The Top Ten Signs that the Days Costume Department is in Trouble
Written by Dancer, the Queen of Top Ten lists
10 They have to start borrowing costumes from old NBC shows (ie. the stupid Blossom Hat).
9 Stefano has disgusied himself as a waiter twice (ohhhhh, really original Stefano).
8 They don't have any new kids clothes (ah, so that is why we only see them once every 8 months).
7 They still don't have any money because they spent it all on dresses for Marlena's "Cage Adventure" last summer.
6 Just like they recycle plots, they have to recycle wigs too (just look at Stefano in his "spa" disguise).
5 Lucus has been wearing the same red polo shirt for 2 months (I have tapes to prove it)
4 They can't afford to buy/make whole dresses/outfits, so they have to cut them really, really short, and cut holes in the tummy area.
3 Every once in a while, 2-4 characters go to the spa, so they can walk around in bathrobes that can be easily stolen from any major hotel chain.
2 Characters can only have up to 10 people at their wedding because ever since last summer, there hasn't been enough evening wear to go around.
1 To save material, outfits (especially for Carrie, Hope, Billie, Kristen and Sami) are made four sizes too small.
The Top Ten Reasons Why Laura Should Plow Carrie Over For The Maid of Honour Bouquet
Written by Dancer, the Queen of Top Ten lists
10 She is only Marlena's best and true friend.
9 She doesn't whine, unlike Carrie who whines all the time.
8 Since she doesn't have a job, and Jack is going to be free, she needs something to do.
7 Between "Dumbo", "Blood Type Girl", "Injury Man" and "SCS" (Sport Car Stud), Carrie has enough to worry about.
6 When Carrie and Abe walk down the aisle, Dumbo might get jealous and think that Abe likes Carrie.
5 Since Laura has put her sanity on the line for Marlena, and has saved her life, don't you think that she owes it to Laura to make her Maid of Honour?
4 Laura wouldn't buy a dress that was 5 sizes too small.
3 Geez, this girl walked around in pyjamas for Marlena, in public. Did Carrie do that? NO!
2 With Laura as Maid of Honour, she would have an advantage being closer to the aisle, thus having a great chance of being one of the first people to run up and hit Kristen for coming to Marlena and John's wedding with Roman (wouldn't we all like to see this?).
1 With Laura, I'm sure that we won't have to suffer through the flashbacks of Carrie and Austin's wedding, or fantasies about their "future" wedding. Wait, sorry this is Days we are talking about. That will probably happen anyway. Who's wedding are we concentrating on again?
The Top Ten Excuses Kristen Should Have Used When She Was Being Confronted By Marlena
Written by Dancer, the Queen of Top Ten lists
10 She must be crazy because she had been kidnapped 4879521 times.
9 All of the pastel suits are messing with her brain.
8 It's not Marlena, it is Samantha. Dear God, she is alive. Quick, find the real Marlena and put Samantha with Susan!
7 Where am I? Do I know you?
6 It was Stefano. He brainwashed me with a magic mirror. I haven't been myself since.
5 I am not a true DiMera. Sure, Tony said he was good, and he turned out to be a true DiMera. That doesn't mean the same thing happened to me.........
4 Just because I wore a purple pillow for months doesn't mean that I'm crazy. It is your friend who is walking around in her pyjamas in the middle of the day. Even in public!
3 The gas must have gotten to her. I'm perfectly fine, but you know how the gas molecules are attracted to people with names starting with an M.
2 Everyone here is possessed. Get away, get away!! Marlena, you are the head vampire. Where is my garlic?
1 Ahhhhh! I have a cramp!
The Top Ten Things Marlena Could Be Doing In The Secret Room Bathroom Written by: Dancer (who rocks the house!)
10 Pretending that she is the one dancing with John (you know, the whole "fantasy" thing, but she is really the only one there).
