Irreplaceable
Disclaimer: The characters that appear in this story belong to Joss Whedon. With the exception of Matthew who is a creation of the author.
‘The cemetery is full of the graves of people who thought they were irreplaceable.’
I heard that today. Someone was reading aloud…an inspirational piece about ambition. About how you shouldn’t waste your
life, how people spend all their time working towards something, only to die silently in the night. And sure, your family and
friends will mourn…but life goes on.
It always does.
There was a time when I thought I was irreplaceable. When I thought I was the only person who could do what I was doing.
Life’s a bitch. It’ll charm you with some sugar coated lies, then spit you out.
But for a brief time, I was blissfully ignorant. I felt like I was wanted. I felt like I had a purpose…an ambition. I felt like I was needed.
And everything was five by five.
*****
“Faith!”
The small girl lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. She figured that if she could stare at the same spot for another twenty seconds, without blinking, the voice would go away. It would fade away to nothing, and she could pretend that yesterday had never happened. She could pretend that she was the smiling girl in the princess dress she’d seen earlier.
*****
She’d tried to keep to the shadows of the mall…it was air conditioned, and clean…they wouldn’t want her hanging around,
spoiling the view. And then there had been the laugh...and suddenly another girl was standing in front of her. Where Faith
was dark, she was light. Her short blonde hair, her sparkling blue eyes…she was wearing a princess dress. It was pink and
gold, with a puffy out skirt.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
Faith stared transfixed at the shy smile on the other girl’s face. The girl offered her hand. She looked at it, unsure. No-one had ever wanted…to be friends.
They shook.
“What’s your name?”
“F..Faith.”
“Mine’s B…”
An older woman grabbed the little girl by the shoulder.
“Elizabeth! God, I was so worried…who are you?”
She peered at the other girl, and Elizabeth started to explain, before her mom pulled her away. Faith watched as they hugged,
and were joined by a man.
The half starved child with the tousled brown hair had never wanted to be someone else so much in her entire life.
*****
“Faith!”
Reality came sharply back, accompanied by angry feet on the stairs.
“ Faith, you lazy little bitch…there’s someone here to see you.”
The seven year old’s eyes lit up. Maybe it was the girl with the shining hair and the soft voice…with the warm mother and
the caring father…maybe they’d come to rescue her…
That was it, she'd been lost at birth, and they were coming to find her. They probably lived in a real big house, and she
wouldn't even mind if they had a pet dog.
She ran to the door, dodging the piles of old newspaper and the hole in the threadbare carpet.
Pulled open the door.
“Hi?”
“Are you Faith?”
“Yeah…”
The old man at the door smiled, and Faith looked disappointed.
“Can I speak to your mommy?”
“Umm…she’s at work right now.”
“Can I at least come in?”
“Umm…okay…”
She closed the door behind him, and watched as he carefully set down his briefcase. The man’s eyes widened as her mom’s
latest boyfriend belched loudly, from somewhere inside the living room. He turned to her, his expression grim, his eyes kind.
“You wait here. Everything’s…everything’s going to be alright.”
And he left her alone with the briefcase. Curious, she opened it, keeping one eye on the door. And Faith couldn’t imagine
why a fully grown man with such kind eyes would carry around a cross, several small bottles of water and a pointed wooden
stake.
******
“Matthew…do I really have to do this?”
His face creased into a frown.
“Of course. You must always do exactly as I say. You know, listening carefully to this instruction now…”
The pretty teenager jumped off the table, and stared out of the window, a vacant expression on her face. She finished his
sentence.
“Listening to this instruction now may one day save my life, yada yada yada. And before you ask me how I knew what you
were going to say, it’s because you say the same thing to me every time I question your almighty authority. Loosen up.
No-one’s after me…I’m just a Slayer in training. Not the real deal…”
“Not yet. But there’s every chance you may be chosen, and a Slayer should always…”
“Be prepared, I know! I read the godammn handbook cover to cover…well, once…and although I’ve seen foot fetish porno
sites more interesting…some of it did sink into this dumb little head of mine..”
She smiled at him, and Matthew relented. Faith was his third Slayer. His first had been called and killed in a matter of years. It still hurt a little to think of her, but she had died in the line of duty…the way a Slayer should die. The second had never been called. He hoped this wasn’t to be Faith’s fate. He had been her teacher and Watcher for eight years now, and couldn’t imagine life without her. He also couldn’t imagine her not being the Slayer. She seemed to have been built for survival.
“Hello? Anyone at home in there?”
There was the attitude problem, of course. That was…less than desirable. He sighed.
“Right. To get back to the point. I want you to practice with the staff again today…”
“Again?”
“Let me finish. Practice with it today, and I’ll assess you. Then we can move on to hand to hand combat.”
“Sweet.”
“Er…I don’t know if I’d have quite put it like that.”
Something caught her eye, and the dark head turned briefly to look out of the window. A smile played on her lips, and she ran
to the door.
