(Writer - I apologize ahead of time to any amish people reading this, if they see anything wrong. I know next to nothing about your wonderful culture. I don't own the Monkees, but if I did, there would be a lot more new albums!)
The Amish Monkees
Harborville California
The wooden sign read Harborville California, population 35. Mike cast it a look as they roared by in the Monkeemobile.
"Peter let me see them there directions again." Mike said to him as he pulled over on the side of the road. Peter, who was sitting shotgun with Mike in the front gave him a piece of paper the directions were written. Davy and Micky had been sleeping in the back seat. The trip was pretty long, almost half a day. The town of Harborville was located close to the Northern border of California. After playing a few rounds of the alphabet game, the duo fell asleep. They quickly woke as the car pulled to a stop.
"Are we there yet?" Davy asked.
"You been asking the whole trip. Its probably still 'no'." Micky said. "We been riding for so long we must be in England by now."
"Oh good, then maybe we can have some figgy pudding. I'm starving here."
"We might be here. I'm not sure." Mike said. "Seems like a small town, but its not a town, if you get my drift."
"Oh okay, and huh?" Micky asked.
"One of them towns you go through...you blink and its already gone." Mike explained. "What does the map say Peter?"
"It says this is the place." Peter said showing him the hand drawn map. There was a x next to some writing. It read. "This the place."
"Remind me why we're here?" Micky asked as they pulled off the side of the road and into the center of town. It seemed ancient. All the buildings were made of wood. There was a town square were some horses were kept in a small stall outside what seemed to be the main house.
"We were sent an invitation." Peter said. "A party for an A. Mish and some girl whos about to have her birthday."
"A Mish? Thats a weird name." Micky said.
"Let me see that there invite." Mike said. He began to read it. "You are cordially invited to the sixteenth annual birthday party of Sabrina Lockheardt." Mike read. "Celebration to include food, and a hearty barn raising..." He continued.
"Ah Mike?" Peter said.
"In a minute." Mike said. "These are the directions so we should be pretty close."
"Mike?" Davy said from the backseat.
"Just a second."
"How bout now?" Micky said.
"What is it that you can't wait two gosh darned minutes..." Mike looked up from his reading to see what the guys were so excited about. A group of people, all dressed in the same dark clothes, surrounded the vehicle. Mike looked at them for a minute. Then he looked at the invite one more time. Did you say this was a celebration for A Mish?"
"Yeah." Peter said.
"I think you meant Amish." Mike said.
"Oh yeah, thats what I meant." Peter said.
"I think it would be a good idea to get out of the car." Davy said.
The foursome got out of the car when the apparent leader of the group started to speak.
"Why have you trespassed on our property?" The man asked.
"We were invited." Mike said offering the invitation. "For a birthday party and barn raising."
"What is this rubbish?" The man said.
"Its right here sir." Mike said handing the invitation over to him. The man looked it over.
"This looks like Sabrinas doing." He said. "I am sorry but you are disinvited. There is no such party, so you might as well go."
Davy looked around. He looked over near a house. He thought he saw a girl looking out a window. She moved out of site once Davy caught site of her. He blinked. He looked at the others but it was obvious he was the only one who saw her.
"Youre going to have to leave." The man continued.
"Okay." Davy said. "But before we do,can we use your bathroom?"
"Our what?" The elder asked.
"Our facilities." The leader said. "You may do so, only if you leave soon after."
"Ok." Davy said. He said rubbing his hands together. He went off in the direction of the house. He went in the door and to the left. He found the relatively Amish looking bathroom. Apparently they had no running water. He would have to wash his hands at the next town they came to. Davy looked out the window. The guys were looking at the buildings, Mike was pointing out things to them. The crowd that had gathered had mysteriously dispersed. The girl he had seen in the window was nowhere to be found. As he began to pass the window he thought he saw someone run outside near the car. He blinked for a minute and ran out the door.

