Part 4

Michaela drew the wagon to a halt in the yard in front of Ruth Cardew's home, regarding it with some surprise. Somehow she hadn't expected to see this neat little dwelling with its blue front door and daisies blooming out front. The barns and fences were straight, as were the rows of furrowed ground readied for planting. Smoke spiralled from the chimney and a vast number of chickens picked about in the dirt to the side of the house. Behind the barns a herd of dairy cows grazed on the lush grass. It was a storybook setting and yet she suspected that underneath things were not quite as they seemed.

Taking a deep breath, she pulled on the brake, stood and then stepped down onto the dirt yard. As she turned to pick up her medical bag from the seat she heard the front door squeak open. She spun around to see Ruth slowly emerge, her expression unreadable. Plastering on a smile, Michaela walked toward the elderly woman. "How *are* you today Mrs Cardew?" she asked. "I thought I should check on your injuries ..."

"I'm just fine Doctor Quinn," she replied. "Just fine ... You didn' need ta come all the way out here ..." She made no gesture to invite Michaela inside.

"You're a patient ... and I'd feel much better if you'd at least let me check that wound," implored Michaela quietly and yet firmly.

The woman swallowed, obviously torn. At last she pulled a porch chair forward and sat down. "The light's better out here," she stated begrudgingly.

Thankful for small mercies, Michaela immediately stepped up onto the porch and, setting her medical bag down, began to gently prod at Ruth's swollen eye and then carefully remove the dressing from her cheek. As she worked, she asked quietly, "And how *are* you feeling? Any dizziness?"

"No ... I really *am* fine ... a little tired is all ..."

"Everything was alright when you got home last night?"

The elderly woman hesitated and then said tonelessly, "Everythin' was fine ... I went straight ta bed ..."

Michaela observed her carefully. There were no new injuries that she could see. "I hope you've been taking it easy today ...," she advised.

"Much as I can ..."

"And where are young Jimmy and your son in law?"

Ruth turned accusing eyes on her. "They're workin' ... much as they do every day at this time ...," she replied brusquely.

"Of course," rejoined Michaela, abashed. She began to place a new dressing over the wound. "Everything seems fine here ... but you'll need to keep it dry and clean ... If it suddenly becomes very sore or reddens, it means an infection has set in and I'll need to see you straight away ..."

"You told me all that last night doctor," Ruth charged.

"You weren't very well last night," rejoined Michaela firmly. "I wasn't sure how much you were able to take in ..."

"I heard ya alright," said Ruth, furtively glancing around the yard. She pushed the chair back and stood, only to suddenly pale, sway and then grasp its wooden back to stop herself from falling. Michaela immediately reached out to support the elderly woman and then ease her back into the chair. Ruth closed her eyes and took several deep breaths, while Michaela reached into her bag for her stethoscope. Placing it over the woman's heart she listened attentively as her erratic pulse gradually slowed to normal.

Absorbed in her diagnosis, she was startled when a gruff voice suddenly boomed from behind, "Who are you then?"

Michaela swung around to face a tall, powerful looking man standing in the middle of the yard, his hands on his hips. He was a little older than Sully, and a lot more strongly built. His hair, the same dark colour as his son's, was untidy and his face smudged with dirt. He was wearing the customary clothing of a farmer - heavy drill pants, braces and a plaid shirt which was stretched taut across the muscles of his chest and upper arms.

"I said, "Who might you be?" he repeated, his tone commanding, his large workman's hands now balled into fists at his side.

Drawing herself up to her full height, and instinctively stepping across to shield Ruth, Michaela replied, "I'm Doctor Quinn ... I've come to check on your mother in law's condition ... I'm assuming you *are* Ben Murphy .."

He stepped closer. "Yeah I'm Ben," he replied. "I heard about you ... you got Charlotte Cooper's kids ..."

"That's right ... a long time ago now Mr Murphy," she rejoined coldly, turning back to glance at Ruth who remained silent. She was surprised to observe that the woman was conscious, her eyes downcast.

"She gonna be alright?" asked Ben.

Michaela was bemused by his concern. "Yes ... I hope so ... as long as she takes it easy," she replied pointedly, lightly resting her hand on Ruth's shoulder. "She was badly injured and lost a lot of blood yesterday ... She should be in bed ..." She was almost certain she could discern a guilty look cross the man's face. She again turned away from him and bent to address her patient, "How about we get you inside ... a hot cup of sweet tea would help I'm sure." She observed Ruth glance apprehensively at Ben and then was surprised when the old woman acquiesced with a nod and grasped her hand for support to gingerly haul herself to her feet. Before heading inside, she eyed her son in law. "You go on back ta work now," she said firmly. "I'm only gonna make tea ..." The man's eyes narrowed for a moment before he stuffed his hands in his pockets, turned on his heel and headed for the barn.

Inside, the house was much as the outside - neat, clean, fresh. There was the tantalising aroma of a stew simmering on the stove and a vase of daisies stood in the centre of the table.

"This is lovely!" exclaimed Michaela involuntarily.

