Genres. Simple things that can mean a helluva lot in the contents of a movie. Genres are such a subjective thing, and when it comes down to it, most genres are overdone and underdone at the same time. Some genres should just be dismissed this instant. Chick flicks for example. If we had a dollar for all of the premieres that we've been to that are chick flick, then we'd have enough to hire a killer to knock off producers of chick flicks. And have you noticed lately how blandly the same they are coming again. I suppose you'd now call them romantic comedy/drama that never were. According to Hollywood anyway.
Chick Flick Film pertains to be real Buddy Buddy movie Road movie
Worth:
Reason for deduction: Official Definition:
chick flick. noun. plural: Oh God no! 1. A movie that is guaranteed to show love and harmony, more suited to the female audience. 2. A movie that is guaranteed to make grown men cry, not from the storyline (although some big babies have been seen on the blubber), but from been dragged to it. You see, when a man goes to a film with a woman, you can see the pain on their faces. The grimace is not because they have just been kicked in the balls (although when you think of it, it's kinda the same thing), no, it's because they are about to see the next Sandra Bullock film. 3. Hollywood's excuse for making a cheap film. 4. Any film starring Sandra Bullock, Meg Ryan, Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts (you get the meaning of this definition). 5. Any film where a man will be subjected to the meekest of all stereotypes, i.e. the stud, the dud, the psycho or all three at once. 6. Any film where love may not have to be the central theme, but it alludes to good ol' family values. 7. Any film that has the 'Olsen' twins in it. 8. Any film that has a power ballad sung by the following 'divas' (cough, cough, chortle, chortle) Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, Barbara Streisand, etc. 9. Any film where the word 'fuck' is said once to make the film sound badder than it is. 10. Any film that has acting that can only be described as ordinary.
If a film sounds as though it fits into 5 of those categories, give it the full deduction. If it has 8, 9, or 10 of them, see a doctor, then ask a postal worker if you can take over his job. And oh yeah, deduct double the points.
Worth:
Reason for deduction:We remember the seventies. A great time was had at the widescreen cinemas. Floors weren't as sticky. Popcorn wasn't as fake. ID was needed to get into R-rated films. And yeah, of course, the whole point of this segment, the movie pertained to be real. You had your Midnight Cowboy, the Taxi Driver, Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore, Dirty Harry, They Shoot Horses Don't They, Shaft, Death Wish, Deliverance, Straw Dogs, The Deerhunter and the list goes on. They all wanted to be taken as real, but everybody knows that this is bullshit. Nowadays, you've gotta have:
Yep, it doesn't get anymore real than that, so buckle up, get on the edge of your seat, and deduct double the amount if a film pertains five of the above, full marks for two, and half for one.
Worth:
Reason for deduction: "Look pal, if you piss me off one more time, I'm gonna haveta put a few bullet holes in ya, OK". This is what a buddy buddy movie sounds like before they go through their adventure, find harmony and become friends and have a steamy shower scene (wait a minute, that was that gay porno, oops sorry, that film festival entrant. How embarrassing!). You get the drift anyway. Lots of male bonding, almost bordering on the homoerotic. And they are a dime a dozen in this business, even in some cases, subjecting us to the same pairing over and over again. We didn't like them in the first place, so why should we like them again.
"Film pertains to be real"
"Buddy Buddy Movie"