"...and thats why you dont milk horses Peter." Mike was saying when Davy came out."You done? Took you long enough." Mike asked as Davy looked around the car.
"He was in there long enough to pluck his eyebrows." Micky laughed.
"You know I don't pluck my eyebrows." Davy said. "Leaves little marks."
"Ohhh ok." Micky said.
"We better go, we are clearly not welcome here." Mike said.
"The same can be said for home, if we don't have rent money we can consider this our home on wheels." Micky added. Davy walked around the car looking under it, and around it.
"Will you get in?" Mike asked.
"Mike theres something I gotta tell ya." Davy said.
"It'll have to wait, till the road at least. We want to get going before dark...and the lynch mob comes out!"
"But Mike..." Davy tried to say.
"Later Davy." Mike said.
"All right." He said getting into the car. The backseat seemed smaller to him. "Are you getting bigger or is the car getting smaller?" He asked Micky.
"Its you with all that figgy pudding you eat." Micky said. Mike started the car, did a quick u turn and headed out of the town.

Meanwhile out of sight

An evil looking man and his wormy assistant watched the Monkeemobile roll out of the town.
"HA ha, soon we will have them funny looking weirdoes out of there." He cackled to him as he looked through his binoculars.
"The Monkees arent all that bad." The assistant said.
"No, you fool!" The man said smacking the assistant. "The Amish! Once we get them off that land we can start the biggest mini mall of all time!"
"Isn’t biggest mini mall an oxymoron?" The assistant asked.
"Yes, Travis, just like you." The man said.
"Thanks boss!"
The man rolled his eyes. "Once we get that land, nothing will stop Philip B Tinklewattler III from getting what he wants!"
"The land you mean?" Travis asked.
Tinklewattler rolled his eyes. "Thats the last time I give a cousin a job. Yes I mean the land. But more important Travis, I'll get money! Oh yes tons and tons of beautiful wonderful money. HAHAHAHAHA!" He cackled. "Come! We have work to do!"

Down the road

Davy could not get comfortable. He shifted in his seat. He fluffed his special travel seat pillow, but to no avail. There was definitely something in the backseat that was keeping him from being comfy in his seat. It wasn’t Micky either, who managed to keep playing a game of "lets poke Davy" even though Mike had told him several times to stop. About after five minutes the car arrived in a nearby town. Mike decided to pull over at one of the little stores.
"Since we didn’t get to do the gig, which I doubt we would have been paid for anyway, we gotta decide on whether we get food or gas." Mike said to the group. "If we get gas we have to wait till we get home to eat. If we eat, then we might not get home."
The guys looked at each other. "Eat."
Mike nodded. Who knows, maybe they will get a gig on the way home. Davy moved to swing his legs over the top of the car. He accidentally kicked a blanket in the back seat. A muffled "ow!" was heard.
"Sorry Micky." Davy said.
"What for?" Micky asked.
"I kicked you didn’t I?"
"Hardly, your little legs wouldn’t make it even halfway across the car." Micky said.
"Well if I didn’t kick you, then what did I kick?" Davy said. He opened the car and got out. Peter and Mike were out stretching their legs. Micky climbed out of his side of the car. He bounded over to Davys side. Davy grabbed the blanket.
"Ready?" He asked.
The other three nodded.
"If its that skunk we kept passing while we were coming up here, I'm out of here." Peter said.
Davy quickly pulled the blanket off. Whatever was underneath it tried to keep it but quickly lost the battle. The foursome gasped. It was a girl. She had brunette hair of what he could see of it. She was dressed similar to the other women in the Amish town. She looked up with them with a little fear.
"Mike... theres a girl in my seat." Davy said.
"Davy you naughty boy." Mike said. "I told you this was a no souvenir trip."
"She must have snuck in while we were site seeing." Micky proposed.
"Yeah, all three of them." Mike said. "Uhoh."
"What?" Peter asked.
Mike was so attuned to Davy that he knew it was going to happen before everyone else did. Davy and the girls eyes connected. Sparks lit up both their eyes.
"Where have you been all my life, my love?" Davy asked.
"Probably in the back seat of the car." Micky cracked.
Davy snapped out of it. "I mean why are you in our car?"
"Oh please don't take me back." She said. "I can't live another moment there." She said. "My name is Sabrina. I am the one who sent the invitations."
"I think you owe us an explanation." Mike said.
"Yeah, Lucy, you have some 'splaining to do." Micky said doing his best Ricky Ricardo accent. Sabrina stared at him, with a unknowing look on her face.
"Mick, I don't think she ever has seen a tv show." Mike said.
"Oh, right." He said.
"He is right though," Sabrina said. "I'll explain while we get something to eat." She said. "I'll pay."
"Okay." All four said.
Mike stopped the foursome as the girl went into the store. "Wait a minute should we do this?"
"Sure! Shes got money, I think she will explain how later, would you rather starve oh worldly leader?" Micky asked.
"He's right." Peter said. "Girls are paying for stuff nowadays."
"Oh okay." Mike said. "But don't go hog-wild."