"Try to keep it nice for the boy," rejoined Ruth matter-of-factly, as she slowly slumped into a chair by the fire.

"Well you do a wonderful job of it," remarked Michaela, gazing around at all the woman's touches to the simple home. "I only wish mine could look like this ... but with a toddler ... and my work ..."

For the first time, Ruth regarded Michaela with some interest. "You got a little one you say?" she asked, her brow creased in a frown.

Michaela set the kettle on the heat and replied, "Mmm ... Katie ... she's two and a half ... She keeps me busy ..."

There was silence in the room while Michaela took down two china tea cups from the shelves. Then Ruth remarked reflectively, "I remember you now you know?"

Michaela turned and said quietly, "You do?"

"Uh huh ... everyone was talkin' about the new lady doc ... an' how they weren't gonna go see a woman ... Loren Bray pointed ya out to me in the street ... I couldn' believe a young, pretty, little thing like you could know about doctorin' ..." She paused, her eyes fixed on some unknown point in time. "Then came the influenza epidemic ...," she continued quietly. "An' I saw ya ..."

"Saw me?"

"Mmm ... in Charlotte's boardin' house ... lookin' after all those people who didn' have nowhere else ta go ... who needed ya ..." She met Michaela's eyes. "You looked after Maggie for me too ..."

"Your daughter?"

"Yeah ... she was real bad by the time we brought her inta town ... I knew there was no hope ... but ya didn' stop tryin' ... She only lasted a couple o' days ..." She took a deep breath, fighting the tears that welled in her eyes. "I could see people changin' toward you then ...," she added.

"It took a long time ... but things certainly did change after that ...," remarked Michaela softly.

"Yeah ... I guess ... for a lot of us," mused Ruth, lost in thought. "Ya got your own clinic now huh? I gotta admit ... I'm kinda surprised ya stuck around ..."

"I had my reasons," rejoined Michaela ambiguously. "But Mrs Cardew ... how is it that I haven't seen you in town ... any of you for that matter? ..."

The elderly woman shrugged. "When Maggie passed on ... well Ben thought it best we keep to ourselves out here ... Has in his mind that takin' Maggie ta town was what killed her ... I've tried ta tell him that couldn' be right .." She paused and peered up at Michaela questioningly. "That's right aint it? ... had nothin' ta do with takin' her to town? ..."

"No ... it had nothing to do with that," replied Michaela sympathetically.

The old woman nodded with satisfaction. "Bin tellin' him that for years now ... but he don' listen ta me ... I'm just a silly old woman ... a silly old woman ..." She trailed off.

"But what about Jimmy?" questioned Michaela. "His schooling ... friends?"

"He aint bin ta school ... Ben says he don' need to ... He'll run the farm after Ben goes he says ... I've tried ta teach him a little ... but I can't help feelin' he'd run the farm better if he could read an' write better 'an I can teach him ..." She peered up into Michaela's concerned eyes. "Somethin' else I keep tellin' Ben ... but he don' listen ... He don' ever listen ..."

"It must be difficult for you," murmured Michaela sympathetically.

"Only that Jimmy aint had a real childhood ... he don' have any friends .... Fact is, he hardly ever leaves the farm ... When I think o' Maggie growin' up ... all the friends an' happy times ...." Ruth mused regretfully. She suddenly straightened. "I gotta be here for Jimmy ... he needs me ... he needs a woman around ... an' as it can't be his ma ... its gotta be his gran ..."

Michaela walked across to the woman and gently squeezed her shoulder. "You've done a wonderful job Ruth ... if I may call you that ...," she said softly. "I can only imagine how hard it must have been." When the woman stiffened resolutely under her hand, she hastily made her way back to the stove. "I'll make that tea now shall I?' she said with more cheerfulness than she felt.

*******************

In the dim twilight Michaela drove the wagon into the homestead yard and was relieved when Sully appeared in the doorway almost instantly. Although things had gone relatively well out at the Murphys', the tension and sad story had left her feeling decidedly drained. She halted the wagon by the corral gate and Sully hastened down the steps towards her. He reached up to lift her down, saying anxiously, "You alright?... I was beginnin' ta worry ..."

She nodded, returning his relieved and reassuring embrace. "I'm fine ... Ruth and I got to talking ...," she explained quietly.

"So Ben didn' bother ya?" he asked apprehensively.

"I met him," she replied mildly, taking her medical bag down from the wagon seat. "And when he came back to the house a second time I felt it was time to leave ...," she added.

"But ... he weren't violent or nothin'? Ruth was alright? She wasn't hurt again?"

She shook her head. "Its so sad Sully," she said unexpectedly.

His eyebrows rose in surprise. "Sad?" he queried.

"Mmmm," rejoined Michaela wandering across to stand beside him while he unhitched the wagon. "He's isolated his family out there under the misapprehension that he'll keep them safe that way ..."

"Safe?" asked Sully puzzled, turning to face her. "An' then he hits her? That don' sound like keepin' her safe ta me ..."

