Joshua and I broke up today, and it's all because Ross is getting married to someone else. It's
only just started to sink in, a week after. Maybe I'll feel differently about it when it actually
happens. But right now, I'm just miserable about the whole thing. I can't believe he's getting
married to someone who isn't me. Why can't he marry me? Wait, I'm not in love with Ross
anymore! I can't be. I mean, it's Ross! Been there, done that, bought that T-shirt! (Hell, I'm
writing the book as we speak!)
April 23rd, 1998
I'm not going to Ross's wedding. I can't - it'd be too weird. For some reason, I can't get him
out of my head. Why can't I get him out of my head? If only I knew what was going on with us,
then I could try and make some sense of all this.
May 5th, 1998
It was my birthday today. And Ross forgot, because he was getting ready to go to England. I
can't believe I'm still in love with him, even after everything. And I really can't believe I only
realised it today.
May 6th, 1998
I'm going to London! I'm going to tell Ross I love him. I need to tell him, if only to get it out of
my system. I don't care if he turns around and says "Oh, but I love Emily now". And I don't
care if he says "Oh, I love you too Rach", although that'd obviously be a bonus. I just need to
tell him.
May 7th, 1998
I didn't tell him. But he knows. He must know. I mean, why would he say "I take thee Rachel"
otherwise? I know I said that I just needed to tell him, but when he was standing there in front
of me, in that tux - God, he looked good in that tux - saying how happy he was to see me, I
couldn't help but think he was still in love with me. There was something in his eyes, believe me
- I know that look when I see it.
September 24th, 1998
Ross asked me if I wanted to go on his honeymoon with him, considering that Emily didn't look
like she was gonna show. Then he went off and left me on the plane. I can't believe that he had
it in him to do that sort of thing (when sober, that is). Oh well, back to square one. And off to
Athens on my own. :(
October 1st, 1998
I told him. I can't believe I told him. What's worse is that I can't believe he didn't start yelling
at me about how he's married and that I shouldn't be ruining his marriage! I wish he had, if
only to bring me back down to earth and realise that it's never gonna happen. But he didn't.
He had to be so damn nice about the whole thing, and make me think that there's always a
chance. Why'd he have to be so nice? Why couldn't he be the stubborn mule he was when we
broke up the last time? Why'd he have to go back to the ways that made me fall in love with
him in the first place?
October 31st, 1998
Emily left Ross. I can't believe it - poor Ross! I mean, a day after she tells him not to see me
anymore, she leaves him. He's absolutely heartbroken. I've not seen him like that since... since
me. He wanted to make it work so much, I know he did. What can I do now? All I can see
happening now is a huge mess between the two of us. He's gonna get mad at me for breaking up
his marriage, I'm gonna get mad at him for blaming me for breaking up his marriage (even
though it's true), and we're gonna end up not speaking to one another again. I couldn't deal
with that - not again.
The Diary - Part 1
The One With The Diary
Written by Tina Nellis
wild_angel_tina@iname.com
Read the pre-story entries in Ross's diary
Read the pre-story entries in Rachel's diary
[SCENE: Central Perk. Everyone is there except Phoebe. (I don't consider
Emily a main character, and I never have done - I consider her nothing more
than a plot device, so you'll know when she's there, okay?! :))]
JOEY: [out of nowhere] We should go to Alaska.
CHANDLER: [deadpan] Oh, great. We can live in those little igloo things and
freeze our asses off.
MONICA: Yeah, plus, y'know, Ross's hair would be so frozen that he wouldn't
need to use all that hair gel.
ROSS: Very funny.
RACHEL: Joey, why would you WANT to go to Alaska?
JOEY: Well, just because! It's supposed to be really cool.
CHANDLER: [deadpan] And he doesn't just mean that in the literal sense of
the word, folks.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: The New York Public Library, where Emily is working. (Sorry. I just have her down as a library person. :)) She's standing at the counter, trying to organise a big pile of books.]
EMILY: Alright... that one goes in that pile... [puts a book on a pile] ...that one goes on that pile... [puts another book on a different pile] ...that one goes there... no it doesn't...
[A guy walks up to the counter.]
GUY: I think that one goes on this pile.
[He points to yet another pile.]
EMILY: Colin, I can handle this.
[She looks up, stunned.]
EMILY: Colin?! Oh my God!
[She walks around to the other side of the counter and hugs him.]
EMILY: What are you doing here?!
COLIN: Well, I'm here on business, so I thought I'd pay you a visit while I'm here.
EMILY: Well, you could have rung, couldn't you? I mean, this is so sudden. If I'd known you were coming, I'd have tidied around the apartment, I'd have made you dinner...
