Quotes: SmackDown!
December 9, 1999
Taped 12/07/99 from Boston, Massachusetts - sold out
Road Dogg vs. Chris Jericho; Chyna interferes. Test breaks off his engagement with Stephanie. Kurt Angle/Steve Blackman vs. the Dudley Boyz. Vignettes of Tool Cool and Phatu enjoying a dance club and getting attacked by the Hollies. Recap of the Armageddon evening gown match setup on RAW. WWF European Championship: the British Bulldog (C) vs. Christian; Mean Street Posse, Val Venis, D'Lo Brown interfere. Taz symbols appear. Miss Kitty interview; she attacks Kevin Kelly. Recap of the Boss Man/Big Show's mom incident on RAW. Big Boss Man/Prince Albert vs. the Hardy Boyz (w/ Terri); Big Show interferes. Recap of Al Snow/Mankind storyline. Mankind vs. Al Snow (w/ Head). Triple H/Vince McMahon contract signing; Shane is thrown off the stage. X-Pac vs. Test. The Rock vs. Billy "Mr. Ass" Gunn. Triple H vs. Kane; a masked Vince attacks D-X.
"We are just seventy-two hours away, three short days from Armageddon on pay-per-view! And tonight, we put you in Armageddon frame of mind as we welcome you to WWF SmackDown from the sold-out Fleet Center in Boston!"
-- Michael Cole kicking us off
"Yankees Suck"
-- sign in the crowd
"Chris Jericho Is My Hero"
-- sign in the crowd
"I Qualify As a WWF Wrestler"
-- sign in the crowd
"Boawston, welcome to the dogghouse..."
"He's got that Boston accent already!"
-- Road Dogg and Lawler (the Dogg finally gets a little heat)
"Boston Loves It Doggystyle"
"Doggystyle Section"
-- a pair of ringside signs that popped up for the Road Dogg's entrance
"Let me talk about... Armageddon. The end of time, the end of the world as we know it, but in this case, the end of that grotesque, freak-of-nature Chyna's pathetic wrestling career! Chyna, there's nothing you can do about it... just shut your mouth and remember-- thumb's the word! Ha ha! And Road Dogg, since I needed a warm-up match for Armageddon, and since I'm beating up a long-haired, tattooed, effeminate loser of a wrestler, I figured that, tonight, I would face another long-haired, tattooed, effeminate loser of a wrestler, and quite honestly, you fit the bill. So you wanna talk about doggystyle? Well, tonight, prepare to be destroyed by Ayatollah-style!"
-- Chris Jericho (Road Dogg is feigning tears in the ring as he listens)
"Now wait a minute, Michael Cole! Chyna, Jericho also claimed that all he did was a break a nail for you!"
"Right. Well, let's put it this way. Jericho has suffered nothing yet. This Sunday, he's going to know what it means to suffer."
-- Lawler and Chyna, discussing her broken thumb
"King, we've got to tell people that earlier this week, WWF officials ruled that D-Generation X cannot interfere in any matches tonight. If they do, they will be suspended; no interference by D-X in any matches here tonight or they WILL be suspended."
"That explains why Mr. Ass is not down here at ringside-- look at THAT!"
"Look at Jericho over the top rope, wiping out the Road Dogg!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler making a plot point as the match rumbles on
"This is personal; Jericho put Road Dogg out of action a couple of months ago with a serious injury, and Jericho taking the upper hand in this one!"
-- Michael Cole as D-O-double-G and Y2J battle at ringside
"Wait a minute! Road Dogg's leg is on the ropes; the ref didn't see it, and Jericho steals this one! Chris Jericho steals this one, King, and-- where's Chyna going? Hey!"
"She's trying to explain to the referee that the Road Dogg's foot was on the ropes, and rightfully so!"
"The referee counted the one-two-three, but--"
"Wait, wait! Wait, look at this! The referee is saying, restart the match!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"And now Jericho with HIS foot on the ropes--"
"Chyna knocked it off! Can you believe it?"
"Road Dogg-- the Road Dogg wins!"
"Chyna has cost Y2J another victory!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"All This... And A Really Great Seat, Too!"
