[Scene 7:  Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching Wheel of Fortune, the puzzle
is showing _oun_ Rush_ore.]<BR>
<BR>
Mike: Ah budget cuts even affect Wheel of Fortune.<BR>
<BR>
[Chandler enters]CHANDLER:  Hey!<BR>
<BR>
Crow: Horse!<BR>
<BR>
JOEY:  Wheel!<BR>
CHANDLER:  Of!<BR>
JOEY:  Fortune!  This guy is so stupid.  (yelling)  It's Count Rushmore!!<BR>
<BR>
Tom: Thats Joey! (dumb chuckle)<BR>
<BR>
CHANDLER:  You know, you should really go on this show.  All right, listen,
    I got three tickets to the Rangers tonight.  What'd ya' say?<BR>
<BR>
Mike: He said “Count Rushmore”
<BR>
JOEY:  I say, 'I am there!'  Cool!  Aw, is Ross going to?<BR>
CHANDLER:  No, Janice.<BR>
<BR>
Crow: No I’m Joey!<BR>
<BR>
JOEY:  Jan-ice.  'Cause I, just, I feel bad for Ross, you know, we-we always
   go together, we're like the three hocke-teers.<BR>
CHANDLER:  You know, I may be way out on a limb here, but do you, do you,
      have a problem with Janice?<BR>
<BR>
All: DUH!<BR>
<BR>
JOEY:  No, Yeeees.  God, how do I say this.  (walks into the kitchen, 
 Chandler follows closely, he turns around and gets startled).  Oh,   
  hi, you know that girl from the Greek restaurant with the hair  (holds
his hands up to signify she has big hair)?<BR>
<BR>
Mike: Looks like one of the B-52’s?<BR>
<BR>
CHANDLER:  Ooh, that girl that I hate, eww, drives me crazy, eww, eww,
oh!<BR>
JOEY:  Look, I don't hate Janice, she's-she's just a lot to take, you know.<BR>
<BR>
Tom: A lot is a understatement.<BR>
<BR>
CHANDLER:  Well, there you go.<BR>
JOEY:  Oh, hey.  Come on man, don't look at me like that, she used to drive
 you nuts before too, remember?<BR>
<BR>
Crow: You mean hes always been like this?<BR>
<BR>
CHANDLER:  Well, I'm crazy about her now.  I think this could be the real thing.  Capital 'R'!  Capital 'T'!  (Joey stares at him)  Don't  worry, those are the right letters.<BR>
JOEY:  Look, what do you want me to say?<BR>
<BR>
Mike: Something.<BR>
<BR>
CHANDLER:  I want you to say that you like her!<BR>
JOEY:  I can't.  It's like this chemical thing, you know.  Every time she starts laughing, I just wanna (grimaces and tenses up) pull my arm off just so that I can have something to throw at her. <BR>
<BR>
Crow: Youre gonna need that arm.<BR>
<BR>
CHANDLER:  Thanks for trying.  (grabs the ticket and starts to leave) Oh, and by the way  there is no Count Rushmore!<BR>
JOEY:  Yeah, then-then who's the guy that painted the faces on the mountain? (Chandler gives him a look like 'You stupid idiot!')<BR>
<BR>
Tom: If looks could kill.<BR>
<BR>
[Scene 8:  Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are entering] <BR>
ROSS:  How could you have told her?  <BR>
<BR>
Crow: Really. Did we mis something?
