First, I really think it will be hilarious when some drunken hillbilly jumps Goldberg at a gas station and kicks the shit out of him trying to collect that $100,000. I mean seriously, you know that somebody out there took it as it if were real and was trying to track down Goldberg.
Kane needs to find his shirt, and fast. It’s not like he looks horrible and jiggles when he wrestles or anything, I just think he looks a lot less like Kane without the shirt. It kind of creeps me out. He was fully clothed for six years, so it’s a bit of a drastic change. I mean maybe it just got lost in the wash, right? He’ll get it back soon, right? And end the feud with Shane, please!
All that being said, I thought I’d talk about something I don’t think I’ve covered before in this forum. Over the last ten years, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting quite a few of the WWE stars, past and present, marquee name and not. I was reflecting on that earlier tonight and I thought that it might make for an interesting read if I discussed my experiences meeting these people and who was nice and who wasn’t so nice.
My first experience meeting a WWF superstar was back in 1994. I got to meet Shawn Michaels at a local Best Buy. He was a very nice guy, I exchanged pleasantries with him and he even went out of his way to sign another autograph for my friend that couldn’t make it to the signing, and he did so without me asking him to. I met Shawn again many years later in 2002 while he was World Heavyweight Champion at an on sale in Oklahoma City, and he was extremely nice once again. He joked with me about how retarded he looked on the cover of the magazine I had brought with me to get signed and once again left nothing but a good impression on me, despite the fact that I have never liked him, as I’m a Bret Hart fan :-)
I’ve met Jim Ross several times. Since I live in Oklahoma, he has signed here a good half dozen times just in the last two years alone. The first time I met Jim Ross he seemed to be an okay guy, he exchanged pleasantries with me and everything, not a bad experience really. However, the second and third times I met him, he was pretty much an asshole. It’s hard to explain really why, unless you were there. The best I can do to explain is to say that the man wouldn’t look up from the table, he barely spoke, and when I asked him how he was doing, he acted annoyed when I stood waiting for an answer, and waited a good minute before he said “Oh, okay.” Maybe I caught him on a bad day, I don’t know. But needless to say, I haven’t gone to any more JR signings.
I have also had the pleasure of meeting Stacy Kiebler and Torrie Wilson. Stacy was by far the friendlier of the two, as she asked me how I was doing, and asked how I could bare to stand out in the cold for so long. I have nothing bad to say about Torrie really, she just seemed a bit disinterested in meeting the fans, but at least she did say hi.
Rico may possibly be the most outgoing and approachable WWE superstar in history. I mean there was a crowd of probably 50 to 100 people outside the area where the superstars park at one event I went to, and Rico just walked right over there and started signing stuff, taking pictures, talking to the fans, even going as far as to get on one guy’s cell phone to talk to his friend (I believe Rico’s exact words were “What’s shakin’? Well it’s cold out here, so I’m shakin’!”) A hell of a nice guy, I’ve seen him do this at more than one show, and I am led to believe he does it at every single show he performs at. He would talk to fans about anything and everything. I never really cared for Rico until I met him, now I find it hard to root against him when I watch him.
As much as I dislike the guy, Jeff Hardy is another who really went out of his way to meet the fans. I met him twice within a week at two different shows, and the one thing I thought was truly awesome was that he actually remembered me from the first time and asked me if I was doing ok because he figured I must’ve had to drive a long way, and asked to borrow my marker to sign autographs, then even made a point to walk all the way back outside to return the marker when he accidentally walked off with it. A nice guy, it’s just a shame that I can’t stand him on TV.
An equally awesome guy was Jeff’s brother Matt, who I met just a couple months ago at a Smackdown house show. Matt took the time to sign absolutely everyone’s stuff, even going as far as going back down the line when he was done to make sure he didn’t miss anyone. He talked to everyone, and actually had a decent length conversation with me about how far I had driven to get to the show. If I hadn’t been an MFer before (and I was), I would have been after that.