“Faith…”
“I’ll be back later. I promise.”
She slammed the door shut and with one practiced move pulled on her leather jacket. The wind was cold and the jacket thin,
but she didn’t mind. Faith glanced furtively down the street, and crossed over. He was sitting in the entrance to the alley way.
Drew thought she was seventeen. All it took was a little bit of make-up and charm.
“Faith.”
“Hey Drew.”
She put her hands on her hips, and looked at him seductively through thick eyelashes.
“So, are you and me gonna go someplace else?”
“Okay.”
He put his arm around her waist, and pulled her close. For a moment she wanted to lay her head on his shoulder. Faith
wished that when she was close to him she knew how he smelt. She wished that the feel of his hands on her body was loving
and gentle. She wished that he would whisper sweet nothings in her ear, and stay awake when they were done. He didn’t
even have to stay awake…he just had to stay…
Those wishes only lasted for a moment.
A moment when she forgot who she really was, and wanted something real. Something that was irreplaceable and vital, that
was the love to end all love, that was true and pure and passionate…
The moment soon faded, and she was grateful for what she got.
*****
Rain fell in watery bullets, each one joining the ever growing rivulets of water streaming down the Slayer’s jacket. She felt a
little thrill inside.
The Slayer. She was the Slayer.
Faith had never been anything like this before, had never felt anything like this before. Matthew had told her to be careful.
She’d only been called a few days ago…it had been wild. Like a trip on the purest snow, and then staying on that high
forever. The power hit her in a blur of sound and light…she’d have sworn she recognized someone with a golden halo…but
the thought was quickly dismissed.
She wanted to kill.
Faith had told her Watcher that and he’d shook his head. Replaced the word kill with slay. She guessed he was just being
fussy, as they both meant the same thing. Trying to improve her vocabulary or something.
He’d given in, as usual. And here she was, patrolling the streets. Looking out for all the undead uglies she’d been trained to fight since she turned seven.
And it was surreal, when you really thought about it. Out of all the girls who’d been trained up, she was the Chosen One. The
one girl in all the world...it had made her shiver when Matthew had read her that from the book. She’d heard it before, of
course, but now…
Now it was true.
Made her feel special, though. She’d been so excited when she realized what had happened. Matthew had smiled slightly,
then frowned. He had shook his head and asked her if she’d thought about what had happened that night. A very sad event.
All Faith was thinking about was becoming the Slayer.
He’d said that another Slayer had fallen. Well, the way she saw it, that Slayer had been weak. It was survival of the fittest,
moving upwards and onwards. That was why she’d felt the need to kill. Seal the deal. Stake her claim.
Pun unintended.
Something moved through the shadows. Maybe it was a vampire, maybe it was a prostitute. She could kill one and scare the
other. Either way, it was fun.
There was a sudden growl, just like Matthew had told her. She decided to play it innocent. A girl had to have some kind of
strategy.
“Hello?”
The vampire was wearing a human face now. It smiled.
“Hi there. What’s a nice girl like you doing out so late?”
“Oh, I’m not a nice girl.”
The smile widened.
“Not a nice girl at all.”
She pulled out a stake and stood in the textbook position Stake arm bent at the elbow, feet apart, knees bent and free arm
ready. The vampire changed.
It was a shock. After years of having seen them in books, and one or two out in the field, she froze. The features all merged
together, then took on demonic form. Prominent ridges and pointed fangs, all nightmarishly exaggerated…
Then Faith was on the floor, struggling while it pushed her head back, it’s claws tangled in her hair, scratching her body…
Dust.
The creature exploded, and Matthew stood at the entrance to the alley, crossbow in hand. Wordlessly he grabbed her hand,
helped her to her feet. They walked in silence for a few seconds before Faith mumbled something under her breath. He
paused.
“What was that?”
“I said, I wanted to make a kill.”
He grabbed her shoulders and shook her roughly. Her hair was flung back from her face. The lined eyes were fierce, the neat
white hair untidy.
“You wanted to make a kill? You…you were alone Faith! You could have died! If I hadn’t…I’m so angry…you stupid,
stupid little girl!”
And the sobs came then. Thick and heavy, her body shaking with them. Matthew pulled her close, stroked her hair, gave her a
handkerchief. His own eyes were red rimmed with unshed tears, and when she pulled back, something was different. The
unspoken bond between them had strengthened.
For the first time in her life, Faith knew somebody cared about her.
He sighed, and pointed in the opposite direction. Towards the cemetery.
“Now you’ve seen one up close…now you can slay.”
In her head, Faith heard him tell her that now she could go kill.
Which was to make all the difference.
*****
“You’re saying that this Kakistos guy wants to kill me?”
“Well…yes…”
“So what makes him any different to the other ones I put in the ground? Ashes to ashes, dust to very dusty…”
“Faith…he’s very different. Much older, more powerful. In fact, he’s so old that his feet and hands are cloven…”
“Whatever.”
Matthew slammed the book down on to the table, in a uncharacteristic fit of rage.