"She looks after them both so well ... and she loves them ... its obvious ... and because of that, along the way she nags Ben about Jimmy ... that he should be attending school, going to church, making friends ..."

"An' Ben don' like it ...," concluded Sully.

"Its just the three of them Sully ... Can you imagine what it'd be like for us ... if it was just you and me, Katie and Brian ... if we never visited with anyone else ... never went to church ... to town?

Sully gave her a sly smile and gently caressed her arm. "Sure I can," he replied warmly.

Despite herself she smiled. "Be serious," she asserted with a mock frown. "It really is awful for them Sully ... Ben's all mixed up ... Jimmy's missing out on so much ... and Ruth bears the brunt of it ..."

"I know what you're sayin' Michaela," rejoined Sully sincerely. "But they've bin livin' like that for ... well it must be nearly seven years now ... I doubt we can do anythin' about it ..."

"We *have* to do something Sully ... Ruth could be seriously hurt again and perhaps next time Jimmy wouldn't bring her into town ..."

"Well I don' know what we can do ...," reiterated Sully. Then catching the glint in her eye, he hastily added, "But we'll think about it over supper an' talk about it later ... alright?" He kissed her tenderly. "I love it when ya wanna make life better for someone ... there's a fire in ya ... one o' the reasons I fell for ya ...," he said softly, drawing her in against his body.

She moved instinctively into his reassuring arms, but couldn't help whispering, "We *have* to do something Sully ... we just have to ..."

********************

Loren took a deep breath, straightened his coat and then knocked on the clinic door. He'd been worrying all night that he might be the cause of Dr Mike's concern, so this morning he'd made a decision. Maybe it was gonna hurt, but he'd go see her and find out what was making him feel poorly.

Michaela pulled the door open and smiled when she beheld the identity of her first patient. "Loren!" she exclaimed with a smile. "Come in ..."

He nervously entered and blustered, "I don' want ya thinkin' you changed my mind ... I just decided it was time ta do somethin' about it ..."

"It? Loren?"

"Yeah ... you know ... this feelin' I can't breath ...," he explained, making for the examination table.

"How long has it been going on?" Michaela asked, adopting her most professional manner.

"Couple o' months now I guess ... but it passes pretty quick ..."

"Uh huh .... Perhaps if you'll unbutton your shirt for me?" She stood back, taking his jacket from him as he shook it off. "You said yesterday you knew what was wrong with you?" she asked gently.

He grimaced and then shook his head ruefully. "Don' take a genius ta work it out Dr Mike ...," he rejoined. "Gettin' old is all ..."

"Aren't we all," she agreed without thinking.

"I said gettin' *old* ... not *older* .... There's a difference," he snapped. "A *big* difference ..."

"Yes ... yes of course ... I'm sorry Loren ... I didn't mean to offend you ...," she said guiltily. She placed her stethoscope against his chest and listened carefully.

"Oh ... you didn' offend me Dr Mike ... just takes some gettin' used to is all ... I know the folks around town've bin callin' me the old man for years ... but it didn' matter when I could keep up with 'em ... give 'em as good as I got ... but now ... things are different ..."

"Different?" inquired Michaela, testing his reflexes.

"Yeah ... I git tired ... When someone suggests a late night poker game ... or ridin' out in a posse or somethin', I wanna make up some excuse ..."

"There's nothing wrong with that Loren," rejoined Michaela, moving round to place the stethoscope on his back. "Its understandable ..."

"Maybe for you ... I know, I know ... a foolish old man's pride is what it is ...," he muttered resignedly.

She patted his hand in sympathy and then went on with her examination, asking pertinent questions along the way. At last she removed her stethoscope from her ears and stood back. "You can do up your shirt now," she said quietly. She picked up his jacket from the chair behind her and placed it on the examination table beside him.

He hurriedly did up the buttons, his eyes fixed on her as she slowly walked across to her desk and sat down. "Come on Dr Mike," he said impatiently. "Aint like you ta stay quiet ... Am I dyin' or not?"

She raised her eyes to meet his. "Well ... no ... you're not dying," she said guardedly.

He gave a sigh of relief and slid from the table to his feet. "So it aint serious," he adjured, sitting himself on the chair opposite her.

"I wouldn't say that," she responded.

His face fell. "Figured as much," he muttered. "Well what *is* it then?" he asked, grimacing.

"I believe you're experiencing angina ..."

"An .. what?"

"Angina .... It's a condition of the heart ... well of the vessels to the heart actually ..."

"So what can ya do about it? Is it gonna git worse?"

"It will if *you* don't do something about it ..."

"Me!?"

"Yes ... you ...Angina's not a disease itself, but its the primary symptom of coronary artery disease. It's typically experienced as chest pain such as you've been having ... It can be mild, moderate, or severe, and may feel like a crushing object on the chest. Its also why you experience shortness of breath, tiredness, or palpitations instead of pain. Its usually brought on by exertion or stress, and the best relief for it is rest ..."

