoming one; they're all four in the ring!"
"Certainly is; the competitive spirit of both these teams--"
"Who are the legal men here?"
-- J.R. and Lawler (it's a one-on-one match there, King)
"Look at Matt Hardy coming right into your living room!"
-- Lawler during a replay of the Hardy/Edge match
"I'd like to propose a toast to Stephanie on the night before her wedding... may everything go as smoothly as it can possibly go, and may we all be as lucky as you someday as to find a man as wonderful as Andrew is!"
-- a friend of Stephanie's during her heavy-on-the-alcohol bachelorette party
"I think we are about to be joined by the reigning Intercontinental champion, and there she is, Chyna... scheduled to take on Chris Jericho momentarily, here live tonight on RAW."
-- J.R. as Chyna makes her way out to a decent pop
"You know, Chris Jericho... you wouldn't believe how much better my thumb feels after I whacked you on the head with that hammer. I bet you're wondering why I didn't press charges against you. And the reason for that is, Chris Jericho, I want to punish you myself and make you suffer; go down to your knees and cry in front of me like a whiny baby! So if you got the cojones, come out here right now and meet me one-on-one, 'cause I really think I could beat you with one hand anyway."
-- Chyna
"Now let me get this straight, you jacked-up mutant! You want to challenge me to a title match tonight? Tonight... well, there's nothing more than I would do than love to come to that ring and beat your flabby, jell-o ass!"
-- Chris Jericho (coming out to a huge ovation) to Chyna
"Now look what happened; I'm challenging you to a fair fight, like a true hero; I walk over to you and you hit me in the head with a hammer; two times! Twice; there it is again; right there! You cost me the WWF title, and you gave me a very severe and serious concussion! I had a horrible Thanksgiving! I couldn't eat; I was vomiting all over the place; I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think, I couldn't even play with my children!" (Jericho's face is crumpling; his voice breaks as Chyna swipes at fake tears) "And for what, Chyna? Was it really WORTH it? All I did was give you a love tap; break your fingernail, and you try to smash my skull with a sledgehammer! How DARE you!"
-- Jericho to Chyna as SmackDown clips roll
"Miss Kitty's cooling off Jericho!"
-- J.R. as Miss Kitty hits Y2J with a fire extinguisher; the Quasimodo expression on his face just before he gets nauseous is *priceless*
"It's the Christmas season, J.R.! Ho ho ho, ho... ho ho ho! Ha! Ho!"
-- Lawler having a great time as the Godfather, accompanied by his usual entourage, hits the ring
"The plastic surgeons out here stay busy, don't they?"
-- J.R., eying the Godfather's hos
"Pimpin IS E-Z In L.A.!"
-- sign in the crowd
"That just shows you how stupid Blackman is; he didn't even wait for the Godfather's proposal there!"
-- Lawler
(Backstage, Faarooq and Bradshaw are shuffling cards at a table. With them are D-Von and Buh Buh Ray, with a cigar.)
BRADSHAW (working on the ol' mind games): "We appreciate you Dudley Boyz showing us how to play cards here; y'see, me and Faarooq, we don't get a chance to play cards very often. If you don't mind, kinda take it easy on us and help us out with some of the rules."
FAAROOQ: "It's kind of elementary to us, you know; this is new to us."
BRADSHAW: "Yeah, new to us. How many cards do you get for poker?"
BUH BUH RAY (looking annoyed and holding up four fingers): "Five!"
D-VON (to Buh Buh): "WHAT is wrong with you? I can't take you anywhere..."
BUH BUH RAY (brightening): "Hey, Faarooq... what beats four aces?"
FAAROOQ: "The only thing I've been told, brother, is a Smith-and-Wesson; son of a bitch--"
(MASSIVE bleeping from the USA censors at this point)
BUH BUH RAY: "--you don't even know my mama!"
BRADSHAW (laughing): "Not real well!"
"Triple H has got to face Test on Test's wedding night! The same night, right here tonight, that Test is going to marry Stephanie McMahon."
"That could be bad."
-- J.R. and Lawler
"You've got enough ass right there to make a total eclipse of the sun!"
-- Hardcore Holly to Rikishi
"Hey Crash, check out that ass! He's got more dimples on that ass than a golf ball!"
-- Hardcore Holly on Rikishi, seconds before Rikishi attacks
"Powerbomb by Grand Master there, and his rather jackass-like partner, Scotty Too Hotty!"
-- J.R.
"Rikishi makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic!"
