Quotes: Armageddon
December 12, 1999
Live from the National Car Rental Center, Ft. Lauderdale, FL - sold out
Tag Team Battle Royal: the Dudley Boyz vs. Edge and Christian vs. the Headbangers vs. the Hardy Boyz (w/ Terri) vs. the Mean Street Posse vs. the Acolytes vs. Too Cool vs. the Godfather/Mark Henry (w/ hos). Kurt Angle interview. Kurt Angle vs. Steve Blackman. B.B. interview. WWF Women's Championship, evening gown pool match: Ivory (C) vs. Miss Kitty vs. Jacqueline vs. B.B.; Moolah/Mae Young guest referees. Super Heavyweight tag team match: the Hollies vs. Viscera/Rikishi Phatu. Val Venis interview. WWF European Championship: the British Bulldog (C) vs. D'Lo Brown vs. Val Venis. X-Pac interview. Cage match: Kane (w/ Tori) vs. X-Pac; New Age Outlaws interfere. WWF Intercontinental Championship: Chyna (C, w/ Miss Kitty) vs. Chris Jericho. Jericho/Chyna interview. WWF Tag Team Championship: the New Age Outlaws (C) vs. the Rock/Mankind; Al Snow interferes. Terri commercial. WWF Championship: the Big Show (C) vs. the Big Boss Man (w/ Prince Albert). No-holds-barred stipulation match: Triple H vs. Vince McMahon; Stephanie interferes.
"If you do not stand for something, you will fall for anything. Draw my blood... drain my soul... seize my strength... but not all three. Not this. My daughter. My gold. My life's work. She is me. It is me. I know what I will stand for. What I will fight for. I will stand... I will fight. You will not take this. Not my daughter. Not my gold. Not tonight."
-- opening to Armageddon
"I'm Wearing Miss Kitty's Underwear"
-- sign in the crowd
"Finally, the Rock Has Come Back Home"
-- numerous signs in the crowd
"Do You Smell What the Rednecks Are Cookin'?"
-- sign in the crowd
"Vince-- Kick HHH's Ass!"
-- sign in the crowd
"South Florida is the battleground! The National Car Rental Center in Ft. Lauderdale is sold out and jammed to the rafters for what perhaps will be the most personally intense WWF extravaganza of all time!"
-- J.R. kicking us off
"J.R., it already looks like a war zone in here, and we ain't seen nothin' yet!"
-- Lawler, referring to the helicopter and various other army vehicles and implements used to form the custom stage for Armageddon
"Uh-oh... incoming! Oh, it's the Dudleys."
-- Lawler, referring to the whistling of a falling bomb that kicks off the entrance music for the Dudley Boyz
"Where exactly is D-D-D-D-Dudleyville?"
-- Lawler, referring to the hometown of the Dudley Boyz
"I'm Not Afraid of the Poontang"
-- sign in the crowd
(D-Von and Buh Buh Ray have hit the ring for the tag team battle royal.)
D-VON: "Why don't you people sit down, and shut up..."
(crowd heat)
D-VON: "...and listen to what my brother Buh Buh has to say!"
(D-Von passes the stick to Buh Buh Ray)
BUH BUH RAY: "Before tonight is over, you people will remember the most important commandment-- thou shalt not mess with the D-D-D-"
LAWLER: "Uh-oh..."
(An annoyed D-Von smacks Buh Buh Ray on the back of the head)
BUH BUH RAY: "Dudleys!"
(crowd heat)
BUH BUH RAY: "If you don't believe US, just ask those two pretty boys, Edge and Christian!"
ENTRANCE THEME (to a pop): "You think you know me..."
"Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute! Are they supposed to start this NOW? Where's everybody else? We need twelve more guys out here!"
-- Lawler as Egde and Christian start fighting the Dudleys
"The most experienced tag team in this battle royal... the Headbangers, multiple-time tag team champions. They survived Thrasher's knee injury, and a horrendous gimmick for Mosh, to return here and hopefully establish some tag team dominance here in the WWF."
-- J.R. as the Headbangers come out
"I see Mosh is wearing something Miss Kitty isn't going to be wearing!"
-- Lawler on Mosh, who is wearing a large bra
"A lot of people really believe that the Hardys are the uncrowned tag team champions. They had a couple of real close calls with the New Age Outlaws, King, the last two or three weeks... and if the Hardys can win this battle royal, they will meet the tag team champions, whomever that may be, at the Royal Rumble."
-- J.R. as the Hardys head to ringside
"What? Wait, wait-- where's Terri going? Come BACK here, Terri!"
-- Lawler wailing after Terri, who heads backstage after escorting the Hardys out
"You gotta like these guys, J.R.!"
