Science vs. Secret
Chapter 1: To Agree or Disagree
Thursday in Mr. Simmons class a few minutes before the bell rings.
Mr. Simmons: Class, I have a very "special" announcement to make. Mr. Packenham and I have decided to hold another science fair.
Helga: (to Phoebe) Didn't we just have a science fair last week?
Phoebe: Yes, we did, but perhaps this science fair will be much more interesting. Remember that volcano that we entered last week? (sighs) I still can't believe we won 1st place!
Helga: (groans) Yeah, I remember. It almost blew up the entire cafeteria. There were firetrucks, firemen, and water hoses everywhere!
Phoebe: Um, Helga. None of that actually happened.
Helga: Oh, right. I must be thinking of something else.
Mr. Simmons: (continues) Mr. Packenham suggested that we pair each of you up with his students. Arnold, you will be paired with Edmund Rochester.
Helga: (laughs and says to Phoebe) Oh, poor Arnoldo. I sure feel sorry for that sap. (thinks) Oh, Arnold, my love. 'Tis such a terrible affair for you to be paired with someone who is so far below mental understanding.
Arnold glances back at Helga who just sticks her tongue at him. Mr. Simmons continues to read the list and finally gets to Helga.
Mr. Simmons: And Helga, you will be paired with Wolfgang Matthews.
Helga's eyes open wide and her mouth drops.
Helga: (thinks) Wolfgang?!?!
Mr. Simmons: Well, now that all of you know who your partners are, we will be meeting in the cafeteria tomorrow at 8:00AM. Once you arrive, please find your partner immediately. I know this promises to be a very "special" science fair for us all.
Class bell rings and everyone but Helga and Phoebe exit.
Phoebe: Don't worry Helga. I'm sure working with Wolfgang won't be as bad as you think.
Helga: Phoebe, don't you get it? Wolfgang is the meanest 5th grader ever to walk the halls of PS 118! (sighs) I can't believe Mr. Simmons paired me up with him. Is there no justice?
Phoebe sits with Helga and tries to comfort her. Meanwhile, Arnold and Gerald are out at 'Gerald Field' playing baseball. Gerald tosses the baseball into the air and waits for Arnold to take his place at bat.
Gerald: Man, I feel sorry for you, Arnold. Getting paired with Edmund. Man, oh man, it's not gonna be a pretty sight when it comes to show the project.
Arnold walks up to the plate and positions himself.
Arnold: It's not that bad, Gerald. I'm sure Edmund and I will be able to work together and come up with the perfect project.
Gerald: (rolls his eyes) Whatever you say, man.
Gerald pitches the ball and Arnold wacks it, sending it right over Gerald's head and into Wolfgang's hand.
Wolfgang: (laughs) Fancy meeting you guys here at the 'Vacant Lot.'
Gerald: (groans) Don't you mean, Gerald Field?
Wolfgang laughs while tossing the ball into the air.
Wolfgang: Yeah, right. Since when would anyone name this lot in honor of a loser like you? (laughs)
Edmund walks up behind Wolfgang and whispers something into his ear. Wolfgang's eyes open wide and his mouth drops.
Wolfgang: (shouts) No way! Oh man, this can't be happening!
Arnold and Gerald glance at each other, wondering what could be upsetting Wolfgang so much. Wolfgang tosses the ball back to Gerald and leaves without saying another word. Edmund starts to follow but stops and walk s back to where Arnold and Gerald are.
Edmund: I feel sorry for Wolfgang.
Gerald: Why would you feel sorry for him?
Arnold: Yeah, why Edmund? It's got to be something really bad to make Wolfgang so upset. Is there anything I can do to help? Maybe I can...
Gerald: (interrupts) This is "Wolfang" were talking about, Arnold! Why would you want to help him?
Arnold: Just because he's always bullying us and causing trouble doesn't mean we can't do the right thing and help him when he needs it.
Gerald: (rolls his eyes) If you say so, man.
Edmund: Well, he missed Mr. Packenham's announcement because of detention and I just told him who he was paired with for the science fair. Why Helga G. Pataki, though? I mean, she's...she's just...
Gerald: No need to finish your sentence. We both understand you loud and clear.
Edmund: I hope Wolfgang will be okay...
Gerald: (whispers to Arnold) If you ask me, it's Helga that needs the help.
In the cafeteria the next morning. Principal Wartz is sitting silently, waiting to give his speech about the science fair, while everyone is wandering the cafeteria, trying to find his or her partner. Soon, everyone but Helga and Arnold, are sitting in their chairs paired. Mr. Simmons hands the list of students to be paired to Principal Wartz as he walks up to the microphone platform.
Principal Wartz: (glances around the cafeteria) Ok. Does anyone know where Wolfgang Matthews and Edmund Rochester are?
Some of the kids shrug their shoulders while others just shake their heads. Just as Principal Wartz becomes irritated, the cafeteria doors swing open and in runs Wolfgang followed closely by Edmund. Wolfgang makes his way over to where Helga is and sits down, and Edmund sits down by Arnold.