-- Lawler as Rikishi drops his rear off the second rope to crash onto Hardcore, then grinds it in a little
"Look at this guy! We're out here in Hollywood; if he bends over, you could show two movies on his butt!"
-- Lawler on Rikishi
"Out of all the wedding presents Test could've had, anything he could ask for because you know Mr. McMahon can afford anything... he asked for a match with Triple H here on his wedding night?"
-- Lawler as Triple H hits the ring
"Y'know, it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding... and sometimes for the next ten years, too..."
-- Lawler
"The hell is that?"
-- J.R. as the ref for the Test/Triple H match comes out in a Vince McMahon mask
"D-O-N-'T D-O I-T"
--massive sign in the crowd
"Really an uncanny likeness; the hair's exactly the same--"
"Not even moving, is it?"
"--plastic-looking..."
-- Lawler and J.R. on the masked ref's likeness to Vince
"Look at this! Triple H going right for that schnoz!"
-- Lawler as Triple H tears at Test's face
"Vince, c'mon! You've got to see this; don't even flush!"
-- the stooges watching the Test/Triple H match backstage and yelling for Vince
"And Triple H planted Test--"
"On the nose!"
"--with a DDT..."
"On the nose!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Don't Marry HIM!! Marry ME!!"
-- sign for Stephanie in the crowd
"Where do you get a Vince McMahon mask?"
"Wherever WWF merchandise is sold, I suppose."
-- Lawler and J.R. (the corporate schill)
"Uh-oh, here comes one of those high-risk maneuvers! I'd think twice, if I were you, Test! About this AND about getting married!"
-- Lawler
"Go in with him, Vince."
-- Triple H to the mysterious masked referee, as he rolls a dazed Test back into the ring (but if the announcers never acknowledged it, it was NEVER said...)
"I'll tell ya what-- I'm not the president of Triple H's fan club, but he just got screwed!"
"I'm glad you saw that."
"I'm not saying he doesn't DESERVE it... or that it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy..."
-- J.R. and Lawler as Triple H suffers defeat at the hands of a crooked ref
"Stephanie... here's one more for the road, sweetie."
-- the bachelorette-party bartender, offering the bride-to-be one last shot
"You guys couldn't tell that that was Vince McMahon? Jesus, how clear does it have to be? I have a restraining order against him! You guys do your job, and go get Vince McMahon! I want his ass thrown in jail! He broke a temporary order of protection; that is against the law, and I want him arrested! Don't just stand there, go do your jobs, you doofs! Go! Get going! Move it, you bunch of jackasses!"
-- Triple H yelling at the cops backstage
"Barbara Bush? Didn't she used to be the First Lady?"
"I don't think it's THAT Barbara Bush."
"Well, she's definitely better-looking... the other Barbara Bush looked like George Washington!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as the WWF's favorite EMT heads to the ring
"Now what's she gonna do, perform the Heimlich maneuver on Michael Cole? He's choked up right now!"
-- Lawler as EMT Barbara enters the ring
"Nnnngh!"
-- Ivory as she wrenches the microphone away from Michael Cole
IVORY: "You know, Babs, you're a pretty girl but you're not too bright. Have you ever considered why your friends call you Beebee? "Blonde Bimbo?" How 'bout, "Big Boobs?"
(crowd pop)
LAWLER: "Oh, hey! Well... y'know."
IVORY: "Or maybe "Bird Brain" suits you better! Y'know, that's real silly to challenge me to an evening gown match. I think you're just trying to make friends with all the perverts in this audience!"
(huge pop from the crowd - check out the guys in the crowd)
LAWLER: "Whoohoo!"
GOOD OL' J.R.: "Sit down there, King."
IVORY: "Do you all wanna see Ivory NAKED?"
(crowd pop)
LAWLER: "Well..."
IVORY: "Well how 'bout we get it on right here right now, huh?"
LAWLER: "Oh yeah!"
"Hey, boy toy-- hold this for me."
-- Ivory handing Michael Cole her jacket
"That's a... large bra she's wearing!"
"Her cups runneth over!"
"I reckon they do!"
-- J.R. and Lawler on the EMT lady
"I wouldn't be opposed to seeing more of those two!"
"You mean, Ivory and Beebee?"
"No, those two."
-- J.R. and Lawler as the camera focuses in on Beebee the EMT
"Hello, ladies! Y'know something ladies, the Big Valbowski and Shaquille O'Neil have a lot in common! Y'know, we both carry intimidating size. The only difference is, while Shaq may be a little shaky from the outside, the Big Valbowski's bald-headed slam-dunker scores every single time!"