“No! This is not…whatever…this is important, Faith. You are the Slayer. You are the only Slayer, and it is your duty…”
“Calm down. Geez Matthew…lighten up. I’ll go, I’ll kill, I’ll conquer.”
“That is exactly the wrong attitude. You will patrol tonight, and we will discuss this further tomorrow.”
He gathered his things and left the room. Faith hopped down from her accustomed perch on the table, her expression angry.
“So you think I can’t do it? That I can’t take this cloven guy down? Well, guess what. You’re way wrong.”
She turned back to the table, and ran her hands over some of the weapons. Selecting a heavy crossbow and fighting axe,
Faith’s eyes narrowed.
“You’re wrong.”
*****
“This blood will be the sweetest. This blood is drunk only by the best of our kind…it is unique…”
Faith stifled a scream as the vampire pressed his fangs against her neck. His entire body weight pressed down on her,
inflaming her broken leg. She tried to clear her mind, concentrate all her energy into one focused point.
“Get away from her!”
Kakistos groaned in surprise at finding himself on the floor. Faith struggled to her feet and gulped air as Matthew thrust a crossbow into her hand.
“You’re right. My blood will only ever be drunk by the best of your kind…and that so does not include you.”
The vampire growled and lunged at her Watcher, flinging him aside as though he weighed nothing. Faith’s initial shock turned
to anger. She glanced upwards and noticed a rusting metal beam.
“Say your prayers. And look up at the Lord while you’re doing it.”
She aimed the crossbow and released a carefully aimed bolt. Kakistos’ eyes flickered heavenwards too late, and the metal
beam knocked him unconscious. Faith drew a stake, ready to finish the job, then noticed Matthew lying on the floor.
He hadn’t moved. She walked slowly to his side, wishing she could run. With a pained expression the Slayer knelt
awkwardly by him, lifting his head from the concrete floor.
“Matthew? I told you…I told you I could get him…”
The old man’s eyes opened.
“You shouldn’t have tried it alone…why do you never…never listen?”
“I do…more than you think. And I guess it’s because in the end I stand alone. It’s me. The Slayer.”
“No. It isn’t.”
Faith’s eyes narrowed.
“What?”
“There’s…two. Another Slayer…in Sunnydale. You must go…help her.”
“How can there be two? We have to go sort this out. Suss out this other chickadee.”
“You….must go alone.”
“That bump to the head scrambled your brains…we’re going together…”
Matthew’s eyes clouded, and a smile came to his lips.
“That’s my Faith…always headstrong…never lose that. The Council…they always want a submissive Slayer…an obedient Slayer…it doesn’t work…”
“I won’t lose it…you’ll make sure I never do.”
“I’m going to die.”
Her lip began to tremble and she bit it hard. Faith didn’t cry, not anymore.
“Stop talking stupid…you’ll sound like me.”
She pulled him closer to her.
“We’re going to go see this other Slayer...tell her we don’t need her…tell her who the real Slayer is. And you can let me drive…I won’t even say five by five. God, did I just rhyme?” Faith tried to smile. She failed.
“We’ll get you a new suit…Armani or something because this one just screams old man…not in a retro way. Matthew, I just said you were an old man. Matthew? Are you listening to me?”
He wasn’t breathing. The blood had pooled around her knees, staining her clothes with the darkest red. His head lolled back and she dropped him.
Stood up.
Walked outside, dragging her leg.
Started talking to the stars.
“He left me. And now I’m alone. Wait…that’s not right. There’s a new Slayer. Another Slayer. Huh. I’m really not…unique.
Nothing special. One of two isn’t half so good as one of one…he left e, now I’m talking to the freaking…stars!”
She screamed the last two words defiantly, at the end of the babbled speech and burst into hysterical sobs. Faith brought her hands to her face, saw that they were covered in blood. In one hand she held the knife, still wet from where she had slipped it between her Watcher’s ribs. The Slayer, no, a Slayer stared at it as though it were new. As if it were some ugly scar that needed to be hidden away. Ignored. Then realisation dawned.
“No. It was for the best…he was dying too slow…I had to make it quicker for him, B, I had to do it, I didn’t want to! I just wanted someone to need me! I wanted to be irreplaceable…”
“Help me, someone.”
The prison warden pushed the girl with the dark brown curls against the hard bed. She screamed and scratched at him with
her hands.
“Please, B, you gotta go…it was meant to be me, just me, you’re already dead…”
“Faith! Wake up! Snap out of it, now!”
Her eyes rolled back in her head, and she fell silent. There were a few tense moments when he wasn’t sure if she was going to breathe…then she did, and he backed away. Shut the door and continued the rounds. Faith stared through the bars as tears dried on her cheeks. She had all the time to think now. All the time to be sorry.
All the time to wallow in the knowledge that one day she’d die. The next Slayer would be called. And no-one would remember her. No-one would care.
They’d replace her easier than a can of spaghetti on a super market shelf.
The End
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