Simon Munnery



If we all just peeled off our skins. . . . we'd be in agony. But that's a small price to pay for world unity

One time I was in this lift, crowded. Suddenly this bloke int he corner pipes up and he goes "Oi! Who farted?". I said "We all did in some point in our lives. Let's not start proportioning blame for individual farting OK?" And he said "It was you was it?".

Locks on our doors
not on our hearts
Let people into your hearts
Don't let them into your houses


Money can't buy you love
THEY SAY
And who are they?
They're the Beatles


I was spraying some truths on a wall one time. The so called owner comes out and he goes "What's that you've written on my wall?". And I said "Fight Fascism of course!". an he goes "No you haven't son, what you've written is 'Fight Facism'. Fascism has a S in the middle". I said "Firstly don't call me son, I am not your son." And he said "Yes you are"

If you'd been where I've been, if you've seen the things I've seen. . . . you'd be me. . . . or someone following me around

"I have the heart of a lion, the eye of a eagle and the cock of a rhinosarus . . . now all we need is some glue"


Wanna to add something? e-mail me at unfrufru@excite.com
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