Miles tells everyone to forget about the whole thing, that its not how people start a relationship. Murphy wants to show him what she wrote (she thinks its really good), and Miles just walks away.
About a week later: The fax machine rings, meaning a fax is being sent to them. Murphy runs out of her office to get it, but Frank gets there first. He reads it and sees that it is Ms. X writing back. Murphy tells him that she has been writing and signing her name as Miles.
Frank: Let me ask you something, Murph. Are you planning on telling him about it, or is he just going to find out at the wedding?
Murphy reads the fax and says the woman is hooked. Miles enters. He has screened Murphy's piece on the IRS. She asks to talk to him in her office, so they do. She tells him that she has writen letters to Ms. X, sixteen letters, and shows them to Miles. Miles thinks its an invasion of privacy and just a little sick, but starts reading the faxes.
Miles: She likes me... She says I'm the best man she's ever had fax with!
Miles reads off a quote Murphy wrote that he likes: "People who are afraid to rock the boat have no business being on the boat in the first place."
In the new fax, she wants to meet Miles at Phils for dinner.
Twenty minutes before the date: Miles stops at Murphy's house because he is not exactally sure what to wear. But Murphy isn't helping Miles much:
Miles: (very angry and stressed out) You're not thinking about this!!!!!!! You're picking the last thing!!! Random guessing! A little help here?!?
Eldin come in. He has some clothing advice for Miles: Eldin: Let's try this... (Eldin unbuttons a few of the buttons in Miles shirt, in the Eldin-esque style) ...Let's button that back up...
Eldin scares Miles, saying that this woman could be a dog, or nuts or carry a knife. Murphy finally calms Miles down. Miles is about to leave for Phils.
Miles: I just wish you hadn't told her I sang back-up on "We Are the World."
At Phils: Miles is alone at the table. Murphy enters, and he tries to get her to go away. She says she came to save him from a 'shoe mistake.' Murphy wants to watch. A woman enters and approaches Miles.
Woman: Hello Miles, I'm Madeline Stillwell, Ms. X.
Miles: I'm Smiles Liverberg.... Miles Silverberg.
Miles tells Murphy to leave so she goes and sits at the bar. Miles and Madeline's conversation is quite awkward. She is strange and sort of depressing. At the bar, Murphy is moving around so that she can see Miles and Madeline better. The man next to her asks her to stop doing that and also says "Accidents are a fools explaination for destiny." Murphy recognizes this quote. He says its his quote. Murphy says the 'rock the boat' quote, they keep quoting each other and realize what happened. This man, Ben, was writing for Madeline, just like Murphy was writing for Miles. He asks her out and Murphy says yes. As they are about to leave,
Ben: Should we tell them?
Murphy: What? And ruin their date?
At Miles' table Madeline: Do you think I should get this lanced?
THE END!
BUT DON'T FORGET TO READ:
FYI's Advice on How to Impress a Woman
Jim: Its very simple, Miles. A woman always appreciates security. Tell her you have a diversified portfolio, a decent pension and a money market fund. That way, when you drop dead at 50 because you worked like a dog your whole life, you know she'll be well provided for. A wealthy, attractive middle-aged woman who's easy pickings for any strapping young pool boy who saunters in looking for a meal ticket.
Frank: Don't listen to him, Miles. Women want a sensitive man. Confess a few vulnerabilites. If you don't have any, make some up. I usually say I cried when I read Anna Karinina and that the best part of sex is holding each other afterwards.
Murphy:This is a frightening glimpse into a man's brain!
Corky: Listen to a woman, Miles. The most important part is romance. Tell her you're still an old-fashioned guy who still thinks expensive jewelry is an appropriate gift.
Murphy: Listen, Miles, forget them. If you want to get anywhere with this woman, listen to a pro. Okay, (writing) "Dear Ms. X...."
Jim: "My dear Ms. X"
Corky: "My dear Ms. X.... My heart, my soul..."
Murphy: (still writing) "May I compliment you on your courage in taking the first step." (stops writing) See she's probably worried that you think she's too aggressive. You have to elay that point right off.
Frank: I say get right to the point. (writing) "I drive a brand-new BMW and have an unusually large shoe.
Murphy: Save it I'm already on the third line. I decided to take a witty-slash-charming direction.
Frank: Another one of your Jesse Helms jokes? That'll really get Miles some action.
(At this point, everybody starts bickering about what to write.) Click here to go back to spot in where you were before you read this.
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