Mike: Wow, hes a good eye doctor, closed eyes-open mouth.
Crow: Good thing hes not a dentist.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still watching TV. Phoebe stands in front of the TV.]
PHOEBE: We have got to get you lazy boys out of these chairs.
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, woah, hey, woah.
PHOEBE: You know you should go outside and be with the three-dimensional people.
Crow: Like us.
JOEY: No, inside good, outside bad.
Tom: Caveman like TV.
Crow: TV good.
Mike: Rwality bad.
PHOEBE: You guys are so pathetic, I, oh, OH, XANADU! OH.
Crow: (sings with tv)
CHANDLER: She's one of us now.
Mike: How pathetic is that?
[Rachel and Ross enter]
RACHEL: Hi you guys.
ROSS: Hey.
CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Hey.
Tom: Anyone feel dejavu.
ROSS: Well we just wanted to stop by and uh, say goodnight.
CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Goodnight.
All:(Sings) Good night, so long, farwell.
ROSS: Look at that, they won't even turn their heads.
RACHEL: Alright you guys, I'm takin' off my shirt.
Tom: Friends is the best show in the entire world!
Crow: I wonder if she has a bra on.
JOEY: [uses a dentist mirror to see] Naa, she's lyin'.
[Monica enters carrying food that's been delivered]
Tom: Boooo! We deserve to see Rachel topless!
MONICA: Stop sending food to our apartment.
ROSS: Well, why're you all dressed up?
PHOEBE: You're not the only one who has a date tonight.
Tom: So everyone is getting lucky today? Maybe Chadnler and Joey would have a chance if they got their patooties out of their chairs.
ROSS: What? You have a date? Who with?
MONICA: No one.
ROSS: C'mon, what's his name?
MONICA: Nothing.
ROSS: Come on, tell me.
Crow: Fess up!
MONICA: Alright, but I'm very excited about this OK, so you gotta promise you won't get all big-brothery and judgmental.
ROSS: Oh, I promise, what.
Mike: (as Monica) It's Tom Selleck, I hope thats all right.
MONICA: It's Richard Burke.
ROSS: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a uh, brother to dad.
MONICA: Well for your information he happens to be one of the brightest, most sophisticated, sexiest men I've ever been with.
Tom: Even sexier that Fun Bobby?
Crow: Even sexier than Pete the weeper?
ROSS: Doctor Burke is sexy?
RACHEL and PHOEBE: Oh God, absolutely.
ROSS: [his beeper goes off] It's the museum again, can I, oh.
Mike: This must be the tense moment beeper.
RACHEL: Ya know, Dr. Burke kissed me once.
MONICA: When?
Crow: We missed it!
RACHEL: When I was um, , I crashed my bike right out in front of his house and to stop me from crying he kissed me right here. [points to the tip of her nose]
PHOEBE: Oh you are so lucky.
All: She knows.
RACHEL: I know.
ROSS: [on the phone] Woah, woah, woah australopithicus isn't supposed to be in that display. No. No. No, n, homo-habilus was erect, australopithicus was never fully erect.
CHANDLER: Well maybe he was nervous.
Mike: Oh museum humor! Fun for all ages!
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross is fixing a display, Rachel is waiting patiently.]
ROSS: Oh look, I can't believe this. Look, homo-habilus hasn't even learned how to use tools yet and they've got him here wi, with clay pots. Why don't, why don't they just give him a microwave? I'm sorry, I'm sorry this is taking so long, ya know, I, I, it's just it's longer than I expected, we will have dinner.
Tom: As if.
RACHEL: It's OK, it's fine.
ROSS: KARL!
[Ross leaves to find Karl. Rachel takes a peek under the loincloth of one of the display models.]
Crow: I hope shes not comparison shopping
Mike: Crow!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Dr. Burke are sitting on the couch. He's showing her the pictures in his wallet.]
Tom: (as Richard) And this is of my fourth wife, and this is my fifth wife..
Crow: Maybe baby pictures.
MONICA: Wow, is that Michelle?
DR. BURKE: Yep.
MONICA: I've not seen her since high school graduation. Oh my God, that night she got so dru. . . motional.
Mike: Nice save.