"They look like former models from the GAP, with those stupid sweater vests on!"
"Stupid? Did you see what the Headbangers are wearing?"
-- Lawler and J.R. as Pete Gas and Rodney come out, representing the Mean Street Posse
"These guys are no-nonsense! Whoa, speaking of nonsense..."
-- Lawler, first on the Acolytes, then on Too Cool (who, incidentally, come out to a nice pop)
"Look, they're not intimidated by the Acolytes!"
"Not yet, anyway."
"Maybe they can teach the Acolytes how to dance when they go in all those bars!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as Too Cool dances to ringside, as the unimpressed Acolytes observe
"Y'know, I love Christmas, J.R.! 'Cause it's HO HO HO time!"
-- Lawler as the Godfather comes out, hos in tow
"Boy, you talk about the fox getting into the henhouse..."
-- J.R. as Mark Henry comes out with the Godfather and the Godfather's ladies
"With the risky nature of this business, the hos are not going to be at ringside, and neither is Terri of the Hardys."
-- J.R. explaining why all the T&A for this match was sent backstage
"One of the Posse just-- one of the Posse members just got eliminated, and Joey Abs now is in, and Joey Abs didn't start the match! It was Pete Gas and Rodney!"
"Well, all for one and one for all..."
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Mosh has pulled the stuffing out of his bra! Reminds me of my first girlfriend."
-- Lawler watching Mosh, who is at ringside after brawling with Edge
"The Posse has been eliminated; the first team outta here!"
"How'd THAT happen?"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Look at this; both Acolytes trying to get Mark Henry over..."
"They did it!"
"And they do it... that's four hundred pounds of sexual chocolate!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"So Mark Henry and the Godfather have been eliminated."
"DARN... they'll have to go back to the DRESSING ROOM with the HOS."
-- J.R. and a jealous Lawler
"Buh Buh Ray t-t-t-t-teetering on the top rope..."
-- Lawler
"Grandmaster just got his britches pulled down around his ankles--"
"WHAT?"
"He's trying to get them back up..."
"That ain't cool!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Grandmaster Sexay somehow gets his pants pulled down, showing off his green underwear
"I like the Hardys' chances now!"
-- Lawler as Edge and Christian are eliminated
"I told ya I was picking the Dudleys!"
-- Lawler as the Dudleys hit a 3-D, seconds before being eliminated
"I TOLD ya my money was on the Acolytes!"
"You're changing horses faster than Laffit Pincay!" [J.R. pronounces it "Lafayette Pin-kay;" it's actually "la-FEET pin-KYE"]
"Who?"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"And Matt Hardy... and Bradshaw..."
"Look out!"
"Who went over?"
"Both of them!"
"The referee... the referee was on the other side of the ring! Now both Matt Hardy and Bradshaw are on the outside. Who landed first? The referee was not in a position to make the call!"
"I think Matt Hardy landed first!"
"Of course you do..."
-- J.R. and Lawler as the ref allows the match to continue
"Bradshaw's clothesline from hell turning Jeff Hardy inside-out!"
-- J.R. as a Bradshaw forearm causes Jeff to do a three-sixty in the air before hitting the mat
"Hey, ref! Faarooq's on the outside-- there's only one referee out here, and this time Korderas was on the other side of the ring and didn't see Faarooq get eliminated!"
-- J.R. as the Hardys appear poised to get screwed yet again
"And Jeff Hardy-- MY GOD! Jeff Hardy was in another time zone!"
-- J.R. as Faarooq launches Jeff over the top rope and into the barricade
"I told ya I had my money on the Acolytes! Pay up, J.R.!"
-- Lawler
"I want to make one thing perfectly clear. I am still undefeated here in the World Wrestling Federation. Last Thursday night, Steve Blackman was fully responsible for the loss we suffered against the Dudleys. Now, it's not Steve's fault. I mean, he is who he is, and very few of us reach that pinnacle of success, that level of intensity, where I am. My Olympic gold meal speaks for itself. But I'm getting kind of a funny response from the fans out there all around the country... but I know here in southern Florida, they will appreciate my gold medal! They will appreciate my past accomplishments! And I know they will appreciate a true American hero."
-- Kurt Angle, backstage during an interview
"He interrupted the three "I"s!"
-- Lawler, as Steve Blackman doesn't give his opponent a chance to finish his opening remarks
"Kurt's about the only top athlete Pittsburgh can boast about these days!"
"What do you mean by that?"
"Well, given the state of the Steelers..."
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Nice dropkick by Angle; he didn't learn that in the Olympics! That's WWF-style; that's sports entertainment!"
-- J.R.
