7.16.00
so... i'll be 18 in september.  an adult.  one of the masses.  legal.  it seems funny as hell since it doesn't seem special or anything.  i mean, it's just another damn day.

but it's not.  this marks the end and beginning for many aspects of my life.  i am no longer a "child."  i can be tried as an adult in court.  and if i get molested by some big shot pro football player ( i don't know where i got that idea...), i will be called an "18 year old woman" not a "17 year old girl."  and a whole new set of laws would be used.  crazy.  i can buy cigarettes legally.  although i have no more desire to suck on burning plants than i did just a year ago.  but now it's legal.  ooo.  and i can go into porn shops.  because we all know how females just luuuve that porn.  we go in with our boyfriend as he says, "look, honey!  a 2-foot dildo!"  and all we're thinking is "ouch."  and "you're gonna put what where?!"  (side note:  in my opinion, there are in holes and out holes.  nothing should go in an out hole.)  exciting stuff.

and since it's an election year, who could forget that good ol' american right to cast a useless vote?  not me!  shit.  am i the only one who thinks it's a good thing not everyone that can vote does?  god, one look at my peers tells me they can hardly decide if they're black or white... let alone who should lead a whole goddamned nation.  heh, damnation.  like that screwball at mcdonald's: "uh... you want fries or something with that?"  you moron!  i ordered a value meal!  or the kid in class with a nervous tic and eyes permenantly half closed he's been in football too long: "so, like... is canada a state or just a county?"  or every ghetto kid you've ever met or even thought about:  "yo!  i'ma pop a cap in yo' ass you talk any mo' smack!  yo!"  because they can't begin or end a sentence without using "yo."  do you want them to vote?!  fuck no!  if we had everyone who was legal to vote actually vote, you know damn well gilligan would win on write ins.

not that our current candidates are much better.  "just call me w."  great.  because we want a president who was clearly dropped on his head several times as a child.  and don't give me your good ol' boy, baseball team owner shit, either, fucko.  "but he's a govenor!"  yeah, govenor of a fucking state commonly agreed on as the laughing stock of america.  oh, please, let me be the first to congratulate him.  c'mon, it once delcared itself a country.  "now here's the deal:  we'll just be our own country, you see what i'm saying, billy?  now... billy... damn it!  put that gun down, the tree ain't goin' nowhere!  now here's the deal:  so we're just lil' ol texas, but independent.  and then... damn it!  i said that tree ain't goin' nowhere!  now listen up!  then mexico and the u.s. of a. can fight for us!  hyuck!"  oh.... okay.  that worked out.  a state that celebrates its right to own high-powered sniper rifles.  good.  and, besides, "my dad was president - and now i get to be president!"  sorry, khant ahmen, this isn't ancient egypt.  we don't have a line of ascention for inbred rulers.  well, as long as you're not elected.

now, it's commonly known i'm a democrat since, well, i think i'm one of 3 in my entire graduating class.  seriously.  but that gore.  oh, al, al, al.  please get that stick out of your ass.  i support that man on the issues, but he comes across as, well, an idiot.  it's getting harder and harder for me to get behing this guy.  and, no, that's not a reference to the earlier porn discussion.  so, mr. clinton, you may calm down.  and for christ's sake, al, get a personality!  and stop saying things that couldn't possibly be true.  "i invented the internet."  no, fucko, we all know bill gates did so he could sell more windows software and further his domination of the world.  duh.  well, that and to get girls.  "i did not know of that check addressed to me, al gore."  what?!  like hell you didn't!  all this leads me to worry about the safety of our nation if he is elected.  i can just hear him saying to arafat, "you know, it was americans that founded jerusalem."  oh.... well... i guess we didn't really need that half the country after all.  (boom!)  it just worries me, is all.

ralph nader.  now there's a guy that i would love to see elected if experience didn't matter, and if the media gave him just a little coverage, and if 3rd parties ever had a flying fuck of a chance at winning.  but he's an outsider, man, you gotta love that.  i just may vote for him, if i suddenly feel like i'm not throwing my vote away enough as it is - hell - make it completely worthless!  no chance of being on the winning side... but complete rights to come back at every complaint about the presidency with, "i didn't vote for him."  interesting cat, that nader.  too bad he'll lose.

and the libertarians.  who's their candidate again?  ah... hell... like it matters.  the party that wants vitually no government.  nice idea.  i think it was tried once.... back in the U.S.S.R.  (yes, a sad allusion for those in the know.)  read my lips, "no new communists."

ahh, the choice i must make.  i think i'll just write myself in.  what the hell? 

now that i've bored you all with my views on politics, back, back i say, for more fun!