The Monkees were performing in a large ampitheater on the stage. It was bordered by a large dance floor. They were being watched by three discerning people with a clipboard. Today the guys were at a private school trying out for an exclusive contract to play all the mixed dances for the school. The three people watching them were the headmaster and the assistants to the headmaster. When they arrived to try out they noticed they were competing against two other bands. One of them was an arch rival The Four Swine!
The boys were thanked by the judges as they left the stage. The second band, with a name that they couldnt remember, immediately set up and begin playing.
"Do we have a chance of winning?" Peter asked Mike.
"We better hope so. This gig could mean the end of playing all those dives for quite a while!" Mike said happily. Even though he tried to hide it, the guys could tell he was as anxious about today as the rest of them. The leader of the swines, Val, came over to them.
"Whats the matter with dives? They're a guys best friend!" He snarled at Mike.
"If they are his friend I'd hate to see his enemy." Micky quipped.
"We're gonna win this, not you four termites." Val growled.
"Please. At the very most we're cockroaches." Micky said with a slight whine to his voice.
"We'll see about that. We eat cockroaches for lunch." Val spat and turned away as the other band stopped playing.
"I can tell, hes got some stuck in his teeth." Davy said waving his hand in front of his face.
The judges were made up of three older people. One was a woman and the others were obviously men.
"We appreciate you coming today." The woman, who had a name tag that read Bridget on her jacket, said. "We here at the Academy are glad you lads chose to try out for the job of party band for the entire year. But musical excellance isnt all we are looking for. If you would follow me to the window?" She said making a gesture to them that suggested they follow her. They stood looking at the window the showed a green grassy field. There were girls running, playing soccer. Reading to each other under trees. The guys looked at each other in astonishment. Davy seemed to take on an ethereal glow. A girls school! This was going to be like leaving a kid in a candy store overnight, or a weekend.
"We are only hiring nice young men who are able to live among the girls and not behave inappropriately. The band who can pass this test can get the job.
Val looked at her. "How can you tell if we can pass this part of the test?"
"You will be spending two nights here." She said. "And then in the morning, based on what we hear or see for ourselves, we will then determine who gets the job." She pointed to the two men at her side. "Arnold and Steve will lead you to your rooms. They will also be available for what you need."
"You wont be here this weekend?" One of other contestants asked.
"I will be out of town." She said. "I am sure Arnold and Steve will answer any questions you have." She clapped her hands together. "Now, to paraphrase a famous saying, may the most polite band win."
8 pm
After the bands were escorted to their dorms rooms the guys looked around the room. There was a small tv, which Mike was currently trying to work, and two bunk beds, on which Peter was lying down.
"All right who flips for which bed?" Micky asked.
"I want the bottom." Davy said. "Its either that or we find a ladder." He said going to the big picture window.
"This is the worst thing ever." Mike said pounding on the tv.. "It only gets channel zero."
"I love channel zero. Theres always nothing on." Micky cracked. "What are we going to do about this guy?" He said pointing to Davy at the window. "Hes staring at the girls so much hes making a drool puddle."
"You're no better." Peter said.
"We're all pretty bad." Mike conceded taking off his hat. "If we use some self control..." He went over to the closet and opened the door, a pretty blonde stood in there. "we'll make it just fine." He put the hat inside the door. The girl grabbed it. "Thank you." He closed the door. He did an awesome double take. The other guys joined him at the door. He opened it again. There was a girl with a school girl uniform on.
"Hi, I'm Poppy!" She said brightly.
"Davy!" Mike said helping her out of the closet. "You can't stay here."
"I'm here for the music!" Poppy protested. "I know back massage!"
"Ah really? I got this crick way down in my back..." Mike started to say.
"Out baby, out!" Micky said giving Poppy the heave ho.
"Like I said, we are all bad." Mike said. "But Davys the worse. Hed be like that fat kid in the chocolate factory. Sampling everything."
"A little blonde, a little redhead. Short, tall. I want them all." Davy sighed drifting into his trances. He snapped out of his dream trance. "I can handle myself." He put his hand out. "For two days we will behaves ourselves." Peter put his hand on Davys. "And be the best Monkees we can be." Mike put his hand on Peters. "And we will get this job." Micky put his hand on Mikes. "Agreed?"
"Agreed!" They all said. Mike paused as he heard someone feminine speaking. They all slowly turned to see Poppy with her hand on Mickys hand.
"Why did you folks call you Poppy?" Peter asked.
"I pop up in the strangest places." The blonde girl said. She smiled innocently. The guys pointed their thumbs at the door. "I'm going, I'm going."
The Swines dorm room
Val saw the Poppy leave the Monkees room and walk down the hallway. He ducked back inside. He spat in a nearby spittoon made from a wash basin.
