It's New Years Eve, and Jaxman & Robin are preparing to celebrate the new millennium. Both have plans, independent of each other.
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(The setting: the Jaxcave. Jaxman & Robin are putting the finishing touches on a case)
Robin: "So, that's what happened. It seems Gatsby ate Michael Quartermaine's stuffed giraffe."
Jaxman (shaking his head): "I cannot accept this dammit! I know Morgan was involved!"
Robin (rolling her eyes): "Jason gave Michael that toy, why would he take it back?"
Jaxman: "Bee-cause I said so dammit! And he is a criminal!"
Robin (throws her hands in the air): "Why do I even bother?"
Jaxman: "What about the other case we were working on? The one with Stefan? That one is confusing dammit!"
Robin: "Oh, I talked to him. He didn't want us to take a case for him. He just wanted to know where the big New Year's Eve parties were. Apparently, the Cassadine's usually celebrate the holiday underground, but seeing as this is the new millennium, I think he wants to celebrate in style..."
Jaxman: "But he said...I do not know what he said dammit! I cannot understand that man!"
Robin: "He just said, 'it is with the utmost urgency that I unearth the vicinity of the most grand affair commemorating the new year.'"
Jaxman (shaking his head): "I will never discern what Mr. Cassadine is inquiring about dammit!"
Robin (looks at him strangely): "What did you just say?"
Jaxman (confused): "I have no idea dammit!"
Robin: "Well, I've got to be going now. It's New Year's, and I have a date ... er, dates, to get to. See ya!"
Jaxman: "Bye Row-bin! Happy New Year dammit!"
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(The setting: the Jaxcave. Jaxman is trying to find just the right outfit to wear for New Year's. Finally, he finds the perfect speedo. It is baby blue and has a picture of a toy yacht on it)
Jaxman: "Ah, I love these precious Brender speedos. I miss her dammit!"
(Alexis comes down the stairs)
Alexis (looks at his speedos): "Hmm, those are ... nice." (Shakes her head) "Now, remind me: why did I marry you again?"
Jaxman: "Bee-cause I am great dammit!"
Alexis: "No, I don't think that was it..."
Jaxman: "Where are we going dammit? I am so excited!"
Alexis: "Well, I was thinking a formal, public party, but considering..." (she looks down at his speedos) "I think we'll invite Ned and Chloe over."
Jaxman: "Yay dammit! We can all play hopscotch together!"
Alexis: "I think I'll pass..." (She reaches for the phone, as Jaxman looks to her)
Jaxman: "I will be right back dammit! There is someone that I need to see today!"
(Jaxman grabs his coat, and rushes out of the Jaxcave)
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(The setting: Kelly's. Jaxman arrives and sees that the restaurant is closed. He starts banging on the door)
Jaxman: "Hello? It is cold out here dammit! I bee-leeve that my speedos might be shrinking! Let me in dammit!"
(Hannah emerges and starts down the stairs. She rolls her eyes as she sees Jaxman at the door)
Hannah (opens the door): "Can I help you?"
Jaxman: "What are you doing here dammit? It is New Years Eve! And you are here in your underwear!"
Hannah (looks down at him): "And so are you. Besides, this is lingerie. Don't you know anything?" (Shakes her head)
Jaxman: "I know that it is New Years Eve, and I wanted to celebrate with you, precious Brender! See my speedos? Ree-member this boat I gave you? I miss you dammit!"
Hannah: "For the last time, I am not your precious Brender! My name is Hanner! ARGH! Hannah! Now you have me doing it. Sheesh!" (She opens the door) "Now, please leave. Sonny is upstairs waiting for me." (She shoves Jaxman out the door)
Jaxman: "Dammit! I love you, precious Brender! Corinthos will pay for this dammit!"
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(The setting: The Jaxcave. Alexis is on the phone with Chloe)
Alexis: "So, are you and your husband going to be coming tonight?"
Chloe: "That would be just grand! How lovely of you and Jax to think of us!"
Alexis: "Don't thank me. I want Ned. Tonight. Right now."
Chloe: "Oh Alexis, you're making me blush!"
Alexis: "We'll see you in about an hour then?"
Chloe: "That would be just lovely! And I can bring the thoughtful gift I purchased for Jax. It is ever so divine. He will just adore it, I'm sure!"
Alexis: "As long as it doesn't have to do with Olivia Newton-John, Men At Work, or Paul Hogan, I'm happy."
Chloe: "Who?"
Alexis (shaking her head): "That's what I thought. See you in an hour."
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(The setting: Luke's. All of the "younger set" of Port Charles are assembling for a millennium party. Robin is trying to juggle her two dates. Or is that three???)
Nikolas: "I wonder where Robin went?"
Lucky: "I don't know, man. She came with you about an hour ago, then, I saw her get her coat and leave. Maybe she just needed some air, man."
