Beginning of
by Shanny

*****

Rafe stood nervously in front of his boss' door. Simon Banks, captain of the Major Crimes unit in the Cascade Police department, wasn't in the building yet. So why was Rafe standing outside his door? /That's easy. You're here because you *want* to get your ass kicked./

Mustering up his courage, Rafe opened the captain's door, entering the office quietly. It was still dark, hardly any lights being on outside the blind covered windows. Rafe smiled affectionately at the coffee maker sitting on the counter top behind Simon's desk. He closed his eyes, wondering what these feelings were. /Blair said...he said that the way I described them, that they were just like what he and Jim had./

Swallowing, his hazel eyes closed tighter. No. No, he couldn't have something like what Jim and Blair had. He couldn't...wouldn't ever have something like that. Tony's words came back to him with brutal vividness...



*****

*SMACK*, a hand landed across his cheek. "You're nothing but a whore. You don't even deserve to lick my god damned boots much less get my dick in you. That's all you are, a stupid little whore." Another smack, then a fist...a boot /Steel toes? When did he get those?/ Then, blackness...



*****

Shuddering, Rafe jerked himself back to the present. /He's not going to hurt me anymore.../

Walking over to the coffee maker, he filled the basket with a filter and one of his personal favorites: plain Maxwell House coffee. He looked around, then ran out to his desk for the remaining items. /Oh just great, forgot them out here. What a brilliant thing, you moron./

Soon, Simon's office smelled delicious with the aroma of fresh coffee floating in the smallish space. He smiled as he looked at Simon's desk, backing away slowly. He returned to his own desk just as Jim Ellison walked into the bullpen. Waving a half hearted hello, he never noticed the older man's puzzled look.



*****

The previous night at Jim and Blair's place, the weekly poker game had been underway when Simon arrived. Going to grab himself a beer and deposit his donation to the snack feast, he stopped dead when he saw Rafe. The younger man was in the kitchen, mixing a rum and coke. The sun was setting in the window behind him, the soft orange red glow highlighting his handsome features. Simon couldn't swallow for the sudden dryness in his throat, the sight the other man presented taking away all his words of praise on the last case. The captain hurriedly grabbed his beer and went out to join the rest of his team, all gathered around the poker table in the middle of the living room.

Blair, ever the observer, saw the exchange and tapped the lip of his open beer bottle gently against his teeth. Jim was still upstairs, having come home just a few minutes before Simon entered the loft. Blair knew his partner would be listening, so he spoke, sentinel soft.

"Jim, I think we have an interesting situation on our hands."

He looked up as Jim's head appeared over the railing, looking quizzically at his partner.

"I *think* Simon has a crush on Rafe." Jim started coughing and looked down at his friend. Not wanting anyone else to over hear his words, Jim motioned Blair to come upstairs.

"What the hell are you talking about Sandburg? Just because we're screwing doesn't mean every other man at the station swings that way," Jim hissed. Blair folded his arms across his chest and eyed his lover. "I'm sorry to inform you *detective*, but I just saw Simon RUN out of the kitchen to get away from him!" "Get away from who?"

"Duh Jim! From Rafe! Some detective you are. Can't even follow a conversation. And, for your information, we don't *screw*, we make love. Or fuck. Screwing is for carpenters."

With those final words, Blair whirled around and started down the stairs. "And another thing. If you want to do any fucking, love making, or anything else anytime soon, you'd better watch your tongue around me. I don't appreciate what you said."

Jim looked after him, wondering how a college educated man could be so dumb. "Simple Ellison, just because you have a college degree and a masters in two different languages, it doesn't mean you know how to use the words very well."

With a heavy sigh, he finished getting dressed, trying to figure out how to make it up to his lover.



*****

Simon drank quite a bit , relying on his ride to get him home. The battery in his car decided to croak on him, leaving him stranded at the station. Catching a ride over with Megan, he'd decided to leave the damned thing and deal with it in the morning. He'd call a cab to get to work. Now, preparing to leave, Rafe came up to him with a smile, making Simon almost choke on his last mouthful of beer.

