*Baby Michael has been kidnapped. Our superheros are out to find the culprits. PC is safe as long as Jaxman and Robin are on the case*
(Scene 1--Our superheros are clad in their costumes. Jaxman, in his speedo, and Robin, wearing her leather pants and halter top, are discussing possible leads in the Michael Morgan kidnapping case)
Jaxman: "Row-bin, we should go to the Jaxcave and try to figure out where baby Michael could be. Even though I know that Jason's associates are the culprits, I think that I'm the only person who can find Michael."
Robin: "What about me?"
Jaxman: "Oh yeah...that's right. Um, yeah, you're useful too."
(Jaxman and Robin get into the Jaxmobile and are headed for the Jaxcave)
Robin (looks at Jaxman sarcastically): "Thanks Jaxman....Where do we look first?"
Jaxman: "Moreno. He seems to be the key to the case. Even though he's a mobster and I'm way out of my league, I'm going to go talk to him and get Michael back. I'll offer him as much money as he wants. I'm filthy rich, you know."
Robin: "Um, Jaxman? I don't think it's money Moreno wants....IF he's the one who has Michael."
Jaxman: "Of course he does! I said he does, didn't I? And remember, I'm rich. I can buy anyone. And we know it's Moreno. The only reason anyone would take Michael is because Jason is a mean, amoral, ruthless, unfeeling, cruel, brain dead..."
Robin: "Ok Jaxman, I think I get the picture...even though I think you're wrong."
Jaxman: "Are you joking? I am NEVER wrong. I'm Jaxman, and I say that Jason is an idiot. No offense, of course."
(Jaxman and Robin arrive at the Jaxcave)
Robin: "Ok, whatever...so what's our first step?"
Jaxman: "Well, I'll go talk to Moreno. You stay here and man the Jaxphone, just in case. It's too dangerous for you out there. Besides, I need somebody to babysit Brender while I'm gone."
Robin: "Ok, I'll take care of her....but the minute I see her pick up a tripod, I'm outta here."
(Jaxman grabs his coat and rushes out of the Jaxcave. Robin sits on the couch, and waits)
**********************
(Scene 2-Robin is waiting in the Jaxcave to hear from the kidnappers. She is on edge. The Jaxphone rings. Robin jumps up and answers the phone)
Robin: "Hello? Is that you Michael?"
Nikolas: "Um...no. It's Nikolas. Who's Michael? You have Jason, me and now this Michael character."
Robin: "Oh, sorry Nikolas. I thought you were baby Michael."
Nikolas: "Well, unless that baby is as gifted as I am, and grew up with private tutors, I don't think that he can talk yet." (laughs) "You know, I could talk at 6 months..."
Robin: "Yes, I know. I think I've heard this story. You played scrabble with Mrs. Landsbury as a toddler, right?"
Nikolas: "Yeah, I guess I told you that. Did I ever tell you about the time I learned to ride? I was young lad of three...."
Robin: "Is there a point to your call Nikolas? I have to keep the Jaxline free, in case the babynappers call."
Nikolas: "Oh yeah, the point. Um, well, um, I said I wanted to take you out to lunch one day to thank you for helping me regain my speech."
Robin: "I told you, I didn't do anything special. I was just there when it happened."
Nikolas: "You always say that. But, I still owe you lunch."
Robin: "I'd love to Nikolas, but I have to babysit Brenda until Jaxman gets back."
Nikolas: "Babysit? Brenda? Am I missing something here?"
Robin: "Well, Jaxman has a certain paranoia when it comes to Brenda. We're never allowed to leave her alone. She might whither away and die while we're gone. Or she might wander off to the cemetery and call all of her mortal enemies her friends...."
Nikolas: "Huh?"
Robin: "Never mind...it's just something she does occasionally."
Nikolas: "Oh, that's too bad...I was really looking forward to having lunch with you today."
Brenda (screaming in the background): "ARGH!!!! Where's the *#$^&#* tripod???? ARGH!!!!!"
Nikolas: "What is that?"
Robin (looking scared): "On second thought.....I'll go out with you. I'll meet you in the park. Right now."
Nikolas: "Alright. I'll see you in a few minutes. Bye."
Brenda (comes downstairs, looking deranged): "Who were you talking to??? You were talking to Sonny, weren't you?? I know you were, you're spying on me again. Where's my *&%& tripod?"