"See... I've got to talk to Kurt about this. It doesn't pay off to try and please the fans!"
-- Lawler after Angle fails to hit a moonsault (although it was pretty in the air)
"Bor-ing... bor-ing... bor-ing..."
-- crowd during the Angle/Blackman match
"The fans here are really trying to get into Angle's head by chanting "boring!"
"They're not chanting "boring!"
-- J.R. (maybe the fans are just bored?) and Lawler
"Y'see, that's the sad thing about some of these fans! If you're not flying off the top rope with a moonsault risking your life and limb, they think it's boring!"
-- Lawler (a little thing called charisma would keep the chants down too, of course)
"Angle sucks! Angle sucks! Angle sucks!"
-- chant from the crowd
"Wait a minute; Blackman back in the ring..."
"The fourth "I" stands for Blackman's an IDIOT! Look out!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Blackman goes after Angle post-match
"And now the people cheer for somebody like THAT?!"
-- Lawler as Blackman lays out Angle (my thoughts exactly, King)
"What are we seeing, J.R.?"
"Well, we're seeing a lot of curves..."
"I gotta go to the back!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as backstage cameras show B.B. getting dressed behind a screen
"Earlier tonight on HeAT, we saw--"
"I'll tell you what we saw! We saw something terrible; we saw those two walking liver spots, Moolah and Mae Young, embarrass and humiliate our women's champion!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
(Backstage, B.B. is still getting dressed behind the screen when there is a knock at the door)
B.B. (from behind the screen): "Come in, Michael!"
MICHAEL COLE (walking in): "B.B., I am so excited! I cannot wait for tonight's evening--"
(Michael Cole's voice fails him as he sees B.B.'s curvy silhouette on the screen)
MICHAEL COLE: "...gown match at, uh... um..."
(Michael Cole continues to stare as B.B. glances over the top of the screen)
B.B.: "Armageddon."
MICHAEL COLE: "Armageddon, here in California... I mean, Florida... but anyhow, do you really think that... you have a chance to win the..."
(B.B. walks out in a slinky red number to a crowd pop)
MICHAEL COLE (still staring): "...the... uh..."
(B.B. piles her hair on her head and turns her back to Michael Cole)
B.B.: "Michael, could you do me a favor and zip this?"
MICHAEL COLE: "Sure."
(Michael sidles close and slowly zips up the dress)
MICHAEL COLE (checking out her dress): "Y'know, that's gonna be awfully difficult to get out of tonight at... uh..."
B.B. (grinning): "Armageddon?"
MICHAEL COLE (quickly excusing himself as B.B. laughs): "Yeah, uh... thanks... you're welcome... I gotta go. Thanks!"
J.R. (watching from ringside): "Michael Cole gets all the good assignments, huh, King?"
LAWLER (also from ringside): "Oh, what a lucky idiot!"
"J.R., talk about a good assignment! How did these two rest-home rejects get to referee this match?"
-- Lawler as the evening gown match refs, Moolah and Mae, head poolside
"Look at those sequins! I think she got that dress originally from the real Cleopatra!"
-- Lawler on Mae Young
"Guess what Miss Kitty don't wear, J.R.?"
"I heard."
-- a gleeful Lawler, plus a comment from J.R.
"Do you think it's true, King, that Miss Kitty doesn't wear any underwear?"
"Do I think it's true? I HOPE it's true! Y'know what, I was just thinking maybe Moolah ought to try going without a bra!"
"Oh Lord..."
"It might pull some of the wrinkles out of her face!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"I hope that water's cold!"
-- Lawler as Jacqueline gets pushed into the pool
"I've had a chance to call a lot of matches in over twenty years but nothing quite like this, folks..."
"C'mon, tear some clothes! Ha!"
"Show your pup-pies! Show your pup-pies!"
-- J.R., Lawler, and the crowd
"Wait-- I see MORE than bra and panties! WHOOHOO, Jacqueline!"
-- Lawler as Jacqueline falls out of her top while leaving the pool
"Look at Ivory!"
"Watch the headlights..."
"Trying to climb B.B. like a tree!"
"Trying to climb her? She's trying to drown her!... She'll never drown; she's got built-in life preservers!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Ivory goes after B.B.
"B.B. IS kind of buoyant..."
-- J.R.
"I love Ivory; she's my hero! ...Man, I could unhook those things in one second!"
-- Lawler as Ivory tries unsuccessfully to remove B.B.'s bra
"J.R., I don't know who thought of this match but they are a genius!"
-- Lawler as Miss Kitty unzips Ivory's dress
"Miss Kitty went right for the zipper... the ol' zipper routine..."
"That's MY first move every time!"