"Hey Simon, I'm taking Brown home, and I thought since you lived out that way, and everyone else lived the *other* way, I'd take you to your place too. Unless you didn't want to go, of course. I'd understand." Rafe stood and waited for his captain's answer. He was just trying to save Connor the trip, figuring that since he was already taking H home, one more body wouldn't hurt. He had no clue why his heart kept thumping wildly when he was near the bigger man. All he knew was that he'd do anything to get his captain to smile. Anything at all.

Melting when Simon looked into his eyes, he was greatful for the simple nod from his boss. With a grin and a wave to the rest of the crew, he turned knowing Simon was following him.



*****

Keeping his senses on his captain the whole night, Jim noticed a few things.. He noticed the elevated heart rate, the nervous laugh, the heat rising to the black man's face that meant he was flustered. All of it, every single thing, happened in response to something Rafe said or did. Jim could hardly believe it.

From all the 'evidence' he'd gathered in those few hours, everything pointed to his captain, his boss, not to mention his *friend* having the hots for a detective. A younger detective. A younger, male detective. Jim blinked.

When everyone was gone, he came up behind his lover who was busy doing the dishes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things earlier."

"No, you shouldn't have. But..."

He turned around, sliding his soapy hands over the front of Jim's t-shirt. "I guess you can be forgiven." Stretching up, he planted a gentle, warm kiss on his taller lover's lips. He smiled when he felt a shiver run through his Sentinel's body. He loved the effect he had on Jim. Making the older man lose his mind with pleasure was a goal he enjoyed achieving almost nightly.

Jim pulled away from Blair's lips reluctantly. "I also need to tell you that I think...I think you were right." Now, it was Blair's turn to blink.

"About what?"

"Simon." Jim stood there and explained everything that he'd noticed about their friend that night, watching as Blair's smile got bigger and bigger.

"This is *so* cool man. I mean, Simon's been alone for a while. He needs someone. Rafe...I think he'd be good for him."

Jim, while prepared to admit what he'd noticed, didn't know if he'd say Rafe would be good for the captain. "Let's just wait and see what happens, okay babe?" Blair nodded, but his mind raced to thoughts of how to get his two friends into each other's arms. "And stop that," Jim admonished.

"Stop what? This?" as Blair licked a nipple through Jim's t shirt. "Or this?" when one of his large square hands slid inside of Jim's pants.

Moaning with need, Jim began to hump Blair's hand blindly. "Please Blair? Now? Need you inside me so bad," Jim sighed.

The tightening in his groin wrung a groan from deep in Blair's chest as he broke away from his lover. Eyes glinting, he moved away from Jim, ignoring his lover's soft growl of protest. "Go upstairs and get ready. I need a shower."

"How ready do you want me?" came the teasing throaty purr of his lover.

"That depends on how bad you want it," Blair teased on his way to the bathroom. He grinned as the sounds of his lover running up the stairs reached his ears. "Oh my pretty panther. You want it bad, don't you."



*****

Simon followed Rafe and Brown out of the apartment building, waiting to see if he'd get the front or the back seat. /I'd love the back seat...with Rafe, preferably naked on a hot July night./ Simon's thoughts deserted him completely as his mind took over with that little fantasy as he climbed into the back seat.

"Captain, don't you want to hop up front? More leg room for you."

"Nah, I'll just, urm, stretch out across the seat back here. If Rafe doesn't mind."

"Go for it Simon," came the cheerful reply.

The big man stretched out his long legs and leaned his head against the window. He was about to close his eyes when Rafe's voice came floating back to him.

"There's a blanket back there behind the seat. You could use that for a kind of pillow."

Simon looked into beautiful hazel eyes and swallowed. "Thanks...I'll grab it." Tucking the blanket behind his head, he relaxed and let his eyes drift shut, enjoying the gradual warmth of the car's heater. In no time, he was sound asleep.



*****

Simon's hands ran up and down Rafe's soapy body as he washed his lover clean. He watched, mesmerized as his dark hands contrasted so sharply with the younger man's pale body.

The sounds of pleasure coming from the tempting lips proved too much for him to resist, and he stood, towering at least five inches above the hazel eyed man.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you? How much I want to please you?" Rafe smiled and pulled Simon to him by the shoulders. "Come here Simon. Come on. Simon? Hey, captain, wake up." Simon's eyes popped open and he sat up quickly.