-- sign at ringside
"This is really hard, but... I think it's best for everybody if we just call the engagement off, for now."
-- Test, talking to a teary Stephanie backstage
"Whoa! Hey, what are you doing with my best friend's wife, man? You are SO busted!"
-- X-Pac busting in as Test and Stephanie are about to kiss
"Come get ya some! I ain't going nowhere!"
-- X-Pac to Test (as X-Pac backs out into the hall, LOL)
"Y'know, King, plain and simple, D-Generation X are a bunch of damn pigs!"
-- Michael Cole
"First of all, I would like everyone here in Boston to know that if you follow my three "I"s-- intensity, integrity, and intelligence-- you can accomplish anything you want! You could! And if you follow my three "I"s, then maybe someday, even THIS town could win a World Series! You could!"
-- Kurt Angle getting booed out of the Fleet Center
"Oh, look at this..."
"D-Von's going to challenge the Olympic gold medalist in freestyle competition, Kurt Angle, to some matwork..."
-- Lawler and Michael Cole
"That didn't take long, did it?"
-- a chuckling Lawler as Angle promptly pins D-Von
"Oh, my! Belly-to-belly from the second rope! Angle not known for his high-flying acrobatics, but that was a tremendous maneuver there!"
-- Michael Cole as Angle flattens Buh Buh Ray
"I just want to say, for the record, that was NOT my loss! That was Steve Blackman's loss! For the record, I am still undefeated in the World Wrestling Federation!"
-- a distraught Angle, just before attacking Blackman
(Just after a Too Cool dance club segment ends, cameras show Lawler attempting to bust a move while sitting at the announce table. Michael Cole is giving him a strange look.)
LAWLER: "Oh yeah... whoohoo, can those guys dance or what?"
MICHAEL COLE: "Well King, it's obvious Grandmaster Sexay ISN'T a chip off the old block!"
(Lawler looks puzzled)
"In just a few moments from now, I'm going to have the opportunity to talk to Miss Kitty, who I understand is in an absolutely STUNNING evening gown."
-- Kevin Kelly backstage (check out that suggestive eyebrow wiggle)
"Brand new music welcoming Christian to the ring, and King, Christian going solo tonight after this incident last Thursday on SmackDown! Edge hurting his knee as he attempted the hurricarana from the top rope on Buh Buh Ray Dudley; we understand, Edge suffered a sprained left knee with that maneuver."
-- Michael Cole (don't worry, Edge fans; he's not really hurt)
"Well Michael, speaking of things that could end your career..."
-- Lawler eying the British Bulldog as he heads to the ring
"The winner of this matchup, for the European Championship, will meet Val Venis and D'Lo Brown in a triple threat match for the European Championship, Sunday night on pay-per-view at Armageddon!"
-- Michael Cole as Bulldog and Christian square off
(Backstage, Kevin Kelly interviews Miss Kitty, who is in a full-length, wine-colored evening gown)
KEVIN KELLY: "Miss Kitty, let me start by saying that you look wonderful, and I would imagine that this gown is just a preview of what you're going to wear this Sunday at Armageddon."
MISS KITTY: "Well Kevin, I've been training so hard; Chyna's been helping me... I just KNOW I'm going to win this."
KEVIN KELLY (snickering condescendingly): "Well... I know Chyna did volunteer your services and all, Miss Kitty, and, I mean, you look great... what are you going to wear this Sunday? A little off-the-shoulder number, you gonna show some cleavage... what can we see? What are you going to wear?"
MISS KITTY (pissed): "What does it matter what I'm going to wear? Yeah, Chyna signed me up but I'M the one that's gonna get in there and rip every one of those girls' clothes off!"
KEVIN KELLY: "So this is serious business to you?"
MISS KITTY: "Of COURSE it's serious business to me! You know, after this Sunday they're not going to call me Miss Kitty anymore; they're probably going to call me the Cat."
LAWLER (from his seat at ringside): "Whoa!"
KEVIN KELLY: "Yeah, right. Well, my advice to you, Miss Kitty, is make sure you wear some underwear for this Sunday."
