Freeze raises his joined fists high above Robin's head,
coming down fast. Robin is done for.
Crow: I want my mommy!
Suddenly Batman swing out of the dark, his boots flying
into Freeze's chest, sending the villain hard to the
ground.
Mike: (as Batman) No one hits my sidekick, except for me.
Batman drops to Freeze's chest, HAMMERS a series of
punches into his tunic, rendering him unconscious. Batman
looks up at Robin.
BATMAN
We'll be starting again now.
Tom: Thats good to know, I thought we were taking a soda break.
Just then Freeze's hand shoots up, grabbing Batman by the
throat.
BATMAN
Pause virtual reality simulation.
PUSH IN as Batman reaches towards his cowl. SCREEN WIPES
TO REVEAL...
Mike: Whats happening?
BRUCE WAYNE - CLOSE. Pulls off a pair of VR goggles.
Crow: Couldn't see a thing with these on, whats going on?
Bruce and Dick, also in VR goggles, stand on an empty
platform in the back of the Batcave.
Mike: ah, ok.
DICK
I got the diamond. Quell problemo, Bruce?
Tom: Yo quiero taco bell.
BRUCE
You left your back wide open. Freeze
could have killed you.
Crow: So whats so bad about that?
Dick demonstrates a spinning back kick that would have
dropped Freeze in his tracks.
DICK
I had it covered.
Mike: Sure, just keep thinking that.
(OVER) A doorbell RINGS.
DICK
You know, in the circus, The Flying
Graysons were a team. We had to
trust each other. We had to count
on each person to do his part. That's
what being partners is all about.
(loud)
End simulation.
Tom: Well I dont give a Flying Grayson what you think, kid.
Ambient lights come up in the cave.
Crow: Ah a clapper.
DICK
Sometimes counting on someone else
is the only way to win.
(OVER) the doorbell RINGS again.
Mike: Avon calling!
DICK
(puzzled)
Where's Al?
Dick heads for the door.
BRUCE
(following)
Couldn't we just for once pretend
that I'm the teacher and you're the
student?
Tom: Does he mean....
Crow: NO!
INT. WAYNE MANOR - FOYER - AFTERNOON
Columns of dancing sunlight fill the giant entryway. Dick
goes to the front door as Bruce meets Alfred emerging in
the b.g.
Mike: Where you been old man?
ALFRED
I must have dozed off. My sincerest
apologies, sir.
BRUCE
No apology necessary. That's the
first time in thirty years.
Crow: Thats nice to know.
Bruce smiles, but he can't take his eyes off Alfred. The
butler seems pale, older than usual.
Mike: Someone needs a tan.
DICK
Mystery pizza delivery?
Tom: Mystic pizza!
Dick opens the door. A young girl stands in the autumn
light, beautiful, dressed in prim, schoolgirl clothes,
BARBARA WILSON.
Crow: (as Dick) Hey that Clueless chick is here.
DICK
Please be looking for me.
Tom: (as Barbara)Oh, I'm sorry, I was looking for a slumber party.I'll
just leave now.
BARBARA
I'm so sorry to trouble you, but-
That's when the girl sports Alfred. The old man's eyes
widen.
Mike: Finally, my mail order Alicia Silverstone is here.
BARBARA
Uncle Alfred?
Barbara rushes in, past Dick and Bruce, into the old
butler's arms. he holds her close. Bruce and Dick face
each other.
Tom: Who knew it, shes likes older men.
BRUCE & DICK
(mouthing)
Uncle?
Crow: (mouthing) No, aunt.
EXT. WAYNE ESTATE GARDENS - AFTERNOON - WALKING
Bruce, Alfred, Dick, and Barbara tour.
Tom: Ah, Busch Gardens in the summertime.
BARBARA
How long has it been, Uncle Alfred?
Crow: don't ask that.
ALFRED
Ten years. (to Bruce)
Barbara isn't really me niece, sir.
She's Joanna Clark's daughter.
Tom: That clears up the family tree a little.
BRUCE
Of course. Alfred still keeps your
mother's picture in his room.
DICK
Anybody want to tell us kids in the
cheap seats who Joanna Clark is?
Mike: Does he meant us?
Crow: Shhh.
ALFRED
Joanna and I were in love in London.
But when I realized our age difference
was too extreme -
Mike: Three whole years. Cradle robber!
BARBARA
Uncle Alfred left for America. Much
to my mother's dismay -
Tom: Are you kidding? She threw a party when he left.
ALFRED
Eventually she married a young
physician.
Crow: Marcus Welby?
Mike: Dr Kildare?
Tom: Jeffrey Geiger from Chicago Hope?
EXT. WAYNE ESTATE - STABLES - WALKING - CONTINUOUS
Crow: Their boots were made for walking, thats just what they doing.
DICK
Al's main squeeze. Is she here?
(off everyone's looks)
I'm about to scrape the bottom of my
shoe off my tongue, right?
Tom: Ew. Please dont.
BARBARA
My parents were killed in an auto
accident ten years ago. Alfred has
been supporting me ever since.
Crow: Like a playtex bra.
BRUCE
You have?
ALFRED
Secrets are a virtual prerequisite
in this house, don't you think?
Mike: It's like Melrose Place with a cave.
Crow: That would be handy for dumping Heather Locklears ex-beaus.
BARBARA
I'm on break from-
Mike: Kit Kat.
BRUCE
Oxbridge Academy?
BARBARA
Their new computer sciences
division. How did you know?
Crow: He glanced at the script.
BRUCE
I recognized the accent.
They have come to the garage. A motorcycle sits out
front.
Tom: Harley Davidson is here.
BARBARA
What is it? It's beautiful.
The way the sun catches Barbara, she looks like an angel.
Mike: Pretty girl.
Crow: Forget it Mike, you dont have a chance.
DICK
You can say that again.
(catching himself)
Crow: Forget it Mike, you dont have a chance.
Mike: Hey!
It's a competition racer I've been
fixing up. Maybe one day I'll show
you how to ride.
Tom: Slow riddeeeee. Take it easyyyyyyy.
ALFRED
You certainly will not.
Crow: Thank you.
BARBARA
Oh no, those things frighten me.
BRUCE
Well, I hope you'll stay with us.
Mike: (as Bruce) My room preferably.
ALFRED
There's a lovely inn just down --
Tom: lane?
BARBARA
All this luxury really isn't my
style but-
(still eyeing the bike)
I'd love to stay.
