Rachel: Ross?
Ross: Yeah?
Rachel: Are you asking me to get back together with you?
Ross: [realising that he is] Um... yeah, I guess I am.
Rachel: Oh, Ross...
Ross: Yeah?
Ross: [almost pleading] Well, what? I'll do anything!
Rachel: [beat] Anything?
[Cut to the hallway, where Ross is miming "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling", with Joey and Chandler, in their hungover state, on backing vocals. They are also in the pilot uniforms, ` la "Top Gun". Rachel is watching, along with Jaynie, who has sunglasses on because of her hangover, and they are both almost crying from trying to keep themselves from laughing. The guys finish and everyone applauds them, while also laughing. (I'm really sorry. I couldn't resist having some sort of totally stupid thing in here.)]
Chandler: [to Ross] You realise that it's probably illegal to do this sort of thing while in possession of a hangover, don't you?
Joey: Well, one thing's for sure.
Ross: What's that?
Joey: I'm off to ask out at least one of those women over there! [indicates a group of women standing where we can't see them]
Jaynie: [to Rachel] Thank God they don't do this sort of thing for a living!
Ross: [walks over to Rachel] So?
Rachel: Uhhh...
[Scene: The hotel kitchen, which Monica has taken over.]
Monica: [yelling] Alright, people, let's move! [to some guy who is chopping up potatoes] What the hell is that?! That is *not* the way we slice potatoes! People, listen! If you don't improve, like, right this minute, then you will have even more incidents like the one 2 nights ago when those two guys started choking because the food was so bad!
Guy: [yelling] Hey, who are you to tell us that we're not doing our job?
Monica: [yelling] I'm your saviour! I personally know the guys who nearly died 2 nights ago because of eating this crap, and they're considering suing this hotel!
Guy: [yelling] Well, I'm Michael, and I won't let you talk to me like that!
Monica: [yelling] Yeah, well, I'm Monica, and I'm gonna talk to like this whether you like it or not!
Michael: [aka Guy] [yelling] Yeah, well, do you wanna go out tonight?
Michael: Fine! I'll see you then!
Monica: Good! [Michael starts to walk off] And don't be late!
[Scene: Ross's hotel room, at night. Ross is sitting on the bed, watching TV, depressed.]
Ross: I can't believe the idiot I made of myself down there. [changes the channel] My God, the crap they have on TV here...
[Someone knocks at the door, and he gets up to answer it.]
Ross: Yeah, yeah, alright, I'm coming.
[He answers the door, and it's Rachel.]
Ross: [surprised] Hi.
Rachel: Hey.
[They look at each other for a long moment]
Ross: [breaking the silence] Do you wanna go for a walk?
Rachel: Sure.
[They walk out of the room, and Ross shuts the door behind him.]
[Scene: Somewhere in the city, that has a big bridge. Ross and Rachel are walking along the bridge.]
Rachel: [caught up in her thoughts] Huh?
Ross: You haven't said anything since we left the hotel. What's up?
[They stop walking]
Rachel: I think...
Ross: [finishing her sentence] We need to talk.
Rachel: Yeah, that and I'm cold. [Ross, taking the hint, gives her his coat] Look, Ross, what you did earlier was really sweet and everything, but...
Ross: I still want to get back together with you.
Rachel: You... do?
Ross: Yeah. [beat] Why... don't you?
Rachel: I... I still don't know. [Ross starts to turn away, but she puts a hand on his shoulder, and he turns back] Look, when... [takes a deep breath, and continues] when I kissed you yesterday, I'm not sure what I was feeling. [beat] I know that that letter was a bit harsh... alright, a lot harsh, and that it was out of order for me to ask you to take responsibility for everything that went wrong with us. But I don't know, maybe we should just give each other some space for a day or two, just to figure out what we want.
Ross: [takes her hand] Well, I already know what I want, and I don't need a day of space to figure it out. [Rachel gives him a look that shows him that she does] [reluctantly] But... if you need some time alone, then sure.
Rachel: Alright, then... I'm gonna go now. [beat] I'll see you... tomorrow, or whenever. [starts to leave, but Ross is still holding her hand] Ross?
Ross: [thinking that she's made up her mind] Yeah?
Rachel: You gotta let my hand go!
Ross: What? [notices] Oh, right!
[Ross lets go of Rachel's hand, she starts to walk off, and he looks down at the water dejectedly. Rachel looks back at Ross for a second, then walks away.]
[Scene: A movie, where Monica and Michael are on a date.]
Michael: So, do you like the movie?
Monica: [lying] Yeah, it's great. It'd be better if the woman didn't sleep with every single guy in the film, though.
Michael: [laughs] Milly wanted to see this film.
