Caught in the middle

Crossover; timeline-change to 1994
by Lucy

Prologue:

He came bounding in, bursting with excitement, and clutching a couple of familiar-looking files to him.

„Look what I found at our place!" I couldn't help grinning. The guy was so young. He acted like it most of the time, despite my teasing and mockery.

„New assignment?"

„For both of us!" He handed one of the folders my way, keeping the other one for himself.

„We can finally get out of this podunk little town."

„*Prastita*?" I raised my eyebrows, taking a minute before looking at my own folder, even though his excitement was contagious. He wasn't the least chagrined.

„Relax, *geliefde*. I know you're as anxious to get out of here as I am. I wonder if we're going to be brothers again this time?" I smiled again, not missing the ironic note in the words. For as long as I could remember, when we had a mutual assignment we went in as brothers. Once as cousins. We did look a lot alike, the Consortium lucked out there. We had the same build, were almost the same height (I was a couple of inches taller), we both had the same wavy brown hair, and we both had hazel eyes, although his were more brown, mine more green. He didn't have quite as snubbed a nose as me, but that was the biggest difference. That and the fact that he still got excitement out of these assignments, while I was already burning out fast. I hoped this was another quick one. Hopefully they just wanted someone dead, and that was it. I was good at those. Hell, we both were.

How he managed to keep his excitement and innocence despite the fact that his body count was almost as large as mine, I didn't know. But I didn't mind. I needed it. I needed him there to remind me that there was still something enjoyable about getting up in the morning and doing these deplorable jobs for our slave owners in the Consortium. I had needed him for a long time, since we were first put together. It was strange back then. We were both fresh off the boat from our respective countries, barely speaking any English, both taken by the Consortium for some unknown reason -- they must have seen promise in us.

We had grown from our teens into men together, sticking by each other through the training, the missions, everything the Consortium did to us. We became inseparable quickly, even as confused and timid as we were, way back then. We learned to communicate despite our language differences, and even now we tend to speak in a mixture of Russian and Afrikaans that confuses 99 percent of other people in the world. We had been lovers for...I'm not sure exactly. A couple of years. He could probably recite day and time, but I'm not as big on dates. It was only natural -- we were a perfect pair.

We worked well together, we looked good together, we were perfect compliments of each other. And we loved each other. That was important. I drew myself out of my thoughts and looked down at the folder. I opened it, and skimmed over the job summary. And a frown came over me. We weren't together on this one. And it looked like a long-term job. It was something we'd talked about before, but of course it's different when it actually happens. He must have been figuring out the same thing. When he looked up, it was like someone had pulled a plug on his energy.

„Shit." I agreed whole-heartedly.

„Where are they sending you?"

„Washington. I'm gonna be a cop." He smiled without any enthusiasm.

„What about you?"

„Washington, too." That made me a little happier. The Consortium would protest if they knew, but we could see each other this way. He grinned, relieved and already optimistically planning our late-night meetings.

„What city?" My brow furrowed.

„What do you mean? Washington." His grin dropped again. He was as quick-fire in his moods as anyone I'd ever known.

„Washington D.C?"

„Yeah. That's what I..." A sick feeling went through me. He saw my expression and nodded.

„I'm in Washington State." Across the country. All the way across the country. Jesus Christ. I swallowed.

„How long?"

„Not sure. I'm supposed to already have graduated the Academy. I'm supposed to keep an eye on some superman detective. What about you?"

„I have to go through Quantico."

„Shit." He hissed out the word and dropped down on a chair. I echoed the gesture, sitting across from him. We were silent for a while, and I couldn't help glancing back through the folder. I saw something that made me smile faintly.

„You ever hear of Spooky Mulder?" He glanced up, his eyes sad, but willing to go along with the conversation.

„Of course. The scourge of the Consortium."

„I'm going to be his partner." His mouth dropped open.

„How long?"

„I don't know. Probably a while." His eyes drilled into mine, and I couldn't help respond to the emotions dripping from his expression. It was funny. Ask anyone else who knew us, and they'd tell you we were emotionless, uncaring. Because that was the way we had to act. The way the Consortium had taught us to behave. Here, in the privacy of closed walls, with just the two of us, he was an open book, and I knew I was too.

I had no defenses with him. I cared about him too much to hide myself. I knew that sooner or later the Consortium might beat that out of both of us. That was why I was burning out faster than he was. He was probably too naïve to understand. He came forward when I looked to him again, and the grasp he pulled me into was nothing short of desperate.