Nikolas: "Maybe..."
(Nikolas and Lucky go to the back room to play pool, and shortly thereafter Robin arrives on Jason's arm)
Robin: "Oh Jason, thanks for bringing me here. I hope this new millennium brings me everyone, oops, I mean, everything I want."
Jason: "I don't understand why they celebrate New Year's anyway. The trees look so much nicer outside in the forest, covered with snow."
(Robin looks at him, confused)
Jason: "I'm going to go see if I can find Luke."
(Jason walks to the back. A few minutes later Taggert enters the restaurant. Robin rolls her eyes)
Taggert (walks confidently up to her): "Hey baby! What's a pretty girl like you doing here all alone?"
(Liz and Emily have seen everything, and are taking mental notes. Three guys, one night. Robin Scorpio was their new hero)
Robin (looks to the floor): "If you only knew..."
Taggert (grabs her hand): "How about we dance? I love this song!"
(Robin chuckled as she heard the words 'Rico, Suave' coming from the jukebox. Figured Taggert liked this song)
Robin: "Nice taste, Taggert."
Taggert: "Thanks." (He smiles) "And it's Marcus."
Robin (smiling): "Marcus."
(They laughed and danced to Taggert's favorite song. Robin couldn't help it, but she found herself actually enjoying Taggert's company. Who'd of thunk it? When the song finished, they stood, laughing and out of breath, when both Jason and Nikolas emerged from where they were. Emily and Liz watched carefully. How was Robin going to get herself out of this one?)
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(The setting: The Jaxcave. Ned and Chloe arrive)
Ned: "Alexis!"
Alexis: "Ned!"
Ned & Alexis (to Chloe and Jaxman, in unison): "See you in a few hours!" (with that, they both run up the stairs, giggling)
Jaxman: "What was that all about dammit?"
Chloe: "Oh Jax, I do believe they are in love!"
Jaxman: "Why do you call me that dammit?"
Chloe (confused): "What?"
Jaxman: "Jax?"
Chloe: "Isn't that your name?"
Jaxman: "I am Jaxman dammit!"
Chloe: "Well, I want to call you Jax. Is that okay?"
Jaxman: "Whatever. But ree-member. I am Jaxman dammit! Doer of good and conqueror of evil. Corporate raider by day, superhero by night!"
(A few hours pass. While Ned and Alexis are upstairs, Chloe and Jaxman pass the time by playing hopscotch and discussing the virtues of the color blue)
Chloe: "And so that is why I am ever so afraid of snakes, and why I so adore the color blue."
Jaxman: "That is interesting dammit!"
(Ned and Alexis emerge from upstairs, grins on their faces)
Jaxman: "Where were you dammit? We have been waiting for almost 2 hours!"
Ned (turns to Alexis): "Please tell me he's kidding."
Alexis (straight-faced): "He's kidding."
Ned: "Good. I didn't think anyone could be that stupid."
Jaxman (starting to cry): "You called me stupid dammit!" (He pulls some Kleenex from the secret compartment in his speedos, as Ned looks on, shocked)
Chloe: "Oh, I do hope that this gift I bought you cheers you up."
Jaxman (Smiling): "A gift for me? Yay dammit!" (He quickly rips the paper and opens the box. He starts to cry again)
Chloe (hurt): "Goodness! That was not the effect I was going for..."
Jaxman: "It is my precious Brender's toy yacht! Where did you get this dammit? From Morgan?"
Chloe (confused): "Morgan?"
Jaxman (angry): "Yes, Morgan. He must have stolen it from my precious Brender! I hate that guy dammit!"
Chloe (slowly): "I got it at the store..." (she looks down at his speedos) "Now I see the significance."
Alexis: "Suddenly, I don't feel like celebrating here. Anyone up for a party?"
Ned: "Count me in."
Jaxman (still crying in the corner, pulling Kleenex from his speedos): "I do not feel like going dammit!"
Ned: "Good, cause we weren't going to invite you anyway! Give it up! She's been dead for years now! Geez..."
Jaxman: "She is not dead! She is sleeping with Corinthos as we speak! Oh, I have just made myself even more dee-pressed dammit!"
Alexis (rolling her eyes): "Goodnight, and Happy New Year." (The three of them shake their heads and leave the Jaxcave)
(Jaxman sits alone in the dark, holding the toy boat like a teddy bear)
Jaxman: "Happy New Year precious Brender. I miss you dammit! And please, whatever you do, stay away from Corinthos. He is evil dammit!"
(After a while, Jaxman falls asleep on the couch, visions of couch sex dancing in his head)
**Will Jaxman have a happy new year? Who will Robin spend the new millennium with? Stay tuned for the next episode of Jaxman & Robin to find out!
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