Tom: This must be about the Princess Leia thing.<BR>
<BR>
RACHEL:  Ross, I didn't think it would that big of a deal.<BR>
ROSS:  Oh, she didn't think it would be that big of deal.<BR>
RACHEL:  Okay, who are you talking to when you do that?<BR>
ROSS:  Look, that was supposed to be like a private, personal thing between us.<BR>
<BR>
Mike: Really, like we wanted to know your bedroom stuff.<BR>
<BR>
RACHEL:  Okay, Ross, Phoebe is my girlfriend, okay,  we tell each other everything.  You know, I mean, come on,  guys do the same thing, I  mean, what about all that locker room stuff.<BR>
ROSS:  That's different, okay.  That's like, uh  'Who dated a stripper?' or 'Who did it on the back of the Staton Island Ferry?'.<BR>
<BR>
Crow: Or like who gives a rats...<BR>
Mike: Crow!<BR>
<BR>
RACHEL:  Were both of those Joey?<BR>
<BR>
Crow: Possibly.<BR>
<BR>
ROSS:  Yeah.  Look, you don't, you don't talk about like, you know, your girlfriend and the intimate stuff you, you do with her.<BR>
RACHEL:  Not even with your best friend.<BR>
ROSS:  Noo!<BR>
<BR>
Tom: Or us for that matter. Talk about a captive audience.<BR>
Mike: Really. (to camera) Dr F, think about screening this episodes all right? Thanks.<BR>
<BR>
RACHEL:  That is so sad.  Your missing out on so much, Ross.  I mean, the       bonding and the sharing, you know.  And-and  knowing that someone else is going through the same thing you are.<BR>
<BR>
Crow: Anyone here feel like sharing?<BR>
Tom: No.<BR>
Mike: no.<BR>
Crow: Good.<BR>
<BR>
ROSS:  Hmph.  So what you, you tell each other everything?<BR>
RACHEL:  Pretty much.<BR>
<BR>
Mike: (as Rachel) Except our goverment secrets.<BR>
<BR>
ROSS:  Did you talk about the night of five times?  Do you tell people about the night of five times? <BR>
RACHEL:  Uh, honey, yeah that was with Carol.<BR>
ROSS:  I know, but it's still worth mentioning, I think.<BR>
<BR>
Crow: Isnt there a priest or rabbi they can share this with?<BR>
<BR>
[Scene 9:  Monica's bedroom, Phoebe is trying to relax her.]<BR>
PHOEBE:  ( in a soothing voice) Relax every muscle in your body.Listen to the plinky-plunky music.  Okay, now close you eyes, and think of a happy place. Okay, tell me your happy place.<BR>
<BR>
Tom: Wast this in Happy Gilmore? ( Crow and Mike look at him) I was bored, I had
to watch it.<BR>
<BR>
MONICA:  Richard's living room, drinking wine.<BR>
PHOEBE:  All right. No, no, no, not a Richard thing, just put down the
 glass.  And get out!<BR>
MONICA:  I'm sorry, but that's my happy place.<BR>
<BR>
Mike: She meant happy, not that happy.<BR>
<BR>
PHOEBE:  Well, okay, fine, use my happy place.  Okay, I'm just gonna, 
I  have to ask that you don't move anything.<BR>
MONICA:  All right, I'll try not to.<BR>
PHOEBE:  Okay, all right, so, your in a meadow, millions of stars in the sky....<BR>
<BR>
All: (sing) Star rockets in flight, afternoon delight!<BR>
<BR>
MONICA:  Do you think breaking up with him was a huge mistake?<BR>
PHOEBE:  All right, there are no questions in the happy place.  Okay, just,  the warm breeze, and the moonlight flowing through the trees....<BR>
<BR>
All: (Sleep)<BR>
<BR>
MONICA:  I'll bet he's totally over me, I'll bet he's fine.<BR>