„Lexie, what are we gonna do?"

„I don't know, baby. We can't say no."

„But..."

„Shhh." I settled him against my chest, stroking his hair the way I knew he liked.

„We'll do this, and then we'll meet up again, just like we always do."

„Lexie..." He turned vulnerable hazel eyes to me.

„You're going through Quantico. They wouldn't bother putting you through all that if this wasn't going to be long-term. What if--"

„Don’t say it. Just don't. We've been through this before, and we'll go through it again." He lay against me, trembling slightly. He was always more emotional than I was. More expressive of his emotions, anyway. I glanced down at the folder, and realized he was right. This sounded long term. The Consortium would make no attempt to put us back together anytime soon. I was losing him. I held him tighter, my eyes shutting.

„We'll be okay. We'll find each other. I'll find you, baby. I promise." He sniffed loudly, pulling away from me suddenly.

„God, what would that smoking bastard say if he saw me now?" There were tears in his eyes, and his nose was red. He looked like a kid, with those wide eyes and innocent face. I knew he had killed before, with his bare hands at times, but I couldn't help feeling protective.

„Don't worry about it. We don't have to be cold with each other, you know that." He smiled shakily.

„Yeah. I love you, Lexie." I pulled him back and held him close. I didn't want to let him go. Ever. We had learned to face that the future was uncertain, but that didn't make it any easier. I nuzzled his hair with my cheek.

„I love you too, Rafe."

*****

Two Years Later... 'Brian Rafe' was getting worried. The press conference that had thrown his entire department for a loop meant bad things were going to come. And not just because of the press and Sandburg getting thrown out of Rainier, and all the media that would follow Jim Ellison from now on despite it, but because the men he worked for weren't going to be happy with just leaving him where he was anymore. For two years he had lived another life, being the watchdog of the Consortium, trying to determine if Jim Ellison really did possess heightened senses, and whether those senses would come in handy for the Consortium.

For two years he had stalled and sent vague reports and kept himself where he was, slowly getting entrenched into the life they had created for him. He enjoyed where he was now. Rafe de Kaar enjoyed being Brian Rafe, being a cop, having close friends and going home at night to an apartment and plants and fish, and throwing bad guys in jail instead of being one himself. He was enjoying living a normal life. There was the one dark spot, but as months had gone by and he had heard nothing from his Alex, he had resigned himself that it was over. It hurt. It still hurt, even now.

But he had found someone to bridge that pain. Simon Banks was the last person he would have seen himself falling for. Honest to a fault, straightforward, open, not to mention his boss, and a decade older than he was. But logical or not, it had happened. Now he had not only an apartment to go home to, but on weekends or days off, he had a home, with a loving man waiting for him. So yeah, he was happy. He had dreams at night about Alex, and he had nightmares, especially lately, about the day the cancerous son of a bitch he worked for would call him in. But mostly he was happy. And that wasn't something he was used to.

So when the silence of his apartment was broken one morning by the ringing of the telephone, he had mixed feelings about answering it. Half-certain his boss's low, nicotine-choked voice would be on the phone, half-certain it would be Simon calling to say good morning, he picked it up with his stomach fluttering.

„Hello?"

„*Geliefde.*" His heart stopped. Simon and the smoking bastard and everyone else left his mind.

„Alex?" he said, a disbelieving whisper.

„You remember." Alex Krycek's voice was low, almost a whisper, and more hesitant than Rafe could ever remember hearing.

„Oh my God, Alex, where are you?"

„Can't say. I have to go. I wanted you to know I was still alive. *Kak dyela*, Rafe?" Rafe swallowed. The familiar mixture of languages, Russian, Afrikaans, English, it brought memories and feelings rushing over him.

„I'm..fine. Alex--"

„Have to go. *Ek is terug*." Before he could say another word, the click in his ear told him that Alex had hung up. Rafe's hand was shaking as he lowered the phone to its cradle. '*Ek is terug*.' I'm back. Rafe was distracted at work that day, and he knew it showed. All of the sudden, maintaining his constant, shy, nice-young-man façade was hard. Knowing that Alex was around, or on his way, made the masks crack. All his carefully-prepared behavioral patterns were falling apart, as the result of one little phone call.