(Miss Kitty, looking amazed, walks off camera)
KEVIN KELLY: "So folks, that's gonna be at Armageddon, the four corners evening gown match--"
MISS KITTY (rushing back in the camera shot): "I'll show YOU the Cat!"
(Miss Kitty begins ripping Kevin Kelly's shirt off)
MICHAEL COLE: "Hey! Wait a minute!"
KEVIN KELLY: "What are you DOING?"
LAWLER: "Look at this, Michael!"
KEVIN KELLY: "What is your problem?"
MICHAEL COLE: "Miss Kitty going after Kelly!"
(Amidst more exclamations from the ringside commentators, war cries from Miss Kitty, and pleas for mercy from Kevin Kelly, Miss Kitty throws Kevin Kelly down and continues to tear his shirt apart)
"Hey, homey! I think it's about time for you to show them how it's done!"
-- Grandmaster Sexay, still in the dance club, to Scotty 2 Hotty
"Go Scotty! Go Scotty! Go Scotty!"
-- the dance club crowd as Scotty breakdances
"Hey Big Show! I mean, Big Freak Show! I guess the question on everybody's mind is... who's yo daddy, punk?"
"Oh, look at that!"
-- Boss Man on the mic and Lawler, as cameras find a "Big Show: Who's Your Daddy?" sign
"Look at Terri!"
"Yeah... it's good to be the King, but it also must be good to be a Hardy Boy!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as the Hardy Boyz, accompanied by Terri, hit the ring
"King, you're not going to believe this..."
"What?"
"We're getting some information now that apparently, the Big Show has pulled into the Fleet Center!"
"What?"
"Yeah, the Big Show's apparently, here!"
"Uh-oh..."
"That can't be good news for the Boss Man if it's true, as--"
"Wait, I've got an idea! What have we got, about 23,000 people here? He's probably coming looking for his daddy!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"Wait a minute! It's the Big Show! The Big Show's HERE!"
-- Michael Cole as Big Show comes after Boss Man and the crowd pops huge
"THE BIG SHOW IS CRAZED! HE WHIPS THE BOSS MAN ACROSS THE RING!!"
-- Michael Cole going a little crazy himself as Show manhandles Boss Man, and Boss slaps at the champ ineffectually
"He's coming! Go!"
-- Boss Man as he races in terror through the backstage area, being hotly pursued by the Big Show
"At Armageddon you're mine, Boss Man!"
-- Big Show screaming after Boss Man
"I think Al Snow felt stabbed in the back when he read all of those Al Snow peppered throughout that book of Mick Foley's!"
-- Lawler as Al Snow (without the "Help Me!" on his forehead) heads to the ring
"Can't you see I love you?!"
-- Al Snow to Mankind, as he slams Mankind headfirst on the announcers table
"I'm just... gonna be over here, Michael..."
-- Lawler as the fight gets a little too close
"King, I think Mankind's worried! He's asking the referee to check on his friend Al Snow to make sure Al wasn't hurt badly after being whipped into those steel steps! Some compassion being shown here by Mankind!"
-- Michael Cole
"This is sad, this is real sad..."
"Does this still work?"
-- Michael Cole as Al Snow beats on Mankind and Lawler examines his trampled headset
"Ack! My CROWN's been damaged!"
-- Lawler
"Look, there's two things friends don't do! They don't let friends drive drunk, and they don't shove socks down their throats!"
-- Lawler as Mankind goes for Mr. Socko
"Al Snow has NO compassion! Referee calls for the bell; this is ridiculous!"
"First of all, Mankind spared Al Snow from the sock, then he spared Al Snow from the steel chair, and this is what he gets in return!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as Al Snow attacks Mankind viciously
"Mankind did NOT deserve this."
"Well, he got it, whether he deserved it or not."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
(In the arena, the "No Chance In Hell" music cranks up)
MICHAEL COLE: "Can you imagine, King, how Vince was feeling this past Monday night on RAW, watching that [Triple H kissing Stephanie] happen, knowing he couldn't do anything about it because he can't get within fifty feet of Triple H?"
LAWLER: "Boy, and you know Triple H had to--" [something unintelligible]
MICHAEL COLE: "Why do you always gotta go there?"