PHOEBE:  All right, betting and wagering of any kind, are, I'm sure, not permitted in the happy place.  Okay.  Just-just, you know, the-the lovely waterfalls, and the, the trickling fountains.  And the-the calming sounds of the babbling brook....<BR>
<BR>
Mike: Oh youre doing enough babbling already.<BR>
<BR>
MONICA:  Okay, this isn't working.  I'm still awake and now I have to pee.<BR>
<BR>
[Scene 10:  Chandler and Joey's]<BR>
JANICE:  So, I hear, you hate me!<BR>
JOEY:  I, ah, I never said hate, I was very careful about that.<BR>
<BR>
Crow: But he doesnt like ya.<BR>
<BR>
JANICE:  A little birdie told me something about you wanting to rip your
arm  off and throw it at me.<BR>
<BR>
Tom: Cute birdie.<BR>
<BR>
JOEY:  And you got a 'hate' from that?!  Your taking a big leap there...<BR>
JANICE:  All right, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, we've got to do something about our little situation here Joey.  So, this is my idea:  you and  me spending some quality time together.<BR>
<BR>
Tom: I don’t like the sound of that.<BR>
<BR>
JOEY:  But what does that gonna do...<BR>
<BR>
Mike: Does it involve her being impaled by a stampeding bull?<BR>
Crow: Michael Jordon?<BR>
<BR>
JANICE:  For Chandler!<BR>
JOEY:  Okay.  I'm in.<BR>
JANICE:  Okay.  All right.  This is what we're gonna call it:  'Joey and Janice's *DAY*  *OF*  *FUN!*'<BR>
JOEY:  Does it have to be a whole day?<BR>
JANICE:  Yes, because that's how long it takes to love me.<BR>
<BR>
Mike: I’d rather go fishing that day.<BR>
<BR>
JOEY:  Yeah, I know, I sleep in the next room.<BR>
[Scene 11:  Central Perk, Rachel and Monica are entering]<BR>
MONICA: (crying) So, I went down to the post office, and it turns
out it was those videos that I ordered for Richard about the Civil War.
He loved the Civil War.<BR>
<BR>
Tom: And I’m sure Ken Burns loved him too.<BR>
<BR>
PHOEBE:  Monica, do you want us to take you home?<BR>
MONICA:  Uh, huh.  (to Ross) Or maybe to a galaxy far, far away.  (Rachel,  Monica, and Phoebe leave)<BR>
ROSS:  Women tell each other everything.  Did you know that?<BR>
<BR>
All: Yep.<BR>
<BR>
CHANDLER:  Umm, yeah.<BR>
ROSS:  No Chandler, everything!  Like stuff you like, stuff she likes,  technique, stamina, girth....
CHANDLER:  Girth?  Why, why, why, wh-why, why, why, why would they do this?<BR>
<BR>
 Crow: Once they get done with the soap chat, they have to talk about something.<BR>
<BR>
ROSS:  Rachel says sharing's great and supposedly, you know, we outta be doing it. Do you wanna?<BR>
CHANDLER:  We're not gonna talk about girth are we?<BR>
ROSS:  Nooo!<BR>
<BR>
Tom: NOOO!<BR>
<BR>
CHANDLER:  Yeah, okay.<BR>
ROSS:  Yeah?<BR>
CHANDLER:  Yeah!  All right!  You go first.<BR>
<BR>
Crow: (to Mike) Can we leave? Please?<BR>
<BR>
ROSS:  Okay, okay, I'll go first.<BR>
CHANDLER:  Okay.<BR>
ROSS:  So, uh, the other night Rachel and I are in bed talking about   fantasies, and I happened to describe a particular Star Wars thing....<BR>
CHANDLER:  Princess Leia in the gold bikini.<BR>
<BR>
Mike: I think I missed the boat on this Princess Leia thing.<BR>
Tom: you missed the boat on a lot of things.<BR>
<BR>
ROSS:  Yes!  <BR>
CHANDLER:  I know!<BR>
ROSS:  Yes!  Wow, well, that-that was easy.  Okay, you-you go.<BR>
<BR>
Crow: He’s leaving?<BR>
<BR>
CHANDLER:  Okay.<BR>
ROSS:  Okay.<BR>
CHANDLER:  Okay, you know, you know when your in bed, with a woman.<BR>
ROSS:  Hmph.<BR>