"OW!" His head struck the unyielding roof of the car with a thud. Instantly, someone was beside him pulling his hands away from his head.

"Simon, come on. Lemme see the damage."

Rafe's hands tugged relentlessly on Simon's big wrists until the captain let his friend take a look. /Friend. Yeah, right. If he was your friend, you wouldn't be molesting him in your dreams! Dreams you're having in the back seat of *his* car!/

Awareness dawned on him. He was rock hard. Rafe wasn't three inches from him. /Could this get any worse?/ The strong, callused hands gently turned his face to look into those beautiful hazel eyes. /Things just got worse. Those eyes are so beautiful. And the way he's looking at me. I wonder.../

Rafe watched, eyes widening as Simon moved so slowly toward him. Then, it happened. Simon closed the distance and gently, softly, sweetly kissed him.

Rafe blinked. He didn't move. He didn't breathe. He didn't think. He didn't react. Then all at once, he moved, he breathed, he thought, and he reacted.

His mouth opened and his tongue came out to play with Simon's lips. He slid the wrigly rascal past the older man's lips, past his teeth, and into the sweet mouth. Simon tasted as good as he looked. Rafe tasted the beer, the pizza. He tasted *Simon* and instantly realized he'd become an addict. Simon tensed and his mind snapped into crystal sharp clarity. Pulling away from Rafe, he got out of that car as fast as he could, the younger man not far behind him.

"Simon-"

"I'm sorry Rafe. I swear, it won't happen again. I...I..."

Turning, the captain of major crimes almost ran *through* his front door and into his house, leaving behind a very confused Rafe.

Getting back into his car, he sat there for a minute going over what just happened. He knew three things: One, he wanted Simon. Two, he was sure Simon wanted him. And three, he wasn't at all sure about what he should do.



*****

The next morning, Simon stood there, in the garage, looking at Rafe's car.

/I can't go in there. I can't face him. What would I say? 'Hey, sorry for assaulting you last night. Would you like to press charges now or later? By the way, could I persuade you it was a result of a head injury?'/ As he contemplated his demise, Jim's ancient truck pulled up. Simon watched the smaller man climb out of the cab and fumble with a few things. "Hey Jim," he called out in greeting.

Jim jumped and whirled around, almost losing his grip on a bag. "SIMON! Oh man, don't *do* that," he exclaimed. "Jim," he hesitated. "How can someone sneak up on you if you're a sentinel?"

Jim stammered, stuttered, then finally shut his mouth with a snap. "S'easy. I was...er, distracted."

Simon just shook his head and preceded his younger friend into the building. All the way up to major crimes, he dreaded seeing Rafe. What would he say, what would he do? How would he act? Before he knew it, they were there. He hesitated outside the doors to MC.

"I'll be right in Jim. I need to use the mens room."

Jim nodded and walked in, holding his jacket close to him. Simon didn't notice the way Jim tried to hide the front of his coat.



*****

Jim walked into Simon's office, prepared to lay out a nice treat for his boss. In the bag he had some danish, and some of that fancy coffee Simon was forever drinking, and a single deep red rose. His eyes just about popped out of his head when he saw the steaming cup of coffee and the hot cinnamon roll sitting squarely in front of Simon's chair, along with the morning paper. Grinning, he looked out into the bullpen to see if anyone was watching.

Not noticing anyone, he took the rose out of the bag and lay it across the mouth of the cup, and left the office. Reaching his own desk, he settled in to wait and see what would happen. he knew who placed the items in Simon's office because Rafe was the only one who wore Allure for men. Simon's office had just a hint of the fragrance, making Jim smile. /Maybe Blair's right. Lord knows he's classy enough for Simon.../



*****

Simon walked into his office and stopped just inside the doorway. Eyeing the items on his desk, he moved around to sit in his chair, noticing the rose first, then the steam of the coffee. The cinnamon roll's scent got him next, and he finally noticed the morning paper, opened to the sports section. Lying on the headline was a note in clear, deliberate script.



*****

Simon,

Can you see me, out here in the bullpen? That's where I am, every day. This is where I watch you. Today, I'm going to do more than watch.