(Linda and Stephanie, followed by Vince, Shane, and the stooges, head to the ring)
LAWLER: "It's his wife! Uh oh, speaking of wives, there's Vince's wife, Linda... Stephanie, Shane McMahon, Vince McMahon, and the stooges!"
MICHAEL COLE: "Patterson and Brisco, Mr. McMahon's associates, on their way to the ring. Folks, this will be the contract signing for the Vince McMahon vs. Triple H match, this Sunday at Armageddon on pay-per-view. Keep in mind the stipulations, King-- if Triple H wins, he gets a title shot!"
LAWLER: "Not only that, not only that-- he gets to remain married to Stephanie!"
MICHAEL COLE: "But what if Triple H loses? Then he gets no title shot, and the marriage is out the window. So a lot at stake Sunday at Armageddon on pay-per-view, between Vince McMahon and Triple H. Gonna be huge!"
VINCE (on the mic in the ring): "Triple H... ah, this is going to be quite an occasion. This Sunday, Armageddon, Triple H and me, no-holds-barred. I can't wait... notwithstanding the fact that I'll get a great deal of personal pleasure out of this matchup, most importantly, a recent provision added by Triple H will also give me great pleasure, and that is the annulment provision. That means that after I defeat Triple H this Sunday, he will no longer be a member of my family, and to me, that's like cutting cancer out of my body."
LAWLER: "Wow..."
(crowd pops)
LAWLER (chuckling in amazement): "Wow!"
VINCE: "So let's get this formality, this contract-signing over with, Triple H... come on out. Let's do this."
("My Time" cranks up)
LAWLER: "How are they going to do this?"
MICHAEL COLE: "I don't know; Vince can't get within fifty feet of Triple H because of that order of protection; I don't think he wants to! If he gets thrown in jail tonight, he might not be out in time to meet Triple H at Armageddon! And you know, King, for Triple H, this is all about one thing, and that's the WWF championship. Triple H has never forgiven Vince McMahon for screwing him out of the title at Survivor Series. Plain and simple, and because of that, Triple H has made this thing personal."
(Triple H comes out during Michael Cole's talking)
LAWLER: "Well, wait a minute. It could be about one thing; it could be about that young lady we just saw, Stephanie McMahon! Right there!"
MICHAEL COLE: "You really, deep inside, believe that?"
LAWLER: "Why not? She's a beautiful young lady! Wouldn't you like to be married to her?"
MICHAEL COLE: "I'm not saying that, King, but what I'm saying is, Triple H has no interest in Stephanie McMahon. He has an interest in burning Vince."
(On the stage, Triple H smirks with mic in one hand and contract in the other)
TRIPLE H: "Did I hear you right? Say "formality?" Did you just call this a formality; let's get that out of the way? Vince, I want you to understand something. I want you to understand the significance of signing these papers. When these are signed, these guarantee a lot of things. The first thing they guarantee is they guarantee me the World Wrestling Federation championship."
LAWLER: "Whoa..."
MICHAEL COLE: "ONLY if he wins!"
TRIPLE H: "Because it's as simple as this, Vince! All I need is one shot. This gives me one shot, and that means it's as good as mine. The other thing it guarantees, Vince, is it guarantees me the opportunity to beat your ass, worse than it's ever been beaten before!"
(Lawler makes a oooh-that-sounded-like-a-threat noise as Vince and Shane both step forward)
TRIPLE H: "Vince, understand that when you sign this document, you face me. You face the Game, in a no-holds-barred match."
LAWLER: "Right!"
MICHAEL COLE: "Sunday on pay-per-view!"
TRIPLE H: "One of the most dangerous matches in the world... why? Because I can do anything to you I damn well please. And Vince, last but not least, these papers, when signed, guarantee me a lifetime of wedded bliss with your daughter Stephanie!"
(Vince and Shane both step right up to the ring ropes. The stooges come after to keep them from rushing at Triple H; Stephanie spits something derogatory Triple H's way as Linda tries to placate her)
TRIPLE H: "So understand, this is not just a formality! This is a momentous occasion, and I think everybody here can feel it! I know *I* can feel it; as I stand here, before the McMahon family, one of the most successful families in the history of American business... a family that I am oh-so-proud to be a member of..."
