"No, he's not."

"Yes, he is! Look at him!"

"He doesn't look like a toad."

"Shut up, Aaron."

I and my darling friends were all lounging on my deck, basking in the sun that was sure to cause cancer later in life. But, hey--we might as well have a nice tan when we shrivel up and die. At least that was our philosophy for the summer. My aforementioned brother, Chris, was helping his girlfriend of late, Rachel, into one of our boats. We have three--one's a yacht, another's a smaller cabin cruiser, and the third is the one Chris was standing in, a small fishing boat. Rachel was giggling, claiming that she couldn't get into the boat cause it was rocking too much. What did she expect? There are waves in the ocean! I didn't put too much stock in Rachel's intelligence and I definitely didn't like her. There's something about people who are younger than you acting condescendingly toward you that just doesn't appeal to me. And that's exactly what she did. Heck, she did it to every last one of us, except Courtney--Chris' ex-girlfriend and one of my best friends. Court was driving down to our beach house later that day with Erin and Dave. I told Chris to take Rachel out on the boat because I didn't want Court to feel hurt. Well, actually, I'd told Chris that he was an insensitive hog to bring his girlfriend to our beach house when he'd only broken up with Courtney two weeks earlier and that he'd better go out on the boat with her before I got Erin to hold him down while Ali and Lindsey helped me punch the living daylights out of him. But I digress...

"Well, he really doesn't look like a toad," said Aaron. He was rubbing Coppertone on Ali's back while she rested on her stomach in a reclining chair. She rolled over and sat up.

"Aaron, give it up. Chris is a jerk and every last one of us knows it," she said. I thanked her and stood up to go put some more sodas in the cooler.

"Man, I never saw anyone that hated their brother more than you, Al," remarked my on-again-off-again boyfriend, Trey. At that moment, we were on. He was laying in the hammock with a grungy Auburn University hat over his eyes. I kept yelling at him to throw it away, but he kept claiming it was just getting broken in.

"I don't hate him," I called from the kitchen. The door to the deck was right next to where I was standing. "I am just completely revolted by how much of a jerk he is." I gritted my teeth, trying to break a can of Pepsi loose from the plastic circles of a six pack. It finally came free and I threw it in the cooler with a few other cans of soda. When I came back out on the deck, Chris and Rachel had actually made it away from the dock and were heading out toward the bay.

"I'm impressed," I commented, sliding the cooler under Trey. Lindsey grabbed a Sprite from the container.

"By what?" she asked, holding the can away from her as she popped it open. Soda kinda dribbled down on Aaron's back. He made a high-pitched screech and curled up in a ball next to Ali. He's weird.

"Rachel actually got into the boat. I thought the waves were too rough for her."

Trey lifted the Grunge Hat off his face. "Yeah, what's with her? Why's she such a little priss? Everything's too dirty and too rough. What's up with that?"

I shrugged. "I think she's just a natural pain in the ass. And she's the complete opposite of Courtney."

"So you're saying Courtney's a dirty wrestler?" said Aaron, sipping Lindsey's Sprite.

"No," I said, shaking my head, "it's just that Courtney actually does things without gettin' all hyped and worried about it. She would've jumped in that boat. Rachel's gotta have a red carpet with servants lifting her into it."

"I agree," said Ali. "She's a definite bitch. Why's she here, anyway?"

"So Chris can shove Courtney's face in it," said Lindsey.

"He's a toad," I said.

"What is with you and toads?" asked Trey, giving me an odd look. I gave him one back.

"I just think that toad is a good description of how Chris is acting. You don't bring a new girlfriend to a beach house when you know the person you broke up with two weeks before is gonna be there!" I must've looked despicable sitting there with a frown on my face cause Trey put his hat on my head and told me that everything was gonna be all right. I threw the hat off and jumped up.

"EW! Keep that thing off me!" I screamed.

"What's the matter?" asked Ali. She looked lazily at my flinching self.

"That thing," I said, pointing, "is the most revolting thing in the world, other than my brother the toad!" I looked at Trey. "Why won't you throw it out? I will buy you a new one!"

Trey shook his head and leaned out of the hammock, grabbing his hat. He shoved it back on his head and laid back. "Don't want another one. It's just getting broken in."

"I know," I muttered. "You keep telling me that."

"We're here!"

I glanced over at the steps to the deck when I heard Erin's shrieking voice. She pounded up the steps with a huge smile on her face . . . and a huge cast on her arm.