-- Val Venis
"I realize we're in Los Angeles, a city that lacks integrity and moral value! But you would rather cheer a porn star over ME?! What is WRONG with you people?"
-- Kurt Angle (who else?)
"Of course, the referee didn't see a damn thing!"
-- J.R. as the British Bulldog interferes in the Venis/Angle matchup
"Victorious again! Be proud, America!"
-- Lawler after another Kurt Angle victory (check out Angle's victory celebration)
"Boy, what an eclectic group that is!"
-- J.R. as Test's groomsmen are shown getting ready backstage (as an Internet recapper pointed out, Edge seems a bit uncomfortable in his tux and Jeff is looking like combing his hair is a foreign concept)
(Backstage, Al Snow and Head are confronting a chuckling Mankind)
AL SNOW: "...oh, and I suppose the *Rock* is? What's he got? He's got a Mr. Spock eyebrow, he's got a couple catchy phrases--"
MANKIND: "Al..."
AL SNOW: "And you run off with him."
MANKIND: "You hate him, don't you?"
AL SNOW: "I hate him; I cannot stand him! He is SUCH a no-good smart-ass! He's always putting you down, he's always putting me down!"
(Mankind says something unintelligible)
AL SNOW: "I can't stand him! He's the People's Champion; big deal!"
(The camera angle widens to reveal a scowling Rock standing behind Al Snow; crowd pops)
AL SNOW (delightfully oblivious to the Rock's presence): "He makes me sick; I cannot stand him; I HATE his GUTS!"
(Mankind has become steadily more animated and is, by this point, having a difficult time controlling his laughter)
MANKIND (giggling): "Turn around."
(Al turns and his eyes widen slightly. Mankind stands, still laughing.)
AL SNOW (under his breath to Mankind): "Shut up."
THE ROCK: "Finally, the Rock, HAS COME BACK to Los Angeles! And the Rock comes back to a jabroni bad-mouthing him? The Rock comes back to a man who cleans buildings? Who cleans PISS out of a toilet?" (looks at Mankind imploringly; note he never once looks at Al) "WHO is this roody-poo?"
AL SNOW: "You know me; you know me from last week! Hell, you knew me from bef--"
MANKIND (aside to Al with a smile): "Shut up."
(Al stares at Mankind in amazement)
MANKIND (sweetly, to the Rock): "This is Al; he wants to be our partner tonight."
THE ROCK: "*Al* is this jabroni's name? Let the Rock understand this. It's gonna be the Rock, the great one. THE MOST electrifying man in sports entertainment." (Mankind nods as Al rolls his eyes impatiently) "Who, as he speaks, has literally, millions--"
CROWD: "AND MILLIONS..."
THE ROCK: "And... millions of Rock's fans. THREE-time WWF champion, but above all else, above all other titles, the Rock, the People's Champion..."
CROWD: "ROCK-Y! ROCK-Y! ROCK-Y!"
THE ROCK (still addressing Mankind): "Teaming... with Al?" (Al whispers something furiously to Mankind; the Rock raises a hand to shut them both up) "If Al has that question, let the Rock answer that question with a question of his own. Ask Al how he feels, seeing we are standing in the Staples Center, the home of the Los Angeles Kings. Ask Al how he feels about going into the Los Angeles Kings locker room, taking a dirty jock, a hockey mask, and a hockey stick. Tell Al to put the dirty jock on his head, put the hockey mask on his face, and then take the hockey stick." (Mankind is ticking these off on his fingers) "Tell Al to hold it..." (Mankind leans over to whisper something to an affronted Al Snow) "Shut your mouth! Tell Al to hold it nice and tight; get a good grip so it doesn't slip out! Then tell Al that the Rock says take that hockey stick, turn that sumbitch sideways, and stick it straight up his candy ass!"
(crowd pop as Mankind tries to keep a straight face for Al's sake; Al's head looks ready to explode)
THE ROCK: "And then, ask Al-- better yet then, TELL Al if he smells what the Rock is cookin'."
(The Rock stomps off)
MANKIND (yelling after him): "Hey Rock, you want me to tell him now?"
(Mankind shrugs and turns to Al)
MANKIND: "I think you're out, but we're still on for Disney tomorrow, right?"
AL SNOW (suddenly all smiles): "Yeah!"
(They exchange a high five. Mankind wanders off after the Rock as Al Snow suddenly remembers that he hates the Rock and begins muttering again.)