Harborville

Two men, dressed in natty business attire sat at a long table with the elders of the group, Jebediah and Joseph. They held out a chart and held a suitcase that was closed.
"So you see sirs..." Tinklewattler said. "If we offer you this money, you can move to anywhere in the United States you want to." He said. "And we can put your land to much better use."
"And what use would that be?" Jebediah asked.
"Commerce my good man. Money." He said. "A new community mall. A place would even be included where you can sell your wares. What do you do, churn butter? Folks like that homemade taste." Tinklewattler said with a fake smile.
Jebediah and Joseph looked at each other. "I must say, it was intriguing to have you travel this far to see us, but this land has been in my family for generations. And we plan to keep it that way." Jebediah said.
"You're saying no?" Tinklewattler asked.
"We're saying no." Joseph said.
"Fine! Be that way. I got something from my family too, stubbornness and a refusal to quit! This land is your land all right, but it will soon be ours! Come Travis!" Tinklewattler said grabbing his briefcase.
"But wasn't there going to be pie?" Travis asked.
"Travis!" Tinklewattler shouted.
Travis pouted yet followed him out. Jebediah and Joseph got up from the table as one of the women came in.
"Joseph. Shes gone." She said.
"Mary Ellen Rose, what be the matter?" Joseph asked. She was his wife.
"Shes gone." She said. "Sabrina is gone."
"This isn’t good. First those long haired...men and those unsightly men. What now?" He asked himself.
"She can't be far." Jebediah decided. "She has that friend in the town. Maybe she is avisiting."
Mary Ellen Rose nodded. "I hope so."

The Haleville Country Store

"I suppose the first thing I should ask is why did you run away?" Mike said after Sabrina chipped a little money in to pay for some snack cakes. Sabrina had wanted to pay for their food, very unexpectant of an Amish teen. Mike paid for some of their food. They now sat around the car talking.
"It's my life. I yearn for difference." Sabrina said. "I want to go out and see whats out there. Is there life out there? If there is, I want to experience it a little."
"How did you hear of us? From what I know of Amish people is that you have no electricity." Davy asked.
"Tis true." She said. "I have a friend in this small town. She introduced to me through your music. She helped me realize that I want be free." She said lightly singing one of their music lyrics.
"How did you get money?" Micky asked.
"You boys are full of questions." Sabrina laughed.
"You'll have to forgive them. They don't get out of our town a lot." Mike said.
"Speak for yourself Mike." Davy said.
"We earn money by selling our wares, baskets and other things on the side of the road during the tourist season." Sabrina said. "I saved my money. As you can see I had this well planned out. I invited you to the town, then I sneak in your automobile. I start a whole new life."
"Yeah but we discovered you." Mike said. "And like it or not, we gotta take you back so your folks know you are all right."
"If you must, you must." Sabrina sighed.
"Come on, it can't be that bad." Davy said. "Maybe we'll come and visit."
"We're hardly gonna leave, we don't have enough gas." Micky muttered.
"Micky..." Mike said.
"All right, I'll come." Sabrina said.
"Lets get into the car, we don't want them worrying anymore than they could be now." Mike said.
"Okay." Sabrina said.