LAWLER: "He is, you, know!"
TRIPLE H: "And Vince, how successful at business you are! And, you know... like father, like son!" (Vince turns away in disgust) "I'm pretty successful at business myself! In fact, I just completed one of my most successful business ventures to date when I married your daughter! The stock options alone, Vince... oh my God! You wouldn't believe! Oh, no, wait, you WOULD believe. Vince, what would you say your most successful business moment has been?"
VINCE: "I haven't had it yet; it's going to be this Sunday when I dismember you! That's going to be the most successful thing I've ever done in my life!" (crowd pops) "Because it'll guarantee you go right down to the bottom where you belong, and it'll guarantee my daughter's freedom!"
TRIPLE H (nodding): "Well... since you understand what this means, and since I've reviewed it and everything seems to be in order, I'm gonna come on down there, and let's get to signing. Oh, wait wait wait, one second! I just remembered a little something... that whole fifty-foot restraining order thing. You see, if I come down there, then you've got to come up here, and the whole thing's rather silly. After all, you cannot come within fifty feet of me, otherwise you'd be arrested on sight!"
VINCE: "Bring me the papers, you damn coward!"
TRIPLE H: "No, I've got a better idea, Vince, because I don't want you to miss Sunday, because I'm going to enjoy every minute of it, so I've got a better idea. Why don't you send my oh-so-beautiful wife up here, and I will personally hand her these papers, and maybe she can get herself a little smooch to go with it."
(Waving off the rest of his disgruntled family, Shane steps through the ropes and heads up the ramp)
MICHAEL COLE: "Wait a minute, King..."
LAWLER: "Looks like he's sending Shane!"
MICHAEL COLE: "I guess Shane's going to take Triple H up on the offer..."
TRIPLE H: "Shane's not quite the guy I had in mind to smooch with."
MICHAEL COLE: "What drives a guy like Triple H?"
(Shane approaches Triple H with a dark expression)
TRIPLE H (to Shane): "Easy now, tough guy... get the glare out of your stare." (hands over the papers) "There you go."
(Shane slowly backs down the ramp, not taking his eyes from Triple H until he's halfway down the ramp)
MICHAEL COLE: "Well, Shane with contract in hand... now Vince has to sign it--"
TRIPLE H: "Come on; hustle, errand boy! I don't have all day!"
MICHAEL COLE: "That's the contract for the main event at Armageddon, folks; Vince McMahon versus Triple H, no-holds-barred..."
(Vince leans over from inside the ring and grabs the contract from Shane, who stands at ringside)
LAWLER: "Boy, Vince can't wait to sign this because as far as he's concerned, when he signs this, he's getting Stephanie her freedom back."
MICHAEL COLE: "Keep in mind, no-holds-barred stipulations; Triple H wins, he gets a title shot; Triple H loses, the marriage to Stephanie--"
(Vince flips through the contract briefly before looking up to glare at Triple H)
VINCE (to Triple H): "You haven't signed these papers! You're supposed to sign them; you haven't signed them!"
TRIPLE H: "Y'know, I figured you'd be smarter than that. After all, I learned from the best! Never sign first, Vince! Always sign last! Sign the papers, and then bring them to me, and I'll sign them."
(Vince signs quickly and passes the contract back to Shane, who begins carrying them back to Triple H)
MICHAEL COLE: "Well, there he goes; Vince McMahon putting his John Hancock on the contract, and it's official, at least from his point of view, King!"
LAWLER: "This is huge, Michael. You know what this means for Sunday?"
VINCE: "They're signed! And now YOUR fate's gonna be sealed, tough guy."
MICHAEL COLE: "Vince cannot wait to get his hands..."
TRIPLE H (mockingly): "I hope I can write; I'm shaking really bad!"
(Triple H snatches the papers from Shane and signs them as Shane glares)
LAWLER: "Boy, do you know what Shane would love to do to Triple H right now?"
MICHAEL COLE: "I know what he'd love to do to him... Vince McMahon has signed the contract; Triple H about to do it as well..."
SHANE (pointing on the contract): "Right there."