Principal Wartz: All right, now that we have everyone here, I'll explain what I want each of you to do. First of all, you will be given an assignment by your teachers that will be done one week in one student's home, and the other week in the other student's home. For example: Helga, after school on Monday, you will meet at Wolfgang's house and begin your project. On the following Monday, Wolfgang, you will meet at Helga's house, and so on with the other students. Is this understood by everyone?
Nothing but silence fills the air.
Principal Wartz: (clears his throat) I said, is this understood by everyone?
Students: Yes, Principal Wartz.
Principal Wartz: (smiles) Good. Now Mr. Packenham and Mr. Simmons will assign each of you your project that will be due a two weeks from Monday. As soon as you are told which project to complete, you may leave.
Principal Wartz exits the cafeteria and lets Mr. Simmons and Mr. Packenham assign the projects to the students. Meanwhile, Arnold and Edmund are outside, looking over the paper Mr. Simmons gave to them.
Edmund: How are we going to make a city out of just popsicle sticks, toothpicks and glue? It will never work!
Arnold glances over the paper and thinks.
Arnold: Well, let's make the smaller buildings out of toothpicks and try the popsicle sticks on the larger buildings. For the bigger buildings, if we put more of the popsicle sticks at the bottom to hold the weight of the sticks on top, then it should stand on not collapse. For the smaller onces, we don't really need to worry about the weight that much. The layout will look like this. (grabs a piece of paper and quickly sketches what a building made out of popsicle sticks would look like and one made with toothpicks) For the popsicle structures, we have to make sure the bottom is much wider, because that will also help in the stability of the structure.
Edmund: Arnold, it's like you're speaking Greek to me.
Arnold slowly and calmly talks to Edmund about his idea. Meanwhile, Helga and Wolfgang are standing outside the front doors discussing their project. It doesn't take long for them to start going at each other's throats before Arnold "magically" appears to help straighten things.
Arnold: Come on guys. You have to work on this project together. Fighting your way through it isn't going to help matters.
Helga: Shove off, Football-Head. This ain't any of your business!
Wolfgang: Yeah, Football-Face! Go crawl back under the rock you came from.
Arnold sighs and walks down the steps to meet up with Edmund.
Arnold: I don't get it with those two. You'd think that since they both like bullying and making fun of people, that they would be a perfect match for this science project. But here they are, fighting like animals. Oh well, I hope they can work out their differences before this project is due. I'd hate to see Helga get a bad grade just because she doesn't like Wolfgang.
Edmund: Come on, Arnold. Let's ride our bikes over to the mall and get us some popsicle sticks. I know I have plenty of glue at home already.
Arnold and Edmund get on their bikes and head to the mall while Wolfgang and Helga still fight it out over their project.
Helga: Listen up, bucko. I want to choose the plants for this project. You can choose the music. Does that sound like a plan to you? Or how about I just do everything and when the time comes to turn the project in, I'll just tell Mr. Simmons that we worked on it together and everything went fine. That way I won't have to see you again for the next week!
Wolfgang grabs the project-paper from Helga's hand and read over it.
Wolfgang: It sounds like a plan to me for you to just do all the work, but I want to get some credit and if that means that I have to work with you, then fine.
Helga crosses her arms over her chest.
Helga: Fine.
Wolfgang: (glances over the paper again) It says here that we need to get three small plants and two types of music cassettes. For a week, we need to calculate two of the plant's reaction to the music. The third receives no music whatsoever. They still get the same amount of water and sun light, but the music must be different for each plant. Ok, my idea is that we share plant duties. Monday, I take care of them and calculate their reactions and then the next Monday you...
Helga: (interrupts) Hold up. I have some ideas, too, you know! Don't just go thinking you're the only smart one here, okay?!
Wolfgang: (looks over at Helga) Okay, what's your idea?
Helga fumbles with her fingers and looks up into the sky.
Helga: Well, if you had let me say something earlier, I would have said exactly what you said.
Wolfgang: (laughs) Right, right. Anyway, let's just go to Mrs. Vitello's shop and get the plants. Then we'll stop over at your house and get the music cassettes. The earlier we start, the better the turnout of our project will be. So, let's get going. I don't have all day, and besides, I have somewhere else to be at four.
Helga: Fine, fine. Let's just get this over with because I have more important things to do on a Friday, then spending it with the world's...
Wolfgang gives Helga a "look" that immediately stops her from saying something which probably would have her flung head-first into a trash can. They head on over to Mrs. Vitello's and decide on which plants to use for their project.
Wolfgang: I think we should use ferns.
Helga: No, I think we should use the tomatoes.
Wolfgang: (says more sternly) No, the ferns will be much better.
Helga: (irritatingly) I say tomatoes! Wolfgang and Helga argue for about ten more minutes until Mrs. Vitello can't take anymore.
Mrs. Vitello: All right, that's enough you two. Either choose the plants now or go find another store. You're fighting is disrupting my customers!
Wolfgang and Helga finally decide on ferns. At Helga's house, Helga makes Wolfgang wait outside while she runs in and gets the cassettes. Five minutes later, they are on the steps of Wolfgang's home.
