The Return Of The Neighbor
an X-Files/Friends Crossover

Disclaimer and other legal stuff of import: The characters of the X-files and Friends are not my own, I am borrowing them. They belong to Chris Carter and Associates. Friends belong to NBC and Warner Brothers Television.

Emily and Rachel sat inside her room talking with Agent Dana Scully. Dana, and her partner Agent Fox Mulder had just saved Emilys life from the creepy black virus they had both thought they conquered. But that was also one of many new events that day. Emily decided to give Ross a divorce and somehow...however eerily...she was now friends with her old romantic rival Rachel Green. What could happen next?

They were about to find out.

11:00 Saturday Evening.

"This is simply fantastic. I've never had this type of marguarita before. I must have the recipe." Emily praised the drink in front of her.
"Uh uh uh." Rachel said as she poured a little more into each of their glasses. Dana took a healthy swig that surprised both Rachel and Emily.
"What? You dont think a government girl can't drink?" She said, the alcohol finally taking effect.
"We're running out." Rachel said. "I'll go get some more."
"I'll come with you." Emily said. "Suddenly the loo is so alluring to me. Even with all of Joeys duck feathers on it. Nasty shedding problem."
Rachel and Emily had just barely left when Scully laid on Rachels bed. She grabbed one of the heart shaped pillows and hugged it tightly to her chest. Suddenly her eyes were so heavy. "Maybe a goverment girl can't drink after all." She said as she struggled to keep her eyes open. It was a valiant struggle between her and the small layers of flesh the slowly covered her eyelids till she could finally see nothing more beyond them.

After what seemed a minute of slumber she heard a voice.
"Dana?"
"Whos there?" She asked sleepily as she sat up. She opened her eyes. "Mulder?"
"Please call me Fox." Mulder said.
"I must be REALLY drunk. You never ask me to call you Fox." Dana pointed out.
"But this is different." Mulder said. "I waited till the girls and guys left us alone here so I could tell you something very very important."
"What would that be?" Dana said. She tried to focus her eyes.
"I love you Dana Scully. I love you very much. Since the first moment I saw you in that FBI basement I've had this, alien if you will, panging in my heart, just dying to get out and abduct you."
"What???" Dana said.
"I don't make much sense right now."
"You can say that again. You didnt have one of Rachels marguritas too?" She asked wearily.
Mulder looked at her for a moment then drew her close and kissed her on the lips. Dana was surprised at the force and the passion of the kiss but despite herself, she enjoyed it. Mulder laid her back on the bed as they kissed. He pulled back from her for a second.
"Just one more thing." Mulder said.
"What?" Dana said.
Mulder opened his mouth then screamed a very girly scream, his face morphed into Rachels who was shaking her very hard.
"What, what???"
"Dana, you've got to come quickly!" Rachel said as Dana sat up.
"What?"
"Just come." Rachel said pulling Danas hand quickly. The room swirled as they ran, she was still a little inebriated from the alcohol. Rachel sat her on a hard plank.
"What is this that you want me to see?" Dana asked still puzzled.
"Look!!" Rachel pointed. Emily came up behind her.
"What is that?" She asked.
"The ugly naked guy." Rachel said. "He's come back."
"Ugly naked guy? Great this is another dream." Dana said as she shook her head. "Rachel what DID you put in that margaurita?"


Hours later

"I know what I saw!" Rachel said.
"Yes, but I remember also seeing you down enough drinks last night to float a small dingy." Emily said.
"You saw it too." Rachel said. "You have to admit you saw it."
"Ok I saw it, but now since we are not so alcohol enhanced maybe we ought to take another look." Emily said.
"Shes right." Dana said. "After all, from what we know that building is brand new, there is no reason why anyone would move in that fast."
"Then I propose we go look." Rachel said getting up.
"Come on! It's not like he disapeered into the wall or something there."
"I got to admit this is peaking my curiousity." Emily said.
"See? And the guys won't be back from the hockey game for hours." Rachel said.
"Ok." Dana relented at last. "But let's leave a message." She said.
"Right." Rachel grabbed a sheet of notepaper and scribbled a message. "Let's go." She said as soon as she was done.
"I got a flashlight in the car." Dana said as they left. As they closed the door, The notepaper mysteriously slid off the counter in a stiff wind and blew out the window.

The Renal Apartment Building

"This is a really nice joint." Rachel said. "I don't remember it even being built. It felt like it popped up overnight."
"Really?" Dana observed. Her mind flash for a second. "Wouldnt Mulder have a file on this? That xfile cabinet of his is big enough to contain any big mystery." She thought. She intuitively reached for her cellphone and pushed a button and put it to her ear. "Thats strange."
"What?" Emily asked.
"I'm getting no dial tone." Dana said giving Emily her phone.
"That is strange." Emily noted as Rachel wandered on ahead.
"I know. Must be strange signals coming from the walls, the floor. The entire building." Dana said.
There was another scream.
"She screams alot."
"She has good reason too," Dana said. "Long story. And i mean it, its a long story."
They ran down the hall Rachel had gone.
"Help!!!" Rachel screamed. Dana and Emily had reached the spot where they heard the screaming, The wall was rippling and it seem to be attemping to pull in Rachel whole.
"Oh my god!" Emily said. "What is this thing?" She asked as they started to try to pull her out.
"Its what I thought. Its a live building. Mulder was wrong! The people who lived here were not ghosts but actual people trapped by the building!"
"How is that possible?" Emily said as Rachel started to emerge from the wall.
"Sometimes buildings are made out of more than cement and wood. Some people died making this building. The building starts pulling people in, as if it needed to feed to kill off its own loneliness." Dana said.
After a minute of struggling, Rachel came out of the wall, all sticky and wet with an unidentifiable fluid.
"Are you all right Rachel?" Emily asked.
"I'm feeling really funky right now." Rachel said wiping some fluid off of her eyes.
There came a horrifiying sound. It was the sound of a million trainwrecks. Metal and wood and cement were grinding together.
"The building needed a feed today or it would die again." Rachel explained. "By taking me you stopped it from being fed."
"How do you know this?" Dana asked.
"They told me." She said simply.
"We have got to get out of here, the building is closing in around us." Emily said.
Dana and Emily helped up Rachel and ran through the halls. But the halls were not the same as they came in as they kept twisting and turning, making every turn a dead end.
"It doesn't want us to leave." Dana said. She pulled her firearm.
"What?" Rachel said. "You're gonna shoot the house?"
"Its our only chance." She said and fired a round into the wall in front of her. The wall howled in pain. The wall seperated and a door appeared at the other side of the hole. Dana picked up Rachel again and ran through the hole after Emily. They bust down the door and ran out onto the street. They turned and looked at the house, as it now writhed in pain. It gave a big burst of light,as in a explosion. The girls covered their eyes. Then silence. They uncovered their eyes.
"Oh my god." Rachel said, still dripping.
They heard a car pull up. It was Mulder and the boys.
"Boy that was a great game." Mulder said as the guys gave Rachel a little NHL flag. "So how was your day?"
The girls looked at the boys then walked into the apartment.

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