BRUCE
Then it's settled.
Crow: I guess.
ALFRED
Oh, but, sir. So much goes on-
Mike: The keg parties, the wet t-shirt contests.
BRUCE
Don't be silly, Alfred.
After all, she's family.
Tom: Course if it was his family shes run screaming.
EXT. GOTHAM AIRPORT - TARMAC _ NIGHT
A vintage DC-3 steams on the runway. Pilots descend the
gangway.
Pamela Isley, dressed as a grieving window, supervises the
LUGGAGE HANDLERS' debarkation of a coffin. An immense
coffin.
Mike: Uma Thurman World Traveler!
Crow: You can fly with Uma Thurman, but you cant bring your
American Express Card.
PAMELA
Be gentle. He's always been touchy.
HANDLER
Whatever you say, lady.
Pam watches the Handlers carry the coffin away. She turns,
walks off across the tarmac.
Tom: She packs light.
FAVOR THE BAGGAGE HANDLERS as they bear the coffin to the
terminal.
HANDLER
(imitating Pam)
He's always been touchy. Right.
Crow: Left.
A GIANT FIST CRASHES through the splintering lid. The
Handlers drop the coffin as a figure emerges. Bane,
wearing his full costume, his injector pack strapped to
his back.
Mike: Oh, hes carrying a milk steamer on his back.
Bane lifts a Handler, begins swinging him like a baseball
bat, sending the other Handlers flying.
Crow: Break time!
Tom: I'll see you in a minute Ted!
EXT. AIRPORT - TARMAC
A LIMOUSINE sits at the edge of the runway. A lone
BUSINESSMAN approaches the waiting car. The DRIVER smiles,
opens the door. he Businessman climbs in to find...
Tom: What? Show us!
INT. LIMO - NIGHT
Pam sits sprawled on the back seat, showing no small bit
of leg.
Mike: Whoa, momma left me a surprise.
BUSINESSMAN
There must be some mistake --
PAMELA
Silly darling, there's no need to
pretend in front of the driver.
Crow: Pretend what?
She grabs his face kisses him passionately. She lets go,
the Businessman slumps to the seat. Dead.
PAMELA
Love hurts. In my case it kills.
Tom: Ew, chlorophyll breath.
THE REARVIEW MIRROR
The limo driver watches on. Suddenly a hand reaches in
SNAPPING his neck, drags out his body. Bane climbs into
the driver's seat.
Mike: Break time buddy.
Crow laughs
PAMELA
Once around the park.
Crow: And keep your eyes on the road.
INT. ALFRED'S ROOM
The door is ajar. (OVER) a gentle KNOCK. Barbara pushes
inside, wearing a long terry robe.
Tom: Clueless girls back.
The room is empty. She notices a pile of envelopes on the
desk.
Crow: (as Barbara) I'm gonna organize Uncle Alfreds mail.
ENVELOPES - CLOSE. All addressed to Wilfred Pennyworth.
Royal Court of Mirajanpore. All stamped RETURN TO SENDER.
ALFRED (OVER)
I didn't know sneaking around was on
the curriculum at Oxbridge.
Tom: It was a summer course.
Barbara starts, turns. Alfred steps from the shadows in
his robe.
BARBARA
I'm sorry, Uncle, I came to tuck you
in. And...
Crow: (as Barbara) I left my Vogue in here.
ALFRED
You came to tuck me in. That's quite
a switch.
Mike: Usually she just tosses a pillow at him.
(off the envelopes)
I am looking for my brother, Wilfred.
He is first butler to the Maharajah
of Mirajanpore. But Mirajanpore is a
floating court, it travels across
India, so Wilfred can be rather
difficult to find.
Crow: Pony express is too damn slow.
Alfred TAPS his computer keyboard.
SCREEN - CLOSE. Full motion images of a resplendent royal
court, carried entirely on the back of elephants.
Tom: Out of Africa is on.
BARBARA (OVER)
I guess they don't have fax machines
on elephants.
Crow: Theres no room in the trunk.
ALFRED
I have been trying to reach Wilfred
with no success. As one grows older,
one yearns for family.
Mike: (as Alfred) and for lots of metracal.
BARBARA
(she smiles)
It's good to see you again, Uncle.
I've missed you.
ALFRED
As I've missed you.
(kissing her head)
Sleep well, child.
Crow: Course shes almost twenty....
Barbara heads out, closing the door behind her.
Mike: (as Barbara) He's a nice old fart.
INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Barbara walks to her room. She pauses, waiting for the
light under Alfred's door to go out. Then she disappears
inside.
INT. WAYNE MANOR - BARBARA'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Barbara whips off her robe. Underneath, a tight black
leather motorcycle outfit. She begins pulling on sleek
black boots.
Tom: Time to go babysitting.
EXT. WAYNE MANOR - NIGHT _ CONTINUOUS
A knotted climbing rope tumbles out of one of the windows.
A figure expertly descends into the courtyard below.
Turns, face now visible in the moonlight. Barbara.
Crow: (fake shock) She's sneaking out!
Mike: Maybes shes coming to see me. (looks hopefully at the door.)
Tom: Fat chance Mike.
INT. WAYNE MANOR GARAGE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
She stops at a sleek competition bike, climbs on, pulling a
racing helmet from her back-pack, expertly kick-starts the
ENGINE.Barbara rides out through the open garage into the
night.
Crow: (sings) Bornnnnn to beeee cluelesssssssssssss!!!!
INT. SNOWY CONES ICE CREAM FACTORY - NIGHT
Freeze is standing at his computerized work-station,
entering data into the keyboard.
Tom: Damn it, screen froze up on me again.
FREEZE
Maybe this time, this new formula,
will return you to me.
Freeze hits a switch. A beat. Then an ALERT panel flashes a
simple message: TEST FAILURE. Freeze SLAMS the console with his fist.
FOLLOW FREEZE as he rises, walks through the open door
into...
Crow: I need to chill out.
INT. FREEZE'S VAULT - NIGHT
Freeze stares up at his wife in her frozen sarcophagus,
fighting back the tears.
Mike: Talk about your frigid wife.
FREEZE
No cure tonight, my love. Forgive
me. But soon, I promise you. Soon.
Tom: (as wife)Well put a little heat under it, its a little cold in here.
INT. LIMOUSINE - DAY
Morning. Bane drives. Ivy sits in the back seat, applying
brown contact lenses, donning a dark wig. Pamela Isley
once more.