His eyes narrowed. "Alright Dr Mike ... enough of the doctor talk ... Is there anythin' ya give me for it?"

"Not really Loren ... There's a medical researcher in England who's discovered that nitroglycerine helps ... but .."

"Nitroglycerine! Ya mean that stuff they use in mines an' railroad buildin' .. for blowin' up things?!"

"Well yes ... so it seems ..."

"I aint havin' none o' that!"

Michaela smiled. "I wouldn't prescribe it for you Loren ... the findings are very new ...," she said. "It remains to be seen whether it really has its benefits ..."

"So what about me then? This mean I have ta close down the mercantile ... or sell up ... I'd have ta leave town ... I couldn' stick around an' watch someone else run it ..."

"I don't believe it'll come to that ... well not for some time to come at least ... as long as you do as I prescribe ..."

"An' what do ya prescribe ..."

"Well ... no more heavy lifting - flour sacks, grain bags, bolts of material, crates of fruit and vegetables ..."

"Well if I can't do that I might as well sell up ... a lot o' my work involves doin' those things ..."

"Loren ... angina is a sign ... Your body, especially your heart, is telling you to ease up a little ... It doesn't mean you have to stop ... but you might have to hire some help ..."

He shook his head. "I bin workin' that store for a long time on my own ... I don' know how I'd be with someone else there ..."

"You had Dorothy ..."

"That was different ... we had a ... a... understandin' ..."

"Well ... I suggest that you develop an understanding with someone else ... that's the only way you're going to be able to continue with what you're doing ... In addition, you should take some time each day to rest ... even if its only for an hour or so ... No big meals ... and perhaps a little less whisky and fewer cigars .."

Loren hung his head. "You really *are* trying ta kill me Dr Mike," he moaned. "A man my age doesn' have many pleasures ... an' you wanna put a stop to the few I *do* have ..."

"I just want to ensure you're still around when Katie grows up ... and to be a grandpa to Brian's children," she responded kindly. "I ... we ... don't want to lose you ..."

Loren swallowed and then stood. "I gotta think about all this Dr Mike," he said, his tone subdued. "Besides ... maybe I'm too old ta train someone ta help in the store ..." He turned toward the door, his shoulders slumped.

Michaela sprang up from her chair and hastened towards him. "Please don't be too discouraged ... By doing as I've said you should live for many more years to come ..."

He nodded, pulled the door open, then turned to face her. "Thanks Dr Mike ... for bein' honest with me," he said resignedly.

She grasped his hand. "And you'll think about what I've said ?"

"Yeah ... I'll think about it ... don' reckon I'll be able ta *stop* thinkin' about it ... It's sure a lot ta take in." He tamped his hat on his head. "I'll be seein' ya Dr Mike ... say hey to Brian an' Katie for me ...," he added, stepping off the porch toward the mercantile. He'd gone only a few steps when he abruptly turned back and asked, "You go out ta see Ruth yesterday like ya said?"

Startled by the unexpected question, she replied, "Ah .. yes ... yes I did."

"She alright?"

"As well as could be expected ..."

He seemed to give the matter some thought and then mused, "Aint seen her in so long I'd forgot all about her ... Used ta be at church every Sunday ... never missed ... could sing real pretty too ... Can't understand how she just stopped comin' inta town ..."

"Circumstances change Loren," rejoined Michaela softly.

His eyes met hers. "They sure do Dr Mike ... they sure do," he said wistfully, as he again turned towards the mercantile.

Michaela sighed as she watched him go. It wasn't difficult to understand Loren's despondency. She just hoped he could come to terms with the prognosis. Any more worrying about it could even exacerbate his condition. These were the times when being a doctor wasn't quite so fulfilling. She sighed again, nodded to old Mrs Birch who was patiently waiting on the bench for her and stood back so she could enter the clinic. That was when she saw Hank eyeing her speculatively from the saloon porch. She sincerely hoped he didn't take matters into his own hands where Ruth Cardew and Ben Murphy were concerned. She and Sully had discussed the matter well into the night and realised that somehow they had to get through to Ben, make him realise what he was *really* doing to his family. She nodded to Hank and followed Mrs Birch inside.

Part 5

In bright afternoon sunlight, Sully galloped into the Murphy yard sending squawking chickens in every direction. He reined in his horse and then looked around for his quarry. Spying him some distance away, amongst a small herd of dairy cows, he nudged his horse in the ribs and trotted more sedately toward him. As he neared, he slid from the horse's back, casually jumped the fence and approached Ben Murphy.

Appearing not to have noticed Sully's arrival, Ben continued sawing railings for a long fence that bordered the field. So it was of some surprise to Sully when the man abruptly raised his eyes and said taciturnly, "Bin a long time since I seen you out here ... Still wearin' that injun git up I see ..."

Sully glanced down at his buckskin clothing and then shrugged. "I saw Jimmy in town the other night an' realised just how long it is since we visited ... Wondered how you were doin'?"

"Much as usual," replied Ben concisely.

Sully glanced around. "Farm sure looks good ... must put a lot o' work into it ..."

