I can see the music. Whoa!

The Village People summed it up perfectly. "You can't stop the music. Nobody can stop the music". Music for film is such a conjective subject because it can be very good and very relevant(as in the case of Get Shorty) or the opposite (Godzilla amongst others). Movies have discovered that the key to box office success is to have some songbird trill a shitty love song that makes you wanna throw up (Then what the hell is Aerosmith doing. Senile bastards). It's also another way to make money. And then there's Titanic. Controlled Anarchy think that they should give up an do a Celine Dion remix. That's the only way to go now.

A second soundtrack for movie is made
A soundtrack is done that is inspired by the movie
Song for film goes to number 1
Song for film goes to top ten
Soundtrack features songs that are not actually in the movie
More people go see a film because of hit songs

"A second soundtrack for movie is made"

Worth:-100

Reason for deduction: When a movie has a successful soundtrack, the producers decide to get money hungry (not that they already are). They see that if we give 'em another soundtrack, they'll lap it up, because it has something to do with the movie. Well, they did it for The Wedding Singer, bringing out another album of the worst from the eighties. Romeo and Juliet did it the right way, waiting until the first exited the top 3 and then released another one. Titanic didn't. It waited until Celine had had the shit kicked outta her and then they released that bloody remixed version, and then, as if an afterthought they made the second album, most of which wasn't in the movie. Nobody bought it. Ah well, don't assume that because it has something to do with a movie that it means that it's any good.

"A soundtrack is done that is inspired by the movie"

Worth:-75

Reason for deduction: Only one thing is worse than a second soundtrack to a movie. One that is inspired by the movie. Usually the music on these soundtracks is from artist who would not usually get a contract to record, or B-sides from a big artist, who are hoping that it was never heard ever again. Hence the mentality. It's time to ban producers from having any influence on the music because they don't know anything and they only see some stupid teenager paying thirty bucks from their parent's money.

"Song for film goes to number 1"

Worth:-50

"Song for film goes to top ten"

Worth:-20

Reason for deduction: Near, far, wherever you are. Piss off already. We don't want to here that bloody crap any more. The song went to number one. Another money-spinner. It was there for ten weeks (too long). But this is not a first of course. How about Bryan Adams? The Three Musketeers music producer got desperate, and knowing that he had a shit film on his hands, decided to get as much money outta it as possible, so he got Adams, Rod Stewart and Sting. Sure, the song went to number one, but of course it disguised the fact that the film was sleep-worthy within ten seconds (that emotionless bung, Chris O'Donnell, made assurance of it. Charlie Sheen didn't help). So, be wary, and deduct away (see below about The Bodyguard, uhhhhh).

"Soundtrack features songs that are not actually in the movie"

Worth:-50

Reason for deduction: You know when you see a movie, don't you get the feeling that you hear all of the songs they have on the soundtrack. So, I suppose that explains why there is a total disregard when it comes to soundtracks. Here's a few examples of blatant misuse or non-use of songs on a soundtrack.

So, deduct away if the movie fits into two of these categories, or if most (at least half) of the soundtrack is non-existent in the movie.

"More people go see a film because of hit songs"

Worth:-25

Reason for deduction: Hollywood has many sayings. Here's another. 'If a film is going to be shit, but you have stars in the movie that are box office worthy, then chuck in a power ballad'. Works every time. As you saw above, we are going to tell you a little story about The Bodyguard, so if you don't want to be offended by the following ramble, please do not click on The Bodyguard button.

  The Bodyguard Button

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