I came in early because I knew you'd be here by seven. I wanted to make sure nobody else was here to read this note. Today, I decided to do something I've wanted to do for a while.

Today, I'm going to ask you out to lunch. Say one o'clock?

Rafe



*****

Simon looked up from the note and met Rafe's gaze. Swallowing hard, he simply nodded. Rafe grinned.



*****

Sitting at his desk for most of the morning, Rafe turned his plan over and over in his head. How did someone seduce a man like Simon? How would Rafe seduce Simon? Would the bigger man just laugh at him? Pity him? Taking a deep breath, he rose from his seat and headed determinedly to his captain's door. He _was_ taking Simon to lunch. And by the end of the meal, he'd either have blown his chances, or he'd set another date with his hopefully soon-to-be-lover. God he was nervous.



*****

Simon looked up as Rafe entered his office without knocking. "Ready to go captain?"

Simon blinked and tried to say something, but his mouth only opened and closed soundlessly. The tone of Rafe's voice was...different. It moved in his ears like velvet, and the sound reached something deep within him. He stood and grabbed his jacket from the coat hook and followed behind the younger man, nodding to the other detectives.

Sitting at his own desk, Jim grinned.



*****

Peppinas Restaurant was crowded, but when the maitre de saw Rafe, he led the two men to a secluded table toward the back.

"Rafe, this is one of *the* most expensive restaurants in the city. Wonderburger would have been fine." Rafe smiled and pulled out Simon's chair. "Simon, I don't take important people to Wonderburger. At least, not when I'm trying to impress them." Simon was speechless again.

Simon stared at the younger man. That's when it hit him. This wasn't a simple luncheon date between an employee and his employer. This was a date. An honest to god date.

Rafe sat across from him, those beautiful hazel eyes drilling once again into his own brown ones. He couldn't believe this was happening.

"Simon?" The captain blinked, and then realized the waiter was waiting for a drink order. "Uh, just water please," he stammered.

"Same for me." Both men looked over their respective menus, and after a bit Simon noticed his didn't have any prices.

"So, Rafe," he began.

"Get what you want. I'm not recommending anything."

The captain did his impersonation of a fish out of water, something he was getting very good at Rafe noticed. "Well...okay then. I guess I'll have the Chicken Tousca. I've always liked that."

"Good choice. It's my favorite. It's the only thing I get here anymore. The cook's starting to think he didn't cook something right!"

Both men laughed cheerfully and the waiter returned, setting their drinks down and pulling out a pad. "Are you gentlemen ready to order?"

Rafe smiled, then spoke up. "Yes please. He'll have the Chicken Tousca with the Rigatoni. Salad with Ranch on the side and a slice of Amaretto Cheesecake for dessert. I'll have the same but with the Mastacholi and Death By Chocolate."

"Very good sirs. Your meals will be up shortly. I'll be right back with your salads and some bread."

"So," Simon began. "You're not mad at me for last night?"

"No, but I would like to know what the hell happened. I mean, I know what I'd like to have happened...but I want to hear it from you. Just to know. You know, just so there's no miscommunication." Simon grinned, then, slowly, the look left his face. Replacing it was a look of worry, almost pain. "Hey," Ryf said softly. "What happened?"

Barely whispering, he wondered what his next words would do to their beginning relationship. "Last night...I didn't do it because...I didn't do it because I was horny, or just looking for a quick fuck, or curious. Rafe..." Simon leaned his head back so he was looking up at the ceiling. His next words would have been missed if Rafe hadn't been listening so hard. "Rafe...I think I'm in love with you."

Now it was Rafe's turn to just sit there and stare. "You...love me." he said.

Simon nodded and looked at a spot someplace over Rafe's left shoulder. "When you were transferred into mc, I thought I could handle it. 'No problem,' I said. I had never seen anyone like you. It all boils down to this: I don't know if I've ever been in love or not, but I know that this...if we did something, would be much more than a fuck buddy situation."

"At least to me it would be," he added softly. Rafe closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. When he looked at Simon again, the older man had a look that was part fear, part something else on his face.

"Wow...that's deep," he breathed. "Would it help if I told you it would be more to me too?" Simon looked up, not saying a word. Rafe continued.