COLIN: Em, we can go out to dinner, you know. I mean, they DO have
restaurants here, don't they?
EMILY: Oh yeah, of course. I know a great little place, not too far from where I live.
COLIN: Alright, but first, we need to talk.
EMILY: About what?
COLIN: We just need to talk, alright? When do you get off work?
EMILY: Um... in about 10 minutes.
COLIN: Great. I'll wait for you with a good long book, then.
EMILY: [puzzled] Since when did you like to read?
COLIN: Hey, I didn't tell you absolutely everything when we were dating, did I?
[Emily gives him a look.]
COLIN: Not that I had anything to hide, that is...
[Emily smiles, and gets back to work.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel and Monica are sitting in the usual place.
Monica is reading "Cosmopolitan", and Rachel is leaning over, trying to read
it with her.]
MONICA: Oh, look. Cosmo has a feature on bikini waxes gone wrong.
RACHEL: [wincing at the thought of this] Ow! That sounds painful!
MONICA: Well, it may sound painful to you, but let me tell you--
RACHEL: [interrupting] Alright, I get it!
[Monica puts the magazine down on the coffee table.]
RACHEL: Mon?
MONICA: Yeah?
RACHEL: You knew that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with
Richard, right?
MONICA: Yeah?
RACHEL: Well... how do you know?
MONICA: Well... you just do.
RACHEL: Yeah, I suppose. [pause] But what... what if you don't know?
MONICA: Trust me, you'd know. You've known before, why wouldn't you
know this time?
RACHEL: Yeah, I guess.
MONICA: What's brought all this on?
RACHEL: Oh, I don't know. It's stupid, really. It's just that lately, I've been wondering about... everything, and if it all turned out the way we all wanted it to. I mean, you and your job, me and my seriously overly-complicated love-life...
MONICA: Rach, the past is the past. It's over. Move on to the present.
RACHEL: Yeah, I guess.
[Rachel picks up the copy of Cosmo that Monica was just reading, and starts
reading it herself.]
RACHEL: [reading] Ow, that sounds even more painful than the bikini waxes!
[SCENE: Ross and Emily's apartment (their new one - I'm trying to keep up
with the actual show here, because I think the apartment move will play a v. big part in Ross and Rachel's relationship), late at night. Emily enters, giggling, to find Ross sitting, watching TV. Something is clearly wrong with Ross.]
EMILY: [not noticing Ross's mood] Hello.
ROSS: Hi.
EMILY: Well, you could give me a more enthusiastic welcome.
ROSS: Where were you?
EMILY: I was out.
ROSS: Where?
EMILY: I just went to a bar.
ROSS: With who?
EMILY: A friend.
ROSS: Which friend?
EMILY: Look, I went out, I got home okay, and that's all you need to know!
ROSS: Yeah, you got home alright... at 1.30 in the morning.
EMILY: So what?! Big deal! Is this one of those reception class things -
you're my friend, so you're not allowed to hang out with someone else?
ROSS: Well, according to you, I'm not allowed to hang out with my best friend anymore.
[Emily has a look on her face that shows that she knows what's been going on -
Ross has been hanging out with Rachel behind her back.]
EMILY: [after a pause] You've been seeing *her*, haven't you?
[She says "her" with hostility in her voice.]
ROSS: Well, I'm not going to stop seeing any of my friends, just like that!
EMILY: You promised! You know as well as I do that that was for the sake of our relationship!
ROSS: Which doesn't even exist any more!
EMILY: And what makes you think that?!
[By this point, both are pretty mad - and you just know it's only gonna get
worse.]
ROSS: Because you're not the person I married!
EMILY: I'm exactly the person you married, you just thought you were
marrying her!
ROSS: "Her?" You mean Rachel! You can say her name, you know, it's not
exactly a criminal offence!
EMILY: Well, you say her name even when you don't mean to!
ROSS: I did that once, and it was an honest mistake!
EMILY: Wrong, Ross! You do it all the time! And the worst thing is, you
don't even notice you're doing it! Ever since we've been together, I've been wondering if you'd rather be with her than keep our relationship!
ROSS: Well, I'd rather be with someone who didn't try to keep me from my
friends!
EMILY: Well, I figured out tonight that I'd rather be with someone who I know cares about me, and would do anything for me, than someone who would rather be with another woman than with me. [calmly, but clearly intending insult] Like you, really.
ROSS: I can't believe you'd throw that back in my face like that.
EMILY: Why not? You threw everything back in my face. It's obvious I was
just some rebound tactic to make Rachel jealous.