I’ve also had the pleasure of meeting my two favorite Divas, Molly Holly and Victoria, both of whom were very nice. Molly was so freaking polite and modest that it was almost scary. I asked her for an autograph and she politely said “Oh, absolutely.” Then I proceeded to tell her that I thought she was not only the best diva wrestling wise, but also in appearance (and I really did mean that) to which she just said “Well thank you!” Very cool chick, I’d say.
Victoria was signing autographs here with Steven Richards at a local Gold’s Gym. Steven Richards didn’t impress me one damn bit, however. I asked Richards how he was doing, and got no reply. I asked him if I could get a picture of him, and he didn’t even look up. Then we move down the table to Victoria, who was just so the opposite of that. She calmly extends her hand and says “Hi, I’m Victoria, nice to meet you!” I was so taken aback by that, that I couldn’t really muster the ability to say anything other than “Uhhh….hi”. But the real cool part was I had my friend with me and she asked Victoria to get a picture, to which Victoria said “You don’t want one of just me do you? You can get in the picture with me!” So I took the picture, and my friend whispers something to me about well since she got one with Victoria, she really wanted one with Richards too, but he didn’t seem too much in a good mood. Victoria overheard it, and said “Oh, he’ll take one with you” and proceeded to elbow Richards in the side to get him to do it. It was actually pretty funny. Victoria was awesome.
I’ve also met John Cena, Funaki, and Zach Gowen at a recent Smackdown show. Cena was pretty much what I expected, he signed everything and was just pretty laid back. Gowen was interesting, as he was a real dick to some of the fans if they said something stupid to him. The one that stands out is a guy asking for his autograph, and he waved, to which the guy yells “I don’t want a wave, I want an autograph!” and Gowen replies with a “Oh, how about one of these!” and flips him off. He was nice to me, however, and signed Hogan’s face as we joked about he might as well sign on Hogan, since he’s a worthless no name bum anyway (it was all sarcasm). Funaki was hilarious, as he looked at the night’s lineup that he was signing, and noticed he was the guest MC for the bikini match, and made the comment “Ohhhh…fucking awesome!”
I’ve met the APA, right before their return to the Smackdown roster at an on sale. Bradshaw seemed a bit disinterested in most people, except my friend who was wearing a Texas hat. He was actually looking at his phone several times to see what time it was, and we were maybe the tenth people in line, so I thought that was a little messed up. Faarooq was awesome though, he went out of his way to have at least a brief exchange of conversation with everyone. I loved it when after I said thanks, he said “Oh no problem man, keep those ladies at bay playa!”
As long as we’re talking tag teams, I had the pleasure of meeting The Road Warriors at a PWA event (which is the Christian thing DiBiase does). I also met DiBiase, which I’ll get to in a second. Hawk and Animal were both soft spoken and really didn’t say much other than “thanks” and “God bless you” but man, Hawk’s handshake could kill a man. It was cool to meet the Legion of Doom though, that’s for sure.
I also met the Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase. The great thing about this was that to meet him, you paid ten dollars, and you got to get into the ring (yes, you got to get in the ring) and have your picture taken with him. Now, I really wanted to meet DiBiase, but getting in the ring alone was worth ten dollars to me. So I hopped through the ropes like Austin does (if you know what I mean, you’re a true fanatic) and went over to DiBiase and asked him if he’d mind slapping me in the Million Dollar Dream for the picture. Two of my friends had done the same (at my urging) before me, and I guess he was probably getting a little annoyed, as he was trying to spread the word of God and all. None the less, he obliged, and he really cinched it in too. Easily one of my proudest possessions is the signed Polaroid I now own of Ted DiBiase choking me out as I give the camera a big thumbs up. I exchanged pleasantries with Ted afterward, told him I thought was he was doing (combining wrestling with a Christian message) was very cool. I don’t think he took that compliment seriously, as he just kind of looked at me like “yeah whatever” and said “Thanks buddy”. It was still very cool that he obliged me about putting the Million Dollar Dream on though. I can’t say anything bad about the man.
