Everything I Need To Know In Life I Learned From North And South
There's always some joker out there who isn't aware that tampering with the U.S. mail is a federal offense.
Churches aren't just for Sunday School anymore.
Bird eggs and bratty older sisters don't mix.
Believe it or not, there are good points in having your carriage flip over into a pile of mud with poisonous snakes.
Be careful if you drive a carriage; you might get a bump on the head.
Never run across ice unless you are Kristi Yamaguchi, Wayne Gretzky, or Dan Jansen.
Everyone has a bad, wimpy side---even Star Fleet's best first officer, Commander William T. Riker.
Funerals are a great place to flirt, especially if the deceased is your father, uncle, employer, or owner.
If you have to fight a duel, either get help from your cousin or ask your uncle to help you cheat.
ABC fruit goes over well while entertaining friends of the family.
The minister's cat is an angry cat. The minister's cat is an awful cat. The minister's cat is an awkward, beautiful, bashful, bumbling, babbling cat. That darn minister's cat is a lot of things.
While visiting friends of the family, keep your hands off their property.
If you want to send your brother's friends a book in the mail, stay away from controversial issues; it might upset them. Try the O.J. autobiography instead.
If someone locks you in the attic, escape through a teeny tiny window.
It's fun to collect a West Point souvenir or two..........or three........or six.
Beware of anyone sporting an eyepatch---it might not be just a fashion statement.
Maybe you're sorry, but it doesn't matter! It doesn't matter at all!
Think twice before decorating your house with swords.
It's fun to join forces with other crazy people especially if they hate your siblings as much as you do.
Check all fire alarms regularly.
If your first true love kicks, marry an actress---hey, they make good money.
It's possible to go through life, graduate from a military academy, fight in two wars, get married, have a child, die, and all the while never know you have an older brother, but only on television not in books.
If you get blown up by six dynamite explosions and pushed off a waterfall, don't worry. You'll still survive!