Robin: "Um...I'm gonna go now...." (Robin opens the door and leaves)
Brenda (screaming): "Say hi to Sonny for me. That IS who you're going to see, isn't it??? Fine!!!
Tell him I'm doing just fine without him!!!" (the scene ends)
*********************
(Scene 3-Robin and Nik are having a picnic in the park)
Nikolas: "Mmm, lobster bisque. I love it, especially at a picnic."
Robin: "Yeah? Well, I could really go for a hot dog."
Nikolas: "A hot dog? Is that one of your Americanisms?"
Robin: "Well, not really...oh, never mind. Lobster bisque is ok. Jaxman always flies it in from Paris for Brenda. Sometimes they actually share with me."
Nikolas: "How is Brenda? Things seemed a little crazy when I called earlier."
Robin: "Let's not talk about her. Quite frankly she freaks me out..."
Nikolas: "Ok...did I ever tell you about my Tai-chi? How I got my blackbelt..."
Robin: "At age 6, yes, you told me already."
Nikolas: "Oh....Look. Here comes Sarah" (saying to himself "Please go away Sarah")
Robin: "Hi Sarah, how are you?"
Sarah: "I'm fine....No. Actually I'm insanely jealous. I GOT AN ‘A' IN ENGLISH DAMMIT!!!!!"
Robin: "Um...ok." (Thinking to herself "I think Jaxman and myself have found our next case")
Nikolas (embarrassed): "Sarah, I think your grandmother is calling you."
Sarah: "Who?"
Nikolas: "Your grandmother." (Sarah looks at him, puzzled) "You know, Mrs. Hardy???"
Sarah: "Um....oh, you mean Gram?"
Nikolas: "Yeah, that's what I said."
Sarah: (yells) "Coming Gram!!!" (turns to Robin & Nik) "I've got to go do the laundry and then study all night for calculus."
Robin: "Bye Sarah" (Sarah leaves).
Nikolas: "Now, back to our picnic...did I ever tell you about what I used to do when I was a child? When I was 7, I...."
Robin: "Graduated from the eighth grade, yeah, I know."
Nikolas (looks up): "Here comes Tony and little Lucas." (thinking "Gosh, I HATE that kid. He's so annoying! And he sports that traditional American haircut, where they put a bowl over their heads and...Oh good, they're walking right past us. Keep walking, keep walking...")
(Tony and Lucas walk past, and a piece of paper falls out of Tony's pocket)
Robin: "Tony, you dropped this...."
Nikolas: "He didn't hear you."
Robin: "I gathered that. Let me look at this...baby diapers, baby powder, baby carriage...what's going on with Tony? He doesn't have a baby! Why would he buy this stuff?"
Nikolas: "Did I ever tell you that at the age of one, I could...."
Robin: "Change your own diaper, yes, you did.....Wait a minute! Tony has Michael, I know it!!! I have to go."
Nikolas: "Are you going to find Jaxman?"
Robin: "No way! Jaxman thinks he's the cat's @ss, so I'm going to prove to him that I can solve a case all on my own."
Nikolas: "Cat's @ss? What in the world...?"
Robin: "Never mind....I have to go. I'll see you later."
(Robin exits, and the scene ends)
*******************
(Scene 4-Jaxman arrives at Moreno's place. He encounters a bodyguard)
Jaxman: "Excuse me, but I am here to see Moreno."
Bodyguard: "Is he expecting you?"
Jaxman: "I don't need an invitation, I am Jaxman!!!"
Bodyguard: "Who?"
Jaxman: "Jaxman dammit!!! Doer of good and conqueror of evil! Corporate raider by day, superhero by night!"
Bodyguard: "Sorry, never heard of you."
Jaxman: "Geez, you mob lackeys are as dumb as my ex-wife Brender. Well, she's not really my ex-wife, but I thought we were married at one time...."
Bodyguard: "Huh? Was that an insult?"
Jaxman: "Just let me in to see Moreno, or I'll..."
Bodyguard: "You'll what?"
Jaxman: "I'll break down the door myself!!!"
Bodyguard: "Be my guest..."
(The bodyguard moves away from the door, and Jaxman takes a full run at it--Wham!!!! The noise alerts the people inside the room, including Moreno)
Jaxman: "Dammit, that hurt! I think I broke my shoulder! This door must be made of steel, but I can break it down! Let me try again." (He takes another full run at the door--Splat!!!) "Dammit!!!"