"A Greco-Roman zipperlock!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"What is that thing Ivory's wearing?"
"Ivory's wearing..."
"I've NEVER seen one of those."
"I doubt THAT."
-- Lawler and J.R. (Ivory has on some sort of one-piece undergarment)
"Well, I told everybody I was gonna win this and I DID! But I know you came here to see me get naked. I'm not going to disappoint you! But I want you to know... they MADE me wear underwear."
"What! Who did?"
"Who are "they?"
"That's what *I* want to know... that damn office..."
-- Miss Kitty's victory speech, plus comments from Lawler and J.R.
"She's not gonna disappoint us, J.R.!"
-- Lawler as Miss Kitty seductively strips off her evening gown; amazing how fast the heat for Miss Kitty's underwear announcement turns to pops (all it took was her reaching for the zipper...)
"Wait, J.R., she ain't done yet! Ah-- AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
-- Lawler as Miss Kitty removes her bra to briefly flash the crowd and the folks at home-- I would further transcribe Lawler's comments, but they pretty much disintegrate into babbling happiness at this point
"HO-ly mackerel!"
"I've never seen a new champion celebrate like this!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as backstage officials escort Miss Kitty away
"[something unintelligible]... disappointed that you came out here, and didn't see the great Mae Young turn naked, so here I am for you!"
-- Mae Young, trying to follow up Miss Kitty's show
"Oh, good GOD! Put the women and children to bed! Get them out of the room!"
"Give me the barf bag, J.R.!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Mae shakes out of her evening gown (leopard-print underwear!) and the crowd goes crazy with laughter
"Hickory dickory dock... Rikishi finally talks!"
-- Rikishi Phatu backstage (um... leave the rhyming to the Road Dogg there, pal)
"Bob Holly, Crash... watch out for the Rikishi drop! And it goes like this, boys. For the last week or so, since Rikishi has hit the World Wrestling Federation, you decide to jump on the newcomer. Well, check this out, punks! When Rikishi gets his hands on you two fools, Armageddon just might be your last day. Because, while you're out there making fun of all... you want to call, the "fat" people in the world, I represent the all fat, healthy people out there in the world..." (crowd pop) "Your ass is mine! My ass on top of your face when I'm through with it."
-- Rikishi, backstage in an interview (note: Kevin Kelly kept calling Rikishi "sir," LOL)
"I'm gonna tell you something, J.R... I'm still trying to recover from Miss Kitty... I think-- I think they're calling me; I think I gotta go back there and get a towel for her!"
"I think you need to stay right here, pal."
"I saw real live puppies with their cute little pink noses!"
"I tell ya what, nobody does pay-per-view like the WWF, and I think--"
"I agree!"
"--that last match is just one illustration of that point."
"Oh, baby!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as the Hollies head to the ring
"DDT..."
"Didn't even phase him!"
"Had no effect on the hard head of Rikishi!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Superheavyweights don't play well together."
-- J.R. as Viscera and Rikishi get nose-to-nose in the ring
"Seventeen thousand and fifty-four have sold out the National Car Rental Center here in Ft. Lauderdale."
-- J.R.
"I'd love to be a fly on the wall and know what's going on back in the locker room--"
"In Miss Kitty's locker room?!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"All you guys do is cause problems; you need to go back to the dressing room!"
"Wait a minute; these guys are from Greenwich! They're problem SOLVERS!"
-- the ref throwing the Posse from ringside, and a comment from Lawler
"Y'know, when the Big Valbowski was a kid, he used to wet the bed."
"Oh really?"
"From the hallway!"
-- Lawler and a chuckling J.R.
"Bulldog's not worried! Uh-oh..."
"YOU SUCK!"
"NOW he should be worried."
"So much for that cooperative venture."
-- Lawler, D'Lo to Bulldog, and finally a J.R. comment as D'Lo stops working with Bulldog to attack Val and instead turns on the Bulldog
(Val and D'Lo attempt some sort of double-arm takeover on the Bulldog, but D'Lo slips and Bulldog lands heavily on his shoulder)
LAWLER (you can also clearly hear exclamations from the crowd at this point): "Oh! Right on the shoulder."
(Val Venis winces as he and D'Lo look down at the Bulldog)
J.R.: "Well, that's what happens when you get two guys like D'Lo and Val trying to do some teamwork..."
D'LO (bending down to help pull Bulldog to his feet): "Hey, you all right?"
VAL VENIS: "You all right?"
LAWLER: "'Specially when they don't care what happens to their opponent!"
J.R.: "Yeah, I like the fact D'Lo-- "Are you all right?" He's asking Bulldog if he's all right."