Alex... Jesus, how could he have forgotten his first lover? His first love. He had built up his entire life around Alex. Of course, it was a new life he was living these days, and Alex had no part of it. Had he thrown himself so deep undercover that he'd truly forgotten how important Alex had been to him? Those laughing green eyes, the devilish grins, the way they had always been in perfect sync. Alex had been there when he had first been sent to this country, alone and scared, his soul already signed to the Consortium thanks to his poverty-stricken parents.

Alex had been in exactly the same situation, and the Elders had decided to put them together, to help each other out. The results had been more than even the nicotine-addicted man who directly held the papers to his life had expected. Behind this mild mannered façade he'd built up, Rafe was about as effective an assassin as they could have hoped for. He had taken to his training as though born for it, and Alex had done the same. Apart, they were the best. Together, they were unstoppable. They could read each other's thoughts, anticipate each other's moves, and they cared about each other, which meant they were always hyper-aware of the other's safety and position. They had come through some pretty unbelievable fights unscathed, and they knew, just like the Consortium knew, that they were the best team out there. For some reason, they seemed to have forgotten that the last couple of years.

Or maybe they'd gotten disturbed by how close the two were growing, and decided to split them apart. The Consortium didn't like it when one of their men had a loyalty to someone that might be stronger than their loyalty to the group that owned them. Rafe knew Alex had thought of him as naïve, and back then he was. Hell, it was impossible these days for him to believe how stupid he had been. It was funny, but being trained to kill, and going on countless missions to rid the world of men and women who stepped on the wrong toes, Rafe had been naïve enough to believe that there were reasons for it. He had been innocent enough to keep some kind of faith in his masters. It was here, living a decent life, being Mr. Nice Guy, that Rafe had done a lot of thinking and realized that all he was was a trained killer.

Here, where he was actually doing some good, he had become bitter and disillusioned towards the life he had lived back then. Which was why he was so nervous lately. Knowing that any day now the Consortium would be calling their assassin back from this job, Rafe got scared. He wasn't sure he could do it anymore, now that his willing spirit wasn't there to back him up. Alex. Had he come on his own? Or had he been sent? Was the Consortium going to use the one person they knew could bring Rafe back without a fight? Just the thought of seeing his old lover again was making Rafe's head spin.

And that day, sitting at the station, every time his eyes would drift to Simon, he would feel guilty. He would miss this life. He would miss the man that loved him But even as he found himself thinking that, he knew that Simon couldn't possibly love him. Because Simon didn't know him. He knew Brian Rafe, the sweet-natured cop. He didn't know Rafe de Kaar, trained killer. And he never would. Because he wouldn't love Rafe de Kaar. And hell, at that point Rafe wasn't sure if it was Brian Rafe or Rafe de Kaar who had feelings for Simon Banks. It got confusing, living so many lives at the same time. A *bl'adstvo*, Alex would call it. Alex. Dear God. Knowing Alex, he could come strolling right into the station at any time. Or he could have been calling from The Republic of Georgia. He couldn't get his thoughts to focus on the work.

„Hey, partner?" The voice broke through his reverie finally. Rafe looked up, and gave a genuine smile at the look of impatience on his partner's face. He genuinely liked Henri Brown. They had grown close during the two years they had been partners. Despite the fact that Rafe wasn't exactly letting his true nature loose, they had fought side by side for a while now. That had a tendency to bring two men together.

„What's up, H?"

„You wanna go to lunch?" Rafe rolled his eyes, but stood. He'd been staring at the same report for the last hour, his mind on sparkling green eyes, and he could use the distraction.

„Let's get out of here." Henri grinned, leading the way out the door. Rafe passed Jim and Blair, and smiled faintly. Despite knowing that he had to remain distant for his mission, he had grown to like those two men as much as Henri. Sandburg was a hell of a guy, and if Jim was a bit too quiet and macho for his taste, Blair made for a nice balance. He didn't want to submit those two to what he knew that smoking bastard and his cronies would put them through. He didn't want Jim's abilities and Sandburg innocence to be exploited and destroyed. Those two men had no idea there were organizations like the Consortium out there, and Rafe was all set to keep it that way. His mind on the past, when a hand reached out and touched his shoulder, Rafe's long-ago honed instincts kicked in before he could stop them. He grabbed the hand, twisting it hard as he wheeled to face the attacker.

„Ow! Dammit, Bri, that hurt!" He flinched and dropped the hand, mentally berating himself.

