There were only three times last night that I thought about getting up and taking a leek. And two of those were the times when the Big (sh)HO walked out. The other of course was when men across the globe threw things at their TV screen and simultaneously lost their erections, that being when the Kat lost her right to get "nekkid". Usually, on a WWF PPV card, there are at least one or two matches that I could care less about, and will gladly go take a bathroom break or grab a snack or a drink or whatever. Last night, top to bottom, was probably the most entertaining event since...well...since the Royal Rumble last month, but other than that, for several years.
Things started off with the Hardcore match, supposed to take place between the Big (sh)HO and Raven (c). Now, granted, the main reason I was interested in this match was because I was hoping Raven would take some sort of foreign object and jam it up the Big Ho’s ass, but with half of the locker room emptying out into the ring to participate in the festivities, it was actually a decent match. The only problem - Big Ho stole the fricking belt. Notice I say stole, much like he stole a second chance in the WWF. In case you can’t tell, I don’t like Big Ho.
Next up we had a Fatal Four Way match for the Intercontinental Title, with Benoit, X-Pac, and Eddie Guerrero challenging Chris Jericho (c). This match saw quite a few nice wrestling moves, and of course the mandatory interference, in this case from Justin Credible - who I wish would grow his damn facial hair back, he looks ridiculous without it...but I suppose I’ll get used to it. Anyway, Jericho walks away with the belt still intact after a pretty decent match.
Next was the catfight. Nothing wrong with a good ‘ol catfight every now and then...especially with two chicks as hot as these are. Stephanie McMahon against Trish Stratus. Daddy’s Little Girl, against Daddy’s "Good Friend". If that’s what a "Good Friend" is, then I’ve been missing out with a few of the ladies in my life. Anyway, a much better match than I expected. Besides the kicks and slaps, which are a requirement in any good cat fight, we got a couple of high flying moves, a DDT or bulldog thrown in for good measure, and ah yes, the thong shot of Trish. Yum! Regal came down to "do what Vince wanted", fist helping Trish, but then thinking that’s not what Vince wanted, Regal ended up putting Trish out and allowing Steph to get the win. Daddy Vince wasn’t pleased. Mixed tag team match on RAW. Please God, not a spanking match.
Next up, was what I thought would be the main event. Stone Cold vs. Triple H in a 2/3 falls match. First fall, regular match, the second fall was a street fight, and the third fall (if necessary) a cage match. I don’t understand why this match was placed so early on in the evening, but it was one hell of a match none the less. I was absolutely glued to everything that happened in this match. There was wrestling moves, there was weapons, there was blood, there was everything - EXCEPT INTERFERENCE. No one ran down to help either man, and it was nice to see for a change. Austin claimed the first fall after delivering a Stone Cold Stunner. Now the street fight. We saw chairs, we saw announcer’s tables destroyed, we saw blood, and we even saw Mick Foley’s old friend, the barbed wire wrapped around a stick. Wasn’t it No Way Out last year where that little item spiced up another Triple H classic? Anyway, Triple H took a backdrop through the announcer table, Austin got the barbed wire in the face and was bleeding like he owned stock in the Red Cross, but repaid Triple H a few minutes later with a steel chair, and the ring steps, to make the Game bleed as well. A sledgehammer was introduced to the mix, and after a sledgehammer to the face and a Pedigree, Triple H claimed the second fall. Did anyone really thing it wouldn’t come down to the third fall? Steel Cage time. Triple H hit a Pedigree for only a two count. Austin got a Stunner, again...only a two count. I was on the edge of my seat, I had that terrible feeling deep down that Austin would win it, and head to Wrestlemania on a roll. Not so, thank God. Both men collide, Triple H hitting Austin with a Sledgehammer, Austin with the barbed wire. Both men go down, but Triple H lands on Austin. Three count, and Triple H wins! Oh man, I went crazy. My neighbor’s probably thought I was having the best sex of my life. I was yelling out "Oh God Yes!" and "Hell Yeah!" thrown in with an occasional "YES YES YES!" Triple H beat Austin - CLEANLY. Thank you Vince!
Next was the match that we had all set the VCRs for, not because of the great wrestling action, but for those lonely nights when you have nothing better to do than stop, rewind, play, stop, rewind, play...you get the idea. The King vs. Steven Richards for Kat’s right to 'get nekkid'. I had a feeling that King was going down in this one, despite the fact that for some unknown reason the "N" had appeared on my TV when the show began. I suppose the cable company did that as a precaution - who knows. Steven cheated his ass off, got the win, and every man across the globe let out a mighty "AHHH SHIT!" Life goes on...go watch Armageddon 1999.
Next was the Triple Threat Tag Team Title Table Match between the Undertaker/Kane, Edge/Christian, and the Dudley Boyz (c). Being the terrible Kane/UT mark that I am, I was most definitely pulling for them to get the win, but...I knew it was not to be. Haku and the Fat Man ran down and made sure of that. At least the Pretty Boys didn’t win the titles back. Dudleys hit the 3D through a table and got the win. Time for the title match.
Kurt Angle defending his WWF title, and the right to go fight Austin in the main event at Wrestlemania, against the Rock. We all already knew what the result of this match would be. However, this turned out to be one hell of a contest. The only problem I had with this match - WHAT THE HELL WAS THE BIG HO DOING COMING OUT THERE?! This guy is like a bad case of gas. He always seems to pop up at the worst possible times, and you can’t ignore him, he just is too damn nasty and smelly. I just hope to hell he’s not back in the main event picture. Please Vince, NO! Anyway, Rock and Kurt both put on a hell of a show despite the Ho’s involvement, kicking out of each other’s finishers and delivering a great performance. They even both got to use and escape from their respective submission holds. Rock ended up doing what we all knew he’d do, taking the title from Kurt to head to Wrestlemania and face Austin. On a side note, the Rock is now the first ever SIX time WWF Champion. Bret Hart and Hulk Hogan had previously shared the record for most title reigns at 5 a piece. Oh yeah, and Kurt Angle cried like a baby after losing the match. Funny stuff.
So we are now officially on the road to Wrestlemania. Personally, I’m hoping that Triple H will somehow get thrown into the main event for the WWF title, so that we (and when I say we...I mean people who don’t like Austin or the Rock) won’t have such a boring main event. One way or another, I’m sure the buildup and the storylines leading in to the big one will fit together to make it another must watch event. It’s that magical time of the year folks. No, not Christmas - IT’S WRESTLEMANIA!
Until next time...