Monica: [thinking the worst] Who's Milly?
Michael: My daughter. I thought I told you about her.
Monica: [irked] No, you didn't.
Michael: Oh, well, I have a daughter.
Monica: It's a bit late now!
Michael: Monica, people are starting to look.
Monica: Wha... yeah, okay. [looks at the screen] God, she's gonna sleep with him now as well!
Michael: You don't like this film, do you?
Monica: [confessing] No, not really.
Michael: Hey, tell you what. Why don't we leave now, and go get something to eat?
Monica: As long as it's not at the hotel restaurant, then okay!
[They get up and leave]
[Scene: A restaurant (not the hotel restaurant). Monica and Michael are eating (well, what else would you be doing in a restaurant? :)]
Michael: I gotta hand it to you. You really know how to pick 'em.
Monica: Yeah, well, after about five hundred failed relationships, you kinda become a magnet for them.
Michael: Oh, I don't believe that for a minute.
[Michael begins looking bored. *Extremely* bored.]
[Scene: Rachel's room. Rachel is on her bed reading a book, and listening to a romantic song on the radio, which is making her more and more depressed by the second. (I can't be bothered to think of a song that hasn't already been used in the show at some point, so think of a romantic song that you like and imagine it's that!)]
Rachel: [in her head] Okay, let's weigh up the pros and cons. Cons first. He cheated on me... he cheated on me... uh... he looks really cute when he does those puppy dog eyes... God, get a grip on youself, Rach! You're supposed to be weighing up the reasons *not* to be with him, not why you're in love with him... aggggghhhh! [puts the book over her head in frustration, then takes it off again] Alright, seeing as we're not succeeding in the cons department, lets weigh up the pros! There's the puppy dog eyes thing... he's really sweet to me... he's great in... [smiles to herself] um, I think I'd better leave that one out of it!
[She looks at the door, then slams her book shut, gets up and starts heading over towards it.]
[Cut to Ross's room, where Ross is looking out of the window and listening to the same song on the radio that Rachel was listening to. He, too, looks at the door, gets up, walks over and opens it.]
[Cut to the hallway, where both Ross and Rachel walk out from their rooms and shut the doors at the same time. Both are surprised to see the other, and make their way towards each other, Rachel smiling, Ross preparing himself for a major begging session.]
Rachel: Hi.
Ross: Listen, you've gotta give us... me... another chance. I know that the whole "break" thing is no excuse for what I did, and that you'll probably never forgive me, but we can't just pass something as good as this...
[Rachel puts a finger over his mouth to shut him up and looks up at him]
Rachel: Shush, you...
[She puts her arms around him and kisses him.]
Ross: [jokingly] Oh, well, I had a whole speech prepared, but if that's the way you're gonna be...
[They kiss again]
Ross: Just outta curiosity, I'm not gonna have to do that miming thing again, am I?
Rachel: Maybe, but only in private!
[They laugh and kiss again.]
[Scene: The airport, a few days later. Chandler is talking to yet *another* woman.]
Chandler: I promise, when I'm next in London, I'll look you up.
[The woman smiles and walks off.]
Chandler: I love England!
[The woman walks back, with God knows how many other women behind her, all of whom are *not* looking happy.]
Chandler: [confused] What? Is it a crime to say that you love something?
[The women start advancing on him]
Chandler: I guess it is!
[He turns and starts running, terrified.]
[Cut to Ross, Rachel and Joey, who are sitting in the waiting room of the gate.]
Ross: [playing with Rachel's hair] I love you.
Rachel: And I love you. I'm just sorry it took all this... crap... to realise that. [they kiss]
Joey: [in false proud father mode] Ahhh, now isn't that cute! Now, you two kids get a room before you make everyone else in here sick!
[Chandler runs up to them]
Chandler: Run Joey, run for your life!
Rachel: What's going on?
Chandler: The women... have turned! They're back to their usual selves!
Joey: [beat] [in horror] No!
[The group of women from before walk over to Chandler and Joey]
Joey: Uh, Chandler, they don't look happy.
Chandler: Really? Y'don't say? I thought that they'd taken lessons from Perky and Peppy!
[The women start advancing on them, much like they did before.]
Joey: Okay, I think now would be a good time to run!
[Chandler and Joey start running, and the group of women go after them.]
Ross: I don't even wanna know what that was about!
[We see Joey and Chandler running in the background, with the women following them]
Chandler: [still running] HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLP!!!
[Cut to Phoebe and Monica, who are being kept at the check-in point by a grouchy officer.]
Officer: I'm sorry, madam, but my list has no reference to the fact that your friend here is pregnant!
Phoebe: But it must! I told you 3 days ago when I rang to check that we still had our tickets!
