(Scene 1-the setting: the Jaxcave. Jaxman is sitting alone on the couch, expressionless)
Jaxman: "Oh, I am so sad, my precious Brender has left me. I told her nobody leaves. Nobody leaves I said! I think I actually said it twice, or maybe it was three times....It does not matter. I said it and now my precious Brender is gone forever. I am so dee-pressed..."
(There is a knock on the door, but Jaxman ignores it. The knocking persists)
Robin: "Jaxman, let me in please. It's me, Robin! Please?"
(Jaxman stands up and opens the door)
Jaxman: "Hello Row-bin, come in..."
(Robin looks at Jaxman and is shocked by what she sees)
Robin: "Jaxman, what...what are you wearing???"
Jaxman: "These are my track pants. Actually, they are Jerry's. All I own are business suits and speedos..."
Robin: "I'm, um, I just didn't know you wore anything but those things..."
Jaxman: "Well, I do now. Brender has gone forever. All I have is this tripod to remember her by." (Jaxman looks at the tripod fondly) "Look at the dent. See it? That's from when she beat me unconscious with it...Ahh, the good old days. I miss her. I am so dee-pressed..."
Robin: "I know you're sad Jaxman, so am I. But I need your help with a case! It's important!"
(Jaxman stays seated on the couch, and the scene ends)
*********************
(Scene 2-the setting: Wyndemere. Stefan is giving Nikolas advice about life)
Stefan: "Nikolas, my son, oops, I mean, my nephew. Come and settle adjacent to myself on the chesterfield."
Nikolas: "What is this about Uncle?" Do you wish to impart a fraction of your infinite wisdom to myself?"
Stefan: "Yes, Nikolas. That is my wish. Now, I urge you to attend to my utterances for a few moments."
Nikolas: "I am attending to your counsel Uncle. Please, share you erudition..."
Stefan: "As you wish. Allow me to commence from the beginning....It is interminable, the Cassadine tradition, and it originated from your great-great grandfather. Stav-fawn...He was omnipotent warrior, who did not allow mere mortals to dictate the manner in which he chose to exist. That, Nikolas, is what you are born of...."
(Stefan looks at Nikolas and continues his story. The scene ends)
*****************************
(Scene 3-the setting: the Jaxcave. Jaxman has barely blinked an eye at the mention of a case)
Jaxman: "What case Row-bin?"
Robin: "It's important to me Jaxman, you might not want to take it, but I could really use your help..."
Jaxman: "Of course you need my help. You cannot solve cases on your own. But I am afraid that I am too disheartened to help you..."
Robin: "You can Jaxman, I need you. You need to get out of this depression!"
Jaxman: "Who is the culprit in this case, Morgan?"
Robin: "Well, sort of..."
Jaxman: "Getting Morgan would be great for me, maybe I would not be so dee-pressed anymore."
Robin: "Actually, I don't want to get Jason. I want to find out who gave him that haircut. I hate his new hair dammit! Actually, mine isn't that great either, but....well, first things first."
Jaxman: "Speaking of hair, am I a blond or a brunette? Brender was a brunette." *sniff*
(Robin looks around the Jaxcave, and notices something peculiar)
Robin: "Jaxman, what is that hanging on the wall?"
Jaxman: "Those were Brender's favorite speedos, the ones that Morgan dee-stroyed. They remind me of her...NOBODY LEAVES!"
Robin: "Uh, Jaxman? She's gone, you have to accept that...now, are you going to help me or not?"
(Robin looks at Jaxman, anxiously awaiting his answer. The scene ends)
****************************
(Scene 4-the setting: Wyndemere. Stefan is continuing his conversation with Nikolas)
Stefan: "So Stav-fawn did not permit the persecution of our ancestors. Instead, he manifested himself as a commoner to ensure the sanctuary of his progeny, thus securing our place in history. As time elapsed, phenomenons altered the era of Stav-fawn, compelling him to formulate realizations about his existence in the state at that particular juncture..."
Nikolas: "Uncle, at what interval will this tale become relevant for myself?"
Stefan: "Be patient Nikolas. Soon you will comprehend the moral of this narrative....As I was articulating...."
(Stefan continues his story, and the scene ends)
******************************
(Scene 5-the setting: the Jaxcave. Jaxman is considering Robin's offer)
Jaxman: "I am sorry Row-bin, but I cannot help you. I no longer have my precious Brender, and I no longer have any power..."