„Sorry, Conner." He immediately put on that innocent, wide smile he was known for.

„You surprised me."

„Jesus, mate. Remind me never to surprise you again." Holding her hand, Megan laughed faintly.

„Sorry," he said again.

„Did you need something?"

„I was going to tag along with you two, but I think I should give you some space." Brian Rafe gave a genuine laugh.

„Don't be silly. Come along. I'll treat. As an apology." His charming smile cut loose again reflexively. She studied him for a minute, then shrugged.

„Sounds good to me." He turned back to the door at the same time a loud, achingly familiar voice rang out.

„Rafe!" His eyes widening in disbelief, Rafe's eyes moved and stopped on the tall, slender, black-clad man who was standing in the doorway in front of him. Alex had changed. In two years, he had changed a lot. His hair was longer, his face was harder. But his eyes still sparkled, and that grin was on his face. It was strained, and Rafe had the sudden, inexplicable thought that Alex hadn't smiled much over the last two years.

„Lexie." His voice was quiet, shocked. Alex's grin widened.

„*Kak dyela, tovarish*?" Rafe couldn't hold back his own smile. His heart began thumping in his chest, and he approached his first love slowly, well aware that they were in public.

„*Pizdato, nou*." Alex didn't have eyes for anyone else in the bull pen.

„Yeah. Me, too. It's good to see you again." Rafe barely remembered his coworkers. He turned around, sparing Henri the slightest glance.

„Sorry, H. I'll have to take a rain check." If Henri answered him, he didn't hear it. He moved to Alex and led him out the door, wanting desperately to get somewhere private to deal with his appearance.

*****

Alex didn't say another word until they were in Rafe's car, heading out of the parking garage of the station. He kept his eyes on Rafe the entire time, silent and searching. Rafe drove quickly, keeping his eyes on the road. If he turned to look at Alex, to talk to him, he was liable to get so distracted he'd forget he was driving.

„You look good." Alex's voice was quiet. Rafe debated waiting until they were at his apartment to carry on a conversation, but he couldn't resist answering.

„So do you. You look like…God, Alex, I can't believe you're here."

„You don't mind?" His tone stayed flat as he answered. Rafe laughed.

„Mind? Lexie...it's..." He trailed off, his thoughts suddenly turning to earlier paranoia. What if Alex had been sent here by that smoking bastard to bring him back? What if he had been sent to finish the job Rafe should have had done by now? Alex didn't bother asking him to finish, and Rafe was lost in his own pensive thoughts. The rest of the ride to his apartment was silent.

*****

Rafe let Alex Krycek into his apartment, and hesitated in the door behind him. He debated briefly playing a host, making coffee or something, but that was stupid. This was Alex. This was his Lexie. Or was it? It had been two years. Two years he was in Washington D.C., right in the lion's den. Right there with the Consortium elders themselves. Who knew who they could have turned him into in two years. Brian Rafe would never have come out and asked. He would have trusted and hoped. Fortunately, Rafe de Kaar was not so far gone.

„Alex?" From his examination of the apartment, Alex turned and faced him, his face inscrutable. Rafe faced him squarely. He steeled himself internally, but had a feeling his emotions were plain on his face, as they always had been with Alex.

„Did they send you?" Alex didn't pretend to not know exactly what he was talking about.

„No," he said plainly.

„In fact, if they find out I'm here, it could get both of us killed." Rafe sagged in relief, not bothering to worry about the second part of his statement. Alex saw his relief, and his eyes widened.

„You thought I was here to bring you back."

„I...I didn't know." Rafe approached him slowly.

„It's been a long...you've been with them. I didn't know." Alex took a step forward, almost subconsciously bridging the distance without seeming to realize.

„No. In fact, I shouldn't stay here for long. Not without you knowing the truth." Rafe was busy taking in his features, his missed green eyes and small nose and full lips. He could feel himself pulsing with a different kind of energy, one he hadn't felt in a long time.

„Rafe, listen to me. It's dangerous for you to have me here."

„I don't care," Rafe said with a sudden smile. He kept coming forward.

„Rafe--"

„*Geliefde*." Rafe's smile grew.

„Oh God. This was a bad idea." Alex didn't back off. He just kept his eyes probing into Rafe's.

„There are things you should know."

„No doubt Tell me later." Rafe started to lean in, to bring their mouths into long-missed contact. Alex drew back suddenly.