"Los An-hell-ees, welcome to the dogghouse! Where you know, D-Generation X always kicks that shiznit doggystyle! Now let's see if we can't make a little noise UP IN THIS BEE-ATCH! Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! D-Generation X proudly brings to you its WWF Tag Team Champions of the WOOOORRRLLLDDD... the Road Dogg, Jesse James! The Badd Ass, Billy Gunn! The New... Age... Outlaws!"
(pops)
"And the third Outlaw this evening is none other than the X-factor of D-Generation X, X-Pac!"
-- Road Dogg on the stick (X-Pac gets HUGE heat from the crowd)
"We saw X-Pac earlier..."
"X-Pac's been all OVER the place lately!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"My God! My God, what an ovation! This is unbelievable!"
"They love the Rock in L.A... they love the Rock everywhere!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as the Rock comes storming out
"I'll tell you what; everybody is so excited here today... and I'm sure that it's almost at a fever pitch back in the locker area now as we are just moments away from the live wedding; Stephanie McMahon and Test to get married live here tonight..."
-- J.R. as Mankind kicks Road Dogg's butt in the ring
"Mankind said it himself-- if you don't tag in the Rock, you'll get booed out of the building. Now's a good time to do it, you idiot!"
-- Lawler as Mankind gets stomped down by Mr. Ass
"Mick needs me! Yes, he does! C'mon, let's go help him."
-- Al Snow to Head backstage, watching the match on a monitor
"Mick needs HIM about like a fish needs a bicycle."
-- a disgusted Lawler on Al Snow
"OH NO!"
"The mandible claw!"
"Where'd that SOCK come from?"
-- Lawler and J.R. as Mankind hits Mr. Socko out of nowhere when X-Pac tries for a bronco buster
"The Rock had the match won, along with Mankind and Kane... and now, Kane chasing X-Pac up the ramp..."
-- J.R. as a ticked Rock confronts Al Snow about Al's interference, which cost him the match
"Al Snow just smelled what the Rock is cookin'!"
-- Lawler as Al gets flattened by a people's elbow
"Man... did you hear what he said about our mama?"
"Not MY mama."
-- Buh Buh Ray and D-Von, still immersed in their backstage card game
"How many cards you want?"
"Gimmie f-f-f-f-"
(D-Von smacks him on the back of the head)
"...Give me one."
-- Bradshaw and Buh Buh Ray
"I'm getting sick of you and your s-s-s-stuttering! What if we both put out f-f-f-foot up your ass; would that stop it?"
"You don't know me well enough to be sticking ANYTHING up my ass!"
"C'mon boys, we may be your enemy, but c'mon!"
"We sure as hell ain't the Public Enemy!"
-- Faarooq, Buh Buh, and D-Von
"Oooooooooooooo!"
-- the bridesmaids peeking at Stephanie in her wedding dress backstage
"I'm bettin' it all, baby!"
-- Buh Buh Ray (pleased with his card hand) as he empties out his pockets and even tosses in both his and D-Von's glasses
"Read 'em and weep, boys! Six aces!"
-- Buh Buh's winning hand, as all hell breaks loose
"Five-card draw, and he comes up with six aces? I think that may be known as the dead man's hand..."
-- an astute comment from Lawler, as the Acolytes and Dudley Boyz tear each other apart backstage
"I... don't like the looks of this. What are they up to?"
-- J.R. as D-X giggles backstage
"Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce the wedding party! Please welcome our bridesmaids and groomsmen! Introducing first, Amanda Kate, being escorted by Edge. Lisa Fox, and Matty Jenny, being escorted by Shawn Stasiak. Jen Jenny, being escorted by Christian. Mandy Van Dam, being escorted by D'Lo Brown. Tori Seaberry, being escorted by Jeff Hardy. Chris DeSoto, being escorted by Matt Hardy. Fabulous Moolah, being escorted by Gerald Brisco. Mae Young, being escorted by Pat Patterson."
-- Lillian Garcia (I did my best with the transcription of the names on the bridesmaids)
"Oh, no..."
-- Lawler as Moolah and Brisco come out
"Ack!"
-- Lawler as Young and Patterson (what a couple) come out
"Matron of honor Linda McMahon, being escorted by Shane McMahon!"
-- Lillian Garcia (does Shane look proud enough to pop the buttons on that tux or what?)
"We are gathered here tonight to celebrate one of life's greatest moments..."