ROSS: And what makes you think that?
EMILY: Because with you, it's always, "Rachel this," or "Rachel that."
ROSS: It's not!
EMILY: Oh yeah? So what's this, then?
[She pulls out a book from her bag - it looks like a diary (or a journal for those who prefer the fancy name for it :)). Ross looks horrified.]
ROSS: Where did you get that?
EMILY: I'm your wife - you didn't honestly expect me not to find it, did you?
ROSS: Oh, God, this is gonna be a long night.
[SCENE: Chandler and Joey's apartment, where they are watching TV (as
always).]
JOEY: You know what's so weird about TV?
CHANDLER: That it's not real?
JOEY: Well, yeah, but no... That people are so small when they're on it!
CHANDLER: [slowly and deliberately] Okay, let's go over the concept one
more time... They're made up of little dots, so that they fit on the screen.
JOEY: [obviously not getting it] You mean that those people are made up of
little dots in real life? Geez, that's gotts suck.
[Chandler buries his face in his hands, frustrated at his friend's stupidity. :)]
[SCENE: Back at Ross and Emily's apartment. Ross and Emily are now
sitting down. Emily is now reading Ross's death rites - in other words, reading from the diary. This ought to be fun. :)]
EMILY: [reading] "April 16th, 1998 - Emily and I set a date for the wedding - I
can't help feeling that we're going a bit fast, considering." You wouldn't think that if I were Rachel, would you?
ROSS: Wha...?!
EMILY: Anyway... [continuing] "But why didn't I want to let go of Rachel
when we hugged after I found out she'd broken up with Joshua? That's
something I can't figure out." [pretending to be sympathetic] I don't know... [gets mad again] WHY DIDN'T YOU?!
ROSS: [threatened] Um...
EMILY: I'll tell you why. You're still in love with her.
[Ross has a "Here we go again" look on his face.]
ROSS: [trying to convince himself more than Emily] How many times do I
have to tell you? I'm not in love with Rachel!
EMILY: Why won't you admit it?
ROSS: Uh...
EMILY: That's the worst thing! You know it's true, but you won't admit it!
ROSS: [finally at breaking point] So what if I am? It doesn't change the fact that I love you!
[Emily has an "I knew it" look on her face, but looks as though she's begining to calm down.]
EMILY: Just because you love me doesn't mean you're in love with me.
[Ross, too, begins to calm down.]
ROSS: I'm sorry. I really want to be.
EMILY: But you're not. It's okay.
ROSS: Really?
EMILY: No. But there's nothing I can do about it, is there?
ROSS: [sighs] So, we're officially at a crossroads. What are we gonna do?
EMILY: Well, we can't carry on fighting all the time, that's for sure.
ROSS: And we can't carry on pretending as if nothing's wrong.
[A moment of silence.]
EMILY: I'll be leaving, then.
[She gets up, and heads into the bedroom. Ross just lowers his head. Emily
comes back out again, holding a suitcase.]
EMILY: Ross?
[Ross looks up.]
EMILY: For God's sake... tell her.
[Ross gives her a little acknowledging smile, then lowers his head again.]
[SCENE: The girls' apartment, the next day. Ross is watching TV, when Rachel enters.]
RACHEL: Hey, Ross.
ROSS: [depressed - it's back :)] Hiiiii.
RACHEL: Uh-oh, what happened?
ROSS: Emily left me.
[Rachel sits down next to Ross.]
RACHEL: What? Why?
ROSS: It wasn't working. It hasn't been for a long time. You know that.
RACHEL: No, I didn't know that. I thought everything was going great between you guys.
ROSS: If it was, I guarantee I wouldn't be here right now. But I am.
RACHEL: So... what went wrong?
ROSS: Everything. We rushed into a huge committment, thinking we could make it work. How stupid were we?
RACHEL: You weren't stupid, just... in love.
ROSS: That's the thing. I'm not as upset about it as I thought I would be. Sure, my pride is a bit dented, but nothing more than that.
RACHEL: Well, why's that?
ROSS: Because... I guess I knew it had to end sometime. [beat] I didn't love her. God knows what made me think I did. I only figured that out last night.
RACHEL: [jokingly] Hey, now that you're single, we're free to get together.
[Ross, obviously having taken this seriously, looks at her.]
RACHEL: It was a joke, Ross. You know? "Ha-ha."
ROSS: [pretending he's not bothered] Oh, yeah, of course. I knew that. [laughs, then gets serious] Only problem is that now I have to find a new place to stay - Emily's cousin kicked me out.