Ben slotted a new railing into place and grunted, "Gotta ... if you're gonna make a go of it ..."

"An Maggie's ma's still doin' for ya huh?"

Ben raised his head and regarded Sully warily. "Uh huh ..."

"Saw her in town with Jimmy ... at the medical clinic ...," Sully explained a little pointedly, and yet leant nonchalantly back against a fence post. "She must be gittin' on now ..."

"She manages ..."

"You're a lucky man ... havin' her ta help out here ...," Sully put forward, as he stepped in to help Ben lift another railing into place.

"That's what *she* says ..."

"Reckon she's right ... Jimmy's a fine lookin' boy ... gonna be big like his pa I reckon ..."

Ben's expression softened a little. "He's a good lad," he conceded.

"Don' see any of ya in town much," suggested Sully casually.

"Aint got the time ta waste ... do what I have ta do an' git out ..." He again peered at Sully. "Was a time you didn' care much for town life neither ..."

"Still don' too much .... but things change ... Got some friends there now ..."

"Aint got time for *them* neither ..."

"Somethin' I learnt over the years ... ya always can do with friends .."

"We do just fine out here ...," Ben adjured, as he took up his hammer and for the next several minutes noisily secured nails into the new fence, thereby precluding any further conversation.

Sully continued to watch the man as he single-mindedly worked. Finally, when the new portion of fence was complete, he said quietly, "I ever tell you 'bout when I worked in a minin' camp north of Pike's Peak? Wasn't much older 'an Jimmy ... Smallest camp I ever worked in ... less 'an ten o' us ... I'll never forget though ... there were more fights in that camp than in all the others combined ... We got on each other's nerves I reckon ..."

Ben abruptly straightened and eyed his old friend with enmity. "You've bin talkin' to that lady doc aint ya?" he demanded.

Sully smiled wryly. "You could say that," he rejoined mildly. "She's my wife ..."

Ben's eyebrows rose in surprise. "She is!?" he exclaimed. "Wouldn' o' thought she was your type ..."

"Oh she's my type alright ... Never thought I'd have a family agin after Abagail ... but then Michaela came along ...," averred Sully with a satisfied smile.

"Pretty name for a pretty lady ... but she sticks her nose in where it aint wanted ..."

"That's cos she cares so much ...," Sully rejoined earnestly. "She's worried about Ruth ... an' Jimmy ..."

"It aint her business ..."

"Ruth was hurt pretty bad ..."

"She's alright now ..."

Sully tensed. "Thanks to Jimmy an' Michaela ...," he rejoined a little curtly. "Ruth's gittin' old ... doin' for you an' Jimmy's gonna git harder an' harder for her ..."

Ben shrugged. "She's managin' ...," he muttered, bending over his work once more.

"Don' wanna see her gittin' hurt agin Ben," Sully warned, his voice rising a touch. Then he added, "Don' you wonder what's gonna happen ta Jimmy when Ruth passes on? ... Don't ya want him ta have a family o' his own one day?"

"Sure I do."

"Well that aint gonna happen if he's out here all the time ... with just you an' Ruth ... Ya should o' seen him the first time he laid eyes on Michaela ... He needs a chance ta make some friends his own age ... We got a son - Brian - a little younger than Jimmy ... he's got a lot o' friends ... boys *and* girls ..."

Ben abruptly sat back on his haunches, his shoulders slumped. "I don' wanna lose Jimmy ... nor Ruth for that matter ... like I lost Maggie ...," he muttered. "Took her inta town when she was sick ... she never came home again ..."

"That weren't cos o' town ... She was real sick ... A lot o' folks lost family in the influenza epidemic ...," counselled Sully. "Ben ... there aint no-one more 'an me who knows about tryin' ta escape the pain ... an' bein' afraid ...When I lost Abagail an' Hannah I thought I might as well die too ... but you got a son an' a mother in law who care about ya ..."

Ben shook his head and stood. "Everythin' was just fine out here until Jimmy took Ruth inta town ... then the doc turns up, an' now you ..."

Sully cocked an eyebrow. "Everythin' was fine?" he asked sceptically. "Aint sure *I'd* say that, an' I don' know whether Ruth'd say it either ..."

"She say any different ta your wife?"

Sully shook his head. "No, she didn' ... but me an' Michaela got eyes ... an' neither one o' us can just stand by when ...."

"We don' need your interference Sully ... nor your wife's ... we'll be fine ...," stated Ben dismissively, as he once again lifted a railing into place.

Sully straightened and then, before leaving, said quietly, but firmly, "There are three o' you out here Ben ... so maybe everythin's not about you ... an' how *you* feel ...." He clambered over the fence, and strode towards his horse. "We'll probably see ya soon," he called warningly, as he mounted and rode back through the homestead yard and into town.

********************

Loren was sitting lost in thought at the table behind the counter of the mercantile when Michaela entered. She'd been worrying about him ever since he'd left her clinic so dispiritedly early this morning. As it was nearly closing time, there were no customers, for which she was relieved. "The Reverend's not around Loren?" she asked.