„Rafe." Rafe stopped, surprised. His smile faded little by little, and suddenly he took a step back.

„Shit. I should have known. It's been two years, you probably don't...sorry." Alex just shook his head.

„I've missed you. The same way you missed me. But there really are things you have to know."

„Things that really matter?"

„More than I can say." Rafe nodded, not meeting his eyes.

„You want something to drink?"

„Rafe."

„Fine. Just tell me. Whatever it is, just say it." Alex moved to the small love seat and sat heavily.

„I'm not working for them anymore." Rafe's mouth dropped open. He just stared for a long moment, his mind unable to grasp the words or the concept. It was so far removed from what he thought Alex would say, and so hard to believe now that he'd heard it...

„What? How could you...?"

„It's a long story." Alex paused, then smiled faintly.

„Actually, it's not. A lot of things happened to me the last two years. I went renegade. They're looking for me." Rafe moved almost in a stupor to a chair and dropped into it.

„How can you still be alive?" He knew Alex was the best, but there was no way if the Consortium was after him he'd still be living, unless there were people watching out for him. Alex read his thoughts as plainly as if two years hadn't passed.

„The Russians." Rafe swallowed.

„You're a double agent."

„Kind of. At this point I'm not working for anyone. The Russians are interested, and they're working to keep me alive. Our smoking friend can't decide if he wants me dead or wants me back with him, so he keeps hesitating long enough for me to get away."

„Do you know what you're doing?" Alex looked up at him and smiled faintly.

„At this point, no. But since I had nowhere to go, I thought I'd look you up."

„I'm glad you did," Rafe said honestly.

„Really?" Alex met his eyes, his smile fading, suddenly deathly serious. Rafe searched his expression.

„Yeah, really." Alex dropped his eyes.

„It's been a long time since someone's been happy to see me." Rafe could see the clogged emotion on that hard face, and felt a jerk in his chest. It seems he'd gotten the easy job, playing babysitter to a detective, living a normal life. Alex had been through so much more, obviously.

„You knew I would be. Didn't you?"

„I hoped. You were all I had left." Rafe couldn't stay away any more. He stood and moved to the love seat in one swift movement, dropping next to Alex and immediately folding the tense body into his arms.

„Lexie." His hand came up, touching the short, dark hair almost in disbelief, and then running down to his arm and squeezing gently.

„I..." He stopped dead, looking down. Alex pulled away.

„Yeah That's something else you should know about." Rafe could hardly breathe. He hadn't noticed -- God, how could he not have noticed? -- but Alex's left arm was too limp, too immobile. And when he touched it, it was too hard. Alex hefted the arm, exposing the plastic hand.

„It goes all the way up. A souvenir from a trip back home." Rafe stared in disbelief. Lexie? His Lexie? Was now incomplete? His beautiful, perfect Lexie? And all the time he'd been sitting here feeling sorry for himself. He had had Simon, and a normal, perfect life, and Alex had been...

„Oh my God. I'm so sorry." He had to force the words out past a clog in his throat. He reached his hand out after a moment, tugging at Alex's jacket, pulling it down over his shoulder. Alex tensed.

„What are you--"

„Please." Rafe met his eyes.

„Let me see." His eyes dropped and he swallowed, hard, but Alex didn't protest as Rafe removed his jacket and started unbuttoning the black silk shirt. As Alex's skin was revealed, Rafe found himself lost in the familiar sight. He took in the thinner chest and the dearth of fresh scars impassively, as his heart beat faster with every inch of golden skin that was revealed. He finally had the thing unbuttoned, and he carefully pulled it over his shoulders and away from him. His eyes went to the plastic...thing...attached to his shoulder. This was a thing that had no place being on his Lexie's body. This was foreign and cold and not Alex at all.

„Take it off," he said in a whisper. Alex obeyed stiffly, reaching over and unfastening the arm with practiced movements. He got it off and dropped it down on the couch beside him. Rafe's eyes were glued to the ravaged remains of his arm. He could see the crude scars, the ugly tissue, and knew this must have been more horrible than he could imagine. His Lexie... He reached out and brushed his fingers over the damaged skin. Alex breathed in sharply, but didn't move. Rafe had to fight for control. How could they? How could anyone have done this to Alex? His Alex. He leaned down slowly, tears in his eyes as he pressed his lips lightly to the stumped flesh. His forehead buried into Alex's shoulder, and a couple of tears spilled past at the unfairness of it all.