As they moved to get into the car, Davy moved to get out of the way of a car.
"Watch where you're going!" Davy said. "Sunday driver."
Sabrina watched the car. "That automobile looks familiar." She said.
"Hows that?" Davy asked. "I was beginning to think this is the only car you have ever seen."
"I've seen cars. But I remember that one." She said. "Oh my god!"
"What?" The guys said.
"One of them is a sleazy man. Hes trying to buy our town away from us. He wants to tear it down and build a mini mall." She said.
"How do you know?" Mike asked.
"Look at the car." Sabrina said. On the car had a sign, "Tinklewattler Construction...we make big mini-malls."
"Oh." Mike said.
"They must have just been there." Davy said.
"Yeah." Peter said.
"Let's go see what they are doing." Micky said as they watched them go into a small diner."

Haleville Come 'n' Get It Diner

"I should have known those yokels would never sell." Tinklewattler said as they sat at a seat. "Now we will have to take a different tract of thinking."
"Sure boss." Travis said. "Want my pickle?"
"Why not." He said. Travis offered his pickle. Tinklewattler took it and threw it back at him. "Focus! We shouldn’t even be eating, but we need the brain food. You more than me actually." He said muttering the last part.
In the booth behind them, there were four in tuxes and one in a bride costume.
"I hate these costumes." Davy said.
"Its the best I could do." Peter said. "Would you rather have the cowboy and indian costumes?"
"These are fine." Mike said.
"Besides I don't want no One little indian jokes from Micky." Davy said.
"I wouldn't and that was only once!"
"Shh." Mike said. "We don't want to blow our cover."
"What do we do now boss?" Travis asked.
"If we can't buy them out of their land, we'll have to do something different." Tinklewattler said. "Come out to the car, I have something that will...lets say...blow them away!" Tinklewattler said as he paid the bill.
"What about dessert?" Travis asked.
"Will you come on!" Tinklewattler said grabbing Travis's ear. He dragged them him out of the diner.
"What a mean man!" Sabrina said.
"You're right, he didn’t even leave a tip." Peter said.
"What do we do?" Davy asked Mike.
"Heres the plan, we're about a mile or so from Sabrinas home. The best thing we can do is break up. Davy and Sabrina and I will go back to the homestead and warn the others." Mike said.
"Right." Davy said.
"Peter and Micky will go check out Tinklewattler and his car." Mike said.
"Right." Micky said. "Wait a minute."
"We gotta do it Micky, or they won't know what to be ready for." Peter said.
"All right." Micky moaned. "Can I get out of the wedding dress first?" Micky asked.
"Good idea." Mike said.
"You said it, this garter keeps riding up on me." Micky moaned.

Outside

Tinklewattler and Travis met outside at their car. He opened the trunk.
"Here it is." Tinklewattler said. He said as started to lift a small package out of the trunk.
"What is that boss?" Travis asked.
"Yeah." Micky said to Peter as they quietly snuck up. "What is that?"
"We're gonna have to get closer in order to find out." Peter said. "But we won't do that without blowing our cover."
"Okay." Micky said. "Then lets do that."
"Do what?" Peter said.
"Just follow me, and my lead." Micky said. They walked up to Tinklewattler and Travis. "My man, what are you doing?"
Tinklewattler stashed the package back into the trunk of the car. "Nothing, nothing, why do you ask?"
"I heard you didn’t get along with them Amish people." Micky said. "We didn’t either." He added.
"They kicked us out of the family." Peter said.
"You don't look Amish." Travis said.
"Well its more on my mothers side of the family." Micky said. "We'd like to help in whatever dastardly deed you want to pull on em."
"I'm not buying this." Tinklewattler said. "I'm a salesman, I know a line when I see one, and I see one."
"Where?" Peter said turning around. He looked over the horizon with a hand over his eyes. "I dont see a line."
"Why are you guys really over here?" Tinklewattler asked.
"We want to help out." Micky said.
"I don't trust you." Tinklewattler said. "But since you volunteer... and are probably as stupid as you look...sure!" He said muttering the second part while looking at Peter. "We're gonna set these termites loose in their town. One thing they love is wood and that town is full of it. No more buildings, no more Amish people."
"Fabulous idea, boss." Travis said.
"It should be, I thought of it." Tinklewattler said. "What you guys can do to help is go back to the town and distract them while I lay the trap, agreed?"
"Agreed!" Peter and Micky said.
"Here, Travis." Tinklewattler said. "I want you to hold on to the termites while I go get some gas." Tinklewattler said, for some reason deciding to do his own lackey work.
"We need a plan, and fast!" Micky said as Travis minded his little box. "Think of something Peter!"
"Thinkings not usually my job Micky." Peter said.
"It is now!" Micky smiled. "You must know what to do."

