20 Ways to Confuse Santa Claus
 25 Ways to Annoy Your Roommate During Christmas
100 Ways to Annoy People
 50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

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20 Ways to Confuse Santa Claus

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.

5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!

6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."

7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.

8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.

10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa. :("

11. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."

12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

13. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.

15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.

17. Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.

18. Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.

19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.

20. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."

1. Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life.  If s/he tries to bring one into the room, scream bloody murder and thrash on the floor.

2. Go to the mall with your roommate and sit on Santa's lap.  Refuse to get off.

3. Wear a Santa suit all the time.  Deny you're wearing it.

4. Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting, "Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town..."

5. Hang mistle-toe in the doorway.  When your roommate enters or leaves the room, plant a wet one on his/her lips.

6. Hang a stocking with your roommates name on it. Collect coal and sharp objects in it.  If s/he asks, say "you've been very naughty this year."

7. Paint your nose red and wear antlers.  Constantly complain about how you never get to join in on the reindeer games.

8. Make conversation out of Christmas Carols.  (I.E. "You know, I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistle-toe last night.")

9. Wrap yourself in Christmas lights and roll around in the snow.

10. Sing: "All I want for Christmas is my roommate's two front teeth..."

11. Give your roommate the gifts from the twelve days of Christmas song.

12. Build a snowperson with your roommate and place a hat on its head. When it doesn't come to life, cry hysterically "it didn't work!"

13. Whip your roommate screaming "now Dasher, now Dancer, now Donner, and Blitzen, etc."

14. Tear down all your roommate's Christmas decorations yelling "Bah Humbug!"

15. Wake up every morning screaming "Ghost of Christmas Future, please have mercy on my soul!"

16. Tell your roommate you're moving out.  Santa's buying you a house on 34th Street.

17. Pin a poinsettia to your lapel.

18. Make anatomically correct gingerbread people and eat the best parts first.

19. Put on a fake white beard and insist that all your roommate's friends "give it a yank."

20. Ring jingle bells maniacally saying "every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings."

21. Stand in front of the mirror reciting "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" over and over in your underwear.

22. Smoke mistle-toe.  Do what comes naturally.

23. Watch your roommate when s/he is sleeping.  When s/he wakes up sing, "he sees you when you're sleeping..."

24. Steal a life size nativity scene and display it in your room.  When your roommate asks, tell him/her "I had to let them stay here, there's no room at the inn."

25. When your roommate goes to the bathroom, rearrange his/her possessions.  Tell him/her that Santa's elves must have done it.

1. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".

 2. Drum on every available surface.

 3. Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.

 4. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

 5. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

 6. Ask 800 operators for dates.

 7. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.

 8. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

 9. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

 10. Write the surprise ending to a novel on the first page.

 11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

 12. Set alarms for random times.

 13. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

 14. Buy large quantities of mint flossing just to lick the flavor off.

 15. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

 16. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

 17. Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.

 18. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

 19. Honk and wave to strangers.

 20. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

 21. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

 22. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

 23. Wear your pants backwards.

 24. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.

 25. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

26. Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".

 27. Leave someone’s printer in compressed-italic-Cyrillic-landscape mode.

 28. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

 29. only type in lowercase.

 30. dont use any punctuation either

 31. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

 32. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

 33. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

 34. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

35. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

 36. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.

 37. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

 38. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

 39. Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

 40. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

 41. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".

 42. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

 43. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

 44. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".

 45. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

 46. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

 47. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.

 48. Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chop?)

 49. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

 50. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

51. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.

 52. Drive half a block.

 53. Name your dog "Dog".

 54. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

 55. Ask people what gender they are.

 56. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

 57. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

 58. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.

 59. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".

 60. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

 61. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

 62. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

 63. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

 64. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

 65. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

 66. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

 67. Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.

 68. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

 69. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

 70. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

 71. Wear a LOT of cologne.

72. Ask to "interface" with someone.

 73. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".

 74. Sing along at the opera.

 75. Mow your lawn with scissors.

 76. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"

 77. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".

 78. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".

 79. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

 80. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".

 81. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."

 82. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture".

 83. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

 84. Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

 85. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

 86. Never make eye contact.

 87. Never break eye contact.

88. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

 89. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

 90. Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

 91. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.

 92. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

 93. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

 94. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

 95. Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.

96. Mr. Nelson's personal favorite: Tell your band director you want to play drums.

 97. Push the buttons at intersections that turn the lights red, but instead of walking across, point and laugh at the drivers that had to stop.

 98. Walk around a mall with a clipboard pretending to be a mall surveyor.

 99. When at a movie, ask the person beside you to explain everything to you...even if you don't know them.

 100. Never finish anyth
 

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

 2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.

 3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

 4. Whistle the first seven bars of "It’s a Small World" incessantly.

 5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

 6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

 7. Shave.

 8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

 9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

 10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

 11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

 12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

 13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

 14. One word: Flatulence!

 15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

 16. Do Tai Chi exercises.

 17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I’ve got new socks on!"

 18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"

 19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.

 20. Meow occasionally.

 21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

 22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

 23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

 24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

 25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

 26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

 27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You’re one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

 28. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"

 29. Leave a box between the doors.

 30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

 31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

 32. Start a sing-along.

 33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

 34. Play the harmonica.

 35. Shadow box.

 36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.

 37. Lean against the button panel.

 38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

 39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

 40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

 41. Bring a chair along.

 42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

 43. Blow spit bubbles.

 44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

 45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

 46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

 47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

 48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

 49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it’s getting larger."

 50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"