„Hey." Above him, Alex sounded breathless.

„Are you crying over me?" Rafe laughed faintly, sniffing.

„W-what would that smoking bastard say if he could see me now?" He wondered if Alex would remember him speaking almost those very words the day they had gotten their new assignments. Alex relaxed around him, his whole arm wrapping around Rafe and tugging him up and close.

„God, Rafe." Rafe fell into the embrace readily.

„Lexie. Don't leave me." Alex pulled back and looked at him for a moment, then closed the distance and completed the kiss Rafe had tried for earlier. For a moment they kept things gentle and soft, but the feel of bare skin under his fingers and the strange familiarity of it all got to Rafe fast. He couldn't help pressing Alex to him even closer, darting his tongue out to trace the velvet of those lips he'd loved so much. Alex moaned against his lips and grasped him closer, making up for only having one arm by using hard muscle to keep Rafe pressed to him. He took the initiative a minute later, reaching around to start fumbling at the buttons of Rafe's shirt. He moved with the practiced dexterity of someone used to only having one hand, and quickly had Rafe's shirt off

He pressed them together again, and the feel of bare skin against his was intoxicating, bringing back memories of hot nights in small towns, hotels, even while training with the Consortium. It was familiar, and hot, and everything the both of them had been missing over the last two years. But then there was a noise. The slightest noise at the front door. Both men were instantly alert. They functioned like the partners they had been trained to be.

Rafe, since he was closest to the door, immediately went low, grabbing for the gun in his shoulder holster. Instincts built as assassin and then as cop merged, and he rolled to face the door, aiming. At the same time, Alex had a gun pulled from God knew where, trained on the door, aiming higher to compensate for Rafe's low shot. Simon Banks stood in the doorway, staring in shock at more than one thing.

„Just stay right there," Alex grated out, his low voice harsh. Rafe relaxed slightly, but kept the gun in his hand. In that instant, things were over for him. His life with Simon was over -- the captain must have seen him and Alex on that couch. His life in Cascade as Brian Rafe was over -- Simon had seen the well-practiced moves too clearly. So he kept his voice forcibly unemotional.

„Simon, get inside and shut the door." Simon didn't move, still slack-jawed.

„Brian, what the hell is going on here?"

„Get inside!" Hearing the stern, harsh voice from his Brian shocked Simon into moving, and he obeyed, still trusting that voice and that face despite what he'd just seen. Alex relaxed marginally when the door was safely shut.

„Rafe, you know him."

„Yeah. Simon, you'd better get over here. Looks like we have to talk."

„Rafe--" Rafe turned to Alex.

„I hope you were expecting company to go with you when you left Cascade." Alex kept his eyes on Simon.

„We can get rid of this guy."

„No!" Rafe saw Simon stiffen at that. He used the words to deflect both of them from doing something dumb.

„No. No one's getting hurt here."

„Rafe--"

„Brian, what--" He turned to face Alex.

„There was a press conference. Sandburg blew my assignment for me. The smoker and his men will be here any day now, wondering why I haven't acted faster. I'm as good as dead if I stay."

„And better than dead if you go with me."

„I have no choice." Rafe looked into those hard green eyes, and could still see the Alex he knew would protect him against anything.

„*Geliefde, ne pizdi*! Two years I've been here, wasting their time. You think they'll let me live long enough to explain?"

„Brian, what the hell is going on here?" Alex glanced at Simon, looking him up and down, from the key in his hand to the hurt confusion in his eyes.

„And what about him?" he asked Rafe almost bitterly. Rafe didn't let him get away with that.

„Two years, Alex. Not a word from you. What do you think? Don't tell me you didn't find someone yourself." Alex opened his mouth, but shut it again.

„He doesn't get hurt here. That's all I ask."

„He's heard too much." Rafe laughed.

„Come on. He doesn't know what the hell we're talking about. Simon doesn't get hurt."

„Brian?" Rafe sighed and turned to his boss and lover.

„I'm sorry, Simon. I've been lying to you, about everything. You don't even know my real name. Looks like I have to take off. I'm sorry I..." He trailed off with a shrug. Brian Rafe was urging him to comfort his lover. Simon was a devoted man, and he would be hurt by this. But Rafe de Kaar was itching, knowing there were plans to be made and things to be seen too. He had no time for sentiment, particularly if it wasn't with his Alex. Simon just shook his head, looking at Alex then back to Rafe.