Officer: Sorry, *m'am*, but it's not written down here, so you have to stay here until you have your baby.
Phoebe: [putting emphasis on the "s" part] Babies.
Monica: Alright, listen buddy. I'm sure that you're... being totally wrong here by not letting her past. In fact, isn't it illegal to keep someone who isn't a citizen of the country here for more than 90 days, unless they've broken the law? And how many months pregnant are you, Pheebs?
Phoebe: Uh... about 4?
[They look at the officer in a way that lets him know that he's been caught out.]
Officer: [beat] Go on in! [lets them past]
[Chandler, Joey and the women run past]
Officer: Now excuse me, I've got far more important things to do. [running after the guys] HEY, YOU KNUCKLEHEADS, GET YOUR BEHINDS BACK HERE NOW!!!
[Cut to Monica and Phoebe walking over to Ross and Rachel, who are still at the nauseatingly cute stage of the "new" relationship.]
Phoebe: Hey.
Rachel: [looking up] What took you so long?
Monica: Well, let's just say that it took a lot of threats to get past.
Phoebe: Yeah, that and we messed with his aura real bad! [puts up her fists like she was going to fight someone]
Ross: Oh, what a nice story.
Monica: What's happening with the guys?
Ross: The entire female population of the Central London area ganged up on them.
Monica: Oh, nothing out of the ordinary, then.
Ross: [getting up] I'm gonna go see what's taking so long with the flight.
Rachel: I'll miss you.
Ross: Miss you more!
[He kisses the top of her head then walks over to the information desk. Rachel looks after him with a dreamy expression on her face, and Phoebe picks up on this.]
Phoebe: [imitating Rachel's thoughts] I think that Ross is so dreamy! [Rachel looks at her, confused] I wish that we'd come to England sooner!
Rachel: Oh, come on, cut it out!
Monica: Yeah, give her a break. [beat] [fake gooiness] After all, she's so in love with him that she can't think straight!
[We see Chandler, Joey and the officer.]
Joey: [in terror] Call 911!
Chandler: No-one here knows what 911 is!
Chandler/Joey: Help!!!
[Rachel, Monica and Phoebe laugh at the sight of this. Cut to Chandler and Joey, who stop running in front of a duty-free store.]
Joey: Well, I think we got rid of...
[The officer comes flying into the back of Joey, who then goes crashing into the back of Chandler, who falls down.]
Chandler: [getting up] I'm always the one who has to fall down, aren't I?
Officer: Alright, I want passports from the both of you.
Joey: Why? We were running for our lives!
Officer: From who?
Chandler: The women who were sent by the devil! You know, Satan, 666, that sort of thing!
Officer: [enquiringly] You dated a woman from here!
Joey: Yeah, tons of them!
Officer: And you had to run away from them because...?
Chandler: Didn't you hear me? They were sent by the devil!
Joey: They had our luggage blown up! They told the flight attendant that we were explosives experts who were planning to blow up the plane! They were...
Chandler: [interrupting Joey] They were tampering with our sanity!
Officer: Gentlemen, welcome to England. All English women are like this!
[Chandler and Joey give the officer a sarcastic "You don't say?" face. (Note: I know that all English women are like the example given here. And I should know. I *am* one, after all.)]
Joey: I'm never dating an English woman again!
Chandler: Yeah, well, after this, I'm never dating any woman ever again, period!
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: The airplane. Ross is sitting next to Rachel, who is looking incredibly bored and sitting next to Monica, who is looking out of the window and not paying attention to Ross and Rachel, who, even though they are bored, are still doing the horrificlly cute thing.]
Rachel: I'm bored.
Ross: [with a mischiveious grin on his face] Well, I can think of something to do!
Rachel: What are you up to now?
[Ross whispers something in her ear, and she giggles.]
Rachel: We can't do that! Not here!
Ross: [kissing Rachel's ear] You know you want to...
Rachel: Oh, you know me too well!
[They get up and start heading towards the bathrooms. Jack and Judy walk out, hair dishevelled and all.]
Judy: And Rachel, our dear sweet Rachel.
Ross: Uh, what's up with you... [realises] Never mind, I don't want to know!
[Ross and Rachel go in the door that Jack and Judy, who are walking back to their seats, just came out of. Cut to Chandler and Joey, who are sitting on the opposite side of the plane.]
Chandler: Well, I'm glad that we finally managed to get away from those women.
Joey: Yeah, me too! But don't you get the feeling that... um... we haven't?
[They look around and see that apart from their friends, all the passengers of the plane are the women that they dated while in London, who all wave at them from their seats. Cut to an outside shot of the plane.]
Chandler/Joey: [screaming from inside the plane] NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
END