PAMELA
(to the Charlie jingle)
Kind of Hip, kind of Wow, Ivy. Kind
of Free, kind of Now, Ivy.
Mike: That sucked.
EXT. GOTHAM OBSERVATORY - DAY _ESTABLISHING
A stone and copper observatory in the process of being
restored, set atop the banks above the Gotham River and
the city beyond.
Crow: The whole damn citys weird.
INT. OBSERVATORY
An immense circular hall under construction. Within, a
partially installed telescope. Bruce stands flanked by
his stunningly beautiful date (JULIE MADISON), a SCIENTIST
and his ASSOCIATE, all on a podium backed by blueprints,
facing the PRESS.
Mike: Bruce uses this, hes such a peeping tom.
BRUCE
My father once told me that to
succeed we need only pick our
star and follow it.
Crow: Hello, I'm George Clooney, youre MC and current Batman.
And so Wayne Enterprises is donating the world's
most advanced telescope to Gotham's
Observatory Restoration Project.
Perhaps this telescope will give
future generations a chance to
find their own stars.
Mike: Reach for the stars!
Tom: Just not the sun, that could hurt.
GOSSIP GERTY
Brucy, is it true this new telescope
can see all around the globe?
Crow: Shall we bring in the non-descript minor characters now?
SCIENTIST
Yes, if you'll watch the monitors -
Tom: ....for Baywatch reruns.
A MONITOR BANK - CLOSE. A graphic of the earth.
Equidistant satellites in geosyncronous orbit are
highlighted.
SCIENTIST
Satellites already in orbit allow us
to reflect light around the planet.
Mike: Ah.
ON SCREEN - A graphic ray of light is reflected from a
satellite over Australia, to a satellite over the U.S.,
and then beamed to a graphic of the Gotham-based telescope.
Crow: We can see down under in a minute.
Mike: Personally Id like to see down under Alicia...
Crow: Mike!
ASSOCIATE
From here we'll be able to see the
sky anywhere on earth.
BRUCE
Just don't point it at my bedroom.
Tom: But thats the best view!
GOSSIP GERTY
Brucy, you and the exquisite Julie
Madison have been going out forever.
Are you planning to tie the knot?
Crow: What do ropes got to do anything with this?
BRUCE
Get married? me? No...
JULIE
No!?
BRUCE
Umm. What I mean is...no plans at
the moment...
Tom: Great back peddling there Bruce.
JULIE
But soon...
GERTY
Soon?
Mike: How bout never.
BRUCE
Ah...Sooner or later...all
relationships evolve and...
JULIE
And?
BRUCE
(to Julie)
Can I get some help over here?
Julie smiles, turns to the PRESS. the very picture of
composure.
Tom: (girly laugh)
JULIE
Bruce and I are lucky enough to be
recklessly in love. And that is
most certainly enough for us.
(to Bruce)
For now.
Mike: Shes gonna get him when they get home.
FOLKS LAUGH, charmed.
Tom: How nice.
SCIENTIST
Now, if you'll all follow me, I'll
show you the central control grid...
Crow: Where everything will get a little more complicated.
The Scientist and Associate tour Julie and the Press around
the telescope, leaving Bruce to confer with two of his Aides.
GUARD (OVER)
Mr. Wayne?
Mike: Mr Garth?
Pam, hair in a bun, face behind glasses, cloaked in a
frumpy suit, is standing behind two door GUARDS.
Crow: Ah, Uma is here.
GUARD
She doesn't have a pass, sir.
BRUCE smiles, waves off the guards with a gesture.
Crow: Hey that was rude!
BRUCE
They're overly protective. You're
Not going to hurt me are you, Ms...
Tom: ..Thurman.
PAMELA
Dr. Pamela Isley.
BRUCE
What can I do for you, Doctor? A
research grant? A hospital wing?
Crow: Hospitals have wings?
PAMELA
Actually, I already work for you.
Or did. Your arboreal preservation
project in South America.
Tom: I work with the venus flytraps?
BRUCE
We cut our support. A conflict of
ideologies. Dr. Woodrue was a lunatic.
PAMELA
I see you knew him.
BRUCE
That lab was consumed by fire last
week. how did you manage to escape?
Crow: Through the back door.
PAMELA
I have here a proposal showing how
Wayne Enterprises can immediately
cease all actions that toxify our
environment.
Bruce takes the proposal, scans it. Pam's eyes shine
despotic.
PAMELA
Forget the stars. Look here, at the
Earth, our mother, our womb. She
deserves our loyalty and protection.
And yet you spoil her lands, poison
her oceans, blacken her skies.
You're killing her.
Mike:She wants a back massage too.
BRUCE
Your intentions are noble, but no
diesel fuel for heat. No coolants to
preserve food. Millions would die of
cold and hunger alone.
PAMELA
Acceptable losses in a battle to save
the planet.
BRUCE
People come first, Dr. Isley.
The tour has returned. Pam turns to the Press.
Begins to soapbox.
Tom: Shes not gonna shut up yet, I take it.
PAMELA
Mammals. So smug in your towers of
stone and glass. A day of reckoning
is coming. The same plants and
flowers that saw you crawl blind
from the primordial soup will
reclaim this planet. Earth will
be a garden again. Somehow, some
way, I will bring your man-made
civilization to its knees and
there will be no one to protect you.
Pam's tirade is so extreme, folks around her LAUGH.
All: (Laugh)
GOSSIP GERTY
You must be new in town. In Gotham
City, Batman and Robin protect us.
Even from plants and flowers.
Crow: They really show pansys a thing or two.
BRUCE
Perhaps you'd like to meet them.
Bruce nods and an Aide hands Pam an invitation.
INVIATION - CLOSE. Batman and Robin to appear at the
Flower Ball.
Mike: Snazzy.
BRUCE
The caped crusaders are helping us
auction off a prized diamond to
raise money for the Gotham Botanical
Gardens. Just a few mammals doing
what we can for our world's plants.
GOSSIP GERTY
So, Brucy, will the delicious Ms. Madison
be your date for the flower ball tonight?
Crow: Delicious?
PAMELA
Tell me, billionaire, would you warm
faster to my pleas if I looked more
like Ms. January here?
Tom: Fat chance.
BRUCE
Although the Wayne Foundation is
hosting the event, sadly I will be
unable to attend. Thank you all.
