Dude, Where’s My Car

Starring Ashton Kutcher, Seann William Scott, Kristy Swanson, Jennifer Garner and Marla Sokoloff. Written by Phillip Stark, Produced by Broderick Johnson and Andrew Kosgrove. Directed by Danny Leiner.

When is a stoner movie not a stoner movie? When it’s being made in the PC 2000’s. That’s right, this film is about two stoner dudes, Ashton Kutcher (from "That 70’s Show") and Seann William Scott (who has a film pedigree that consists of Road Trip and American Pie), who don’t actually smoke pot during the entire film. In fact, the only character that we see smoke pot is a dog. I hate Politically Correctness.

After a terrific opening credits scene (which actually will tell you the plot of the film, if you pay attention), Jesse (Kutcher) and Chester (Scott) awake with no memory of the previous night. And they can’t find Jesse’s car. They wander around a nameless city (which is obviously Los Angeles) searching for it, and their brain cells, and are pulled into a plot to find the oscillation overthruster, err…the Interstellar Protection doohickey, err…whatever. It’s some kind of alien device that can destroy the universe. See there’s these five hot chicks and two gay Euro body builders looking for it. Then there’s the awesome looking transsexual and her lesbian lover, and a bunch of cult wannabes, and finally Jesse and Chester’s girlfriends Wilma and Wanda, the "Twins" who are all after our boys.

On the whole, I usually enjoy "stupid" movies, at least at home on cable anyway. I can’t believe I paid good money to see this piece of dreck. Oh, wait, it was Sunday, after Christmas shopping all day, and there wasn’t anything else to see. Sure, there was a lot of eye candy (especially Marla Sokoloff and the Playboy Playmate of the Year at the end), but there was no substance here. I suppose that’s to be expected.

Ashton Kutcher has got the bonehead character down to a science, Seann William Scott is just annoying. Everyone else looks like they’re just there for a paycheck. Which I wish I had been, but no, I don’t get paid for seeing these things. Hint hint.

Anyway, my rating is: ** out of 5. Wait for cable.