He shook his head. "He's over at the church talkin' ta young Mary an' Frank ... Their weddin's next week ...," he informed her. "I envy 'em ... they're just startin' out ..."

She quietly walked across and sat herself opposite him. "You alright?" she asked softly.

He raised his eyes to meet hers. "Yeah ... I'm alright," he replied. "Bin doin' a lot o' thinkin' though."

"And?" she prompted.

"An' you're right ... Things *are* gonna have ta change around here ... whether I like it or not." He paused and gazed around the store. "Seems like only yesterday I was buildin' this place ... marryin' Maude ... havin' Abagail ... Now they're both gone ... Time passes so quick ya don' realise. When you're young you figure you've got all the time in the world ...," he mused. He reached out to rest his hand over Michaela's. "You make the most o' this time in your life Dr Mike ... especially with Katie little ... an' Brian growin' the way he is ... You enjoy every minute ... cos someday you'll look back an' it'll all be a memory ... You're still young ... an' you've got so much ta look forward to ..."

Michaela swallowed and took a deep breath as his words struck home. "So have you Loren," she said gently.

"Yeah ... well ... it aint the same ... I'd give anythin' ta be startin' out agin ..." He frowned. "Might o' looked on Sully kinda different if I'd known back then what I know now ... Seems cruel that wisdom only comes with age ..."

Michaela turned her hand in his. "Passing on that wisdom is what's important Loren," she said softly, thankfully. "Whether people are ready to listen or not ..."

He nodded. "I'm gonna hire someone young ta work with me here ...I started young ... I figure now I can give someone the sort o' chance I had ..."

Michaela smiled. "You are indeed a wise man Loren Bray," she said respectfully. She stood. "A very dear, wise man ...," she added softly, before bending to kiss his cheek. "Sully should be back any minute so I'd better go. If you have any more trouble at all ... with the pain ... or the breathlessness ... you send someone for me ... alright?"

"I'll take care o' myself Dr Mike," he promised. "An' ya never know ... maybe the change in here won't be so bad after all."

****************

Michaela pulled the clinic door open as soon as she heard Sully gallop up. Before he had even dismounted, she asked anxiously, "Well? How did it go?"

He slid from his horse and made his way across to her side. "Hard ta tell," he said, giving her a quick kiss and following her into the clinic. "He's sorta closed himself off ..." He lowered his eyes. "Reminds me o' someone I used ta know ..."

"Used to know?" asked Michaela tenderly.

"Yeah ... long time ago ... That fella don' exist no more ..."

She smiled and, grasping his hand, raised it to rest under her chin. "I'm glad," she rejoined lovingly. "I like this fella much better ..." As he drew her into his arms, she asked, "You don't think Ben will do anything to Ruth or Jimmy do you?"

Sully shook his head. "He knows we know what's bin happenin' ... an' I figure he's ashamed o' it ... But to be sure, it won't hurt ta go out there agin soon ... maybe ta check up on Ruth ... I sorta warned him we might ... Though I had an idea about that when I was ridin' home ..."

"You did? What idea?" asked Michaela eagerly.

He smirked. "I aint gonna tell ya until you agree to havin' supper with me at Grace's an' then takin' a walk ... like I suggested the other night .. Brian's already taken Katie home ..."

"Oh he has, has he?" she rejoined with a smile. "I'd be delighted to join you Mr Sully ... I want to have a talk with you too ...," she added a little more seriously.

Sully regarded her quizzically. "You do huh?" he mused.

She nodded and then reached for her coat. "Ready to go?"

****************

Replete from a supper of fried chicken and baked potatoes, followed by warm apple pie, Michaela and Sully strolled pensively arm in arm across the meadow in the direction of the schoolhouse. It was a cool, clear evening and the moon was already high and bright in the sky. When they reached the wooden bench by the children's playground, Michaela urged Sully to sit. As she edged in beside him, he withdrew a small article from his pocket. "Got something for ya," he said with an indulgent smile. "Thought ya needed cheerin' up .."

She swallowed and took the package from him. "Thank-you," she returned softly, peeling the paper off to discover a box of her favourite soap which she held to her nose to inhale the sweet scent. Her eyes suspiciously bright, she turned to face him. Grasping his hand tightly, she said sincerely, "I'm sorry I haven't been myself lately Sully ... I know you've been wondering ... and worrying about it ..."

Raising her hand to his lips, he rejoined, "I just don' like ta see ya sad ... An' when I can't seem ta help ..." He trailed off.

She nodded. "I know ... I suppose I got ahead of myself again ... A very wise man told me recently that I should enjoy every single day ... every single moment ... but ..."

"What's bin makin' ya sad Michaela ?... You can tell me ..."

"I know I can," she said softly. "But I ... I ... didn't want to disappoint you ..."

"Disappoint me?"

"Mmmm ... you see ..." She lowered her eyes. "I got my monthly," she said, so softly he could barely hear her.