LAWLER: "Heh."
J.R.: "Just wanted to know so we can drop you on your head again!"
"D'Lo! D'Lo! D'Lo!"
-- chant from the crowd
"I HATE it when THAT happens."
-- Lawler as D'Lo takes a nutshot on the top turnbuckle
"The Bulldog pulled the referee out! D'Lo, no doubt in my mind, had the three-count right there, and now Bulldog's blaming it on a fan."
"It could have been a fan!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Bulldog points out some guy in the front row as the one who actually broke up D'Lo's count
(Above the ring, the steel cage begins to lower)
J.R.: "Well, ladies and gentlemen, we have already had quite the night..."
(crowd notices the cage and pops)
J.R.: "We are getting ready for a cage matchup; we found out it will be a steel cage match on HeAT between Kane and X-Pac here tonight. And already here tonight, in the battle royal, the Acolytes have become the number one contenders, Kurt Angle has remained undefeated here, King--"
LAWLER: "Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, what else?"
J.R.: "And we have two new champions!"
LAWLER: "Whoohoo! Do we ever! Miss Kitty, the new women's champion! What about that, J.R.?"
J.R.: "It was a shocker, no doubt about it... and Val Venis, the new European champion."
"The demands are this. Kane, you demand that I'm in a cage match? Well, I demand a few things myself. The first thing is this. You can only win... BOY... by pinfall. That means, you can't climb out of the cage. You can't climb over the top and you can't climb through the door, because that's gonna be chained shut and locked. I, on the other hand, can climb out over the top and win that way." (turns back to addressing Kevin Kelly, who is conducting this) "I can pin him, as well, which I might very well do... hit him with the X-factor..." (starts addressing Kane against) "Oh yeah, and one more thing! Tell your old lady to quit calling my hotel room at all hours of the night, 'cause she ain't gonna get none!"
-- X-Pac, backstage during a pre-match interview
"Wow... wow, J.R.!"
-- Lawler after X-Pac's interview
"The Big Red Machine is here!"
"Oh... go ahead and say it, J.R.! Say it say it! Say "hellfire!"
"Hellfire and brimstone..."
-- J.R. and Lawler as Kane enters
"Look at Tori... she's really starting to look good, y'know, J.R.?"
-- Lawler
"Poor Tori... now that she's hooked up with Kane, she can't win at all! 'Cause you heard what X-Pac told us all about Kane..."
"Yeah, I remember..."
"Well, I'll refresh your memory as the night goes on!"
"I thought you might."
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Ya better get ready to bow to the master..."
-- X-Pac's entrance video... finally, without that stupid Hansen's Energy Drink swill!
"I think he's gonna kiss her... slip her the tongue!"
-- Lawler yelling advice to X-Pac, who is confronting Tori outside the cage as Kane climbs over to attack X-Pac
"I think she set X-Pac up!"
"What do you mean by that? He's the one that went to her, did X-Pac!"
"She lured him! You know how women are... those tarts..."
-- Lawler and J.R.
(J.R. and Lawler are calling the cage match between X-Pac and Kane as they start going at it)
J.R.: "Kane almost seven feet tall and well over three hundred pounds... huge size and strength advantage over X-Pac."
LAWLER: "Well... not EVERYWHERE huge size and strength."
J.R: "Will you get away from all these penis innuendoes?"
LAWLER (laughing in amazement): "Wha-- WHAT!?"
J.R.: "That's what you're going at!"
LAWLER: "J.R., you said "penis!" This is great!"
(moments later, as J.R. is vainly trying to get back on track)
J.R.: "X-Pac has made so many disparaging remarks about Kane's first-ever girlfriend, Tori, who's anxiously looking on on the outside."
LAWLER: "Well, I heard Tori made a few disparaging remarks about Kane the first time she ever saw him without... well... unclothed."
J.R.: "You're a plethora of sexual information, aren't you?"
LAWLER (giggling): "Yeah! You know what she said the first time she saw him with no clothes on?"
J.R.: "What, King? What did she say?"
LAWLER: "She said, "Well, I guess this makes me the early bird!" (collapses in laughter) "I heard it! That's what X-Pac told me!"
J.R.: "The early bird gets the... yeah, I got it."
"Well, that couldn't hurt much!"
-- Lawler as Kane takes a nutshot on the top rope
"Hey, wait a minute... it's the Outlaws!"
"They've got some bolt-cutters!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as the NAO works to get the cage door open
"We need some security out here!"
"What's Kane doing? Pay attention to your match, you idiot!"
-- J.R. and Lawler; Kane goes after Road Dogg from inside the cage, but Billy Gunn slams the door into Kane's face to stun him, then slides a chair in for X-Pac to use
"There's some handcuffs... the Outlaws must have thrown some handcuffs in the ring as well!"