"Its only been ten minutes and the guys are having trouble with girls in their rooms." He comment as the girl talked to a friend at a dorm room nearby. It seemed to be hers. "This gives me an idea."
"What boss?" One of his bandmates asked.
"You'll see." Val said. "Follow me." He then left the room and his friends followed him. He went to the girls room. There was Poppy and three other girls. "Hey girls."
Poppy saw the Four Swines and reviled in horror. "Ew-yuhhh-ewww. Who are you."
"We're the Four Swines." Val said.
"You picked a good name. No one else would ever use it." A brunette next to her answered.
"I'm Val, and this is Cal, Sal and Wal." Val said.
"What do you want?" Poppy asked.
"The guys in 4b..." He started.
"The Monkees." All four girls squealed. Val rolled his eyes.
"Right. Well anyway they are having a party tomorrow in their room, and they want all the girls to know. But heres the thing. They cant let the people in charge know about the party so they were hoping you can just tell the girls to be there."
"I'm Sally." One of the other girls in the room said. "And this is Maria and Poppy and Regina."
"Call me Reggie." She said and then waved her fist in Vals face. "Or you will regret it."
"Sure baby whatever." Vals said. "They want you to be there at 8 sharp tomorrow, so be sure to tell all your little girl buddies."
"And tell them to wear bikinis!" Sal said. Val stepped on his foot. "OW-ow."
The band left their doorstop.
"If that doesnt get them kicked out of the contest then nothing will." Val said.
"What about that other band boss?" Cal asked.
"Aw they are pushovers. Forget them." Val said. "This is our real competition."
An hour later
After the Four Swines left, the girls sprayed the apartment with air freshner to kill the smell. Sally and Maria then went out to tell their friends. Poppy started to follow and was stopped by Reggie.
"Wait a minute. If the guys were having this party, then why didnt they tell you where you were there." Reggie asked.
"Maybe it was a last minute thing." Poppy said.
"No, if they wanted to go by word of mouth you would have been the first to know." Reggie said. "Something or someone smells fishy."
"Do we need to hose down the room again?" Poppy complained.
"No, but I get the feeling someone is getting hornswoggled and we're one of them." She pointed to the room. "Come on."
Mike was combing his hair when he heard someone at the door knocking.
"Can one of you fellas get that?" He called from the mirror. Hearing no one jump for the door, he turned. They were all giggling at a tv show. Guess someone fixed the tv. Mike sighed and went to the door and saw two girls there.
"Oh no, Not again." Mike said starting to close the door.
"But wait!" Reggie said. "We have something to tell you."
"We heard that one before. All you want to do is get in here." Mike said trying to close the door.
"Please!" Poppy said smiling. "You gotta hear us out."
"And we gotta get this job, go away!" Mike, after fighting for an extra minute or so, finally got the door closed. "Girls!" He muttered before joining the guys at the tv.
"What we do now?" Poppy said as they walked back to their room.
"Gather proof." Reggie said. "Otherwise they won't believe us."
Anrold, from the band tryouts, walked by them.
"Its curfew time girls. Get ready for lights out." He said with a poilte smile.
"Thank you Arnold." They both said.
"We'll have to do it tomorrow, but before eight." Reggie said as she noticed the other girls had returned to the room. "Maybe we should have made a better effort to stop the gossipmongers."
"How can we do it tomorrow? They got some sort of practice and we got tests." Poppy whined.
"We got a test all right, but its the only one that matters." She said closing the doors. "And if we get the girls help." She said referrring to Maria and Sally. "It might work."
(end of part one)
Intermission
Mike and Micky blow bubbles on a log in the field. Peter keeps trying to catch a monarch butterfly in a net. Davy also has a net but is trying to catch a species of blonde-blue-eyed girl in his? He runs after her and trips on the long where Mike and Micky are sitting. Doing this knocks their bottles of suds out of their hands and on the ground. Peter watches this and loses his prize butterfly. Davy smiles sheepishly and runs away, with all three chasing him.
(beginning of part two)
Noon
The three bands were in the auditoruim rehearsing to keep fresh. The Four Swine did a bad version of "All Along The Watchtower", which the other band a folk tune. Micky was getting ready to do "Goin Down."
Poppy and Reggie just got back from math class. They stopped by the window and watched the band. Micky Dolenz swung to the beat of his song. He was into it. Val from the Four Swines, make a tobaccy juice puddle on the floor.
"What a pig." Poppy said disgustedly.
"Why do you think they have that name for a band?" Reggie said. "We have to tell the guys now."
"How do we get around the other bands?" Poppy said.
"I'll show you. You go get Maria and Sally." She said going to the back door. "I'll meet you in here."
Micky was singing his song when he noticed Regina come in the back way. He continued to sing but he motioned to Mike who tried toget her to leave.