Bodyguard: "Ok, you've amused me for long enough. Now it is time to get rid of you." (the bodyguard proceeds to beat Jaxman up)
Jaxman: "Ow! You can't do this to me! Ow! I'm Jaxman!!!"
(Moreno opens the door to see what the commotion is)
Moreno: "What's going on out here? I'm trying to conduct a meeting!"
Bodyguard: "This guy wanted to see you. He was trying to break the door down." (Jaxman picks himself up off the floor, and dusts himself off)
Moreno: "Who is he?"
Bodyguard: "I don't know."
Jaxman: "The name's Jaxman dammit!!! Jaxman!!!!!"
Moreno: "Let him in."
(Jaxman enters the apartment, turns to the bodyguard, and sticks out his tongue at him. The bodyguard growls at him and Jaxman runs into the apartment)
Moreno: "What can I do for you, um...what's the name again?"
Jaxman: "It's Jaxman! Jaxman!!!!"
Moreno: "Ok Mr. Jaxman, what are you doing here? And why are you dressed in a speedo?"
Jaxman: "I'm here to rescue baby Michael from the clutches of the underworld."
Moreno: "Huh?"
Jaxman: "I came for Michael Morgan. Where is he?"
Moreno: "I already told Jason that I don't have him. Did Morgan send you here?"
Jaxman: "I don't take my orders from Jason. I'm here on my own. I want to be the hero in this case. Now, where is Michael?"
Moreno: "I just said, I don't have him."
Jaxman: "You are lying dammit! I know it! Now, either tell me where he is or I'll...."
Moreno: "You'll what?"
Jaxman: "I'll search this place myself, until I find him!" (Jaxman begins to walk around the apartment)
Moreno: "Guys, take care of this clown."
(Moreno motions to two of his associates. They move toward Jaxman, and proceed to beat him up)
Jaxman: "Ow! I'm getting really tired of this! Ow! You can't do this to me, I'm Jaxman!"
(The door bursts open, and Jason enters)
Jason: "What's going on here?"
Moreno: "We're just taking care of a small problem..."
Jaxman: "Ow! Help me Jason! Ow! Please!"
Jason: "Let him go."
Moreno: "You know this clown?" (Jaxman picks himself up and dusts himself off, yet again)
Jason: "Unfortunately. Just let him leave. He's harmless."
Moreno: "Fine Morgan, but I already told you I don't have your kid."
Jason: "I know, I didn't send this guy. We'll leave you to your business."
(Jaxman and Jason exit the apartment. Jason smacks Jaxman in the side of the head).
Jason: "If you EVER pull a stunt like that again, I'll kill you myself."
(Jason leaves, and Jaxman is left holding his face. The scene ends)
***********************
(Scene 5-Jaxman, battered and bruised, returns to the Jaxcave to check on Brenda)
Jaxman: "Brender? Brender? Where are you?"
Brenda (yelling in the background): "ARGH!!!!! I hate you Sonny!!!!!! Where's the *#)*#^ tripod?"
Jaxman: "Row-bin? Hello? Dammit! I told her not to leave Brender alone!"
(Brenda runs up to Jaxman, tripod in hand)
Jaxman: "Dammit! Here we go again!!!" (Brenda proceeds to beat Jaxman with the tripod) "Ow! Brender, stop! Dammit! Ow!"
(Brenda realizes what she's doing, and stops beating Jaxman)
Brenda (looking mortified): "Jaxman, I'm so sorry! I don't know why I do these things! I love you, I really do. Sonny means nothing to me!"
Jaxman: "Ok, whatever...so, where's Row-bin? I told her to stay here and take care of you..."
Brenda (looking paranoid): "She's a spy Jaxman, a spy for Sonny. I just know it! She went to see him, that's why she's back in Port Charles. She's here to torture me and report back to Sonny!"
Jaxman: "I thought Sonny meant nothing to you?"
Brenda (looking steady): "He doesn't!"
Jaxman: "Ok, whatever....Anyway, I have to find Row-bin. We're working on a big case..."
Brenda: "Fine! Take her side! What, are you helping Sonny now? Are you a spy for him too? Huh? Is that how it's gonna be? Fine!"
Jaxman: "Um, I'm going to go now...."
