First we are treated to the presence of William Regal. Am I the only one who thinks Regal should hit the tanning beds? Anyway, Regal calls out Undertaker and Kane first thing. Regal lectures them on interfering in other people’s business, then orders Kane to defend the HardCore title right now, against Rhyno.
Edge and Christian accompany Rhyno to the ring, and Undertaker takes it to them, fighting into the crowd. Kane hits the chokeslam, but Austin and Triple H run down and beat the hell out of Kane with steel chairs. Man, I am a Kane mark, but seeing Austin and Triple H beat the hell out of anyone with chairs brings a smile to my face. Rhyno gets the easy cover and is the new HardCore Champion. Explain to me why two guys with chairs would run away from one guy without a chair? Undertaker scares HHH and Austin off, but the damage has been done, Kane is no longer HardCore champion. Not a bad opening segment.
Right to Censor, oh joy. Anyone remember that line in 'Dumb and Dumber' where Jim Carey says "Hey, wanna here the most annoying sound in the world?" It’s gotta be RTC’s music. APA come out next with Kaientai. And we have an 8-man tag team match. You know you’re on the bottom rung when you have to sell to Kaientai. Steven Richards is just everybody’s bitch. Kaientai actually get the pin, and I am really wondering if that’s reward for not taking Big Show’s remark on Monday more seriously. Michael Cole said "Right to Censor’s losing streak continues" so it would seem that’ll be used to add fuel to the fire of RTC’s breakup.
Undertaker and Kane are shown heading to the Commissioner’s office, and stopping to ask where it is. Undertaker says "Hey, do me a favor, call 911." Man...funny stuff. Next we’re treated to a backstage segment between Grandmaster Sexay and Eddie Guerrero. Fun. Neither one of them speak English. We have a match for later tonight.
Kane and Undertaker pay Regal a little visit. Kane decides to play fire with Regal’s office. Edge and Christian are set up to fight Undertaker and Kane later in the night, if Kane and Undertaker win, they get Austin and Triple H at Backlash, and oh yeah, tonight’s match is no DQ. Kane sets Regal’s desk on fire and we cut to commercials.
Next up we have the battle of Spanglish vs. Ebonics with Eddie Guerrero against Grandmaster Sexay for the European Championship. Do you think they speak ebonics in Europe? Guerrero wins with a foot on the rope. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen that.
Triple H, Austin, and Vince are in Regal’s office upset about the match that he set up earlier. Vince tells them to relax and for entertainment watch what he will do with Shane tonight. Next, Edge and Christian are interviewed backstage. "Controversy Rules!"
Vince McMahon comes out next. What’s with the cheap heat he’s been trying to get these days ragging on the cities they’re in? Maybe he’s trying to be the anti-Foley. Vince calls Shane out and asks what the big news is. Shane apologizes for not kicking Vince’s ass sooner. Vince shows the footage of Big Show and Shane talking from Monday and calls Big Ho out to the ring. Uggh. He’s not there for a match supposedly, but he walks out to the ring in his wrestling gear. And just by the way, why the hell do they waste the money to use pyro for this guy’s entrance? He sucks! Vince McMahon goes on to make the single most accurate statement to probably ever come out of his mouth. He says "You are the single biggest disappointment in the history of this business!" YES! In the immortal words of Kurt Angle, IT’S TRUE, IT’S TRUE! So Vince plays some old footage of Shane and Big Show from last year, and then asks Show, "which way did he go?", to WCW or the WWF. Big Show chokelsams Shane McMahon. Vince announces a Last Man Standing match of Big Show vs. Shane McMahon for Backlash. The only segment with the Big Show I have ever enjoyed.
The Dudleys vs. Benoit and Jericho? What the hell? Nevermind, here comes Regal. He announces Jericho vs. himself in a Dutchess of something or another match. Then Benoit is announced to fight Angle in a 30 minute submission match. Then announces "let the table match begin". Kurt Angle stays out there to "watch the match". Angle runs down and pushes Benoit off the turnbuckle through the table. Dudleys win.
I’m kind of digging these Kane/Taker videos they’re playing to Marilyn Manson’s music. Next Vince is shown telling Edge and Christian good luck, but they won’t need luck. Vince then joins Austin and Triple H watching the end of RIW from Monday. For the love of god don’t show a whole segment of another show again. Yep, that’s what they’re doing. What the fuck? We already saw the highlights at the top of the show.
Coach interviews Molly Holly backstage, she’s fighting Chyna later on in the show. Molly convinces Coach that her chances aren’t too bad. Next we’re shown Chyna looking slutty backstage. Undertaker and Kane are interviewed by Kevin Kelly backstage. Undertaker finally tells Kevin Kelly "You ask the most stupid ass questions". Funny as hell. Tonight, Undertaker and Kane are gonna make Edge and Christian famous.
Next up is Molly Holly vs. Chyna for the Women’s Championship. Just for the record, I have never seen a woman named Molly who isn’t hot. Am I wrong? There’s something about that name. I’m hoping for the upset here, but no...Chyna gets the win. Uggh.
Kurt Angle is shown backstage telling someone to not come out until he says so. They’ll teach Benoit all about the three I’s. Next we are wasting more time by being shown a XFL promo. Who cares? All three of the viewers will watch anyway.
Kurt Angle comes out next for a "5 minute submission exhibition". He calls out a few local wrestlers, and basically makes them his bitches. Benoit comes down at the end and puts on the Crossface. Angle taps.
Main event time. Edge and Christian come out first. Kane comes out next, his arm is wrapped from the attack by HHH and Austin earlier in the night. Undertaker joins the action. No DQ, remember. Lots of interference in this one. I’m just wondering though...why do these guys not all fight at once? It’s no DQ, yet they tag in and out and whatever. What the hell does it matter if the referee sees the tag when it’s no DQ? Strange. Despite Austin and Triple H’s interference, Kane and Undertaker become the new Tag Team Champions.
So, I decided to go with a 5 star ratings system for these reports. Tonight’s edition of Smackdown! gets a solid **** (that’s four stars). Mostly because Kane and Undertaker won the titles frankly. Please bear with me, I have to get used to doing these reviews. And if you’d rather me grade the shows with a letter grade (A, B, C, D, F) or a rating (1-10) instead of the stars, let me know that too. You can email me at kane@t-three.com
Until next time...