"When I walked through that door for my interview with you, I felt like I was going to throw up. You were so...*there*, so calm." Rafe chuckled with the memory.

"You put me at east right from the beginning. I could talk to you. You didn't act superior. You just acted...like you. You'll never know how much I needed that right then. I was coming out of a bad relationship. I had NO confidence in myself. And yet there you were, praising me for things I'd done. I needed that so bad then." Simon latched onto the bad relationship comment. "Define the term 'bad relationship' please," he requested.

Rafe shrugged. "I was with a guy, bigger than me, older than me...stronger too."

It was Rafe's turn to focus on a spot over Simon's shoulder.

"He liked pushing me around. No biggie. Mostly verbal stuff. Called me an idiot, said I was ugly, stuff like that."

Again Rafe shrugged.

"What's his name," Simon asked through gritted teeth.

"Anthony. Anthony Michael Twigg."

Simon drew in a ragged breath. "Where does he live?"

Rafe laughed. "Simon, you can't do anything to him."

"Wanna make a bet?"

"Simon, he 'lives' on the corner of Woodmere and Fort Street."

The captain blinked. "That's a cemetery," he mused aloud.

"Yeah, it is. He tried to rob a liquor store. Took it for granted that because I was his lover nothing would happen to him." Rafe leaned back as recognition dawned in Simon's eyes.

"If I hadn't shot him, he'd have shot the owner." Rafe's tongue ran over suddenly dry lips and he took a deep breath. Simon wanted to go to Rafe's side and ease the pain of those memories. Now that Rafe had mentioned the man's full name, Simon remembered him. He belittled himself when Rafe looked away and quickly wiped a tear from his eye.

"Rafe...," he whispered, "Let's get out of here, huh? I don't feel good, and I think you're done for the day. Maybe we could go to my place."

Rafe looked at him quickly "Not for sex, just to talk. To see what's happening here."

Rafe gave a single nod and motioned to the waiter for their check. When Simon reached for it, Rafe gently smacked his hand. "Hey, just because I'm an emotional basket case doesn't mean you get to pay." Simon grinned.



*****

Blair was sitting next to Jim when H's phone rang. He paid it no attention until Jim started smiling. "What's so funny Ellison?"

"Rafe just called H to let him know that he wasn't coming back from lunch. I heard Simon's voice in the background asking if he wanted coffee."

Blair grinned. "Cool!"



*****

Simon stood in front of the fireplace, enjoying the warmth brought to the chilly living room. Rafe had insisted on making lunch since he felt responsible for ruining their 'date', and Simon hadn't put up much of a fuss. Cooking wasn't his strong point.

"Simon, don't you have any *real* food in this place?"

Turning, Simon smiled at the exasperated man in the kitchen. /Why does he look so perfect in there? Like he belongs?/

He shrugged. "I really don't cook all that much Tiger. I generally eat out of boxes and cans. Frozen stuff too. Can't screw that up too much."

Rafe stared at him for a minute. "What did you call me?"

Simon looked flustered as he ran his hand over his head. "Um...Tiger."

"Where'd you get that name from?"

"I always...you remind me of a tiger. The way you move." Simon shrugged. "I just...think of you as a tiger kind of guy."

Rafe looked at him and grinned. He slowly walked toward the fireplace, moving behind Simon. "Grrorw." he growled. "Why don't we go to the market and get some real food."

As Rafe walked away, he made it a point to let his fingernails drag gently over Simon's back through his shirt.



*****

At the market, Simon grabbed the cart and followed behind Rafe. The short ride from his home had been relatively quick, and was spent in comfortable silence. The seat belts had kept them separate, but Rafe shyly reached across the seats and touched Simon's hand. The older man had wasted no time twining their fingers and squeezing reassuringly. He didn't let go until he had to park the car.

Rafe walked through the produce section eyeing all the fruits and vegetables. He wanted to get enough for lunch, dinner, and maybe breakfast. His heart raced at the thought of staying overnight, but...still...he wanted it. Badly. But would Simon understand? Would Simon accept his desire to sleep with his pants or sweats on? Anthony hadn't.

"So," Rafe said. "How about we get some stuff for lunch...maybe even dinner." He looked at Simon, his eyes showing the questions he couldn't ask.