DR. BURKE: Ya know, she's having another baby.
Tom: (sings) Your having my baby....
Crow: (shudders) Dont do that!
MONICA: I thought she just had one.
DR. BURKE: No no. Henry's almost two and he's talking and everything. Here. You know, the other day he told me he liked me better than his other grandpa. Now in all fairness his other grandpa's a drunk but still. . .
Mike: What a happy family.
MONICA: Oh, you're a grandpa.
Crow: How'd she know.
DR. BURKE: Yeah. Are we nuts here?
Mike: Definately.
Tom: I'd say so
MONICA: I don't know, maybe. I mean I'm dating a man who's pool I once peed in.
Crow: Wayyyyyy too much info.
DR. BURKE: I didn't need to know that. I guess years is a lot. I mean, hell, I'm a whole person who can drink older than you.
Mike: He must be fun at a bar.
MONICA: Yeah.
DR. BURKE: So.
MONICA: So maybe we should just. . .
DR. BURKE: Yeah, yeah, maybe.
MONICA: Wow, this really sucks.
DR. BURKE: Yeah, it sure does. [they hug and it turns into a passionate kiss]
MONICA: Well, we don't really have to decide anything right now, do we?
DR. BURKE: No, no, there's no rush or anything.
DELIVERY GUY: Pizza delivery.
Crow: Couch potatoes strike again!
Tom: (makes sitcom wa-wa sound)
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross enters the display where Rachel is waiting.]
ROSS: Rach.
RACHEL: Oh.
ROSS: I'm done.
Mike: Three years later
RACHEL: Yeah well, you know what, so is uh, Sorentino's.
ROSS: Wha, OK, I'm sorry, let's uh, why don't we find someplace else.
RACHEL: No, you know what, it's late, everything's gonna be closed. Why don't we just do it another night?
ROSS: No, no, we won't.
RACHEL: We won't?
Tom: They're breaking up? (sobs)
ROSS: [grabs a fur pelt] C'mon.
RACHEL: OK, that's dead right?
[Scene: The museum planetarium. Ross and Rachel enter on stage.]
RACHEL: What is this? What are we doing?
ROSS: Shh. Do you want cran-apple or cran-grape?
RACHEL: Grape.
ROSS: [spreads the pelt on the floor] OK, now, sit. OK. [he starts the music system]
Crow: Not even caveman liked stains.
RACHEL: Oh, God.
Tom:(as Rachel)..you devil!
ROSS: Sorry.
RACHEL: Ah, so what are we looking at?
Crow: Uranus.
ROSS: Well uh, you see that, that little cluster of stars next to the big one? That is Ursa Major.
RACHEL: Really?
ROSS: I've no idea, could be. Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight.
RACHEL: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight. [they kiss]
ROSS: You're not laughing.
RACHEL: This time it's not so funny.
Mike: Tom and Crow - this is what "You know" means.
Tom and Crow: OH!
[They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.]
RACHEL: Ah, oh God. Oh, honey, oh that's OK.
ROSS: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box.
RACHEL: Oh, thank God.
Crow: And another akward moment ends..
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. The next morning Rachel and Ross are sleeping in the display under a fur.]
ROSS: Hi.
RACHEL: Hi you. I can't believe I'm waking up next to you.
ROSS: I know it is pretty unbelievaaaaah.
Crow:..as another one begins.
ROSS: We're not alone. [A church youth group is outside the display watching them]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are still in their chairs, watching "Beavis and Butthead".]
[they're laughing along with the show when an alarm goes off]
JOEY: Is that the fire alarm?
CHANDLER: Yeah. [feels the floor] Oh it's not warm yet, we still have time.
JOEY: Cool.
Mike: Lets go.
Crow: Ok.
(We see the doors opening and closing leading out to the desk area.)
Mike: Thats a good way to close out the series.
Tom: I think so. Back to watching movies I guess.
Crow: Yet we may never know when Frank or Dr F may fudge up an experiment.
Mike: So then good viewers, you shall rest in knowing we will always be here doing what we do best.
Crow: What is that?
Mike: I have no clue.
(We see Deep Thirteen)
Frank: That was so sweet.
Dr F: Push the button Frank