Observing the telltale trembling of her lip, and fighting to conceal the depth of his own disappointment, he drew her into his arms. "Hey ... I told ya last time an' the time before ... we have ta be patient ...," he said gently, reassuringly.

"I know," she rejoined, her voice close to breaking. "But lately I've been thinking ... well its been nearly a year since you came back ..."

"An' nothin's happened ..."

She nodded. "Perhaps it won't ever happen ... again ...," she said softly. "Perhaps our chances have passed ..."

Sully swallowed. "Again Michaela?" he whispered.

She bit her lip. "We've had two opportunities after all," she rejoined bleakly. "Perhaps that's all we'll get ..."

Sully quickly looked away into the distance. His feelings of guilt about Michaela's miscarriage the year before, and the fact he wasn't there to help her through it, had never really dissipated. He'd told her on several occasions he was sorry, but words just didn't seem to be enough. Despite himself he whispered the same words again, "I'm sorry ..."

She hung her head and shrugged dejectedly. "Its in the past now," she said softly. "I just didn't think at the time that it might be our *last* chance ..." Again she bit her lip. "I wanted so much to give you a son ...," she beseeched softly.

He gently rested his thumb under her chin and lifted her shimmering eyes to meet his. "Remember I said back in that cabin there's nothin' I'd like better 'an havin' another baby?" he asked tenderly. She nodded, so he continued, "Well ... I meant it ... but that don' mean I aint satisfied with what we've got ... Sure I'm disappointed it aint happened again ... same as you ... but if it don' come ta pass, it aint gonna change the way I feel about you ... or our family. I looked at Ben today ... an' I sent a prayer of thanks to the spirits that you came into my life when I most needed ya ... You've given me so much ... I don' need no more to be happy..."

"Really?" she murmured, mesmerised by the devotion shining in his eyes.

"Yeah ... really. We got a good life, you an' me ... We have our ups an' downs ... just like anyone else ... but we git through 'em." He tenderly cupped her face with his hand and kissed her lips adoringly. "You sayin' you wanna give up tryin' for another baby? Cos if ya are ... then I really *will* be disappointed ...," he added in a sultry whisper.

Despite herself, Michaela blushed and smiled. "No ... I don't want to give up," she said softly. "Just as long as you realise it might never happen ..."

"Can't say never Michaela ... look at Grace an' Robert E ..."

She swallowed. "But I'm not getting any younger," she rejoined dolefully.

"You worried about that again?" he asked with surprise. When she did not reply, he said sincerely, "Ta me you'll always be the same beautiful woman who turned up here in Colorado Springs seven years ago ... I'll always think o' you like that ... even when we're both old an' grey ... I don' feel no older either ... you keep me young ... So you put those thoughts out o' your head ... If we don' have another baby, then that's the way its gonna be ... an' worryin' *why* aint gonna help matters ..."

Michaela hung her head. "You're right," she rejoined in a small voice. "But it still hurts ... every time ..."

Sully wrapped his arm around her shoulder and drew her in close against himself. "I can remember a few years back, a person I love told me we should concentrate on what we *do* have, rather 'an what we don't," he said tenderly against her ear. "You know who that was?"

She nodded. "Me," she said softly. "Before Katie .."

"Uh huh ... an' then Katie came along ... Our lives don' always go in the direction we expect ..." He chuckled wryly. "Especially where you an' me are concerned ... but that don' mean the new direction aint right ... Maybe its leadin' us ta somethin' else ... I bet Ruth never expected ta be livin' her days out there like she is ... but I hate ta think what might o' happened to Jimmy without her ... Seems to me there's a purpose ta everythin' ... even if we don' know what it is at the time ..."

Michaela raised her adoring eyes to meet his. "Thank-you for being so wise and for loving me ... even when you don't understand me," she said with an embarrassed smile. "Sometimes I don't even understand myself," she added quietly.

He bent to kiss her deeply, then suggested with longing, "You wanna go on with our walk ... or head home? Maybe we could both use some holdin'?"

She nodded and gave him a shy smile. "Perhaps we *have* done enough walking?" she rejoined softly. "And home and some holding sound wonderful ..." With that, she raised her hand to his nape and drew his lips down to hers for a passionate and most promising kiss.

*****************

Ruth heard the wagon rumbling into the yard and glanced apprehensively at Ben who sat at the kitchen table finishing his lunch. When his face remained impassive, she gave Jimmy's shoulder a reassuring squeeze then shuffled slowly across to the front door and pulled it open.

"Afternoon Ruth," called Michaela cheerily from atop the Sully wagon. She grasped her medical bag and prepared to jump down, though Sully was quickly there to assist. "We were on our way to Soda Springs," she explained, turning to lift Katie down from the high seat. "Someone told us there's a new confectionary there ... serves ice-cream ... the children love ice-cream ... Thought we'd all take an afternoon off ..." She smiled at Brian as he also jumped down from the wagon to stand beside her. She then took a couple of steps toward the woman who stood motionless on the homestead porch. "And seeing we were going to be driving by ... I thought it was an ideal opportunity to check on that gash ...," she added.