"Sounds good. How about some oranges or something for breakfast? That's if you want to stay the night." Rafe looked at him and shrugged. How could he say 'Yes, I want to stay the night, but I don't want to have sex with you?'

It was common knowledge that Anthony Twigg had sexually assaulted people, but Rafe never let anyone know that he was one of them. He couldn't handle the knowledge that he let himself be used like that. Nobody knew. At least that's what he thought. Simon had been a cop for a long while. He was good at remembering details. He remembered a lot about Anthony. He remembered what rape victims described to him. The feeling of violation, of worthlessness. The self loathing that never went away led some of them to suicide. Simon remembered what the survivors faces looked like.

Mainly because he was looking at one.

"There's no pressure. I've got a spare bedroom, spare clothes. Plenty of stuff for us to do tonight. We could watch movies, listen to music. I think Daryl left his video game system. Or we could just talk. Get to know each other."

Rafe's eyes shone brightly with just a tiny bit of moisture. A small smile stretched itself across his lips and he became very interested in the potatoes. "I'd like that. A lot," he whispered.

Simon's own mouth twisted into a beautiful smile. "Great. Then let's get some food Tiger."

Rafe squared his shoulders and nodded. "Yeah. Then we can see what video games Daryl let for me to show you up on."



*****

Simon was impressed with Rafe's knowledge of the different cheeses and meats in the small market. Several times he stopped to talk with workers about the various products, always speaking in a foreign tongue. He watched as an old man almost ran down the aisle calling out his name.

"Rafe! Rafe! Ich habe mich schon gewundert, wann Sie hier herkommen würden."

Rafe laughed and looked back at Simon's puzzled face. "He was wondering when I'd get here."

"Ach, your friend does not know German?" the man asked, seemingly outraged. Only his smile said otherwise.

"No, he doesn't. But...he knows other stuff."

"Was für andere Sachen, wenn ich fragen darf." /What other stuff, if I may ask./

" Ich bin selbst nicht sicher. Aber... er weiß, dass..., ... das, was ich brauche, denke ich." /I'm not sure myself. But...he knows...what I need I guess./

The old man looked at him with surprise. "You guess?"

"Michael, ich werde das nicht gerade jetzt, im Augenblick analysieren. Ich will nicht." /Michael, I'm not going to analyze it right now. I don't want to./

"It's up to you Rafe, it's up to you. Ich möchte Sie nicht mit einem anderen Anthony sehen, und Martha geht es genau so." /I just don't want to see you with another Anthony, and neither does Martha./

At the mention of Anthony's name, Simon fixed the older man with a piercing gaze. The old man, Michael, didn't flinch. His gray blue eyes held Simon's stare and returned it with a warning held in their depths. Never taking his eyes off of Simon, Michael said in english "Now that I look at him, I don't think that will happen."

Rafe grinned and blushed slightly. "Um, yeah. Whatever. Anyway, we need something to drink with dinner."

"Ach! I have just the thing. We have this delicious wine, just came in. Two and a half year vintage. It's called Spaatburgunder. Wonderful taste. Come, let me show you."



*****

Lunch was a simple pasta, with a fresh tomato and garlic sauce. Simon had never seen anyone make a tomato sauce with real tomatoes. He was quite impressed. By the time they were done eating and cleaning up, it was after five o'clock and the cool night air made it's whispering rounds outside in the crisp fall night. Rafe stood by the window, looking out over the quiet street. /What now?/ He heard Simon shifting behind him and turned to face his would-be lover. Simon held a pair of gray sweats in his hands.

"These are a little too small on me. They might fit."

Rafe took a deep breath and took the offered items from Simon's powerful hands. /Strange. Anthony's hands were smaller, but they intimidated me. Simon's though...they're different./ "Rafe, if you've changed your mind and want to leave, I'll understand," the bigger man whispered. "No, I haven't. Just getting used to this is all."

"Getting used to what?"

Clearing his throat, he moved slowly toward the bathroom. "Let me change and I'll tell you, okay?"