TRIPLE H: "Yes, I can see..."
SHANE: "Hurry up."
VINCE: "C'mon, hurry up!"
(Triple H finishes up with the contract)
MICHAEL COLE: "And there he goes, and... it's official!"
TRIPLE H: "There you go, kid... bring these back to your old man."
(Shane is just about to take the papers when Triple H punches the HELL out of Shane with the mic; the crowd goes nuts)
MICHAEL COLE: "OH MAN! Triple H with a microphone into the side of the head of Shane McMahon! And there-- that's Billy Gunn! And the Road Dogg!"
(Shane has recovered to attack Triple H, and all of D-X rushes out to help beat Shane down)
LAWLER: "Look at this!"
MICHAEL COLE: "It's D-X! D-X ambushing Shane McMahon!"
(Patterson and Brisco rush up the ramp to try and stop the attack, but the Outlaws rush up to hold them at bay)
BILLY GUNN: "Get back! Get back!"
MICHAEL COLE: "And the associates going up the ramp; they're trying to get to him; Patterson and Brisco, as X-Pac hammers away on Shane!"
LAWLER: "What good are the stooges gonna be?"
MICHAEL COLE: "Vince McMahon can't get up there. That order of protection against him; he can't get within fifty feet of D-X!"
LAWLER: "Look at Triple H; he's having his way with Shane!"
TRIPLE H (grabbing Shane by the hair and the back of his jacket): "See what happens to you on Sunday, Vince!"
MICHAEL COLE: "What's he doing? OH NO!!"
LAWLER: "ACK!"
(Triple H tosses Shane off the stage; Shane does a graceful 180-degree flip in the air before crashing through a table on the floor; VERY impressive bump; later camera shots of Vince's expression are exquisite)
MICHAEL COLE: "TRIPLE H! Triple H tossing Shane McMahon off that stage!"
LAWLER: "Oh my God!"
(Camera shot of a panicked Vince racing to his son as Shane is shown unconscious on the floor)
MICHAEL COLE: "Shane McMahon... Triple H..."
(The stooges and the McMahons reach Shane as D-X watches from the stage, peering down at the action)
MICHAEL COLE: "Oh my God... Triple H continues to hurt Vince... attacking his family..."
LAWLER: "Shane's the one who's hurt now."
TRIPLE H: "Vince... Vince! I've got your papers signed for you!" (tosses them and they land atop the sprawled Shane McMahon) "See you Sunday, old man! See you Sunday, sweetheart!"
"Shane's blood, in a sense, is on that contract!"
-- Michael Cole as EMTs attend to Shane and his horrified family members stand around uselessly
"Get this off me; I want this off! Get OFF!"
-- Shane McMahon yelling at the paramedics backstage
"I want you to promise me; I want you to give Triple H what he's got coming to him. I want you to dismember him; I want you to take Triple H out. OUT!"
-- Shane advising his dad backstage
"It was a tasteless, classless move earlier tonight. Stephanie McMahon and Test were in the middle of a heartfelt moment. They were breaking up; Stephanie McMahon had given her engagement ring back to Test when X-Pac interrupted like a buffoon."
"LIKE he knew what was going on in there."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as X-Pac heads to the ring
"I think friendship's highly overrated, don't you, Michael?"
-- Lawler discussing the X-Pac/Kane matchup at Armageddon
"You've gotta understand... Tori's a good-looking babe, right? Well, other people find Tori attractive, and this is driving Kane nuts! I'm just saying, Kane would have been better off if he'd have never gotten this emotional involvement, and of course, that came from his initial relationship and friendly relationship with X-Pac. Nothing good usually comes from friendships here in the World Wrestling Federation!"
-- Lawler philosophizing
"This is that unique move; the pumphandle slam..."
-- Michael Cole on Test; the fact that Road Dogg also hits the pumphandle doesn't make it very unique...
"Grandmaster! Grandmaster! Grandmaster!"
-- the dance club crowd as Grandmaster Sexay dances with some girls
"Rikishi! Rikishi! Rikishi!"
-- the dance club crown a few minutes later, getting down with a grooving Rikishi
"Your dancing days are over, fat boy!"
