Be It Ever So Humboldt
This is a fourth season episode. Murphy is pregnant. The episode opens in the office. Murphy enters and is very mad because Carmello (the parking attendant) says she looks round in the face. (Corky later insults Murphy, who is still grumpy saying she thought fat people were supposed to be jolly.) Corky reminds everyone that its Humboldt nomination day. She hopes shes nominated again so she won't hear the word "fluke" so much when her name is mentioned. Frank says its his least favorite day next to his prostate exam. Jim announces that he no longer hosts the award, but is a little mad about it. He tells a joke that he had ready for when he hosted. Jim also tells everyone that if Miles does not make eye contact with someone, he or she was not nominated. Miles enters and has the nominations. He does not make eye contact with Corky, but looks at Frank and Murphy. As he reads the nominations:
Miles: Ah... Here it is: Individual Achievements in Broadcast News Reporting. The nominees are...
Murphy: Frank, me, not Corky, who else?
Miles: There is no joy left in this job!
Corky is mad that she is not nominated. She is yelling at everyone. Frank says he is not even going to go this year.
At the banquet: Everyone from FYI is at the banquet, except Frank who is lurking in the hallway. Miles is pointing out how all the winners thank their executive producers (hint hint *LOL*). The new host acknowledges Jim and makes a joke about him. He goes on telling jokes and steals Jim's joke, changing just a few words. The new host (the closed captioning says his name is Smith) announces the winner for the category Murphy and Frank are nominated for. Frank wins!! Frank enters from out in the hallway, taking off his hat and sunglasses and is very suprised and excited. He thanks everyone, including his executive producer Miles Silverman.
Back at the office: There are balloons all around. When Frank enters, everyone cheers and applauds for him. Frank gives everyone gifts, and Miles bugs him about saying his last name wrong. Frank puts the Humboldt in the middle of the table and gives a speech quite similar to Corky's in And the Whiner Is... Murphy is pitching her story, and Frank starts giving her advice, but then gets lots of phone calls.
Frank: My agent is on line one, Kathleen Sullivan on line two. Whoa! who do I put on hold?
Frank starts dumping stories that he thinks are "not Humboldt material." Later Miles enters with a box which has a Frank Fontana action hero in it. Frank is suprised that it's already been made, Miles does not want Frank associated with this toy.
Later at a storymeeting: There are Frank Fontana action figures everywhere, even in the water cooler! Miles is talking to Corky. He says he's reviewed her interview with the Pope, and that they are going to cut where she asks him "How do you get your whites so white?" but otherwise its okay. Franks says, "I liked it, I didn't love it." He picks up the Humboldt, taps it 3 times on the table, and gives it a rating of Three Humboldts.
Two men enter. They are Mr. Praskin and Mr. Schulimson. They are from the Humboldt office and tell Frank they miscounted and he was given the award in error.
Mr. Schulimson: It's kind of funny... I've been working on the Humboldts for many years and when I saw your name on the top of the list, I thought (laughs)'can't be right.' I don't know why I didn't go back and check it right there and then.
They say that Murphy really won, so she is given the award. She turns it down and so it goes to the person that recieved the next most awards: Ed Bradley. Frank is in shock. He told his parents: his mom cried, his dad said he was proud of him. Frank can't believe he lost! He leaves the office. Right after he leaves:
Jim: Oh my. I don't think I've ever seen Frank that upset.
Murphy: I know. We've pulled some pretty amazing practical jokes, but this time I think we've gone too far.
At Frank's condo: Murphy gets the super to open his door. They don't know what has happened to him. Frank is inside, playing an arcade-style video game. Murphy has been trying to contact him for the last twenty-four hours. Where has he been?
Frank: I drove to Canada. I drove all the way up, had a beer, drove all the way back.
Murphy wants to talk to him about his Humboldt. Frank says one thing that helped him feel better was the fact that Murphy was such a good friend. She did turn down the award after all. Murphy has a confession: The two guys that said they were from the Humboldt comittee were actors. She hired them, it was a joke! She apologizes and gives him his Humboldt. Frank says that when he won the Humboldt, he got sick and twisted. He even built a shrine for it.... And went out and bought two chairs to face the table its on, so he and a guest could sit and look at the Humboldt. Murphy says she hated Frank when his name was announced.
Frank: You did?
Murphy: Well, just for a brief flash, two or three days, but it was hate.
Murphy admits that she wanted him in a body cast, with an itch and an ugly nurse. All is forgiven, they decide to go out for food. Murphy goes to call the elevator and Frank sets his Humboldt up on the shrine. From the hallway, Murphy yells "Leave it alone, Frank!"
THE END!
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