Simon nodded and watched the detective head into the bathroom. He allowed himself a brief moment to gather his thoughts, then he worked on getting the fire roaring. Halfway through his preparations, he wondered if it was almost too suggestive. A fire, romantic and cozy. Would that make Rafe uncomfortable? Would he think Simon was expecting something from him? Before the captain could work himself into a fit, Rafe came back out shuffling shyly.

Without his GQ style clothes, he looked almost like a teenager, so shy and uncertain of himself. Simon wanted to go and wrap his arms around the smaller man and hold him, loving the hurt and pain away. Rafe walked over to the couch and curled his legs under him, effectively scrunching himself into the corner. Simon, as big as he was, took up the other corner. There were two empty cushions between them.

"This is absurd," Rafe chuckled, breaking the ice. He looked at Simon who held his arms open. Rafe didn't waste much time moving into their protective circle. Taking a moment to arrange his larger frame more comfortably on the sofa, Simon soon settled down with Rafe nestled against his side.

"You were going to tell me about something Tiger," he murmured.

"Yeah, I was." He took a deep shuddering breath and slowly let it out. "I met Tony for the first time right out of Academy. He was so nice. He took care of me. He took me places, cooked when we were at his house. He never rushed me into anything I didn't want. He told me he loved me all the time.

"I'd never...been with anyone. Male or female. I just never had time. I was working at the store with Michael and Martha at night after classes during college. I went to school full time and worked full time for two years in high school." Rafe shrugged.

"He knew what to say. He knew how to make me feel...sexy."

Simon held him tighter, pressing his lips against Rafe's temple. "You are sexy. My sexy Tiger. Don't ever forget that."

Rafe grinned shakily and leaned into Simon's strength, needing all he could get. "The first time...when we were together, he was gentle and patient. It still hurt a lot, but I figured it always did the first time. But it never got any better."

"After the second or third time, he wasn't so patient. He never risked just...shoving into me because he didn't want to 'damage' me. He was scared I wouldn't be able to take care of him for a while." He shrugged again.

"I dealt with it. I got used to the physical stuff. It was the words that hurt more than anything. He called me names like, 'idiot', or 'ugly'. I believed them."

The tears fell from his eyes, tracking his cheeks and soaking Simon's shirt. A big hand came up and gently wiped the moisture from the handsome face, dark lips came forward to softly caress the damp flesh. "Anyway, that stuff went on for a while. Ended up with me shooting him, not crying at the funeral and being sent to the department shrink. Then, I applied for a transfer." He smiled and looked at Simon for the first time since he'd begun speaking. "You were so...I dunno, kind. You made me feel at ease. It was just your way I think, but..."

He shook his head and sighed. "Maybe he was right. Maybe I am an idiot. I can't even find the right words." "Don't ever say that," Simon whispered. "An idiot can't speak a foreign language fluently. An idiot doesn't have a masters degree in criminal justice and a bachelors degree in psychology. An idiot wouldn't get my attention the way you did."

Rafe sat up and looked at him. "You don't need to say nice things, especially not after this afternoon." "I do if they're the truth! And what about this afternoon?"

"Oh come on Simon. I've been teasing you all day! I have no right to sit here, expecting you not to want something to make up for it."

"What did you do?" Simon asked. "You took me out to lunch, and then neither one of us felt up to eating at the restaurant. We came back here where you cooked a wonderful meal both lunch AND dinner, and to be honest, it's been one of the better days I can remember in a long time."

Simon sat up and wrapped his big arms around Rafe again, pulling him close. "You are the kindest, gentlest person I know. I've never met anyone like you, never. You're smart, attractive, loving, caring and honest. Your heart is the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. And your body is just as beautiful, and I would never dream of expecting something you're not ready to give. I may want it, but I'll never expect, or take it for that matter."

Rafe looked down blushing, but Simon gently lifted his chin with a finger until their eyes met. "Tony was the idiot. He was the ugly one. He was jealous of you."

"No," Rafe said. "You never saw Tony."

"I don't need to see him. Anyone who takes one look at you and thinks or says what he did, they're ugly. Not you Tiger...never you."

Rafe looked up at Simon's use of his new nickname, only to see Simon's face getting closer. Simon stopped a hair's width away from his lips, making Rafe's heart beat faster. "May I?" Simon breathed.