-- Hardcore Holly, attacking Rikishi
THE ROCK (perched on the turnbuckle, as usual): "Finally, the Rock, HAS COME BACK to Boston!"
(big crowd pop)
THE ROCK: "Now seeing as the Rock is the People's Champion..."
(crowd pop)
LAWLER: "Yeah?"
THE ROCK: "And the people consist of the millions..."
CROWD: "AND MILLIONS..."
THE ROCK: "Of Rock's fans, there is one big Rock fan here tonight who some of you may know..."
LAWLER: "Who's that?"
(crowd pop)
THE ROCK: "And his name is Nomar Garciapara!"
(big crowd pop as cameras show Nomar in the front row)
MICHAEL COLE: "Nomar, from the Boston Red Sox!"
LAWLER: "And look, he's got a Rock shirt on! He's doing the Rock's eyebrow!"
MICHAEL COLE: "He's the American league batting champion, and he's a true hero in this town."
LAWLER: "He can lay the smackdown on the baseball..."
(big, sustained crowd pop)
THE ROCK: "And tonight's opponent is a jabroni who is one-half of the WWF tag team champions, Billy Gunn."
(big crowd heat)
LAWLER: "Jabroni?"
THE ROCK: "So the Rock says, Billy Gunn, come down to the people's ring so the Rock can do to you exactly what he does best, and that is layeth the smacketh down, one, two, three! And then, the Rock, Nomar, we're going to take Billy to a very special place here in Boston..."
(crowd pops)
LAWLER: "I don't think it's that Old North Church..."
THE ROCK: "No, Nomar, it is not the Kitty Cat Club..."
(crowd pops as both announcers and Nomar laugh)
LAWLER: "Kitty Cat Club?"
THE ROCK: "But it is somewhere much more special than that; a place you're familiar with... called Fenway Park."
(major crowd pop)
LAWLER: "What're they gonna do with Mr. Gunn at Fenway Park?"
MICHAEL COLE: "I think we're about to find out..."
THE ROCK: "And as the Rock, Nomar, and Billy stand on the pitcher's mound, admiring the Green Monster..."
(crowd pop)
THE ROCK: "...We will then go in to the Red Sox dugout, and the Rock will select a bat."
(crowd pop)
LAWLER: "Uh-oh... Louisville Slugger, you think?"
THE ROCK: "And Nomar, the Rock wants you to do something very special with that bat for our friend Billy. The Rock says, he wants you to shine it up real nice..."
LAWLER: "Oh no, wait a minute..." (cameras show Nomar mirroring the Rock's shining motion) "Not you too, Nomar, no!"
THE ROCK: "Keep shining it..."
LAWLER: "I think it's shiny enough!"
THE ROCK: "Take all the splinters out; give it back to the Rock. So the Rock will put some pine tar on it, TURN that sumbitch sideways, and stick it straight up...!"
CROWD: "HIS CANDY ASS!"
LAWLER: "Oh no... pine tar and all?"
THE ROCK: "IF YA SMEEEEEEELALALALOW! What the Rock is cooking!"
"I think Mr. Ass is telling him he's got no intentions of going to Fenway Park!"
-- Lawler as Gunn and the Rock get nose-to-nose before their match
"Earl Hebner just knocked Triple H down!"
-- Michael Cole as the WWF's senior referee gets a little physical with the company's top heel
"What the hell is this, King; look at this! This has gotta be Vince!"
"Why do you keep saying "this has gotta be Vince;" we've got two or three Vinces out here!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as referee after referee comes out, all wearing Vince McMahon masks
"I'm definitely confused now, Michael!"
-- Lawler
"The chokeslam heard throughout Boston by Kane!"
-- Michael Cole as Kane hits a big chokeslam on Triple H
"Look at this now, there's two Vinces! Two of them! Now there's three!"
"Three Vinces!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as the masked refs back an unnerved Triple H up the ramp
"Three days until Armageddon and Vince has lost it, Michael! He's snapped!"
-- Lawler as what appears to be the real Vince lays out all of D-X with a pipe
[ Dogg Timeline || Dogg Articles || Dogg Gallery || Dogg Bio || Dogg Links ]