(a big "TEST: Just Say NO" sign goes up in the crowd, right over the minister's left shoulder)
"...to give recognition to the worth and beauty of love, and to add our best wishes to the words which shall unite Andrew and Stephanie in marriage. Tonight, our hearts are filled with great happiness on Andrew and Stephanie's wedding night, and they come before you pledging their hearts and lives to one another. Grant that they may ever be true and loving, living together in such a way as to never bring shame or heartbreak into their marriage. Help them to remember to be each other's sweetheart, helpmate, best friend and guide, so that together they may meet the cares and problems of life more bravely. May the home they are creating tonight truly be a place of love and harmony, where your spirit is always present. Bless this marriage, we pray, and walk beside Andrew and Stephanie throughout all of their lives together."
-- the minister (did you notice how he managed to talk about God without ever really saying God's name?)
"When you came into my life, then I realized... you were the only one..."
-- a couple of singers (significance-- this was the same song performed at Summerslam in 1991 when Randy "Macho Man" Savage and Miss Elizabeth tied the knot during the PPV... another note... you can see the crowd swaying during the song; to my surprise, they didn't boo or chant but seemed pretty into it)
"Andrew and Stephanie... just as two very different threads woven in opposite directions can form a beautiful tapestry, so can your two lives together merge to form a very beautiful marriage. To make your marriage work will take love, but it will also take trust, to know in your hearts you want the best for each other. It will take faith, to always be willing to go forward to tomorrow, never really knowing what tomorrow will bring. And it will take commitment, to hold true to the journey you now pledge to share together."
-- the minister (Test is sweating bullets!)
"Should there be anyone who has cause why this couple should not be united in marriage, they must speak now or forever hold their peace."
(crowd goes nuts)
-- the minister
"Oh, no..."
"He's gonna be fired!"
"On the spot."
-- J.R. and Lawler as Triple H comes out
"Easy, Vince! Now, I know earlier that you said that no family member or anybody that wasn't invited..."
"Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!"
"...that no family member or anybody not invited should not get involved in this, but I really felt, I mean, I REALLY, from the bottom of my heart, felt that you should take a look at this."
-- Triple H and the crowd
"Vegas is great, isn't it, man? This is the greatest place on Earth. Lookit; you have everything you could want; adult movies... this is a nice neighborhood!"
-- Triple H in the TitanTron footage, cruising Las Vegas in his convertible
"This is exactly the way I imagined it my whole life!"
-- Triple H pulling up to the Tunnel of Love drive-thru wedding chapel
"This is the most romantic place on the face of the planet! All these little fake cherubs with their wieners hanging out..."
-- Triple H
"Get your ass out here; c'mon!"
-- Triple H (who seconds earlier was feigning tears due to the emotional occasion) honking for service at the pull-up window
"Are you getting married?"
"That's what I'm here for!"
"Who are you marrying?"
"The virtuous... Stephanie McMahon!"
"MY GOD!!"
-- the wedding chapel lady, Triple H, and a comment from J.R. as we see a passed-out Stephanie
"Stephanie, will you take Hunter for your husband?"
"....oh, yes I do!"
-- the wedding chapel lady and Triple H imitating Stephanie
"I promise to love you..."
"For the love of God!"
-- the wedding chapel lady prompting Triple H, and Triple H expressing his exasperation
"I promise to love, honor, and definitely obey everything you say!"
-- Triple H, high-pitched voice, filling in Steph's lines for her
"I now pronounce you husband and wife!"
-- the wedding chapel lady to Triple H and Stephanie
"Not only are you a great bartender, you're the greatest decoration man on the planet!"
-- Triple H to the cameraman, the same guy who gave Stephanie her "parting shot" at the bachelorette party
"Here's your rules for a happy marriage!"
-- the wedding chapel lady to Triple H
"Hey, get a nice shot of the brand-new Mr. and Mrs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley!"
-- Triple H
"Now... Vince..."
(Vince, who is comforting a sobbing Stephanie, turns around in psycho mode to face Triple H)
"As a member of the immediate family..."
(crowd whoops as the camera angle shows Triple H's wedding ring)
"I know that you can only have one question on your mind..." (grins) "...DAD..."
(crowd pops huge)
"I HATE YOU!"
"And that is, not did we, but how many times did we consummate the marriage!"
-- Triple H and Stephanie
"It's okay, Steph... it's okay, baby..."
-- Vince comforting his sobbing daughter as we fade to black with a 12-MINUTE overrun (hey... is Vince smirking?)
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