3.17.00
i've pumped out more poems and songs this week than i care to count.  if misery loves company, then the artist invites misery.  shit.  that didn't make any sense - i forgot where i was going with that.  we'll just assume it was supposed to be poetic.  anyway... passion, anguish, disgust, love, rage - those are what art is made of.  things just don't make sense if they aren't on paper or in a song or on canvas.  art takes the mixed up jumble of emotions inside and makes them orderly.  if i have to put my feelings into words, i have to sort them.  and even if i find they still are a mess, the blank page is enough to ease my mind.  fuck.  that didn't work out, either.  i swear i'm high or something.  ah, hell.

it's amazing what real emotion can do.  not the crap you see on tv of pure love and pure sadness - life isn't like that.  events evoke such a mixture of feeling, sometimes it's hard to put a label on it.  to understand another's emotion is impossible.  we all take our own roads in life.  we all start at different parts.  still it helps to talk or write through these things because maybe, just maybe, some one will be there to listen.  i often wonder if anyone bothers to read these things.  i know it's been such a long time since i've bothered to actually sit down and write.  but it's spring break.  and i'm bored.  and i'm lonely.  and my life is interesting.

words are such powerful things.  often i hear a song that strikes just the right chord in my heart, and i'll  cry - just like that.  example: i was driving home from work just this past week on crazy bluemound when 94.1 played "pardon me" by incubus.  now, ever since i first heard it i've loved it.  but once it got to the line, "so pardon me while i burst into flames.  i've had enough of the world and its people's mindless games," it all made sense.  the song and i made a connection - there's nothing like that.  i love songs that make you think.  like the music from RENT.  there are so many evocative lyrics in that musical.  "life is short, babe, time is flyin'."  "forget regret, or life is yours to miss."  I find some of what you teach suspect because i used to rely on intellect, but i try to open up to what i don't know.  because reason says i should've died 3 years ago."  "no day but today."  just to name a few. 

but it's not only songs that can give me that incredible chilled feeling - simple words on paper can do the same thing.  "on this road that i have taken, one day, walking, i awaken.  amazed to see where i've come, where i'm going, where i'm from."  "and i, i took the road less traveled by.  and that has made all the difference in the world."  "to be great is to be misunderstood."  "i went to the woods because i wanted to live deeply... to live deep and such the marrow out of life... and not come to die and realize that i have not lived."  "as if there were safety in stupidity along."  such words.

so what's the lesson here, kids?  open up your ears.  open up your eyes.  open up your heart.  the world has more to give you than you know.

that's right - go out and live.  but for now, go back and read more!