Harborville

Davy and Mike and Sabrina arrived as her family was raising a small building.
"Thats an awfully small barn." Davy said.
"Yeah, but it would be huge to a clan of leprechauns." Mike said."It's an outhouse." He explained to him.
Sabrina spotted Jebediah at the water pump. "Father!" She cried.
"Sabrina!" Jebediah said. He ran over to her. He looked like he was going to hug her but he put his hand on her shoulder. "Where have you been? We have been worried."
"With these men." Sabrina said. "I went willingly, father, so don't be angry with them. But we have something important to tell you."
"You do?" He asked.
"These two men, one named Tinklewattler who want to come back and make you leave your property." Mike said.
"Thats preposterous." Jebediah said. "We told them to leave."
"Yeah, but I don't think they'll listen. We got the feeling that they arent doing this legal like, taking your land. If we can trap Tinklewattler and his lackey till the cops come, then we can guarantee you can keep your land."
"How would this be done?" Jebediah said as people started to gather.
"We're gonna need everyones help." Davy said. "We're gonna have to raise a barn!"
"People." Jebediah said. "These boys come the bearers of bad news. We can keep this bad news from getting worse if we work together on this. We can do it, for us, our livelihoods and our home." He looked on as the elder nodded. "Just tell us what to do, son, and we'll help everyway we can."
"Okay, first we...." Davy and Mike were surrounded by the crowd of people they nodded and listened while some info was repeated for those who didn’t understand. They had a plan. "Let's go!" Davy said. The crowd quickly dispersed.

Micky and Peter stood apart from Travis with his termites.
"Travis." Peter said. Travis looked at him.
"What?" He said.
"You look like you could use a break." Peter said. "I think this guy works you too hard. Why don't you let us look after the box there."
"But he said I had to." Travis said bringing the box closer to his chest.
"You can trust us." Peter said. "Okay?"
Travis eyeballed them for a minute while he decided whether to trust them or not. He sighed and made his decision. He handed over the box.
"Don't let them out of your sight." Travis said. "Or Mr. Tinklewattler will be really made at me." Travis walked off toward the restaurant, the only place that seemed to have a working toilet for miles around.
"Do you have the other box?" Peter asked.
"Uh huh. An exact copy." Micky said triumphantly. "Lucky we found one."
"I know." Now all we have to do is pass this box off as the real one and ditch the termites on the way back to Harborville." Peter said.
"You had a good idea." Micky said. "But what do we do with the termites?" He knew Peter had an affection for animals, so he wasn’t about to stomp on the box in the middle of the desert. At the same time he was also afraid he would take them home for pets.
"We're lucky." Peter said. "This area is good for termites. They will live good over there, behind the diner. Don't worry about it. Its not made of wood." They went over to the back of the diner where a small pit. They set the box down at the bottom of it. The box opened by itself. Micky and Peter ran back to the car as Travis returned.
"Here's the box." Peter said.
"Thanks." Travis said.
"We're gonna go, distract the Amish people." Micky said.
"Thanks for holding these...termites?" Travis said looking at the box. "Hey!" He said. He looked at the box. It read "sneakers".
"Uh oh!" Micky said. "Run!"

