"Swell."
"Segue."
"Very exciting." -Scott Sherwood
"Understood completely." -Mr. Eldridge
"Hi-hi!" -Celia Mellon
"Not a chance." -Betty Roberts
"Oh, will you look at the time." -Scott Sherwood
From "On the Air"
Betty: Mr Gianetti's running a little late.
Hilary: Mr
Gianetti's running a little distillary.
From "The Diva that Wouldn't Die"
Hilary: I'm sorry to bother you, dear, but I just have one little
question--who wrote this drivel?
Betty: You know perfectly well I'm
in charge of writing the drivel around here. What's wrong with my words today?
Hilary: Oh, the words are fine. Many of these same words occur in
Shakespeare and Marlowe and Ibsen. It's the way you've arranged the words that I
don't like.
From "Behind Every Great Woman"
Ruth Geddy: Hilary!
Hilary: Ruth! Oh, you mean you want me to
sing.
Ruth Geddy: Yes, darling, it's called a duet, from the Latin,
duo.
From "The First Mrs. Bloom"
Betty: You need to say 'by proxy' and you took it out of my script!
Scott: Nobody cares about that stuff.
Betty: Our lawyer--
Scott: You mean Doug.
Betty: He says we have to do that.
Scott: He says you need to get out more often.
Betty: I
do!
Scott: Fine! What are you doing tonight?
Betty:
Absolutely nothing!
Scott: Movies and an ice cream soda?
Betty: What time?
Scott: Nine.
Betty: Eight-
thirty!
Scott: I'll buzz you from downstairs.
Betty: All
right! (stalks out)
Scott: I should have tried that sooner.
From "In the WENN Small Hours"
Victor: But if anyone spots me here--I mean anyone--my resurrection will
be rescinded. I'll go from being un-dead to un-un-dead.
Betty: That's
a double negative.
Victor: You're telling me.
And now for the really long excerpt from "Two for the Price of One". .
.
Mr. Eldridge: And in the news, Chancellor Adolph Hitler announced today
that the Third Reich
Hilary: Was left out in the sun too long and
melted.
Eugenia: And so the cruel little prince, no bigger than your
thumb, said to all the townspeople gathered in the square
Mackie: (as
Hitler) I am your destiny! Only with the master race can we achieve purity and
perfect unity.
Hilary: When suddenly the bluebird came down from the
sky and ate him up like a tasty worm.
Eugenia: And with his last
breath, the evil prince cried
Mackie: I, your fuhrer, shall rule the
world! And this will happen
Eugenia: On the thirty-ninth of June, in
the world of make-believe
Hilary: In the dingly tingly valley of the
land that never ever was. The end.
Mackie: The end.
Hilary
& Eugenia: So long!
From "The Importance of Being Betty"
Gertie: What are you going to do?
Betty: Oh, Gertie, I
submitted that story on a lark. I don't want to leave WENN; you're all my
family. It's like having an extra lovable uncle, or a funny cousin, or. . .
Scott: (down the hall) Betty, Betty, Betty.
Betty:
(lowering her voice) . . .an annoying big brother.
Maple: Hilary, I was just trying to widen my part.
Hilary:
If you widen your part anymore, your roots will show. Oh, sorry, I take that
back--they're showing already!"
From "Mr. and Mrs. Singer"
Scott: Before you go, would you like to hear my proposal?
Betty: Never!
From "Nothing Up My Sleeve"
Scott: Three faces I've loved. Bettybettybetty. Who springs to my mind?
Betty: I thought there were springs in your mind, along with a
sizeable amount of lint.
Ballinger: Now I want you to picture the faces of three people you
definitely don't love. I am exerting all my mental will.
Betty:
Scotty Scotty S-C-O-T-T. Why is this part so easy for me? You and whom I do not
trust.
Scott: Hey, thanks for keeping me in mind, Betty. I guess
Pruitt would have to qualify as my most dearly unbeloved, at least until he
gives me back my job as station manager.
Betty: That'll be the day.
Scott Yeah. Won't it though?