Vertical Limit

Starring Chris O’Donnell, Bill Paxton, Robin Tunney, Isabella Scorupco, Temuera Morrison, Alexander Siddig and Scott Glenn. Written by Robert King and Terry Hayes. Produced by Martin Campbell, Robert King and Marcia Nasatir. Directed by Martin Campbell.

Holy mountain climbing Batman, Robin is off on a life and death adventure up K2! Actually, take the Eiger Sanction and remove the cool assassination plot, cast Robin as the Clint Eastwood role, THEN add in the cool old bouncer from Road House and some Nitro Glycerin, and divide the whole thing by K2, and you’ve got this piece of dreck.

I’d like to know who was the bright human being that decided to take Nitro-Glycerin up a mountain. He should be nominated for the Darwin Society Prize. Actually the big explosions (and subsequent avalanches) made for the best scenes in the film.

Robin Tunney STILL can’t act, and what’s up with her eyebrows? They look like Jack Nicholson’s. Bill Paxton is always a hoot, especially when he’s playing an asshole. Boy did I hate his character, all smarmy and rich. Scott Glenn is playing the same character that he played in Road House, oh wait, that was Sam Elliott. Oh well, same character, except instead of a bouncer, he’s a know-it-all mountain climber. Whoopee. I loved noticing that the former Dr. Bashir from Star Trek Deep Space Nine was actually playing a Muslim in this flick (though, if you aren’t looking closely, you won’t figure out who he is.). Isabella Scorupco is the window dressing in all of this, and she’s actually a good character too. She appeared in Campbell’s bond outing, GoldenEye. Temuera Morrison plays Boba Fett’s daddy in Star Wars Episode II, but I’ll be damned if I could figure out who he’s playing in this flick, and the IMDB didn’t help. I guess I should write these reviews the day after I see the film, and not a week later.

So that brings us to Robin. No not Robin Tunney, Chris O’Donnell. Because, see, now I can’t think of Chris as anything but Robin. And that’s not a bad thing really (ask Bruce Ward if you don’t think so), since Robin is my favorite character in all the Batman films, and the only reason I went to see Batman and Robin. Well OK, I liked seeing Alicia Silverstone in that black rubber suit with nipples too. Robin’s fine in this flick. I did expect him to spout off "Holy ice glaciers Batman, what are we going to do."

The problem is with the plot. It’s got loopholes you could fly a stealth bomber through. And it’s stupid beyond that. Basically, it’s this: some guys go up K2 as a publicity stunt, and get trapped. Then some other guys go after them, but one of the rescuers has a grudge against one of the stranded dudes, and wants to kill him. That’s it. Oh, did I mention the Nitro-glycerin? Yeah, they bring Nitro up a mountain. That’s wise. Of course, anyone who ACTUALLY wants to climb up past 25,000 feet, where you start DYING, needs a CT scan worse than Mark Green on ER. But I digress…

Also, I could have done without the "in-your-face" attitude when it comes to disgusting sequences. In the first 5 minutes, we’re treated to several falling deaths, including the impact of one climber on the Monument Valley floor. Complete with a really well-done thud. Later, we get the lovely sound-effect of someone’s dislocated finger being put back in place, and we get to watch several characters, whom we actually have come to like, get blasted off the mountain, courtesy of the aforementioned Nitro. It’s fun.

Oh, it’s not all bad. Some of the stunts are absolutely amazing, especially a leap from one edge of a crevasse to another (nicely ruined by the trailer), and things blow up real good. The scenery is nice, if you like snow and mountains, and the cinematography by David Tattersall is nicely done.

It’s just one of those movies that you walk into and should turn your brain off, because if you think about it too much, your brain will start to hurt. That, and it’s not for the squeamish. I actually might have given this an R rating, if I were asked (but then I’d have put at least one sex scene in it too.)

My Rating: d d ½ Snowflakes out of 5