(to Pam)
Good day, Doctor.
Pam watches him go, trailed by press. Peers at her invitation.
Crow: Heavens, I have nothing to wear.
PAMELA
Batman and Robin. Militant arm of
the warm-blooded oppressors. Animal
protectors of the status quo. First
I'll rid myself of the fur and
feathered pests. And then Gotham
will be mine for the greening.
Mike: Now, where do I get my hair done?
INT. SNOWY CONES ICE CREAM FACTORY
Nora and Victor Fries kiss at their wedding altar. The
video images change to show the couple playing with a
puppy. Nora LAUGHS as her husband crowds beside her. He
EXITS frame, hands her something.
Crow: Uh changed my mind, I'm outta here.
NORA
Oh, Victor, it's beautiful.
Nora holds her snow-flake necklace up for the camera.
Places it around her neck, smiling up to the warm summer
sun.
Tom: Ozzie and Harriet, the snowcone years.
Freeze sits watching the images on his screen.
FROSTY (OVER)
'Scuse me, chief. I got something
her you might want to see.
Mike: The new ice cream voting results are in.
Frosty stands in the door, newspaper in hand. Without
shifting his gaze, Freeze lifts his freezing gun, FIRES.
Frosty Freezes.
FREEZE
I hate it when people talk during
the movie.
All: (Mouths hang open)
Freeze continues staring at the screen. Finally the happy
images are just too much for him. He FIRES his gun at the
screen, the picture EXPLODING into flying shards of light.
Crow: He's Elvis!
FREEZE
One more diamond, my love. One more.
Tom: Oh there will always be one more diamond.
Freeze rises. he breaks off the cover of the frozen paper
in Frosty's hand. PAPER-CLOSE. Wayne Donates Diamond to
Flower Ball.
Crow: Dammit, someone already did the cross word.
EXT. GOTHAM BOTANICAL GARDENS - NIGHT
An immense glass greenhouse set atop the roof of a mighty
skyscraper. Elegant guests mill admist the stars.
Mike: Gee, its like a garden on a stick.
INT. GOTHAM BOTANICAL GARDENS - GREENHOUSE - NIGHT
A hanging banner reads GOTHAM CHARITY FLOWER BALL. A
GIANT BEAST MASK covers the entrance. DRUMMERS STOMP on
congo drums. GUESTS dress as flowers. TWO COSTUMED
GORILLAS romp about the room.
Crow: Bouncers are here.
Batman and Robin stand by the stage.
Mike: So is the freak show apparently.
ROBIN
You think Freeze will take the bait?
Tom: If he was a fish, maybe.
BATMAN
He'll be here.
Mike: Or my name isnt....
ATOP THE STAIRS. The two Gorillas have converged on the
DRUMMERS. One begins dancing around, covertly KNOCKING
the drummers unconscious with his paws.
Tom: He got the beat all right.
ON STAGE. The MC walks out, followed by Gossip Gerty.
Crow: It's the Regis and Gerty Lee show!
MC
Ladies and Gentlemen. Gossip Gerty
of Good Morning Gotham and I welcome
you to the gem of our evening.
Mike: So we're here to see Bruce Waynes family jewels?
Crow: What? EWww!
Mike: The diamond you gimp.
Two armed guards emerge bearing a palette upon which
hangs a silver necklace supporting a perfect, grapefruit
sized diamond.
Tom: How is it possible...
Mike: that space and time made a rock this big?
Tom: No, that Liz Taylor didnt make a ring out of that thing
by now.
GOSSIP GERTY
The famed Heart of Isis, on loan
from the Collection of my close,
personal friend Bruce Wayne.
The MC gestures and several woman step forward dressed as
flowers, each more strikingly gorgeous than the next.
Mike: A pretty row of pretty pansy looking chicks
MC
Tonight, on auction, an opportunity
to dine with one of our fabulous
flowers, the famed diamond draped
around her neck.
Crow: Course once you are done bidding on them you will only
have enough to get a extra value meal at McDonalds.
GOSSIP GERTY
Ooo, look at all these luscious
lovelies. let's start the bidding.
MAN #1
Ten thousand for Chrysanthemum.
MAN #2
Twenty thousand for Lilac.
MAN #3
Thirty thousand for Rose.
GOSSIP GERTY
Boys, please. Show some gusto.
Tom: Open up them wallets a little more, she means.
THE TOP OF THE STAIRS. ONE GORILLA begins to BEAT the
drums. The other removes her paw mitts. Her gorilla's
head. From within her gorilla costume, steps a vision.
Skin tight green costume made of leaves. Green boots and
mask. magenta hair. Glowing green eyes.
Crow: We now present Uma Thurman in Mrs Green Thumb The Movie.
ROBIN-CLOSE. Smiles.
Tom: Oh ew!!! Bird-boys got a boner.
ROBIN
Gorilla my dreams.
Ivy lifts her green gloved hands, both filled with piles
of sparkling dust, blows the powder over the startled
patrons.
Mike: EW. What was that?
FOLLOW THE DUST as it spins out in fairy-like spirals,
curling through the crowd.
All: (wave hands through the air so they can stop the stuff from
leaving the screen and hitting them)
THE CROWD - VARIOUS SHOTS. Folks blink their eyes,
suddenly bewitched, as Ivy tilts backwards, falling into
the arms of several jungle clad men on the ballroom floor.
IVY saunters over a bridge made of the backs of kneeling
men, through the parting crowd, towards Batman and Robin.
IVY
Hi there.
Crow: You come round here much?
MC
(sputtering)
And you are...
IVY
Poison. Poison Ivy.
Mike: Bond, James Bond.
BATMAN - CLOSE. Dazed. Like a man who's drunk a quart of
love potion. He takes her hand.
IVY
Why not send junior to bed early, I
could come and take your measurements?
Tom: Junior? She does mean Dick right?
Crow: Tom...
Tom: I meant Robin! Sheeesh!
Ivy turns now to Robin, offers the other hand. She blows
another volley of dust into Robin's face.
Crow: Uh! Plant BO.
IVY
On the other hand, youth does have
its advantages. Endurance. Stamina.
Tom: Shes talking about sex?
ROBIN - CLOSE. Also suddenly smitten, perhaps even
harder.
Crow: Whoah, had a slurpie before he came, ice cream headache.
IVY
Why settle for second place? Robin
is a sidekick, a junior partner. If
we were a team, you'd be the star.