Robin: "Brender...I mean, Brenda wasn't your power Jaxman, you like helping people."
Jaxman: "I cannot help people. I have no money left. How can I bribe people with my millions like I did with Sonny, Veronica, Moreno, Morgan, Sarah..."
Robin: "Wait, when did you bribe Sarah?"
Jaxman: "I bribed her to leave town. She was annoying! She wouldn't take my money either....What power do I have left with no money? It's the only way I can get results and respect..."
(Suddenly, Robin notices something. Not a physical thing, but something else. During her whole conversation, Jaxman has not said the word 'Dammit' once! Is he really that depressed? Will she ever get her partner back? The scene ends)
******************************
(Scene 6-the setting: Wyndemere. Stefan is continuing his conversation with Nikolas)
Stefan: At that particular period, he inundated his most mortal antagonist and relished in his new guise as king of...whatever it is we are royalty to. Then he became engaged to the most beautiful woman in the land..."
Nikolas: "Is that why good looks run in our family?"
Stefan: "No, she, how do you Americans say, 'dumped' him. Did you ever see my father? Handsome, he was not...Now, returning to my anecdote....Stav-fawn ordered the woman beheaded for her crime of treason against our lineage. He orchestrated her demise in a auspicious manner, thus avouching his domination over the peasants of the acreage..."
(An hour passes, and Stefan looks over at Nikolas, who has fallen asleep)
Stefan: "Ah, thus is the nature of the beast. Perhaps I will continue with my account at a more adventageous juncture..."
(Stefan shakes his head, and the scene ends)
**********************
(Scene 7-the setting: the Jaxcave. Robin is trying to convince Jaxman to get out of his depression)
Robin (concerned): "Jaxman?"
Jaxman: "Yes Row-bin?"
Robin: "Do you realize..."
Jaxman: "Realize what?"
Robin: "We have been talking for an hour now, and you haven't said the word 'Dammit' once! I don't know quite what to make of it..."
Jaxman: "I'm sorry Row-bin, I am just so dee--"
Robin (interrupting): "Pressed. Yeah, I know. But, it's not acceptable." (Robin tries to think of ways to cheer Jaxman up) "Hey, want to play pat-a-cake?"
(A slight smile comes over Jaxman's face, but it soon fades)
Jaxman: "No thank you Row-bin."
Robin: "Come on Jaxman, I know you want to play..."
(Jaxman begins to get ready to play, but stops himself)
Jaxman: "I am not in the mood..."
Robin: "Want to watch Crocodile Dundee? I know you love that movie..."
(Jaxman is starting to get excited now, but holds it back)
Jaxman: "No Row-bin, it just does not feel right having fun without Brender...NOBODY LEAVES!!!"
(Robin has one more chance to make Jaxman happy again, but will she do it? She thinks to herself 'I need to help Jaxman, but...oh geez. I can't believe I'm going to do this, but...')
Robin (singing): "Traveling in a fried-out combie
On a hippie trail, head full of zombie
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous
She took me in and gave me breakfast
And she said..."
(Robin looks to Jaxman, smiling and waiting for him to continue the song for her. Jaxman stands up, finally excited enough to think about life again)
Jaxman (singing): "Do you come from a land down under?
Where women glow and men plunder?
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover."
(Jaxman is up and dancing now, and Robin smiles)
Jaxman: "Hey Row-bin, wanna play pat-a-cake?"
Robin: "Actually Jaxman, we have a case to solve..."
Jaxman: "Well Row-bin, I still do not feel good about helping Morgan..."
Robin: "Ok then, tell me this. What did Brenda hate more that anything else?"
Jaxman: "You mean besides Corinthos?"
Robin: "Come on Jaxman, I'm being serious.."
Jaxman: "Sorry Row-bin." (Jaxman thinks for a minute) "What she hated most was...Bad Hair!!! Let's get the person who styled Morgan's hair and make him pay DAMMIT! For Brender!"
Robin: "For Brenda..."
(Jaxman tears off his track pants to reveal his new speedos, with a picture of Brenda on the front. He rushes out of the Jaxcave as Robin stands for a moment. 'He said Dammit! He's back.' She smiles and follows him out of the Jaxcave. The scene ends)
***Will Jaxman and Robin be able to track down the bad hairdresser in Port Charles? Is Jaxman over his precious Brender? Is he a blond, or a brunette? Tune in to the next episode of Jaxman and Robin to find out!***
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