„I don't understand." Rafe glanced at Alex, and something unspoken passed between them. Rafe nodded slightly and turned back to his boss.

„Simon, come in the bedroom, let's talk for a minute." Simon stiffened, alert and understanding that at least something was very wrong here.

„Brian..."

„Simon, please. Come on. I won't let you get hurt." He pasted his best Brian Rafe look on his face, his eyes widening with innocence and trustworthiness. Simon's eyes narrowed, as though now seeing through that mask for the first time, but he nodded slowly and started to the room, past Alex. Alex looked at him with hard eyes util he past, then his expression changed, going to Rafe with a question shining that he couldn't voice. Rafe smiled slightly.

„Be here when I get out, Lexie. You know I have to go with you." Alex let himself relax at that, smiling uncontrollably. So little had changed about his lover. So little.

„I was hoping," he admitted quietly. Rafe flashed a grin, then turned and headed for the bedroom.

*******

Simon moved into the room and sat down on the bed stiffly. Something bad was going on, something dangerous, and it involved his lover. Or some strange new form of his lover that he had never seen. Rafe came in a moment later and shut the door behind him.

„Simon..." He moved to the bed and sat down beside his lover.

„I'm sorry about this. You have no idea how much."

„About what?" Simon asked, probing those hazel eyes that had, until tonight, seemed so innocent.

„This." Rafe moved faster than Simon had ever seen, and with more strength than he'd used before he shoved Simon down on his back, grabbing his arm in one rapid-fire movement and slapping his cuffs on Simon's wrist, fastening the other to the bedpost. All in the space of one second. Simon surged up, confused, lost, not sure of anything but that this was an attack of some kind. This was bad. Rafe held him down, surprisingly. Simon had inches and lots of pounds on the younger man, but Rafe was using some practiced skills that Simon had never seen before, keeping him still. He ended up straddling Simon, holding his other arm down and cuffing him with Simon's own cuffs to the other post. Rafe relaxed when Simon was restrained. He looked down at the furious, confused man with honest sadness in his expression.

„I'm sorry, Simon."

„Brian, get me the hell out of there--"

„That isn't my name," Rafe said quietly. Simon stopped dead, completely lost. Rafe smiled faintly.

„This isn't my life, and I can't stay in it anymore. I almost wish it was. I wish I was this person. But I'm not, and it's time to stop pretending."

„Who are you?" Simon asked slowly, searching his lover's face.

„It doesn't matter. Just...tell Henri I said later. And watch out for Jim and Blair. There are people out there who know what they really are, and they'll try to get their hands on them." Simon's brow furrowed.

„What--"

„Simon, I know. People know. Sentinels are real, and Jim is one. People have known for a while. I can't tell you more, and believe me, that's better for you. Just keep them on guard, and watch out for new faces." Rafe started to move off of him, but he stopped.

„Simon..you're going to have to stay here tonight. Someone will show up in the morning when I don't come to work, and you'll think of some reason why you're here. One night is all we need."

„For what? Dammit, Rafe, if you don't tell me what's going--"

„I can't! Jesus, Simon, get the message." Rafe hesitated, then leaned down and fixed his mouth to Simon's almost brutally, taking a more forceful position than he had in the entire course of their relationship. He worked every little thing that he knew Simon liked, using his teeth and tongue and lips until Simon was responding despite himself. Then he pulled back and looked at his lover, letting Simon see Brian Rafe in all his glowing innocence one last time.

„If you want me to live through the night, Simon, you have to be quiet and let us get away. Can you do that for me?" Simon just looked up at him for a long moment.

„Are you at least on our side?" Rafe smiled sadly.

„No. Not even that. I'm a bad person in a really bad situation, but it's where I belong." Simon shook his head.

„I don't understand this."

„Be quiet for me, Simon." The strong, stern captain looked away from Rafe, but nodded slightly. That was all Rafe needed. He relaxed, climbing off the bed. Simon didn't fight to get away, and he didn't struggle against the cuffs. And he wouldn't now, Rafe knew. Not until the morning.

„See you, Simon." Rafe smiled, even though he knew the words were a lie. He turned and didn't give Simon a backward glance as he headed through the door, back to his old lover and into his old life.

The End