For an answer, Rafe closed the distance, pressing his lips shyly against Simon's. The bigger man's head swam at the sweetness in that gentle kiss. He leaned back, pulling Rafe along with him, but making sure the younger man was more or less pressed up against his side. Simon was aroused beyond his wildest imagination, but he did *not* want Rafe to feel any pressure. When they finally broke apart, Rafe snuggled his head against Simon's shoulder and sighed softly. "Simon," he whispered .

"Yes Tiger?"

"Could we...stay here, like this for a while?"

Simon tightened his arms around his smaller partner and smiled. "As long as you want my Tiger, as long as you want."



*****



The fire was dying down when Simon was awakened abruptly. Rafe, cuddled between Simon's big body and the back of the couch, was as stiff as a board. His whole body was rigid and unyielding, with his breath coming in short, quick pants. /This can't be good./

"Rafe?"

He felt the younger man's body relax marginally and the breathing become shakily deeper. His arms moved slowly, coming around to hold Rafe and protect him from whatever monsters invaded the detective's dreams. "What's the matter?"

Rafe's breath came out in a shudder. /Well ya see Simon, the only time I ever woke up next to someone was when I was with Tony, and then, only when he wanted me to perform for him. Nothing like comparing you to that sick son of a bitch./

"Nothing's wrong Simon. Just a bad dream."

"Mmmhmm. And if I believe that one, ya gonna try an' sell me that bridge over in Brooklyn?"

Rafe squeezed his eyes shut and moved impossibly closer to Simon. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean to wake you up. I just..."

Simon waited for a moment before deciding to let the subject drop. Rafe would talk when he was ready. Until then, Simon would be content to wait. Well, not content, but he'd still wait. He tightened his arms around his lover and nuzzled the soft, light brown hair. "You know, if we both sleep out here on this couch, my back is going to be killing me in the morning, and you're going to be permanently stuck to me."

"And this would be bad because?" Rafe deadpaned.

"Verry funny. How about we go into the bedroom. Just for comfort."

Rafe tensed at the idea, then relaxed. He grinned up at the larger man and sat up, crawling over Simon's bigger body so he could stand. "Sure, why not. I know how you old folks need comfort to be healthy and all."

His grin suggested that he was in a playful mood, so Simon took advantage of it and pounced on his lover. Or tried to anyway. Rafe was off in a flash, dashing quickly through the house and making his way to the bedroom. Just as he reached the bedroom door, Simon's hands grabbed the back of the too big sweat shirt and darted under it to tease and tickle sensitive sides.

In seconds, Rafe was reduced to a laughing, gasping mass of flesh and bones, allowing Simon to effortlessly pick him up and carry him to the bed.

"Hey now, I'm not a female," Rafe protested.

"I know. I just like carrying you."

Rafe looked at him like he'd lost his mind. Nevertheless, he suffered and allowed himself to be placed gently on the bed. He looked up at Simon and took a deep breath, then reached to his waist to take off the borrowed sweatshirt.

Simon stood there, transfixed as smooth creamy skin was revealed. He had never had a white lover, and he found the difference in their skin fascinating. He watched as Rafe removed his sweat pants and boxers next, gasping at the beautiful man laid out before him. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "How about I give you a massage Tiger?"

Rafe looked away shyly, plucking at the end of the blankets. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea."

"Why not?"

"You'll see stuff. Stuff you won't like."

Simon clenched his jaw. Had that bastard hurt Rafe? "Lemme be the judge of that, okay?" Rafe nodded silently and turned over onto his belly.

Simon inhaled sharply. Rafe's back was perfect until his eyes reached the small of it. There, and right on the top of Rafe's buttocks were scars. Not just any scars - letters. 'Property of T.T."

"That bastard," he hissed.

He straddled Rafe's calves, still clothed and bent to place a single, gentle kiss on each mark. He then began gently rubbing and kneading the tight muscles of Rafe's back and legs. He didn't have any oil, but his hands were gentle and warm, more than making up for it. Soon, Rafe's breathing was slow and even. Simon moved off of him and lie next to the sleeping man.

"From now on Tiger, you belong only to you. Never anyone else. I'll never let anyone else hurt you." He wrapped his strong arms around Rafe's pliant, sleep warm body and settled down for the night.



*****

fin