Heaven and Hell


WARNING! While an accurate synopsis of Heaven and Hell, this also contains my opinions of the third series.

"Through a biter quirk of fate", Elkanah Bent has somehow managed to survive the warehouse explosion. He and Ashton went to Mont Royal with very different intentions. Ashton wanted the great house for herself and was unaware of Cuffey's disaster. Bent, however, was much more avengeful.

While Ashton spited Madeline and promised to ruin her and Orry, Bent spied his enemy. He rushed out of the carriage and killed Orry (well, not the real Orry, just the body double; it would cost too much to pay an actor of Patrick Swayze's status to walk onto a porch and get killed).

Ashton was only a bit disturbed that Bent would kill her brother, but became outraged when he told her that he only used her to get to Orry. Ashton pushed Bent over a waterfall, and he plunged to his death (again; he keeps going and going and going; nothing outlasts the Energizer Bent). Ashton left Mont Royal, stealing Clarissa's cross stitched Mont Royal pattern.

George received news of Orry's death and went to Mont Royal to help Madeline with the Mont Royal reconstruction.

Somehow, Elkanah Bent (A.K.A. the Energizer Bunny) keeps going and going and going. So far, he's survived falling through ice in the dead of winter, the Mexican War, the Civil War, a warehouse explosion, and falling into a waterfall. Who is this guy, Superman? A cat with nine lives? The amazing death defying drill major? He could probably get hit by a semi and survive.

James Huntoon demanded a divorce from Ashton. She was left with nothing and went to Santa Fe to find work as a prostitute (hey, if you have a hobby, you might as well get paid for it).

Charles left his son with Augusta's relatives. He met an actress named Willa Parks (which hopefully is a stage name) who performed with a loony old director (Peter O'Toole as someone who has lost his marbles).

Somehow in the middle of this, Clarissa and Tillet Main's eldest son Cooper has come into existence. I guess he was away from home for a couple of decades. He joined the K.K.K. and tried to kick sister-in-law Madeline off Mont Royal property.

The highlight of Heaven and Hell was when Madeline, George, and a whole bunch of former slaves (who came from out of nowhere just like Cooper) got a weird looking construction contraption to work. The theme song played for the first and last time, everyone totally freaked out, and George jumped into the river (and probably caught pneumonia). Everyone watching at home was like, 'big deal'.

George traveled to Mont Royal (well the ashes of it anyway) to help Madeline rebuild. Little did they know that Elkanah Bent was alive and well, now residing in the local loony bin. At first he didn't know who he was, but he soon regained his memory and thought of a new way to get back at his old nemesis. While George was in South Carolina, Bent went to Belvedere and murdered Constance (that's what I wanted to see, especially after another of my favorite characters was murdered by him an hour ago). George arrived home to see the word BENT written on the mirror in blood (is this guy nuts, or what!).

George became obsessed with finding Bent and repaying him for the deaths of his wife and best friend. Despite her soap opera comeback during the same year, Brett only had three lines (at the most). She went to Belvedere and talked about how she and Billy (who doesn't even have a cameo) live in California and have about a million children.

Stanley's only part is finally wising up, loosing his wimpy spinelessness, and getting a divorce from Isabel.

Bent is still going. He kidnaped Gus (who was not supervised at the time of abduction; great parental move, Charles). Charles tracked Bent half way across the country. He met Rip Torn, the guy from Life Goes On, and an Indian foe. (I can't remember many details since this third part of the series is not worth seeing twice, or even once for that matter.) The Indian became Charles's friend after they nearly killed each other.

He and George found Bent and Gus. With the help of Green Grass Woman (gee, I wish that was my name) and the Indian, they rescued Charles's son. Bent was hung (yea!) and the Mains and Hazards were finally rid of their enemy.

Ashton made a lot of money at the brothel and killed some people (you know, the usual for Ashton). She also had a piano named after her (it can't get much more exciting than this).

Charles decided to leave Gus with Augusta's relatives and go back to Texas. He was apparently sick of fatherhood. Willa told him that if he boarded the train that will take him to Texas, their relationship would be over. At the last moment he reconsidered and decided to stay with Willa and Gus. So then the braindead actress who didn't know what she wanted (and can't hold a candle to Augusta) told him it was all right to go anyway. The nutty director was even loonier than ever, and Charles decided to get married to Willa (stupid plot line; Augusta should have lived; hers and Charles's was my favorite romance!).

And now, the moment we've all been waiting for. The nominees for being the biggest jerk in North and South Book III: Heaven and Hell are Bent for killing Orry, Constance, and Green Grass Woman and for kidnapping Gus; Charles for forgetting Augusta, dumping his kid with the relatives, and marrying some ditzy actress; and Cooper for trying to get the K.K.K. to kill Madeline and take Mont Royal.

And the winner of the biggest jerks in Heaven and Hell are (drum roll, please) George Hazard and Madeline Fabray-LaMotte-Main-Hazard!

George and Madeline? you ask in disbelief. How can the winners of the jerk award be Orry's loyal, trusted best friend and Orry's widow who has shared an undying love with him which has withstood a mail tamperer, another marriage, and a jealous younger sister? Well, I'll tell you, but you're not going to like it one bit.

Keep in mind that Orry and George have been best friends since 1842, and the southerner traveled through dangerous territory to give George some money, broke him out of Libby Prison, and let a slave go free to preserve their friendship. The late Orry Main is also the same guy who waited for years while Madeline was to Justin LaMotte, saved her when her ex-husband kidnapped her, and hired every detective in South Carolina to find her when Ashton sent her away to Charleston.

Now, two episodes after Orry's death, Madeline and George are sharing steamy love scenes and getting married (pardon me while I hurl on the spot).

Is it just me, or is this plot just a little messed up? What the heck kind of mini-series about two best friends ends with one kicking the bucket and the other marrying his widow? I even liked the Raphael storyline better than this. At least that was partially explainable. What, was it in the will? I, Orry Main, being of sound mind and body, will Mont Royal to my sister Brett, my share of Hazard and Main to my cousin Charles, and my wife Madeline to my best friend George. I don't think so! If my best friend and former spouse did that to me, I'd haunt them for the rest of their natural lives!

But anyway, for some obscene reason, George and Madeline decided to get married when they were standing in the middle of the Mont Royal debris.

Is this last part of North and South kind of weird? Does it not go with the rest of the saga? Does the ending seem really, really, really, really, really dumb? My friends and I were so upset with this ending that we wrote 218 pages of North and South book IV....our version and the ending we wanted.

In defense of John Jakes, Heaven and Hell does work in book form. There we go through the grief of Madeline and George and see them slowly grow closer and fall in love. The main problem with Heaven and Hell the mini-series is that is it half as long as the others and thus much less in depth. We don't have time to get used to a relationship between Madeline and George...it's just kind of rushed. Orry dies and then all of a sudden George and Madeline are hopping in the sack. It seems like they forget about him.

There are also too many unexplained things that we are supposed to accept. Bent surviving everything is completely unbelievable, and Cooper appearing out of nowhere is even more unbelievable. I chose to ignore Heaven and Hell the mini-series version and think of the ending my friends and I made up. As far as the books go, I think of them as totally separate anyway because they are so different from the mini-series adaptation, and I enjoy Heaven and Hell as part of the series.


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