Another legend I have had the pleasure of meeting was Rowdy Roddy Piper. Holy crap was he nice. It was at a book signing at Borders here in town, and he took the time to have a nice long conversation with each and every fan. He personalized all the autographs, and when he was doing so, I said something to him about how I remember my first action figures were him and Mean Gene. Rather than just being like “Oh yeah?” or whatever, he proceeded to tell me all about how Mean Gene apparently has opened a hamburger restaurant. Piper was a super nice guy, shook hands with me a total of three times, and just really made me a fan. Possibly the best all around experience that I’ve ever had meeting one of the wrestlers, other than my total mark out moment, which I’ll get to in a minute.
I met Kevin Nash last year at the on sale for No Mercy tickets. Nash was a nice guy and all, but it made it for me when I asked him to sign an old RAW magazine with him on the cover as Diesel, and I asked him to sign it as Diesel rather than Kevin Nash. He happily obliged. What really, really did it though, is the fact that after myself and my friend go to walk out the door, he literally yells across the room and calls us back, and we walk back over there, and he’s like “Do you want one?” And we’re like…one what? He called us back to take a picture with him! Freaking awesome.
As long as we’re talking legends here, I also have had the honor of meeting Jerry Lawler at a local Wal-Mart. Lawler was a really nice guy. He signed a couple of things per person, and in a truly great moment, he posed for a picture with myself and my friend. The thing that made it, was that my friend and I had brought Burger King crowns (if you don’t get the reference, don’t ask...) for him to sign, and we posed for the picture while wearing our crowns, as Lawler held his up, and we all gave big cheesy smiles and a thumbs up. Lawler was trying pretty hard to not laugh at us. It was a good experience.
I also met WWE’s legendary ring announcer Howard Finkel at a house show. The Fink was awesome. He talked with me for a minute until a drunk dumbass interrupted with “Hey Fink, be straight up with me, that guy wasn’t the real Kane, was it!” (this was right after Kane had returned from the biceps surgery with the new half mask). Fink replied with a polite “That was Kane. The one and only. He’s lost a lot of weight since he had surgery.” Of course I had to get my smartass comment in there and I said to the guy “Nope, that wasn’t Kane at all. It was your mom wearing a mask!” Anyway, the Fink happily signed my program and threw his arm around me for a picture. Another great experience.
Then we come to the moment where I almost died on the spot I was so ecstatic. Can you guess who I met at a house show this past June? Yep, I met Kane. Just nine days before he unmasked, no less. The timing was so perfect. Kane and Rob Van Dam had defeated La Resistance in the main event of the evening. I had brought a female friend of mine with me to the show, and we were both decked out in Kane “Big Freak’n Machine” t-shirts and Kane masks. We yelled at him the entire match (we were third row) and stood up to try and get his attention on several occasions. I know he saw us, because he would look at us and even pointed at us before he did one of his trademark moves (the one where he runs into the ropes and then comes in with an elbow drop). Anyway, after the match Kane and RVD were walking around the outside of the ring. RVD was slapping hands with the fans while Kane just kind of stood and watched and maybe slapped one or two hands. Seeing a possible opportunity, my friend and I RUSHED the rail and as Kane was starting to walk away, I yelled out like a damn little NSYNC fan “Kane come back!” He actually came back though. He walked straight over to me, shook my hand, and said “What’s up?” I was so overjoyed that the only thing that came out of my mouth was “….KANE!” Had I been a bit more composed, I would have remembered I had a marker in my pocket and I could have gotten an autograph. Kane then shook my friend’s hand and said “How are you doing doll?” to which she also simply screamed “…KANE!” The Big Red Machine then walked to the back, having satisfied two of his biggest fans dreams for the time being. I was really impressed that he actually made a point to come over there and meet us. And let me tell you, nothing (well, other than sex with women) feels better than when that gloved hand came into contact with my hand, especially since it was fresh off of a chokeslam. And thank God I met Kane while he was still wearing the mask! It was just perfect, and perhaps sadly, one of the best moments of my life.
Anyway, that’s it for this time, I wrote a crapload.
Until next time…
