On the Inside, Looking Out
Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Joss Wedon and Mutant Enemy productions.
I'm always here.
How can he ever be rid of me? Even with a soul returned, even if his body becomes flesh and blood that flows, I will remain. On the inside, looking out. He doesn't think that I'm a part of him. He thinks I'm the demon. It's so easy to label me as evil.
It's so easy to forget.
To forget that all he has become existed before. There's no smoke without fire, and I was always the fire. Burning in his gut, smouldering embers that grew into bright flames when fed with the sour breath of death. A fire that can never truly be quenched.
Not even with the pure waters of love.
*****
"I invited you into my home, and you attacked my family."
"Why not? I killed mine. I killed their friends and their friends' children for a hundred years. I offered ugly death to everyone I met, and I did it with a song in my heart."
Still those words echo back to ring inside my ears. I opened the door and walked out on to the street. Cordelia was out at a party, and Wesley had taken the day off. I wasn't alone though. I was never alone.
Walking the streets of LA. The City of Angels. My town. Just like Sunnydale belonged to her. It always would, in my eyes. Even after she was long gone, and a new Slayer watched over the Hellmouth. Always would be.
My town would never know me. How could anyone ever know me? I thought that she might, but I realised I couldn't burden her with the knowledge.
With the knowledge that Angelus still lived.
He wasn't in control, not yet. It was surely only a matter of time before he came to the surface again. It may take a single moment of perfect happiness to make me lose my soul, but all it takes is one snide comment and Angelus will rise for a few fleeting seconds. It's a fragile line I tread every day.
"Please! Get away from me, you don't know what you're doing…"
A voice wracked with tears stood out sharply from the background noise of cars and police sirens. I broke into a run, senses on full alert.
"No! Don't…"
"Shut up bitch!"
"Please, I can explain, I didn't mean it, I didn't.."
"You didn't what? Sleep with him?"
My feet pounded hard on the uneven road, and I paused for a moment. A choice. Left or right.
"Help! Someone please…"
Left.
"I said shut up!"
"You're drunk…"
A slap rang out, the sound loud and clear. I rounded the corner, and saw them. She lay on the ground, arms raised to ward off the blows. He towered over her, hand by his side.
A knife.
And as I skidded on the rain slick pavement, the knife flashed down. He was evil. I have to fight the evil. The bitter sweet scent of blood filled my nostrils, and he dropped the knife. Running, not caring, not looking where he was going.
Straight into my arms.
*****
It's no fun, on the inside looking out. There's only one consolation.
I don't think I'll have to for much longer.
The End