Saying Goodbye
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me but instead belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox.
Acknowledgements: To Alanna, my most excellent betareader.
Spoilers: This story is set after the Buffy Season 5 finale The Gift. If you have not seen that episode you might not want to read this as I give away quite a bit.
Before I leave forever my spirit is allowed to say goodbye. It’s painful to say but I need to, especially since I’m not going to be coming back. I wish it were otherwise but it’s not like I have much choice anymore. No one will see me but I hope that somehow they can understand the meaning of what I’m saying.
“Willow,” I begin, “you’ve been my best friend for 5 years now. You didn’t need to help me, but you have, you’ve helped a lot. It cost you, almost cost you your life a while ago and I want to say thank you. It sounds so small to say to someone who has risked as much as you but that’s the only words of gratitude I can think of. You’re stronger than you know, we wouldn’t have beaten Glory without you.” Willow isn’t looking at me, which isn’t altogether surprising given the circumstances, as tears are still trickling at the corners of her eyes.
“Willow, despite the fact that very few people will ever know how much you’ve done, you are a hero. When I left, you stayed behind and tried to keep things going. You went after Glory when I said we couldn’t manage it. You and Tara saved Dawn when Glory attacked her at the hospital. You are a strong and wonderful person Will and I’m glad you’re finally realizing it. I hope you and Tara have a wonderful life together as you have both earned it. I am so happy for both of you and trust me when I say I really wish I could stay, if there were any way that I could I really would. Goodbye.”
I have so little time left that I have to leave as I wish that my words could do something, anything for her but they can’t. I know Willow will grieve but I think, eventually, she’ll recover.
****
“Xander,” I begin, “and Anya, you too.” I say, as they are both together in Xander’s apartment trying to comfort each other. “Both of you have done so much, people have looked down on you, thought worse of you because you didn’t go to college, but you’ve done so much for the world. It’s not like either of you are a slayer or have magical powers but you both are still battling despite what it could cost you. Anya, I don’t think I would have won without you. It was your idea to use the Dagon sphere and the hammer. That turned the tide just like how your help way back at Graduation with the ascension helped. Xander, you saved me one more time with that wrecking ball and I have to thank you. You have been there for me so many times, from bringing me back after the master killed me to bringing me mentally back freshman year. While we never had the relationship you wanted at the beginning you still stayed when some might have left. I am so glad I was able to save you both from the Troll as both of you truly have a great love.” It takes me a moment to find the words so I pause for a moment to think of how to proceed. The time I have left is weighing heavily on my mind even now, so it’s only a moment.
“Treasure your love, both of you. You both do now, but it’ll get hard, I say this from hard learned experience, but I think you’ll make it though. Anyone who has managed to survive what both of you have been through should be able to survive the rest. I am so, so sorry I won’t be able to be at your wedding, though I hope you’ll realize that it will be in my thoughts. If I could be there for both of you I would, I would be there happily but I can’t. I’m sorry for that but I hope you realize that I did this for you, the rest of the gang, and Dawn. Bye guys, I’ll miss you but I’ll see you eventually even if it won’t happen for a long time.” Time is still shorter, I wish there were more time but when hasn’t that been a thought. Still I have to leave and hope my words cause some improvement, even if neither of them has truly heard me. There are still three more stops I have to make and those will be the hardest to make.
****
“Spike,” I start as I find him weeping in his crypt, “you’ve tried and tried to help Dawn, you kept her secret even as Glory tortured you, you lost Drusilla for me…and I thank you. You haven’t had to do any of this but you did anyways. You don’t even have the soul that gives us a conscience and you’ve done good recently. I know you are blaming yourself for what happened but you shouldn’t. It was my choice, no one else’s, mine alone so please don’t blame yourself for something you had no control over.”
I wonder if he’ll understand this soon. He may in time but I don’t want to see him walk into the sun in sorrow. “You helped save the world. Twice. How many people can say they’ve saved the world, much less twice? You aren’t human, belonging to a species that should view them as little more than food and yet you work to help humanity. The gratitude I have for that is beyond what you’d realize. As much as it hurts me to ask I have to. Please stay around and look out for my sister. I know you can do it and do it well. Just don’t take that walk into the sun I know your thinking about. Please don’t. I have to leave now. Goodbye Spike and thank you again for helping us even when you didn’t have to.”
As I drift off I think my words may have had some effect. He won’t remember them but his understanding is there.
****
I look around Giles apartment and I see him sitting on a chair seemingly starring off into space. I need to say goodbye and this hurts, more than any of the others tonight except for one.
“Giles, you’ve meant so much to me.” I say, meaning every word of it, “I wouldn’t have lasted as long as I had without you…but you were more than a watcher. A whole lot more, as it wasn’t just slaying you’ve helped me with but everything. I don’t think any of us would be as well set as we are for what’s ahead. Even though you probably don’t think of yourself as a father, you are. You’ve been a father to all of us, from Xander to Willow to Dawn to me. You’ve saved my life and you’ve had to take loss after loss because of your duty. Yet you’ve fought for us, still fight for us, and continued on. I can’t imagine the strength it would take to keep going and yet you do. I love you Rupert Giles, you’re a father to me, regardless of what you might think and I know you wouldn’t ever try to place yourself above my Dad but you’ve been here when he wasn’t. Stuck with us through loss, evil, and more death than most people should have to take. Far more. Giles, I don’t know what I would do without you, you taught me, protected me, stood up for me, and did what you felt was best for me despite what it cost you. From every inch of myself I thank. For Dawn I thank you and I’m sorry I had to do what I did. I think you understand why I did it better than the others do because you know, in you heart, that it’s what you’d do in the same situation. I’m still sorry for having to put you through this though. Goodbye Giles. Goodbye.”
There is only one more stop left.
****
Immediately as I enter the room I realize that something is different here. Unlike most of the other people I’ve visited tonight Dawn can see me.
“Buffy!” She exclaims as she runs through me.
“Dawn, I didn’t think I’d see you again but there isn’t much time.” I start. “I’ve said I’ll love you and I do. More than you can know and I’ll try to look out for you as long as you’re here.”
“Buffy, I’m sorry for everything.” She starts to say.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing. I love you and nothing that happened here was you fault. If anything it was my fault and I’m glad I managed to get you back, even if I was only around for a little while.” I say as the time spent on the others is heavily.
“I’m all alone…” She starts in. I feel for her, to lose mom and now me. She has to feeling torn apart.
“No Dawnie, you are not alone. Willow, Tara, Xander, Anya, Giles, and even Spike are going to be there for you. You’re no more alone than I’ve ever been. I love you and I’ll always love you.”
“Buffy, please, if there’s any chance, comeback.”
The feeling in the voice alone is enough to make me. If I could that is. “Dawnie, try to be strong, I realize things are going to be hard, unbelievably hard probably, but you have to try. I love you, please believe that, if I could have avoided this in any way I would have but I had to do this. I love you Dawn, even if I’m not here believe me that I’ll look out for you. Goodbye Dawn, Goodbye.” With those words I seem to be dissolving into light. My time for goodbyes is up and with it begins my travel into this next world. No matter were I end up I wish I could do more, say more, help more but that isn’t going to happen. I’ll miss all of them as they all have my heart, they are my friends but we were more than that. They gave up some part of their lives to help me and because of that I could never thank them enough.
The End
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