The Tombstone

Ahhh, god it's been awhile since I've updated the Tombstone. Here I am, three months later to the day, and I'm ready to write. But you know what? I've noticed a trend in internet wrestling opinion columns, they are almost all negative. People bitching about what they don't like, why one company is better than another, how there isn't anymore actual "wrestling", or why the WWF should tone down it's shows. Well piss on all of that, because I've decided to write an all positive column this time. Yeah I've done my share of bitching in the past, but this time I am going to talk about the things that I DO like in the world of professional wrestling, which might be a federal crime these days. So here goes nothing...

Alright, let's start off with one that most people hate, and that's the Ministry of Darkness. Sure they're controversial, but by god that's a big part of why I like them! That's right, I LIKE the Ministry! I don't care if it's believable or not, I don't care if Dennis Knight and Vicera are complete idiots, and I don't care if they interupt matches and cause screwjob endings! I AM A MINISTRY FAN! The Undertaker is one of my all time favorite superstars! I AM A MINISTRY MARK!

You know who else I like? KANE! Hell Kane is my favorite wrestler, and I've read a lot of crap where people complain because he can't sell a move or work a mic. Well as well as I know selling a move means making it look like it really hurt, and Kane seems to do pretty well at that to me, when he's supposed to. You've got to keep in mind that his character is a big strong invincible guy. But anyway who cares? His entrance kicks ass, his music kicks ass, his outfit kicks ass, and well, I guess I'M A KANE MARK TOO!

You know what else I like? POINTLESS BRAWLING! I don't give a rat's ass if some of these guys can't apply a wristlock or an arm drag takedown to their opponents, the Hardcore division kicks ass! Pointless violence? YEP! I LOVE IT!

You know what else I like? WOMEN. Mostly the ECW women, Tammy Sytch (as if I needed to say so), Francine, Dawn Marie, but I don't mind the Nitro Girls either. Terri Runnels isn't even that bad, but as far as the WWF's top woman goes, well go look at one of my previous columns if you wanna hear what I have to say about her, because I said I'd make this a positive column. Anyway, it might be just t&a to attract more viewers in a lot of cases, but I mark out to that too!

I don't hear this one get bitched about too much, mostly because he's a god here on the internet with all of the "smart" fans, but you know what? I like Mankind AND Mr. Socko!

I don't care if he's repeatative, I don't care if he hasn't earned 3 WWF title reigns (in some people's eyes), and I don't care if he's only been in pro-wrestling for a little under 3 years, I like the Rock! I smell what he's cooking, and god I love it! The man is hilarious! Come on, I know even some of you tight-asses out there laughed the first time he called somebody a rooty poo candyass. Yes, I AM A ROCK MARK!

You know what? Ever since I was a little kid I've watched him and cheered for him, and I don't care if his quitting WCW was a "work" or a "shoot" or whatever the hell, I am a huge Bret Hart fan! The Hitman has entertained me for too many years for me to quit caring what he does just because WCW wants me to. Work or shoot, fake or real, it was just nice to see Bret go up to Toronto and get that huge ass pop he deserves, and assuming it was part of a storyline, MAYBE, just MAYBE a push! Ah hell let's face it, I AM A BRET HART MARK!

Well what the hell do you know? I may have just committed a federal crime for not bitching when I write about wrestling, and I may have just made internet history by writing a completely positive column (alright, I might have almost slipped a couple of times), but anyway I think you can wrap it all up into once sentence. And shoot me for saying it, but whether it's good or bad, fake or real, controversial or not, I am a wrestling fan, and you know what? I WATCH IT BECAUSE IT ENTERTAINS ME. Yes that's right, I LIKE IT. Maybe it's not perfect, and it's easy for people to sit around and say that they could do better, but the fact is if it's so horrible, if there's so many things wrong with it, why the hell are you watching? Think about that one.

That's it for this round....until next time....Rest In Peace! Or BURN IN HELL! Take your pick!

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This column is the opinions of Jeremy Strunk. Any comments can be directed at kane@t-three.com.