Brenda: "Fine, I don't need you, I don't need anybody! I'll just sit here and cut the faces out of all my pictures and burn them!"
Jaxman: "Uh, ok. Have fun! I must find Row-bin."
(Jaxman grabs his coat and rushes out of the Jaxcave. The scene ends)
*************************
(Scene 6--Robin returns to the park, to find Nik and Sarah there)
Nikolas: "Robin, what are you doing back here? Did you find Dr. Jones?" (Sarah glares at Robin)
Robin: "No, I didn't find him. Do you mind if I join you?"
Nikolas (excitedly and quickly): "Sure! Sit right here!"
(He points to a spot right between him and Sarah, and Robin sits down. Sarah moves over, looking disgusted)
Robin: "I looked everywhere, I can't seem to find him."
Nikolas: "You will, in time."
Robin: "Michael might not have time, I need to find Dr. Jones and fast!"
Sarah: "Nik and I are in English class together. He took the blame for me when I was framed for stealing test answers."
Robin (turns to Sarah, looking confused): "That's nice." (Robin turns back towards Nikolas). "Anyway, I really need to save Michael before it's too late!"
Nikolas: "Did I ever tell you about the time I saved Sheba from...."
Robin: "A raging fire in the stables, yes, I know."
Nikolas: "I really hope that I get the chance to take you to Cafe Matisse again, maybe for your birthday. We can eat Cat-Toe-Danny-Verse-Air."
(Nik and Robin laugh. Sarah looks confused, saying to herself "Cat-Toe-Danny-Verse-Air, Cat-Toe-Danny-Verse-Air....I don't get it!!! Dammit!")
Robin: "J'aime le gateau d'anniversaire. C'est magnifique."
Nikolas: "Oui, j'aime aussi. Mais j'aime lobster bisque quand je mange avec toi."
Robin: "Oh, Nikolas, tu es tres beau!"
(Sarah is looking at them, totally confused. Finally, she gets fed up and stands to leave. As she gets angrier her eyes widen to hide her pain)
Sarah: "Je....um, I'm going to go now..." (Sarah looks away, and she is staring into the distance)
Nikolas: "Ok Sarah, I'll call you." (Sarah doesn't respond, she is still staring into space) "Sarah? Hello?"
Sarah: "I see something...over there." (Nik and Robin stand up beside her, but see nothing)
Nikolas: "I don't see anything."
Sarah (pointing): "Right there! It's Tony Jones, and he's holding something!"
Robin: "Where? I still don't see him!"
Sarah (emphatically): "Right there!!!"
Robin (turns to Nik and whispers): "Is this for real?"
Nik (whispering back): "Yes, Sarah can see anything within a five mile radius with those eyes of hers, especially now that she's cut her bangs."
Robin: "I must go apprehend Tony and get baby Michael back. Thanks for your help Sarah."
(Sarah smiles proudly and looks toward Nik. He is staring at Robin in her little superhero costume)
Sarah: "I got an ‘A-' in calculus you know..."
Robin (distantly): "Yeah, that's great. I gotta run!"
Nikolas: "Do you need any help?"
Robin: "No, this is something I must do alone, to prove to Jaxman that I can solve cases without his help."
(Robin leaves the scene quickly and Nik follows, leaving Sarah standing alone in the park)
***********************
(Scene 7--Jaxman, still convinced that Moreno has baby Michael, makes a return visit to his apartment)
Bodyguard: "Oh no, not you again!"
Jaxman: "Yes, I am here to retrieve baby Michael Morgan from Mr. Moreno."
Bodyguard: "He already told you, he doesn't have the baby!"
Jaxman: "Yes he does! I say he does and therefore, he does! I must rescue baby Michael!"
Bodyguard: "That's it, I'm sick of you." (the bodyguard proceeds to beat up Jaxman)
Jaxman: "Ow! You can't do this to me dammit! I am Jaxman!"
(The scene fades, with Jaxman still taking a beating)
************************
(Scene 8--Robin arrives at the cabin, and turns to find Nikolas right behind her. She looks disappointed)
Robin: "Nikolas, I told you not to follow me!"
Nikolas: "You shouldn't be alone, Dr. Jones has obviously lost his mind, and I thought I could be of some help."
Robin: "Maybe you can....I just have to come up with a plan..." (Robin sits for a while, thinking) "Wait a minute!!! I've got it! I know how to get baby Michael away from Tony!"