Forget the geriatric bat. Come, join
me, my garden needs tending.
Mike: I'll get the miracle grow.
Crow: Mikes under the spell of Poison Ivy
Tom: Oh no!
The two help her up onto stage. She turns to the
mesmerized MC.
Crow: What do we do?
IVY
I'll take it from here, pal.
Tom: Bite him.
Crow: Ok.
Ivy lifts the diamond, places it around her neck.
IVY
Some lucky boy's about to hit the
honey pot. I'll include an evening
of my company for the winner. I'll
bring everything you see here. Plus
everything you don't.
(off Batman and Robin)
And I'll bring my imagination.
Crow (bites Mike) Manja!
Mike: Hey!
Tom: Sorry, we had to do it.
MAN #1
50 thousand for Poison Ivy - -
MAN #2
100 thousand for Poison Ivy - -
BATMAN
One million - -
Mike: And the bids go on.
ROBIN
(sotto voce)
You own it.
(loud)
Two million - -
The two lock eyes.
BATMAN
(sotto voce)
You don't have two million.
(loud)
Three million - -
Crow: Yeah, pipsqueak, where are you gonna find 2 million, not in
your piggy bank.
ROBIN
(sotto voce)
I'll borrow it from you.
(loud)
Four million - -
Mike: Ok Four million - just about what Alicia got for her role in this.
IVY
You two boys aren't going to fight
over little old me, are you?
Tom: Hell yea, why not?
Batman reaches to his utility belt, draws a batarang.
BATMAN
Five million - -
Robin reaches to his utility belt, pulls a throwing bird.
Crow: Cool, batfight.
Tom: Fighting over Uma like this. Just plain weird.
ROBIN
Six million - -
Tom: ...ways to die starring Jeff Bridges!
GOSSIP GERTY
Is it getting nippy in here?
Mike: More like dippy.
THE TEETH of the giant mask EXPLOSE as Freeze's truck
SMASHES into the room from an elevated bridge beyond.
Standing atop the vehicle, backed by swirling mists,
Freeze, his Icemen following behind.
FREEZE
(drawing his gun)
Did I use the wrong door again?
Tom: (as Freeze) I always make a great entrance.
Batman hurls his batarang, knocking Freeze's pistol free.
Batman and Robin race forward, engulfed by the rushing
force of Icemen.HIS PISTOL flies into the hands of one
of the Guests. A THUG rams the Guest from behind, the
gun bouncing into the air.
Crow: Catch the gun Mike.
A swarm of armed SECURITY GUARDS and GUESTS swamp Freeze.
FREEZE
When technology fails...brute force.
Tom: Brute cologne! When you want to smell strong.
FREEZE moves like lightning, SMASHING guards with mighty
punches, WHIPPING guests flying across the room.
FREEZE'S PISTOL bounces from Guest, to Thug, to Guest like
a wildly fumbled football, a Thug finally tipping the soar-
ing gun back towards Freeze.
FREEZE
Alright, everyone, chill!
Crow: Wow, we didnt expect that line from a frozen guy.
Freeze FIRES, turning a few guests and several exotic
flower arrangements into ice.
FREEZE
I should have been a decorator.
Freeze starts for the stage.
Mike: (As Arnold) I am ready for closeup.
BATMAN and ROBIN are in mid-melee, fighting off an army
of Icemen.Batman SMASHES one Thug three times in the chin.
Robin does a spinning side kick to another approaching
villain, then ducks, sending one villain crashing into
another.
Crow: This is like violent Tai Chi.
Batman grabs a Thug, throws him to Robin, who punches
him back to Batman who punches him back to Robin.
Both punch him simultaneously, the Thug flying back
through the air. They begin fighting their way towards
the stage.
Tom: Must be afraid someone will take their seats.
FREEZE climbs onto the stage to face Poison Ivy.
Crow: Oooh a lady (makes growl noise)
FREEZE
Let me guess, Plant Girl? Vine Lady?
Ms. Moss?
Mike: Kate Moss?
IVY
Listen, Captain Cold, the suit, maybe,
even though silver went out in the
70's. But those boots are unforgivable.
What is it with men?
Tom: Hell if we knew.
FREEZE
I'd love to stand here all day and
exchange fashion tips but I'm kind
of pressed for time. So hand over
the diamond, Garden Gal, or I turn
you into mulch.
Ivy pulls a handful of dust from her belt-pouch, blows it
towards him. The dust swirls around his helmet. Ivy
frowns.
Mike: Oh man, he liked it.
FREEZE
Pheromone dust. Designed to heat a
man's blood. Doesn't work on the
cold hearted. Now, if you please...
Crow: Like move or something.
Freeze extends his gloved hand.
Mike: Hey...
IVY
Well, if you insist.
Ivy hands him the diamond.
Mike: Oh.
FREEZE
Clever little clover.
Just then one of the Thugs flies across the room,
SMASHING into the back of the stage.
Tom: Coming through!
FREEZE
That's my exit cue.
FREEZE races for his truck.
Crow: Gotta hurry, trucks gonna get towed.
BATMAN and ROBIN dispatch the last Iceman, make for the
stage.
BATMAN
(to Gordon)
You have eleven minutes to thaw those
guests, Commissioner.
Mike: Most of them were icy to begin with.
Batman and Robin race after the escaping Freeze and his
men. Ivy stares after them. She lifts a small souvenir. A tiny
glass globe that says Welcome To Gotham. Shakes the
bauble, the tiny city within suddenly covered by snow.
Gordon appears behind her.
Tom: (as Ivy) Pretty, fake snow.
GORDON
Miss Ivy, you've just met one of
the most sinister men in Gotham.
Crow: I think your nice Commissioner gordon.
IVY
That's no man. That's a God!
Gordon moves off as the second Gorilla arrives on stage,
removes his mask. Bane.
IVY
Enough monkey business. We've got
work to do.
Crow: But first I got some banana splits at home for us.
EXT. GOTHAM CITY - NIGHT
A GIANT STATUE stands amidst Gotham's sky-scrapers.
Freeze in his Ice Truck, two Crony Trucks behind him,
race up the interconnecting bridges that crisscross
Gotham's skyline.
INT. FREEZE'S TRUCK
FREEZE - POV. Gothamites veer their cars off the roadway in
his path as Freeze spots the statue. He reaches for his dashboard.
Freeze hits a flashing gun-shaped button on the dash.