Wolfgang: Let's keep the plants at my house over the weekend and the next week. And then next Monday we'll take them over to your house, okay?
Helga: Why keep them at your house this week? My house is just as good as yours is, even better I think. Besides, you might go into one of your " spaz attacks " and knock them over, ruining everything!
Wolfgang becomes extremely angry. He hands two of the ferns he'd been carrying to Helga.
Wolfgang: Fine, you want the plants so much, take 'em! I'm outta here.
Wolfgang opens the door to his home and slams it. Helga sets the plants on the steps and sits down.
Helga: (thinks) Oh, Arnold. What am I going to do? I'm stuck with Wolfgang as a partner and I know that nothing can change this. Oh, cruel fate has it's cold, evil fingers circling my neck. What am I to do?
Just as Arnold appeared "magically" on the front steps of PS 118 when Helga and Wolfgang were fighting, here he appears again, followed by Edmund on bikes.
Arnold: Hey, Helga. How's it going?
Helga shakes herself from her thought and glares at Arnold.
Helga: What's it to you, Football-Head? Everything's fine, okay? Never better.
Edmund and Arnold share a quick glance and start riding over to Edmund's house.
Helga: Wait, Arnold. I ... I need to ask you something.
Arnold turns around and rides over to Helga.
Arnold: Yeah, Helga?
Helga: I, umm, I need some advice. Wolfgang and I are not getting along and if we can't put our differences aside just for the project, I'm afraid I'm going to fail! And I don't want something like a stupid fight to cause a bad grade. What should I do?
Arnold thinks for a moment.
Arnold: Well, Helga. I think you know what you should do.
Helga glares at Arnold and throws her hands into the air.
Helga: That's your advice? Criminey! I could have gotten better advice from your pig!
Helga grabs the three plants and cassettes and starts off towards home.
Helga: (shouts) Remind me never to ask you for advice again!
Arnold shrugs his shoulders and meets up with Edmund. Meanwhile, Wolfgang is sitting in his bedroom, watching Helga grumpily make her way down the street. Wolfgang's mom knocks on his door.
Mrs. Matthews: Honey, may I come in? Wolfgang: Whatever.
Mrs. Matthews opens the door and settles herself next to Wolfgang on the bed.
Mrs. Matthews: Something's troubling you, sweetie. Why don't you tell your mom all about it? I bet it will make you feel a lot better. She ruffles Wolfgang's hair and gives him a hug.
Wolfgang: (scowls) Mom! Stop doing that. I'm in the 5th grade and mom's of 5th grade kids don't ruffle their hair and give them hugs. Mrs. Matthews sighs and gets up from the bed. Mrs. Matthews: If you need someone to talk to, I'll be downstairs fixing dinner. Wolfgang continues to stare out the window and hears the door close behind him.
Wolfgang: (thinks) If only Helga weren't such a pain in the butt. Then maybe...(sighs) Guess there's only one thing to do.
Wolfgang reaches into one of the drawers of his end table and takes out the phonebook. He searches for Helga's number and picks up the phone. *ring* The phone is picked up by Helga's dad.
Bob Pataki: Bob Pataki here.
Wolfgang: Uh, hi. Could I speak to Helga?
Bob Pataki sets the receiver on the table and hollers for Helga.
Bob Pataki: (shouts) Olga, phonecall. And don't take too long, okay? I want you to see the new beeper commercial I made.
Helga makes her way downstairs and picks up the phone.
Helga: (to her dad) Yeah, yeah, and it's HELGA!
Helga picks up the phone.
Helga: This is Helga, who's this?
Wolfgang: It's Wolfgang. Listen, Helga. We need to talk.
Helga gets a sudden urge to slam the phone down, but thinks better of it.
Helga: What do you want, and what makes you think you can call me at home? I never gave you permission to do so!
Wolfgang: Let's not start a fight, okay? I just wanted to tell you that just for this project, let's be cooperative. After the project is over, we can go back to being ourselves. Deal?
Helga thinks for a moment.
Helga: Uh, yeah, whatever. Sounds good to me. Let's meet at your house at noon tomorrow. We'll discuss the details there, blah, blah, blah. Don't call me, I'll call you.
Helga hangs up and walks into the living room. Her dad is busy setting up the VCR to tape his commercial that he doesn't see Helga wander in.
Helga: Dad, I'm going to go out for awhile. But I'll be back in time for dinner, okay?
Bob Pataki: Whatever. The VCR spits out Bob Pataki's tape. Bob Pataki: Criminey! Olga, could you stop by TV's Emporium for me and pick me up a new VCR? I can't take a chance of missing this commercial.
Before Helga can say no, her dad hands her some money and shooes her out the door.
Bob Pataki: Don't come back without a VCR, Olga! Helga sighs loudly.
Helga: It's HELGA, Dad! Criminey!
Bob Pataki closes the front door and runs into the living room to take out the VCR. Helga makes her way down the steps to the store.
Helga: (thinks) Dad and his beeper commercials. It's like Wolfgang and his bullying. You can't get away from it no matter what you do.
(Click below to go to Chapter 2)
Copyright © Cher A. 1999