"I think Tori threw those in there! I heard she's a little kinky!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as X-Pac handcuffs Kane to the cage
"Man, what do you think is going through that fried brain of Kane's right now?"
-- Lawler
"X-Pac sucks! X-Pac sucks! X-Pac sucks!"
-- chant from the crowd
"OH FOR GOD'S SAKE! A CLOTHESLINE from the TOP of the CAGE!"
-- J.R. as Lawler screams beside him
"Tombstone! X-Pac just got drilled by Kane, and the Big Red Machine has won it!"
-- J.R. as Kane wins (haven't seen those tombstones in a while!)
"Jericho is almost over the edge. If he doesn't win tonight, that'll be it for him."
-- Lawler as the Y2J ticker starts up
"This match, scheduled for one fall, is for the World Wrestling Federation Intercontinental championship!"
-- ring announcer Howard Finkel as Jericho rebukes some fans for touching him as he tries to walk to the ring
"Armageddon is Jericho"
-- sign in the crowd
"Chyna accompanied by the new WWF Women's champion Miss Kitty... a generation ago in tennis, it was Bobby Riggs and Billie Jean King!"
"That's been more than a generation ago, hasn't it?"
"I don't know; I was just a little kid then."
"Aren't they both dead now?"
"I don't think-- well, Bobby Riggs is dead... Billie Jean King's career is dead, but that's another story!"
-- J.R. and Lawler, referring to a famous "mixed singles" match at Wimbledon that pitted a male tennis player against a female
"A lot of men in the WWF have underestimated Chyna! Most have paid for that underestimation; some are no longer even in this organization!"
-- J.R. with a reference to Jeff Jarrett as Lawler chuckles
"GOD ALMIGHTY! What the hell is wrong with you, Jericho?! You're gonna kill her doing that?"
-- J.R. as Y2J lifts Chyna in suplex position, but instead drops her facefirst atop the announcers' table
"You all right?"
-- Lawler as Chyna (still atop the announce table) as she recovers... if you have this on tape, check out where Lawler's hand is... LOL!
"Chyna just dropkicked the chair right back in Jericho's mouth!"
"Have you EVER, J.R.?"
"Good God..."
-- J.R. and Lawler as the ringside battle continues
"Hey, c'mon! You can't do that!"
"He did it!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Jericho steals a kiss from Miss Kitty
"CHAIR! CHAIR! CHAIR!"
-- sign in the crowd
"Chyna hung up in the ropes!"
-- J.R.; note Jericho's expression here; he looks like a kid on Christmas morning
"C'mon, Chyna! Come on!"
-- Jericho to a dazed Chyna
"Go Jericho go! Go Jericho go! Go Jericho go!"
-- chant from the crowd
"Triple H Fears Turkey Jizz"
-- sign in the crowd
"Oh, these people are getting on that ref now! They're saying that was a three-count!"
-- Lawler
"The winner of this bout... and NEW Intercontinental champion... Chris Jericho!"
-- Howard Finkel after Chyna tapped out of the Walls of Jericho
"Chris Jericho is the new Intercontinental champion, but by God, you've got to hand it to Chyna for the effort, for her guts, for her courage! The champion did all she could to withstand the painful Walls of Jericho, but in the end it was just too much to overcome, and we have a new Intercontinental champion."
-- J.R.
(Backstage, Michael Cole is set to interview Chris Jericho, who is grinning from ear to ear and has the IC title draped over his sexy, gorgeous shoulder)
MICHAEL COLE: "Chris Jericho, congratulations! You're the new Intercontinental champion."
JERICHO: "Look at it, Mitchell! Look how it looks draped around the shoulders, and soon to be around the sexy, gorgeous waist of Y... 2... J! Finally, the Intercontinental championship belt has been restored to the status and the level that it deserves, held by a tremendous technical wrestler and an extremely sassy individual in myself."
LAWLER (watching from ringside): "Sassy?"
(Jericho backs up suddenly, staring at something behind Michael Cole. The camera angle widens to reveal that Chyna has walked up, flanked by Miss Kitty)
JERICHO (assuming fighting stance and addressing Chyna): "You want some more, huh?"
LAWLER: "Uh-oh!"
JERICHO: "You want some more? Let's do it, right here on live TV."
(Michael Cole steps back with an expression of alarm. Chyna, looking winded and worn out, comes up to Jericho. Y2J dances back on his toes, adjusting the belt on his shoulder and keeping his dukes high)
CHYNA: "I was the better wrestler last month. You're the better wrestler tonight. Congratulations."