Crow: Damn CD froze up again.
EXT. FREEZE'S TRUCK - NIGHT
A giant freeze-gun atop the truck FIRES.
Mike: Chill gotham.
EXT. GOTHAM ROOFTOPS - NIGHT
THE STATUE'S HEAD - CLOSE. Freezes, the neck of the giant
figure EXPLODING in a storm of ice.
Tom: A modified snow man.
FREEZE'S TRUCK swerves off the road, leaping through the
hole in the statue's neck and racing onto its shoulder.
His Crony trucks follow, all racing away down the statue's
arm. THE BATMOBILE AND THE REDBIRD follow in close pursuit,
BLOWING through the hole in the statue's neck.
Crow: Do you remember it snowing tonight?
INT. BATMOBILE
BATMAN - POV. The Freeze vehicles are heading towards the
hand of the statue. Batman hits a button.
Mike: All that and an 8-track player too.
MONITOR - CLOSE. Flashing schematics of the various
trajectories of the Freeze vehicles and their imminent
jumps from the hand, over the abyss of the city, to the
lower rooftops beyond.
BATMAN
Pull back. You can't make the jump.
Crow: He's a stupid kid, he'll try.
EXT. REDBIRD
ROBIN
I can make it.
Crow: See?
EXT. STATUE'S ARM
The Batmobile is shooting down the arm, the Redbird close
behind
BATMAN
Pull back.
ROBIN
I can make it.
Mike: (as "dad") Richard, this is your dead father speaking,
don't do it!
Robin SHOOTS a wheelie, overtaking the Batmobile.
INT. BATMOBILE
BATMAN
Redbird control codes.
Tom: Eh?
MONITOR - CLOSE. Schematics for the Redbird flash.
BATMAN
Disable engine.
Mike: But isnt that a bad thing?
EXT. REDBIRD - NIGHT
Robin's engine warning-light goes on. The motor begins to
DIE. The abyss is coming up fast. Robin side-grounds the
bike, SKIDDING.
EXT. STATUE'S HAND - NIGHT
Freeze and his cronies split towards the separate fingers.
Tom: Neat, I suppose, if you were watching this while inhaling
gas fumes.
SUPER-THRUSTERS fire and Freeze's truck clears the jump,
landing on the sloping roof on the other side of the
abyss.His Crony Trucks follow, taking different fingers, flying
into the air towards the rooftops beyond. Not high enough.
Crow: Must have gotten his drivers license from Evel Kenivel
EXT. ROOFTOP ABYSS - NIGHT
One Crony truck BLOWS into an elevated billboard, the other
EXPLODING into the opposing building.
EXT. ROOFTOPS
Freeze's truck hits the roof, breaks SCREECHING, spinning
180 degrees, his freeze gun now pointing back over the abyss.
Mike: Let's bring it around, so we can see the fun.
EXT. STATUE'S HAND
The Redbird slides dangerously close to the end of the
finger and the abyss below, finally coming to a halt as
the Batmobile ROCKETS its engine and roars past, flying
over the chasm.ROBIN stands on the fingertip, SHOUTING his rage into
the night.
Crow: (as Robin) I never get to do the cool stuff!
EXT. ROOFTOPS ABYSS
The Batmobile soars over the abyss towards Freeze's truck.
INT. FREEZE'S TRUCK - NIGHT
FREEZE
It's a cold town.
Mike: (sings) Cold town, winter in the city..
Freeze hits the flashing gun-shaped button on the dash.
Crow: Oh its the "shoot" button.
EXT. FREEZE'S TRUCK - NIGHT
The freeze-gun FIRES its deadly blast, hitting the
Batmobile.
Tom: He aint really in that, is he?
EXT. STATUE'S HAND - NIGHT
Robin watches as the flying Batmobile begins to ice over
from Freeze's cryonic blast.
Mike: Heee heee, and he just lost the ice scraper too.
Crow: D'oh!
INT. BATMOBILE
The controls are frozen. A monitor flashes: SYSTEMS
FAILURE.
BATMAN - POV. The windscreen is covering with ice.
Tom: Oh damn, whole car froze up.
EXT. ROOFTOP ABYSS
The Batmobile is falling across the abyss like frozen
sculpture. Suddenly the windscreen EXPLODES as Batman is
catapulted through the glass like a torpedo, flying into
the air high above the busy city.
Crow: Course he could have just used the door.
EXT. LOWER ROOFTOPS
The frozen Batmobile drops to the safety of the rooftops on
the other side of the abyss.
Mike: (makes explosion noise.)
EXT. NIGHT SKY
Batman flips, angling down, WHIPPING his cape open like
the wings of a giant dark angel, riding the urban winds
in a racing glide towards Freeze's truck below.
Crow: Hey mom, I'm flying with no wings.
INT. FREEZE'S TRUCK - NIGHT
THE SHADOW OF THE BAT falls over the open cab of Freeze's
truck.
FREEZE
Uh-oh.
Tom: You can say that again.
FREEZE - POV. Batman, cape extended, soars directly over
the cab.
Mike: Damn, another bat trapped in the windshield wipers.
EXT. FREEZE'S TRUCK
Batman SMASHES through the glass driver's dome, wrenching
Freeze out of the cab, and soaring towards...
EXT. LOWER ROOFTOP
Batman lands standing in the moonlight, a stunned Freeze
rolling out of his cape, diamond still in hand.
Crow: Lets see what hes gonna do about that little maneuver.
BATMAN
I'm putting you on ice.
Mike: I wouldnt say Ice around that guy alot.
EXT. WAYNE MANOR - NIGHT - VFX
The moonlit mansion sits on its clifftop perch above the
river. PUSH IN as a portion of the cliff BURNS AWAY TO
REVEAL...
Tom: Ooooh we are gonna pay someone a visit.
INT. BATCAVE - NIGHT
Bruce and Dick argue.
DICK
I could have made the jump.
Mike: Yeah, like the snake river canyon, you could make the jump, Evel
BATMAN
You could have splattered your
brains on the side of the building.
Crow: Not a real big loss there.
DICK
This is no partnership. You're never
going to trust me.
Tom: He's Mulder, he trust no one.
BATMAN
Trust you? You can't even keep
your head on the job. All you could
think about was Poison Ivy.
DICK
You just can't stand that she
might have wanted me instead of
you; that's your idea of friendship,
isn't it, Bruce? You have to have
everything. Your house. Your rules.