<BR>
Mike: Exactly like I thought.<BR>
<BR>
CHANDLER:  And, ah, you know, your fooling around with her.  And you get
all these like, mental images in your brain, you know, like Elle MacPherson, or
 that girl at the Xerox place....<BR>
ROSS:  With the belly-button ring?  Oh, muhawa!<BR>
<BR>
Tom: Muhawa?<BR>
<BR>
CHANDLER:  I know, And then all of the sudden your Mom pops into your head. And your like 'Mom, get outta here!'  You know, but of course, like, after that you can't possibly think of anything else, and you can't, you know, stop what your doing.  So it's kinda like, you're, you       know.  You know...(Ross just stares at him).  You don't know!<BR>
ROSS:  Your Mom, your telling me, your telling me, about your Mom, what
is  the matter with you?<BR>
CHANDLER:  You said...<BR>
<BR>
Crow: Way too much share there.<BR>
<BR>
ROSS:  I said '*share*' not '*scare*'.  Go sit over there!  (Chandler goes over and sits at a table and puts his head down).<BR>
[Scene 11:  Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Janice are returning from their DAY OF FUN!]<BR>
JANICE:  We're baack!<BR>
JOEY:  Hey!<BR>
<BR>
Crow: Hey!<BR>
<BR>
CHANDLER:  What are you guys doing together?<BR>
JANICE:  Joey and Janice's *DAY*  *OF*  *FUN*!!!  (laughs)<BR>
<BR>
Tom: He’s right, that laugh can get annoying.<BR>
<BR>
CHANDLER:  Really.<BR>
JOEY:  Yeah, yeah.  We went to a Mets game, we got Chinese food, and you know, I love this woman.  You have got competition buddy.<BR>
JANICE:  I just came by to give you a kiss, I have to go pick up the baby, so.  I'll see you later sweetheart, you too Chandler.  (laughs)<BR>
CHANDLER:  You still can't stand her can you?<BR>
<BR>
All: Yep.<BR>
<BR>
JOEY:  I'm sorry man, I tired, I really did.<BR>
CHANDLER:  Well, you know, I appreciate you giving it a shot.<BR>
<BR>
Crow: Did he say shoot?<BR>
<BR>
JOEY:  But, hey, look, you know the good thing is, is that we spent the whole day together and I survived, and what's even more amazing, so did she. It was bat day at Shea Stadium.<BR>
<BR>
Tom: I love bats, they fly and....not that kind of bat huh?<BR>
<BR>
CHANDLER:  Well, I guess that's something.<BR>
JOEY:  No man, that's huge!  Now, I know I can stand to be around her, which means I get to hang out with you, which is kinda the whole point, anyway.<BR>
<BR>
Mike: The lesser of two evils.<BR>
<BR>
CHANDLER:  Okay.<BR>
JOEY:  Oh, hey, Chandler, we, ah, we stopped by the coffee shop and ran into Ross.<BR>
CHANDLER:  Oh God!<BR>
<BR>
Tom: No, Ross!<BR>
<BR>
JOEY:  Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I do it too.<BR>
CHANDLER:  Really?<BR>
JOEY:  Oh yeah, I always picture your Mom when I'm having sex.<BR>
[Scene 12:  Rachel and Monica's, Monica is watching the Civil War videos]<BR>
VIDEO:  April Twelve, Eighteen hundred, Sixty-One (Monica lights Richard's cigar butt), 4:30 A.M. on Tuesday, the United States garrison at  Fort Sumter was fired upon (knock on door) it is now under bombardment by.... (Monica answers the door)<BR>
<BR>
Crow: I don’t like to watch tv to see someone else watch tv.<BR>
<BR>
MONICA:  Hi, Dad, what are you doing here?<BR>
<BR>
Mike: Being paternal.<BR>
<BR>
MR. GELLER:  Well, it's your mother's bridge night so I thought that I would come into the city for a little Monicuddle. (hugs her)  Since when did you start smoking cigars?<BR>
