Here we go. Characterisations in Hollywood are the best things you'll ever see. How 'bout those college party flicks. If there's one character that is drawn half decently, then there is a God. And Hollywood has a habit of making character better than they are. Come on, lawyers been decent. Psycharists having sex. A hooker caring. Anything this good should be bottled up and distributed in doses to the universities that these stereotypes go to.
Lawyer as saviour Psycharists as sex gods Bad guy with heart of gold Hooker with heart of gold Gay stereotypes
Worth:
Reason for deduction: You know, the lawyers at Controlled Anarchy are really at our throats every day. They don't like us showing things that include unregistered nudity (aw, come on, it's open slather when you look through windows, goddammit), salacious remarks about a celebrity and the amount of obscenities allowed in a skit. So,
Fact 1: Lawyers are money grubbing, fame aspiring, glory making arseholes who all deserve to go to jail, or be killed, whichever suits you better. Lawyers who try to get mass murderers off because they watched one too many episodes of 'Leave it to Beaver' or because they were told that a frat house was a place where legends are made.
Fact 2: Forget your Brando's and your Hanks's, lawyers are brilliant actors. How do you explain the stringent drama training they must go through (it's true, go to your local university and they'll back us up).
Fact 3: What would the world be without lawyers? Ooohwaaah! We'd all be actually nice people. (Gee, lawyers are sounding pretty good at this stage)
So, where do lawyers, our saviours come into it. Don't believe the hype, lawyers are arseholes, and are not good people.
Worth:
Reason for deduction: After doing a course on psychology in university, Johnny Moronic concluded that most of the people in the class who would later become psychiatrists were very ugly and probably couldn't solve a simple problem like why on earth psychiatrists in movies are classified as sex gods.
First things first, psychiatrists couldn't and won't solve a person's problem. Most likely, they will prolong the agony, or prescribe them anti-depressants or Prozac which will later become addictive and then you have a whole new set of problems other than paying a hack $100 an hour. When we look at psychiatrists, the first thing we see is a money-grubbing bastard. I don't think sex god ever comes into the equation (probably only when they drug you or give you Prozac, which is proven to make you susceptible to ugly psychiatrists). Ah well, it just seems that a lot of people are not having sex with their psychiatrist, so why should that be any different in the movies. Deduct away.
Worth:
Reason for deduction:In all the good films of the 40's and 50's, the bad guy was someone with a serious dementia that would scare the shit outta the person they were troubling. Nowadays, bad guys have been softened to the extent that nerds can now become heroes. The next step is to have the bad guy with the heart of gold. Now tell us, are we the viewer supposed to believe this crap. Bad guys cease being bad guys the minute they start knitting crochet. They then become misunderstood good guys. The trend is getting deeper my friend, and with the help of Morgan Freeman (who could never actually be a bad guy, hence the heart of gold), things are beginning to look a little queer in the Hollywood back streets.
Worth:
Reason for deduction: Prostitution is a job, not an excuse to start spreading happiness and gaiety to all and sundry. They get picked up off the street, taken to a parking lot, do their stuff, get paid, get dumped back on the street and do another deal. They then come home to their child, where they subsequently let it run free as they fall asleep after watching 'Today' and their stories on the increasing rate of prostitution amongst single mothers. Oh, we forgot the pimp. There's no time to the fairy godmother. And none ever looked that decent anyway, unless you ring up a college escort service. The closest in reality to a 'hooker with a heart of gold' would be if she did you and then did the dishes (washed the dishes thank you). I'd think a lot of men would settle for that.
Worth:
Reason for deduction: Remember when the Catholic Church first let homosexual people into the church for communion. Neither do we. The church has this perception where homosexuals are people with whiney voices, hairy armpits, Hawaiian shirts, handlebar moustaches or leather clothes. We just think that they are watching too much television.
Anyway, back to the deduction, where Hollywood, the perpetrators of this stereotype, have revelled in it for years. They have continually made us chortle with laughter and agony at the pathetic attempt at defining a homosexual. Take the film 'In and Out' for example. The guy is as straight as a nanometre perfect carbon rod. Then, thanks to of all people, Matt Dillon, he's gay. But, to prove this, he must go through the ridicule of every two bit homosexual stereotype there is until he finally concludes he's gay because he dances to 'I Will Survive'. Yep, there's even a happy ending when the ultra-conservative, never had a poof here townsfolk accept him for the fraud that he is. Yet, in reality, these people would most likely beat the shit outta themselves than claim to like any homosexuals. I can't wait 'till church on Sunday.
Final note: Watch 'The Object of My Affection' for what could be the worst movie on homosexuality ever made, even though they had the audacity to say that this is the closest they have come. Yeah, right.