(Chyna extends her hand for a shake. Michael Cole watches as Jericho steps back, and verrrrryy cautiously starts to reach out towards her hand, looking ready to spring back at any second)
LAWLER: "What?"
(Jericho mutters something about "gangland style;" I think he's referring to the way they're shaking hands. Finally Jericho takes her hand and immediately gets hyped)
JERICHO (gripping Chyna's hand and preparing for her to attack): "Here we go! C'mon, you ready? C'mon, let's go!"
(After holding his hand briefly, Chyna lets it go and walks away with a tired smile)
J.R.: "Wow..."
JERICHO (still with one fist cocked and a bright, albeit slightly confused, smile, calling after her): "You want some more, huh?"
"You've got to hand it to Chyna! She put her hand out, that hand that he had smashed, and congratulated him on his victory!"
-- Lawler
"I guess all his cool clothes must be in the wash. You'd think a best-selling author could get... y'know... come on!"
"I think those are new sweatpants..."
-- J.R. and Lawler as Mankind heads to the ring
"The Road Dogg a marine in Desert Storm..."
"He was the first soldier over there to get shot at by both sides!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as the Outlaws make their way out through the army equipment
"The Road Dogg knows what it's like to go to war, for real! And this war tonight will be for the tag team titles. The Outlaws are the cham-peens, but for how much longer?"
-- J.R.
"What did Mankind tell Al Snow, poor Al? He told him, "Al Snow, me and the Rock get a bigger POP than when it's you and *I*."
"Well, he's right."
"It's the Rock getting the pop! YOU and the Rock could get a pop!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Rock-y! Rock-y! Rock-y!"
-- numerous chants by the crowd, that never fail to distract the Outlaws
"The Outlaws the most honored tag team in WWF history, and in my view, the BEST tag team in WWF history."
-- J.R.
"Speaking of tag teams, the best in history, what about Too Cool?"
"Well... I'll reserve my opinion on those two young jackasses for another time."
"What?! You can look at Mankind and refer to somebody ELSE as a jackass?"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Tag the Rock! You sonofabitch! Tag the Rock!"
-- the Rock addressing first Mankind, then the Outlaws, then Mankind again as Mankind points to the Rock to see if the crowd wants the People's champ in or not
"Cheap pop!"
-- Lawler on the crowd's HUGE reaction to Mankind's above gesture
"The Rock's parents are here tonight, too!"
-- Lawler
"Well, that was about the as stupid a damn thing I've ever seen..."
-- J.R. referring to Mr. Ass as Billy Gunn decides to take his shirt off during the match, and the Rock attacks him while he's in the middle of disrobing
"The Outlaws... five times, WWF tag team champions... that in itself speaks of respectability and success."
-- J.R.
"The only person left in the ring is the referee!"
-- J.R. as the battle turns into a ringside brawl
"Mr. Ass just got tossed in by the Rock. The Road Dogg is in his corner, kind of halfway... well, he's physically in the corner; I don't know if, mentally, if the Road Dogg is there..."
-- J.R. as the Outlaws take a beating
"This could be it for the Rock!"
"It sure could. How frustrating would this be for the Rock to lose in his backyard, here in south Florida?"
"This is his backyard? I don't see his house!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as Mr. Ass strangles the Rock
"Mankind very smart to be on this side of the ringpost, closest to his partner..."
"There's nothing smart about Mankind!"
"How many bestsellers have you written?"
"He is a few peas short of a casserole! ...how many what?"
"Bestsellers, have you written?"
"I've never taken the time out of my busy schedule to write my memoirs! But when I do... oh boy!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"See there?"
"He rocked when he should have rolled..."
"He's an idiot!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Mankind's mocking of the Road Dogg ends with Mick accidentally knocking out the referee
"I ain't believing this!"
-- J.R. as Mankind continues to kick out of covers, even after taking piledrivers and being attacked by Al Snow
"Get in there, Rock! Lay the smackdown on everybody!"
-- Lawler as the Outlaws and Mankind lay in a dazed, hurting pile over on the other side of the ring
"Santa... you're warm, you're kind, you're generous, you're loving! But I think the thing that I love the most about you... is your incredibly large sack!"
-- a bra-and-panties Terri to Santa Claus in a "Happy Holidays" commercial from the WWF; don't worry kids, she's referring to his sack of TOYS
"WOW, J.R..."
"You all right?"
"I think she's been naughty in a nice sort of way, don't you?"
-- Lawler and J.R. as J.R. fans Lawler
"You know, I thought it was real funny when the Big Freak Show's fake daddy died and went to hell!"
-- the Big Boss Man (let me insert a comment-- DAMN!)