MONICA:  I don't, I just, I just like the smell of them.  So, uh, what are you really doing here Dad?<BR>
MR. GELLER:  Well, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.<BR>
<BR>
Tom: Course shes not ok, now you can go.<BR>
Crow: Doesn’t he look like Elliot Gould?<BR>
<BR>
MONICA:  What makes you think that I might not be okay?<BR>
MR. GELLER:  I saw Richard.<BR>
MONICA:  Oh.<BR>
MR. GELLER:  So, how are you doing?<BR>
<BR>
All: (shrug)<BR>
<BR>
MONICA:  I'm fine, just a little tired, I'm okay.  How's Richard doing?<BR>
MR. GELLER:  You don't wanna know.<BR>
MONICA:  No, I really, really do.<BR>
<BR>
Crow: (Sings “Wannabe”)<BR>
<BR>
MR.  GELLER:  Well, he's doing terrible!<BR>
MONICA:  Really!<BR>
MR.  GELLER:  Worse than when he broke up with Barbara.<BR>
<BR>
Mike: Who?<BR>
<BR>
MONICA:  You're not just saying that are you?<BR>
MR. GELLER:  No, the man is a mess.<BR>
MONICA:  Was he crying?<BR>
<BR>
Tom: Dont cry for me Tom Selleck.<BR>
<BR>
MR. GELLER:  No.<BR>
MONICA:  Well, do you think he was waiting 'til after you left, so he could cry?<BR>
MR. GELLER:  Maybe.<BR>
<BR>
Crow: If that will make you feel better.<BR>
<BR>
MONICA:  I think so.<BR>
MR. GELLER:  Honey, relationships are hard.  Like with your Mom and me. You know after we graduated college we broke up for a while.  It seems her Father, your Grandfather, wanted her to travel around Europe, like he did. Of course, he got to do it on Uncle Sam's nickel,        because he was also strafing German troop trains at the time.  However, (turns around and sees that Monica is sleeping and puts a blanket around her, kisses her, picks up the cigar, and starts  watching the video)<BR>
<BR>
Crow: If she ever gets on jeopardy, she will kill in the Civil War catergory.<BR>
<BR>
[Scene 13:  Ross's bedroom, Ross is humming the Star Wars theme.  Rachel 
 enters, with her hair done up like Princess Leia's, and wearing a belly dancer's outfit, to simulate the gold bikini thing.]<BR>
<BR>
Tom: All right!<BR>
Crow: Friends is the best show ever!!<BR>
Mike: Quiet you guys.<BR>
<BR>
RACHEL:  Okay, here we go.  I'm Jabba's prisoner, and you have a really weird look on   your face. What? Honey, what is it?  Did I get it wong?  Did I get the hair wrong?  What?  Did you just picture it differently?  What?  What?<BR>
<BR>
Crow: (Gets up.) Rachel let me help you with that bra snap.(holds up one hand near
Rachels back)<BR>
Mike: Sit down Crow!<BR>
<BR>
ROSS:  No, no it's, um, it's not you, um, it's um, it's (turns and sees
his     Mom standing where Rachel is)<BR>
<BR>
Crow: Ew!<BR>
Tom: That shot any boner I might have had right into the ground there.<BR>
<BR>
MRS. GELLER:  Well what is it?  Come on sweetie, your like, freaking me
out  here.<BR>
<BR>
Mike: I’M freaking YOU out?<BR>
<BR>
ROSS:  I hate Chandler, the bastard ruined my life.  (Rachel starts looking     around and down, with a 'What the hell is going on?' look on her  face.)<BR>
<BR>
Tom: Fade out lets go.<BR>
(Tom and Mike leave)<BR>
Crow: No! I want to see Jennifer naked! We DESERVE to see her naked. I am not
leaving till I see her breasts at least. Thats all  ask for.<BR>
(Dr F shuts screen off.)
Crow: Damn!<BR>



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