By this time Jimmy was right behind Ruth, peering with wide-eyed interest at the family of four congregated in the yard. Michaela set Katie down on the ground, and always inquisitive, the little girl took a couple of tentative steps towards the elderly woman. Ruth's heart melted and she gingerly bent down and beckoned to the little girl. "Hey sweetie," she said softly. "What's your name huh?"

Jimmy ventured out onto the porch and Brian immediately approached, holding out his hand. "Hey ... I'm Brian," he said with a smile.

Michaela and Sully started forward only to be brought up short by Ben's sudden appearance in the doorway. His steely eyes met theirs and his jaw set. Both held their collective breath until he abruptly shrugged his shoulders, shook his head and headed off toward the barn without a word. Sully gave Michaela a gentle, reassuring squeeze and they joined the others.

In line with Sully's plan, the family never did make it to Soda Springs for ice-cream. By the time Katie had endeared herself to both Ruth and Jimmy, and then an excited Jimmy had taken Brian and Sully on a guided tour of the Murphy farm, the sun was too low in the sky to contemplate the long drive. Nobody seemed to mind though. A hospitable and rejuvenated Ruth offered coffee to the adults and lemonade to the youngsters, and produced a delicious lemon syrup cake to enjoy with the beverages. The only disappointing aspect of the afternoon was that Ben never reappeared from the confines of the barn, however Michaela and Sully regarded the fact that he had not objected to the family's presence as most promising.

****************

Sully and Michaela descended from their wagon and both waved to the Reverend as he welcomed his congregation to Sunday service. Spying Loren talking to a young man a few feet away, Michaela asked Brian, "Would you take Katie inside please? ... We'll be there in a moment ... I just want to have a word with Loren." He nodded, and taking his little sister's hand, made his way into the church.

As Sully and Michaela neared the storekeeper, they were in time to hear him say firmly, "Now I expect ya at seven tomorrow mornin' ... not quarter after ... but seven ... you got that?"

The young man nodded and said with an wide smile, "I'll be there Mr Bray ... ya can count on it."

"Good," he replied. "You just make sure I can ... Now inta church with ya ..."

"Yes sir ... thank-you sir," the young man rejoined, as he headed for the church door. "See ya tomorrow ..."

Michaela was watching the exchange with some surprise. As soon as the young man left she addressed Loren with concern. "Jared McAllister?!" she exclaimed. "I expect he could be quite a hand full!" She couldn't believe that Loren would select Colleen's roguish young friend as his new assistant.

Loren shrugged. "Yeah ... I know," he said. "But Brian suggested him ... says Colleen used ta help him with his arithmetic, so I figure he should work out alright. He's bin workin' on a couple o' the farms over the summer an' fall, but now winter's comin' he's lookin' for work again. I spoke ta one o' the fellas he worked for an' he said the boy works hard, though sometimes he can be a little ... ah ... bold ..." When Michaela continued to look dubious, he added with a smirk, "Truth is Dr Mike ... ya know how I can be ... well ... a bit cantankerous at times ... Figure I maybe need someone who's not gonna be put off by that ... someone who can stand up for himself ..."

Michaela chuckled. "Well ... you've chosen the right young man there," she said. "As long as you're sure ..."

"I told him its for a trial ... see how he goes ... He knows where he stands in this ... an' so do I ...," Loren explained. He glanced across to the church. "Reverend's headin' in ... we better git over there ..."

"I'm glad you've made a decision about this Loren ... I'm sure we both are ...," said Michaela with sincerity, glancing up into Sully's eyes for affirmation. When he gave her a barely perceptible nod, she turned back to their old friend. "At least now your working days will never be dull!" she added with a smirk.

Loren laughed quietly, doffed his hat and scurried towards the church.

Michaela turned quizzical eyes on Sully. "I don't know ...," she began uncertainly.

He wrapped his arm around her waist and squeezed her lovingly. "Its his decision Michaela ... an' for what's its worth ... I reckon it might be a good one ..."

"You do?" she mused.

"Uh huh ... come on, we better git inside..."

They started toward the church, but were halted in their tracks by the arrival of some latecomers. "Look Sully!" exclaimed Michaela excitedly, as she watched young Jimmy Murphy eagerly clamber down from a wagon and then circle round to carefully lift his grandmother down. They watched, hearts pounding, as, arm in arm, grandmother and grandson slowly made their way into the church for the first time in many years.

She turned to Sully. "Ben's not with them," she said with disappointment.

"Early days Michaela," he said quietly. "Give him time ... give 'em all time ..."

She nodded and then her shining eyes met his. "Will you promise to love me still when I get old and grey ... and inclined to nag?" she asked with yearning.

Sully squeezed her tenderly. "Long as you promise ta still love me when I get old an' ... ah ... cantankerous ...," he rejoined with a doting smile. "But then .... that's a long, long ways off yet ...," he added, as they sealed their promises with a deep and affirming kiss and then, hand in hand, made their way into the church.