(The back to the homestead romp - "Tomorrows gonna be another day")

Micky and Peter run down the road, followed by Tinklewattler and his flunky. They have their car.

"I'm gonna pack up all the pain, I been a keepin' in my heart,"

Peter throws out a couple of thumbtacks on the road. Micky and Peter run out of the way as Tinklewattler drove up to them.

"I'm gonna catch me the fastest train And make me a brand new start But that's okay,"

Tinklewattlers tire goes flat, they try change the tire. Micky offers him a spare tire. They move to take it, but see that hes actually giving them a jelly donut. They run off.

"Tomorrow's gonna be another day, Hey, hey, hey, hey. And I don't care what they say Tomorrow's gonna be, tomorrow's gonna be, Tomorrow's gonna be another day. Yay, yay, yay, Hey, hey, hey, hey."

Mike and Davy try to cobble together on the wall but they are nailing the same nail in and out of the same section of the wall. They look at each other and sigh disgustedly.

"They tell me there's a lotta fish, Swimmin' in the deep blue sea, I'm gonna catch me a pretty one And she'll be good to me. But that's okay, Tomorrow's gonna be another day,"

Peter and Micky have a little lemonade stand. Tinklewattlers stops and buys one. Instead of lemonade, the guys give him root beer, which he drinks down. He goes to drink the other glasses, while Micky and Peter run off.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey. And I don't care what ya say Tomorrow's gonna be, tomorrow's gonna be, Tomorrow's gonna be another day. Yay, yay, yay, Hey, hey, hey, hey. I'm on my way. Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey!"

Micky and Peter run into town. The barn is almost done. They run through the barn and out the back .Tinklewattler points and wildly yells for Travis to follow them.

"Well, I ain't gonna think about ya, 'Cause it ain't no use no more, I'm gonna make it fine without ya, Just like I did before, I'm on my way. Tomorrow's gonna be another day, Hey, hey, hey."

As Travis enters the barn the back door quickly rises up. Hammering is heard. Tinklewattler freaks out and demands Travis back out. He can’t the front of the barn is now nailed on.

"And I don't care what they say Tomorrow's gonna be, tomorrow's gonna be, Tomorrow's gonna be another day."

Micky and the others cheer with glee. Sabrina smiles. In comparison everyone’s reaction is pretty subdued.

"Yay, yay, yay, Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Another day..."


"We’ve been saved!" Sabrina called out.
"We’ve been caught!" Tinklewattler and Travis said as they were lead from the outside of the barn. Davy closed the door after they were lead into a police paddywagon.
"Ya’ll don’t come back now, ya hear?" Mike said.
"Thank you for saving our family, our land and or heritage." Jebediah said.
"You are very welcome." Micky said. "Can we play now?"
"What say you Sabrina?" Jebediah said.
"I’d love it if they would." Sabrina said. The guys set up their acoustic stuff and played. "The kind of girl I could love." Davy was hoping to dance with Sabrina but was saddened to see her dancing with another guy.
"You win some, you lose some man." Mike said.
"But it never happens to me!" Davy said. "I’m the chick magnet."
"Yeah, and its on repel right now." Micky cracked.
"Dolenz!" Davy said dropping his tambourine. Micky dropped his drum sticks as he ran away. Davy continued to give chase to the drummer till they were out of sight.
"Did we learn anything, Mike?" Peter asked as they picked up their equipment.
"Yea, never tick off an Englishman." Mike said.
"That and we should give the same kind of respect to our neighbors that we would want for ourselves?" Peter said.
"Yeah, that and save the Texas prairie chicken." Mike said. "Although it has nothing to do with this, it was still good to say."
"Good night everybody!" Peter smiled at the camera. "Come back next week for more wild and crazy stuff."
"Peter, I didn’t know you could do Johnny Carson." Mike said.
"Who’s Johnny Carson?" Peter asked.
Mike sighed and got into the car.
The End