10.29.99
i'm getting sick of all this writing.  why does a thought seem to hold so much meaning at the tim of concieving it, when it appears to be just like all the others when looking back?  damn life.  damn brain.  i think of aristotle or galileo and all the insight and knowledge they had.  so innovative.  so inspirational.  i'd like to think i could be like that, and sometimes i convince myself i am.  but it's all a dillusion.  we all want to feel special.  we all need to be needed.  human life is so damn complicated.  and we're all so different.  it's amazing that we've survived together as long as we have.  everyone is so egocentric.  it's true.  why do you do the things you do?  most likely, it's to please yourself.  but that's normal.  isn't the whole idea of america "the pursuit of happiness"? 

heh, america.  america.  land of contradiction.  now, i know that compared to other countries, it certainly isn't a bad place to live.  hey, i'm only 17 and i have a car, a drum set, a guitar, a nice room, a pool, and a college education waiting for me.  the future is mine to have, whatever i want to do with it.  life is a pretty sweet peach.  not to mention that i have enough food, clothing, a sturdy shelter, and a family that isn't overly disfunctional.  but how can i ignore what's going on around me?  yeah, things are good, but not for everyone.  even here in little, quiet mukwonago shit happens that shouldn't ever happen anywhere.  from little kids' pumpkins being smashed to kids getting beat up because some one thinks they're gay, we have much to work on.

somehow the whole claim that america is this great melting pot of opportunity seems a bit overstated.  sure, people have come from all over to live here, but cruise around any large city and you'll see segregation everywhere.  not the illegal kind, no, but de facto segregation is rampant.  you have your hispanic area, your african-american area, and your typical white area.  god that was a mouth full.  when are we going to stop calling each other "afro-american" or "hispanic" and just call ourselves americans?  we all live in america.  hell, even people outside of america are human.  yes, this may shock some of you, but it's true.  other countries have people and kids there just like you.  with 2 eyes like you.  with lungs like you.  with hands like you.  with hearts like you.  with opposable thumbs like you.  they indeed are human too.  i can't take the fact we think of ourselves as so damned advanced when we kill our own species with such glee and ferver.  amazing.  "hey, look at my 999 GB drive, dude!"  "radical!"  "can you believe they actually used leeches to help sick people?"  "god, people were so dumb!"  for all we know, we're killing those cancer patients faster with our chemotherepy and radiology.  and what about that drug cocktail they feed AIDS victims?  ever stop to think we just might be doing more harm than good?  probably not.  remember when just owning a computer was so cool?  now if you don't have one, you're just a square left in the dust.  (not to mention the fact you couldn't view this wonderful waste of cyberspace.) 

whatever.  humans are dumb and will remain so for centuries to come.  not until we realize the insignificance of our lives can we realize the significance of the whole.

take me back for more of those crazy, crazy ramblings.