Nikolas: "How?"
Robin: "With your help."
Nikolas: "Great, I'd love to help!"
Robin: "Ok, here's the plan. I need you to knock on the cabin door. When Tony answers, I want you to tell him your life story: all of it."
Nikolas: "Even about the time I got my tutor fired because I didn't like the way she looked?"
Robin (looks at him strangely): "Yeah, even that."
Nikolas: "Ok, I can do that! Here I go!"
(Nikolas walks up to the cabin door and knocks. Tony answers)
Tony: "What are you doing here Nikolas?"
Nikolas: "Hi Dr. Jones. I was just wondering if I ever told you about the first time I crawled up the stairs, all by myself. I was only three months old...."
Tony: "That's great Nikolas, but I should really get going..."
Nikolas: "Wait! What about the time I made my first million? That was a great fifth birthday...."
Tony: "That's fantastic, but I should really get back...."
Nikolas: "When I was 12, I learned to drive..."
(Tony is beginning to get tired, as Nik continues to talk about his life)
Nikolas: "When I was 14, I travelled all around Europe, and learned to speak french. Would you like to hear some?"
(By this time, a half hour has passed and Tony is asleep. Robin sneaks into the cabin and grabs baby Michael. She motions towards Nikolas that it's time to go).
Nikolas: "But I've only gotten to the part where I was 15 and got my first car, a lambourghini..."
Robin: "Let's go Nikolas, I've got baby Michael!"
(Robin and Nikolas leave, as Tony lies asleep in the doorway)
**********************
(Scene 9--Jaxman, fresh from his latest beating, is wandering the streets of Port Charles. Suddenly, his cell phone begins to ring. He reaches into his speedo to retrieve the phone...)
Jaxman: "Hello?"
Robin: "Jaxman, it's me. Robin!"
Jaxman: "Row-bin, I've been looking all over for you! Why did you leave Brender all alone? I told you to stay with her..."
Robin: "Quite frankly, she freaks me out. I had to leave. I saw the tripod...."
Jaxman: "And unfortunately I felt the tripod....Anyway, back to the case. I've found the culprits. It's Moreno and his men...."
Robin: "Jaxman, I have baby Michael, he's with me!"
Jaxman: "That's impossible! I say he's with Moreno and his men, so that's where he's got to be!"
Robin: "Well, he's right here with me, and I'm bringing him home. Meet me at the police station."
Jaxman: "Ok, I'll be right there....once I can get myself oriented...."
Robin: "Huh?"
Jaxman: "Never mind, it's a long story....I'll meet you there."
(Jaxman and Robin hang up, and the scene ends)
*************************
(Scene 10--Jaxman arrives at the police station, followed by Robin and Nikolas. They are met by Taggert and Dara)
Robin: "Here he is! Here's baby Michael!"
Taggert: "Where did you find him? Which one of Morgan's enemies had him?"
Jaxman: "I still think it was Moreno, because I said it was him!"
Robin: "It wasn't one of Jason's enemies...it was Tony Jones!"
Taggert: "What? You're lying! It must have had something to do with Angerboy. I must be able to pin something on him one of these days! I must!!!"
(Dara glares at Taggert, and he backs off a little)
Robin: "I'm telling you, it was Tony Jones! You can ask Nikolas!"
Nikolas: "She speaks the truth, it was Tony Jones....Did I ever tell you about the time I singlehandedly apprehended a ruthless criminal? I was only 13..."
Taggert: "Yeah, whatever rich boy. Anyway, I think we should bring Jason in, just so we can grill him for a few hours." (Taggert smirks) "I love doing that." (Just then, Justus enters with Jason and Carly).
Justus: "If you even so much as look at my client Taggert, I will have your badge so fast..."
Taggert: "Just try it pretty boy..."
Dara: "Excuse me, but could you two please check your testosterone at the door? We've found baby Michael, that's what's important here..." (Justus and Taggert glare at one another)
Carly: "You found my baby! Look Jason, they found our baby! Thanks Jaxman and Robin, I knew we could count on you!"
Jaxman (smiling): "You're welcome. It was nothing, really."
(Robin looks at Jaxman and shakes her head. The scene ends)
**And so ends another episode of Jaxman and Robin. What will be the next test for our superheros? Stay tuned for the next adventure of Jaxman and Robin!**
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