"I'd... suggest calling an ambulance right now."
-- Lawler as Boss Man wraps up his pre-match comments
"Boss Man needs a forklift to get the five-hundred-pounder back in the ring!"
-- J.R.
"What a chokeslam! My God, what a chokeslam!"
-- J.R. as a few minutes is all it takes to wipe out Boss Man
"The Big Show left carnage! Prince Albert through the Spanish announce table! The Boss Man chokeslammed from the heavens! And the Big Show is still the WWF champion! He don't work by the hour..."
-- J.R.
"Well, there's your happy couple right there!"
-- Lawler as Triple H slinks over to Stephanie, sitting at ringside
"The fifty-three-year-old chairman of this organization will take on the twenty-eight-year-old son-in-law Triple H! If Triple H wins, his marriage to Stephanie stays intact and a WWF title shot is in his future! But if Vince wins, King, Stephanie and Triple H's marriage will be annulled! And I guarantee you, no chance in hell for Triple H to be back in the WWF title hunt!"
-- J.R. laying down the stips as the "No Chance In Hell" music plays
"I know Stephanie didn't like to see THAT move!"
"Oh, will you stop it..."
-- Lawler and J.R. as Vince hits a low blow on Triple H
"It's a son-in-law hammering his father-in-law!"
"Boy, a lot of son-in-laws would like to do that..."
-- J.R. and Lawler as Vince and Triple H make their way back to ringside from the crowd
"Oh, what a kick! Right to the heart... if there is one... of Triple H!"
-- J.R.
"What the hell... here comes Mankind!"
"What is this idiot doing coming out here!"
"Remember, it's no-holds-barred! And if anybody knows no-holds-barred, it's Mankind! And look at the weapons that Mankind, I'm assuming, has brought Vince McMahon!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Mankind comes out, pushing a shopping cart full of hardcore weapons
"JESUS!"
-- J.R. as Vince whacks Triple H again and again with a "steel" trash can lid
"Stephanie, have some compassion! It's your husband!"
-- Lawler as Stephanie jeers Triple H
"It's her HUSBAND, J.R.!"
"Oh, her husband my ass!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"He'd better keep taking it! If he doesn't, Triple H is gonna take his beloved little daughter!"
"I think that that's what Vince is thinking, and every time that thought hits him again, he rises back to the occasion! He has another adrenaline rush!"
"He'd better rise up off that foot locker!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as Vince and Triple H fight to the stage area
"We've got a spill in aisle four!"
-- Lawler as Triple H runs over Vince with a shopping cart
"That machine gun caught Vince McMahon right in the head for God's sakes!"
"He's a goner. We've got a casualty here!"
"No kidding, man."
"Medic!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Triple H whacks Vince with a gatling gun
"Oh God! Mc Mahon fell right back in that bunker after his head smashed into the steel!"
-- J.R. as Vince takes a twenty- or thirty-foot fall
"Ho-ly shit! Ho-ly shit! Ho-ly shit!"
-- chant from the crowd after Vince's fall
"Aw hell, Vince has been busted wide open!"
-- J.R.
"Baby... tell me how it feels, baby... tell me what you're feeling inside, watching your daddy get his ass kicked in front of the world and in front of you! It's gotta be killing you, huh? I'll tell you what-- as I'm just about to finish him, he's done, but you will never have to ask yourself, who's your daddy? 'Cause baby, daddy's standing right here in front of you."
-- Triple H on the mic to Stephanie in the middle of his match as a bloody Vince lurches slowly back towards the ring
"What a no-good son of a bitch!"
-- J.R.
"Tell him goodbye, Steph!"
-- Triple H to his wife, dragging a bloody Vince around
"Oh no... my God, not this! For the love of God!"
-- J.R. as Triple H rolls Vince back into the ring and gets his sledgehammer
"Is this spousal abuse?"
-- J.R. as Stephanie grabs the sledgehammer to hit Triple H
"Don't you do that! You son of a bitch! Don't you hit her!"
-- J.R. as Triple H prepares to clobber Stephanie from behind with the sledgehammer
"WHAT?!"
"What is this? Stephanie McMahon-- has-- she turned her back on her father! And Vince is not even aware of it, King! Vince McMahon is unconscious!"
"WHAT?!"
"My God, I don't believe this. Somebody tell me this is not true! Somebody tell me that little girl has not turned her back on her father!"
"I think that little girl... I... I don't know what to think about that little girl!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as Steph does a heel turn and embraces Triple H
"Why, Stephanie? Why?"
-- J.R.
[ Dogg Timeline || Dogg Articles || Dogg Gallery || Dogg Bio || Dogg Links ]