First, before we even get to Backlash, Jerry Lynn won the WWF Light-Heavyweight Championship last night. To those of you who never saw this guy in ECW, all I can say is, if his first TV appearance is winning a Championship in front of a sold out PPV crowd, how good do you THINK he is? A weak match ending, I would have loved to have seen the Cradle Piledriver, but none the less, Jerry Lynn has arrived in the WWF.
Now then, Backlash itself - our opening contest was X-Factor vs. the Dudleys. You know, I don’t have X-Factor. In fact, they’re alright. There, I said it. One small (and greasy-looking) problem...X-Pac. I might even be able to tolerate X-Pac if they’d just let Justin Credible do the mic work for the group, and not hold him back. Anyway, X-Factor gets the win, but the real winners are the Dudleys, because they get the pleasure of putting X-Pac through a table.
HardCore title match is up next, feature Rhyno against Raven. To those of you who taped it, in about a five minute match, I believe I counted five uses of the word "man beast" and three uses of "he just got his brains scrambled", which means we had one "man beast" per minute, and "brains scrambled" about every two minutes. But besides the repetitive commentary, I thought this match was extremely innovative, which is hard to do with these hardcore matches when we’ve seen so many of them. We saw Rhyno (the man beast) spear himself into a shopping cart, and then Raven proceeded to beat his ass with a kitchen sink. We saw an attempted flying clothesline off of the steel stairs onto Raven (who was sitting on a steel chair in front of the steps). We saw liberal uses of the "keep off" signs, etc. I thought it was a very well done match. Rhyno (*ahem*..the man beast) got the win in the end with the Gore. I wonder if Raven’s brains were scrambled.
Duchess of Queensbury Match - William Regal vs. Chris Jericho is up next. You know, ordinarily this match would have been bathroom break time for me, but I found it interesting to stick around just to find out what stupid ass rule that She-Man would make up next. Jericho got screwed, no surprise there. Of course, Regal and the "Duchess" got a little up close and personal too, and there may have been screwing involved after the match. I hear the Duchess likes long walks on the beach, soft music, gay porn, and toilet papering the dentist office. Meanwhile Regal enjoys staying indoors as to avoid getting any sort of a tan, and he walks around his bathtub and pretends it’s the beach. I hear he even has the nice ocean sounds tape playing in the background. A match made in heaven? Maybe.
30-Minute Ultimate Submission Match - Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit. Does anyone remember back when Kurt Angle was funny as hell on the mic and used the Olympic Slam for his finisher? Me too. I miss that. He’s still great though. No surprises in this match really, the time limit expires tied at 3-3 while Angle has a hold locked on Benoit. Benoit taps right after the bell. Overtime, Benoit wins. Both men have legitimate claims on this one. I’m sure Angle will say he was screwed, Benoit will say he won fairly, and the feud will continue. Good match, but thank god they didn’t try to make it a full-fledged Iron-Man Match. 30 minutes (32...whatever) was plenty.
Next up was the Last Man Standing match between Shane "I’m not a pu...wussy" McMahon and the Big (not to mention fat, stupid, slow, and ugly) Show. This was actually a decent match, just because it was fun to watch Shane hitting Show with a chair, only to get knocked down seconds later. It was a classic mismatch, and we saw Shane pull out the (OLD FUCKING SCHOOL) cloth soaked in some chemical to knock out Big Show. Vince and Test both made their presences known. Test ended up taking it to the Big Ho and knocking him down on top of the stage. Shane scaled the 40 foot video screen, and dove off, catching Big Show with an elbow (if he made that much contact). No matter how much contact there was, that was an awesome leap, Shane deserves all the credit in the world. No way I could ever take that leap. That’s the kaboom of the night for RIW for sure. Anyway, Test props Shane up on a pole, and Shane gets the win.
European Championship match - Matt Hardy defends against Christian and Eddie Guerrero. Uggh. This match was bathroom break time for me. Not a fan of any of these guys, especially not Eddie Guerrero. I sat there and watched for a few seconds, then I realized that as bad as Benoit’s new purple tights look, at least he didn’t have bright red shiny pants like Eddie, yellow ones like Christian, or a see through fag shirt like Matt. Uggh, someone hand me my sunglasses, these fruity colors are blinding me. Yeah, so I got up and took a leak. I came back in time to see the run-ins...predictable and stupid and pointless. Matt Hardy wins thanks to Jeff Hardy. The only match of the night I really disliked. And why the hell was it right before the main event?
Next up we had Undertaker and Kane vs. Triple H and Stone Cold Steve Austin. Personally, I was hoping to see Kane pin Stone Cold, but I knew better. But hey, if you can’t wish and hope, why watch? It was a well done match, and the backing down that Triple H and Austin did at the start of the match was classic heel stuff. Unfortunately, the obvious came to be, and while Austin and Undertaker fought out in the crowd, Triple H used a sledgehammer to beat Kane. Not before Kane could show Stephanie the bottom of his boot though. One can only hope Kane had stepped in some dog shit earlier in the day. Triple H and Austin are the new Tag Team Champions, and I’m sure Kane and Undertaker will have revenge on their minds.
Great PPV, especially considering the relatively short buildup time. I look forward to Judgment Day, as I’m sure we all do. RIW should be very interesting tonight.
Until next time...