9 Putting on tons of make-up and dressing up in black dresses just incase John does come.
8 Nothing
7 Practicing her wedding vows.
6 Growing her hair with that magical solution.
5 Sampling some of the Kristen's fine wine (hey, she is in wine celler, might as well).
4 Checking to see what mirror is better. (Is it the the big one on the wall or the tiny one in her compact?)
3 The bathroom doesn't smell like pork rinds, and doesn't have all kinds of food on the floor, so she needs to get some fresh air.
2 Writing "Mrs. John Black" over and over again.
1 Standing at the door, listening and laughing as Kristen makes a fool of herself.
The Top Ten Things to pack when you know you are going to be locked up in a secret room:
Author: Dancer
10. pictures of your children (including the long last son.......what's his name again?)
9. plenty of power suits, evening wear and satin pyjamas
8. a tape recording of "John will find me" , "John loves me", and "You won't get away with this" so you don't have to say them over and over and over again
7. a pen and paper to write on
6. (in case you forgot #7) pillows and lots of lipsticks
5. a magical hair growing solution (the kind that, when you go in the bathroom and you hair is short, it will make your hair long enough to put in a ponytail by the end of the day)
4. your own food (you weren't thinking about eating what she brings you? It could be poisoned!)
3. a spoon (you didn't think you would dig a hole with a metal stick did you?)
2. a shield to protect yourself from flying food
1. a remote control that works with any television (or if that fails, a blanket to throw over the t.v.)
10. In prison for murdering someone who is alive and well, and plotting to kidnap the woman you love
9. With teeth like Susan's.
8. Married to a woman who fooled you into believing she was pregnant by wearing a purple satin pillow
7. In a peranent coma
6. On a secret mission
5. Doing dangerous housework, such as ironing = )
4. With an IQ smaller than Austin's
3. Without a toilet in your house
2. On a permanent undercover assignment
1. As Vivian's servant
We all know there are some psychotic women in Salem, here are the Top Ten Signs it's not just PMS:
10. She was raised by Stefano Dimera
9. She gives men drugs so that they will sleep with her
8. Her pregnant belly is just a little too soft
7. She has yellow eyes
6. She builds secret rooms
5. She gives her patients pills so that they will NOT remember their past
4. She levitates
3. She keeps demanding that she saw dead people and knows where there are secret rooms in a dead man's house, but can't open the door to the secret room to show people
2. She has a twin with funny teeth and glasses and stole the twin's baby
1. She gives lactation shots to her male servants
Here are the Top Ten Reasons why Austin doesn't deserve two women falling all over him:
10. Where are his eyes?
9. See above outfit
8. The man can not tell a lie without feeling guilty
7. Has no brain
6. He's not Patrick Muldoon
5. His name is Austin (What is up with that?)
4. He has a mean, meddling mother who can be blackmailed
3. His children look like Will
2. He can't spell l-o-y-a-l-t-y
1. He is just a loser
Here are the Top Ten Halloween Costumes for Days Characters:
10. John as the Scarecrow (if he only had a brain)
9. Kate as Leona Helmsley (She has been mean)
8. Sami as Anne Boleyn (this would require her decapitation)
7. Ivan as Barbra Streisand (I just think this would be funny)
6. Mike as a Eunich (obvious)
5. Austin as the Scarecrow (see #10)
4. Marlena as Jesus Christ (the ultimate martyr)
3. Carrie as Malibu Barbie (she's not smart enough to be the pet doctor one)
2. Sean Brady as the Lucky Charms Guy
1. Four words: Victor as a paperweight
Honerable mention: Lucas as a beaver, Stefano as the Godfather, Kristen as a bi... I mean witch : ) Phillip as little ORPHAN Annie, Maggie as the invisible woman.... goodness these are bad, I must be tired : )
10. Susan's bad breath (I am guessing she does not brush those teeth) has messed with his mind
9. He's been on the brink of death 23253 many times
8. The guillotine really did cut his head off and it was reattatched by Dr Mike who did not notice that the brain had fallen out