Your way or the highway. It's
Batman and Robin not Robin and
Batman. I'm sick of it.
Mike: Course Batman was first anyway, Robin and Batman doesnt
make sense if you say it.
Dick is right up in Bruce's face.
Crow: Ew, bird-breath.
BRUCE
Yes it's my rules. My rules that
keep us alive. And if you want to
stay in this house and on this
team then you'll abide by them.
Mike: Now go have a time out.
INT. ALFRED'S QUARTERS - NIGHT
Alfred is completing a cassette tape.
Tom: (as Alfred) I just got to get this dance mix tape done for
Master Dick.
ALFRED
I have tried every address I
know for you. I am praying this
reaches you. We have very little
time.
Crow: We?
Alfred puts the tape in the envelope. (OVER) a KNOCK.
Bruce ENTERS.
ALFRED
Congratulations on your
apprehension of Mr. Freeze. Batman
monopolized the evening news.
Tom: Thats good, no Monica Lewinsky for a change of pace.
BRUCE
Thanks.
ALFRED
Is there something wrong, sir?
Crow: Eh, I got a prima donna sidekick.
BRUCE
Alfred, am I pigheaded? Is it always
my way or the highway?
Tom: Or the parkway?
ALFRED
Why, yes, actually. Death and chance
stole your parents. But rather than
become a victim, you have done
everything in your power to control
the fates. For what is Batman if
not an effort to master the chaos
that sweeps our world, an attempt
to control death itself.
BRUCE - POV. Out the window, young Bruce and Alfred lay
wreaths on a windy grave. Alfred puts his arm around the
boy, holds him close.
Crow: How cute.
BRUCE
But I can't can I?
ALFRED
No, my boy. I'm afraid none of us can.
Mike: But one of them will sure try to.
INT. WAYNE MANOR GARAGE - NIGHT
The competition bike's headlight goes out.
Crow: Someone didn't pay the light bill
Barbara walks the bike steahtlfully back into the garage.
Tom: Ooh, clueless girls gone biking.
A HAND touches her shoulder. Barbara moves fast, flipping
the assailant over her shoulder in an expert judo move.
She spins to face...Dick. Floored in every sense of the
word. Barbara's demeanor suddenly changes. All school
girl politeness.
Mike: (as Barbara) I didnt take the bike out, it took me out.
Really, truly.
BARBARA
Oh. I'm so sorry. I'd just never
seen anything like it. So massive.
I took it out for a spin. I do so
hope I didn't inconvenience you.
(off his look)
Ah yes, the outfit. For a...costume
party. Just trying it out. One never
knows how leather will wear.
Crow: Talcum powder helps in that situation there
(helping him up)
Judo lessons at school, you know.
All the rage, really. I suppose
they've taken better than I thought.
Again, my greatest of pardons.
Mike: Wow, she left pretty quickly there.
She's gone before Dick has a chance to speak. he stares
after her.
EXT. ARKHAM ASYLUM - NIGHT
Moonlight illuminates the familiar castle out of
nightmare.
Tom: We now return to Dracula, already in progress.
INT. ARKHAM ASYLUM CORRIDOR
Several ARMED GUARDS are rolling a giant sub-zero refrig-
erator on a gurney, the door chained and padlocked shut.
Freeze is jammed inside, face visible through the torn off
freezer compartment door.
Crow: Hee hee, they're gonna stick him in the vegetable crisper of
someones fridge.
HEAD GUARD
You're the common cold. And we're
the cure. Welcome home, frost face.
Mike: (As Freeze) Thanks pansy ass.
FREEZE
Allow me to break the ice. My name
is Freeze. Learn it well for it is
the chilling sound of your doom.
INT. ARKHAM ASYLUM - FREEZE'S CELL - NIGHT
Glowing rings on the floor and ceiling project a shimmer-
ing column of snowing cold within the center of the room.
Two GUARDS dump a suitless Freeze out of his frigidaire
prison onto the floor, begin dragging him into the cold field.
Crow: Come on popsicle head.
Mike: He's the type who got his tounge stuck to a flagpole and
actually liked it.
Freeze throws off the Guards in a sudden fury, SMASHING
one in the head with closed fists, kicking the other in the face.
He rushes for the door. Mistake. As his body passes out
of the hypothermic field, he tumbles to his knees, his
skin turning gray as he begins to wither and die.
Tom: Hey, hes a weinie!
GUARD (OVER)
Look at him stew. How do you like
your bad guy, medium or well done?
Crow: I'll pass.
The Guards stand over him, Laughing as he crawls back
over the filed threshold. His color begin to return to
normal.
GUARD #2
Get used to it. You're gonna be here
a very long time.
Mike: 24 hours tops.
Freeze looks up at the Guard who stands now at the wall
sink, washing his hands. A beat. Then Freeze smiles.
FREEZE
I'm afraid not. You see the means
of my liberation is in your hands.
Sadly, you will not live to see it.
Tom: Thats good to know, dudes job security is in jeopardy.
EXT. GOTHAM ALLEY - NIGHT
The entrance to an abandoned Turkish bath-house. Ivy and
Bane approach a boarded-up portal.
Crow: A fixer-upper.
IVY
Batface and Birdbrain turned out to
be more resistant to my love dust
than expected. No matter, I'll give
them a stronger dose. Next time,
they'll literally be dying for me.
Mike: Wouldnt you think two dumb guys would be wise to
her schemes?
Bane SMASHES through the wooden boards with joined fists,
two by fours splintering like balsa. They disappear inside.
Crow: No one uses the door around here.
INT. BLOSSOM STREET TURKISH BATHS - NIGHT
Abandoned. Mid-eastern furniture crumbles. Slaves and
sycophants cover the walls, weeping color.
Tom: They walked into a Martha Stewart project in progress
IVY
A fixer-upper, yes. But with a
certain homey charm.
Tom: Homey dont play that.
That's when the shadows in the cave begin to move. One
slips across the doorway. More appear on all sides,
encroaching.
IVY
Ah, a minus. Current tenants.
Crow: Eviction time.
One figure steps into a column of moonlight. Pale. The
toughest of urban predators. These are a gang of punks
called the GOLUMS.
Tom: oooh look...visitors.
GOLUM
Hello, pretty.
Mike: Hello ugly.
IVY
Hello yourself. I love this place. I
hope it's priced to sell.
GOLUM
We love you. You look good enough to
eat.
