"What's the point of getting a tattoo on the inside of your lip unless it says 'Cheer up'"
"When my girlfriend gets her periods, her breasts become firmer and rounder and instead of sex, she gives me a blowjob . . . and they call it her time of the month"
"I've got an idea which will stop anyone ever leaving you. What you do is only go out with non-smokers and when your in love with them for the first time, just as they fall asleep, stick a few Nicorette patches on their arm, about 3 or 4 should do it. Carefully take them off each morning before they wake up; by the end of three weeks they're on 60 a day, they've got no idea they're on them. So if that person ever leaves you, they'll get incredible cravings, think it's love and come runing back to you"
"I would wear a turban, thing is, not very safe. Get hit on the head, unconcious. Ambulance comes (mimes unwrapping the turban, goes on for a while) 'Christ he's bleeding' (wraps turban up again)"
Wanna add something? email me at unfrufru@excite.com
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