RACHEL: Well, why don't you ask Chandler and Joey if you could stay with them for a while?
ROSS: Doesn't look like I've got any choice, does it?
RACHEL: I'm sorry.
ROSS: It's not your fault.
RACHEL: Well, you know I'm here for ya. [looks at her watch] Hey, look, I gotta go again!
[They both get up.]
RACHEL: Hey, come here.
[They hug. We get a glimpse of Ross's face, which shows that he's enjoying the hug a little too much.]
ROSS: You should be going now.
[He breaks the hug, and Rachel heads for the door.]
RACHEL: If you need me... you know where I am.
ROSS: Yeah, I know.
RACHEL: Well, if there's anything you want, let me know.
[They look at each other, before Rachel leaves. Ross just stands there, looking at the door. Fade to black.]
In the next part of the Diary series...
Will Ross tell Rachel the real reason he and Emily broke up? Will she figure it out herself? And will the other four get a decent storyline in all this madness?
(I need ideas for that last one. :)) Find out in "The One With Chandler's New TV" - coming soon! :)
Emily and I set a date for the wedding - I can't help feeling that we're going a bit fast,
considering. But why didn't I want to let go of Rachel when we hugged after I found out she'd
broken up with Joshua? That's something I can't figure out. Maybe I'll figure it out
eventually. Who knows? But one thing I do know is that I'm happy with Emily - and that's all
that matters.
May 5th, 1998
It was Rachel's birthday today - and I forgot to get her a present, because I was too busy getting
ready to go to England. Like I haven't already done enough to hurt her. HER birthday, of all
people's. How selfish am I? I'll make it up to her somehow - I'll bring her back something
really great from London, or something. It'll have to be something really great - I've gotta
make it up to her somehow. Not just this, but everything.
May 6th, 1998
Ever since we arrived in London, Emily's been acting really weird. She's been acting... I don't
know, almost bitchy. But she's Emily, my Emily, and she's not like that. But then again, I don't
know her well enough to know she's not like that. Maybe she'll be better tomorrow. But what if
she gets worse? Am I committing my life to someone who couldn't be more wrong for me? Or
am I committing my life to someone who couldn't be more right for me, but just isn't the person
who I want to be right for me?
May 7th, 1998
Why won't Rachel tell me why she really came to England? She thinks I don't know, but I do. I
could see it in her eyes. I couldn't believe it when she showed up. In any case, she knows.
Emily knows, too. After that fiasco in the church, everyone knows.
September 24th, 1998
Why am I even bothering with Emily? It's like she doesn't want to know me at all. In fact, after
that, I bet she doesn't. After all, she punched me in the stomach, ran away from me (twice),
screamed that she hated me - why am I even bothering with someone like that? Why did I run
after her? Why did I give up a chance to go to Athens with the woman I... wait, I don't love
Rachel! I CAN'T love Rachel. I love Emily, and that's all there is to it.
October 1st, 1998
I did it again. I said that Rachel was my wife, when she's not. Why do I keep doing that? She's
NOT my wife - although I'm beginning to wish she was, after everything Emily's put me through
in the space of a week. She told me she was still in love with me today. I nearly told her the
same back - I told her "thank you" instead. What's wrong with me? My wife's ignoring me,
and I'm going off and falling in love with my ex-girlfriend all over again. That's not what a
normal person would do, that's what someone in a soap opera would do!
October 15th, 1998
Emily's back. She's a changed person. She told me that she'd come back to me on one
condition - that I promise that I never see Rachel again. What else could I do? If I said "No"
to her, it'd be like admitting to her that I'm still in love with Rachel. I can't believe I promised
I'd never see her again.
October 29th, 1998
I told Rachel what I promised Emily. She was heartbroken, I could tell. She's not the one who
should get left out of the group just because I happen to be married to someone who seems to
think she has a divine right to tell me who I can and can't see. I'm falling in love with Rachel
all over again, I know I am. I just don't know what to do about Emily - I mean, she's my wife,
and I love her. Not as much as I think I'm beginning to love Rachel again, though.
October 30th, 1998
Emily left me. Why couldn't I make it work? I wanted to make it work so much. Oh, I should
just face it - I'm in love with Rachel. There, I said it - well, technically I wrote it, but it's
basically the same thing. I'm admitting to something I shouldn't be admitting to - especially in
writing, where someone could read it. Oh my God, what if she finds this? Then my life will be a
real mess. Actually, come to think of it, it's already a real mess. Emily left me because I wanted
to see Rachel, Rachel will think this is all her fault, then we'll get into a big argument and stop
speaking to each other again. I couldn't handle that again.