7. The hypnotic mirror made him a moron so that he wouldn't notice that Kristen was wearing a pillow on her tummy
6. He has been possessed by Austin
5. Vivian got all the brains in the Alamain family
4. He has been possessed by Carrie
3. The gas in the gas chamber affected his thinking powers
2. The electric powers of the VR goggles melted his brain
1. He is a character created by Days of Our Lives writers, how could he be smarter than they are?
10. He keeps Century 21 in business by buying new houses/hideouts every week
9. He curled Laura's with the laser
8. In addition to faking his own death 4789231057 times he also faked Peter's death
7. He stole that awesome crown in Paris
6. He fought that big old demon and got thrown out the window of a penthouse apartment and didn't even die.
5. Has blackmail info on EVERYONE
4. Found the ugliest woman in the world to play Kristen's double
3. Blows up buildings when convenient
2. Likes Opera (Go Stefano!)
1. Was responsible for ridding Salem of the Crazy Tablecloth woman
Here are the Top Ten things that Victor is thinking while in his coma:
10. What is with all that Bleach in Carrie's hair?
9. Why doesnt Kate mind her own business? and why doesn't she pay attention to me? After all, I am in a coma.
8. Maybe Kate only likes me for my money
7. I think that Kate is paying Franco to keep Bo and Hope apart.
6. What has happened to Phillip? Has he been kidnapped or something? No one even mentions him.
5. When did Hope get those implants? Did she not think that anyone would notice?
4. What the heck happened to Billie's voice, and how did her hair get so long?
3. nothing
2. Why doesn't my grandson Brady ever come visit me?
1. Why do these people keep putting food in front of me when I can't eat it!?!?
Here are the Top Ten Reasons to Smother Sami with Kristen's pregnancy pad:
10. So she stops screaming hysterically everytime Austin leaves the room
9. So Vivian does not have to fall down anymore chimneys
8. So Belle doesn't have to have 24 hour surveillance to protect her from being kidnapped
7. Eric might have to come back for the funeral
6. John and Marlena can have an affair without being caught
5. One more child (Will) for Shawn and Caroline to take care of
4. Roman 007 might have to abandon his secret mission to come back for the funeral
3. So Stefano can bring her back from the dead with a laser proceedure
2. So she'll stop attacking the Snackwell Cookieman
1. Two words: Carrie Reed
10. Tried to get too many frogs to turn into princes if you know what I mean
9. Ate too many brown paint chips as a child
8. Never, ever brushes them
7. Once built a log cabin in the Ozarks using her teeth as saws
6. Can't spell Crest, let alone find it in the grocery store
5. Whut is floaaawwss?
4. Is really Stefano's daughter and inherited his inattractiveness gene
3. All that tea really stains them
2. The coffee does too
1. She is really Eileen Davidson wearing ugly fake teeth
Here are the Top Ten Uses for Franco's eyebrows:
10. make a new toupee for Mickey
9. make a new toupee for Stefano
8. make enough fur coats for all of Canada and Greenland
7. make one fur coat large enough for Stefano
6. make a hairbrush for Susan
5. drain the grease from them and fry up a steak for Susan
4. feed them to Kristen
3. put them in Celeste's magic potion
2. feed them to Sami
1. plug up the ozone hole
Here are the Top Ten Reasons to put Marlena back in the cage:
10. That new shade of blonde greatly resembles tweety bird (although not as much as the shade that Carrie has)
9. Much like a parrot she keeps repeating the same things over and over again( e.g. "As soon as the baby is born, I will tell John everything" and "I have to know that I am the only woman in Bo's heart" oops that one is Hope's!)
8. Anyone who wears that much pink is loony
7. Needs to stop stalking a stupid man and his deranged fiancee
6. She was apperently evicted from the penthouse and may need a place to stay
5. The only time anyone eats on Days is when they are locked up and she is looking a little thin
4. Without Marlena, Laura would get even nuttier and that would be fun to watch
3. If she is locked up John (IQ 23) will have to save her and I am sure that in the process we will get to see him without his shirt
2. Will might say "Where is granny?"
1. FOUR WORDS: PEOPLE OF THE UNDERGROUND
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