"Coming' up for air. It's pretty stuffy under there I'd like to say I didn't care" He sang.
"But I forgot to leave a note. And it's so hard to stay afloat. I'm soakin' wet without a boat."
She had a note in her hand, and she begged him to read it. As she tried to hand it over Vals band stopped practicing and grabbed it from her.
"And I knew I should have taken off my shoes. It's front page news."
He ate it. His lips smacked menancingly. Regina reacted in shock and tried to talk to Mike again.
"Goin' down, Goin' down."
Poppy, Maria and Sally burst in wearing cheerleading outfits. Reggie stared at them.
"That wasnt my idea!" She mouthed.
"Ready!" Poppy clapped. "Okay. "Them boy are big fat liers. Their pants are on fire, fire, hot hot hot!" They pointed to The four swine. "They say there is a big fat party, party hardy hardy, but they are just big fat fartys, uhuh uh!" They called out. Micky stopped singing and the band stopped playing.
"What are you trying to do to us?" Mike asked of Reggie as the girls ran out the door. They already ran into Arnold on the way in.
"Do yourself a big favor." She said. "Dont be in your dorm at eight o'clock."
"Why?" Davy asked.
"Trust me!" Reggie said. "Go to the library! Read a book!" She said running out. "Just dont be at your room!"
7:55
After the guys watched a girls basketball game they returned to their room.
"What did those girls mean by dont be in your room?" Mike pondered.
"Beats me. Maybe she was trying to lure you out." Peter said.
"And the cheerleaders?" Davy asked.
"Hard work is its own reward?" Micky asked. "I never got a cheerleader in school." He whined.
There was a knock at the door. A half a dozed girls burst in with soda and candy and music.
"Its party time!" One of them called and started to dance with Davy. Davy was on cloud nine, and rising higher by the minute. One of them was on the phone.
"Is this the cafeteria? We need two hard boiled eggs." She laughed. An odd horn honking sound was heard. "Sorry, make that three!"
"Girls you cant stay here!"Mike said. "We are going to get in so much trouble!" He looked down the hallway. Dozens of girls werelined up to get in. At the back at the group was Regina who mouthed. "I warned you."
"She set this all up." Mike grumbled.
"How could she if she warned you about it?" Peter asked with a short redhead hanging off of him.
"I dont know." Mike said. "We need to get these girls out of of here before we get found out!"
"Awwww." Davy said. "Babes from heaven and he wants to send them away."
"We will also be sending our job away." Mike said as one girl he called Colleen danced with Micky.
The Four Swines were laughing at the girls crammed into the Monkees room.
"Now the coup de gracie." Val said holding a lighter lit under a fire alarm.
"Whats that?" Cal asked.
"Just watch." Val said.
The alarm went off and the sprinklers rained down on everyone. Some of the girls shrieked and left. Arnold and Steve ran to the room where they assumed the fire alam came from and saw the still large amount of girls in the room.
"You will never get this job now!" Arnold said. "Perverts!" He said wiping his jacked off. Steve followed behind him.
"Now what?" Poppy asked as they passed by, The now wet girls ran to their rooms.
"We tell Dean Bridget the truth, if we can reach them before Arnold and Steve." Reggie said.
Throughout the night, the girls tried to reach the dean, but neither one of them could reach her. After lights out, they couldnt make any more calls. In the morning the whole school was invited to see who the band was that won the contract.
"What if they dont know?" Poppy asked.
"We can hope for the best." Reggie said. "Prepare for the worst."
Dean Bridget came in and sat down. She then consulted some notes and stood up and addressed the crowd.
"What goes into choosing the winner was three things. One was musical ability and the second was being a gentlemen. The third, the one I now mention is honor. The Monkees were accused of having a party when they were not supposed to. It has come to light that the students were duped into thinking there was a party at the bands dorm room. They were lead into this deception by the four swines. Thusly since the boys came clean, I cannot allow the Four Swines to be the band. They are disqualified."
Val and the others groaned and left the stage. Val left a spit mark on the floor on the way out.
"So that leaves two bands, The Monkees and Sam and the Hobbiton Trio." Bridget paused. "It was a hard decision but the winners are Sam and the Hobbiton Trio."
"What?" Mike asked. "Those guys have the hairiest feet ever!"
"Congratulations." Bridget said. The other band jumped for joy.
"Who told the Dean it was a scam?" Poppy asked. They all looked at the winning band.
"I think I know why they won. They're married." Reggie said. They walked up to the band. "I'm sorry you didnt win."
"I'm sorry we didnt listen." Mike said.
"What can we do for you to make it up for you?" Poppy asked.
"You can, where are you after graduation?" Davy smiled. Micky poked him.
"Come see a show." Mike said. "We need a few good fans."
"Outta sight!" Reggie said.