Crow: Deepfried and fileted.
IVY
Oh, that I am. Come and get me.
If you can.
The Golums close in. IVY SLAMS the activation stud on
Bane's chest.
Tom: Handy to have your steroid soldier around.
BANE - CLOSE. Venom is pumped from his backpack through
the tubes on his back into his skull.
Crow: Hmm, cream.
The Golums attack. But Bane hurls them off like animals.
Kick and beats them, tossing them into walls, until the
survivors race away.
Tom: That was fast.
IVY
For the strong, silent type, you are
most persuasive. Let's redecorate.
(crossing the baths)
First, the light is all wrong.
Mike: We need some light in the first place, where are they?
Bane rips a hanging board from the ceiling, the old
wooden planks tumbling to the floor, sudden moonlight
streaming in from above.
IVY
Also, what is this floor?
Tom: The opposite of a ceiling.
Bane stomps the floor, now revealing the dirt beneath.
IVY
Au natural. Still, I've always
hankered for something on the water.
Tom: Ah. Okay.
Bane SMASHES a water main with his foot, irrigating the
soil.
IVY
Now a little color. It took God
seven days to create paradise.
Crow: for our purposes we'll take ten seconds.
Ivy withdraws a handful of tiny seeds from Bane's satchel.
Mike: Joanna appleseed.
IVY
Let's see if I can do better.
Ivy drops the tiny plants on the ground. They begin to
sprout into vines that spawn fast-budding flowers.
Ivy lifts the Welcome to Gotham Bauble in her hand.
Tom: Instant flower shoppe.
IVY
Bane, I've found a fellow who strikes
my fancy. A cool customer, yes. Icy
demeanor, no question. But I detect
a certain ruthless charm I may be
able to use to my advantage.
(off the dead thugs)
Crow: She does pretty good on her own.
INT. WAYNE MANOR - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Candlelit. A table set for two. Alfred fills Bruce's wine
goblet, walks away. His forehead beads with sweat. A man
hiding pain. BRUCE - POV. Across the table sits Ivy. She licks her
lips.
Mike: She gets around.
IVY
Bruce?
Crow: George?
Bruce blinks. Looks again. Not Ivy at all but Julie.
Crow: Ah good. Something pretty.
JULIE
You're not even listening to me.
Tom: Sure he was.
BRUCE
What? I'm sorry. You were saying...
JULIE
We've been going out over a year
now and...Okay, here goes. Bruce,
I want to spend my life with you.
Mike: Adn you have give up playing batman dude.
Ivy saunters up behind Bruce, runs her hands down his chest.
Bruce rises, shaking off the vision. Goes over to Julie.
Tom: Focus Bruce!
BRUCE
Julie, I'm not the marrying kind.
There are things about me you
wouldn't understand.
Mike: You can say that again.
JULIE
I know you're a dedicated bachelor.
That you've had a your wild nights.
BRUCE
Wild doesn't exactly cover it.
JULIE
But there's nothing you've done
under the cover of darkness I
couldn't learn to understand.
All: We doubt that.
BRUCE
I wouldn't bet on that.
JULIE
I'm betting on you. You'll make
someone a good husband one day.
But I can't wait around forever.
Don't answer now. Just think it
over.
(leaning close)
Here's some food for thought.
Mike: oooh.
Crow: Mike, this is kissing. Something we hope you do someday. <
Mike: Hey. You never been kissed either.
Tom: He's right.
They kiss passionately. Bruce opens his eyes. He's kissing
Ivy. He recoils. But it's only Julie before him, looking
up, puzzled.
JULIE
Who's Ivy?
BRUCE
What?
JULIE
You just called me Ivy. Who's Ivy?
BRUCE
I wish I knew.
Crow: ..how she grew.
INT. BATCAVE - ROBIN'S COSTUME VAULT - NIGHT
(OVER) loud MUSIC. Various magazine covers of Robin. Dick
is at his computer terminal, staring at a monitor.
MONITOR - CLOSE. A newsphoto of the flower ball
survivors.
Mike: Hes cruising for chicks?
DICK
Enhance detail, 14 to 19.
A corner of the screen is highlighted, the IMAGE expands.
IVY.
Crow: Couldn't he gone to any Uma Thurman site.
DICK
Who are you?
Tom: No one I wanna know.
(OVER) an ALARM SOUNDS. The screen suddenly changes to an
IMAGE of Barbara climbing out of her window, rappelling down
an exterior wall.
Mike: Alicia made a break for it!
COMPUTER
Alert! Unauthorized motion within
specified parameters.
DICK
Got ya!
Dick is up fast, heading for the door.
Crow: Just saw the ice cream truck.
INT. WAYNE MANOR GARAGE - NIGHT - MINUTES LATER
Barbara has donned her leathers once again. She mounts the
competition bike. Kick-starts the ENGINE, peeling out into
the night. Dick rolls another racer out of hiding in the shadows. Pulls on
his racking helmet. He kicks his ENGINE and starts after her.
Mike: oooh a chase
EXT. GOTHAM ALLEY - NIGHT
Groups of motorcycle gangs have gathered. Each is represented
by a single racer. Leather clad. Costumed. Dyed hair. Pierced
faces. Boys and girls for whom speed is a drug, the streets their
home. Barbara pulls up her bike. A rider (BANKER) looks her up
and down.
Tom: You look liek the clueless chick.
BARBARA
What's the entry fee?
BANKER
Two-fifty.
Barbara nods, hands the cash. Another biker (SPIKE) steps
forward.
Mike: You aint a real biker are ya?
SPIKE
You got a handle?
Crow: I'm not a pot!
BARBARA
Folks call me Three-Jump.
Tom: And Cher.
SPIKE
You're the babe won the tunnel run
two nights ago. That was trike
racing. This is the big time. Maybe
you should ride my hog instead.
All: (make pig noises)
Barbara smiles.
BARBARA
How about a side bet?
As Spike and Barbara move in line beside the other racers,
another helmeted racer emerges from the shadows to pay his
entry fee. His face hidden by his helmet, Barbara can't
see that it's Dick.
Tom: Dumbass is here.
The racers, all helmeted, are in their starting positions.
Engines are REVVED. Banker raises a pistol in the air and
FIRES.Bikers SHOOT into the street. Some go over the tops of
cars, others across the tops of stoops. Barbara watches as a
biker beside her careens into an EXPLODING pile of trash cans.
