Episode 104

Original airdate: August 12, 1998
Contestants: Brad Sherwood, Wayne Brady, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles

Overview

Let's Make a Date: Brad is the contestant, Wayne is a politician, Colin
  thinks Brad is repulsive, Ryan is an astronaut with alien inside
Film, Theater, and Television Styles: Colin suspects Ryan of cheating at
  fishing -- western, disaster, porno
Duet: Brad and Wayne sing to Alicia the music student
Weird Newscasters: Brad hosts, Colin is a kid showing off, Wayne is a dumped
  teenager, Ryan is getting younger
Moving People: Colin is robbing Ryan's stagecoach
Scene to Rap: at summer camp
90-Second Alphabet: Drew is at a restaurant complaining to waiter Ryan

Did you notice...

Scott Robinson:
   ...Colin trying not to laugh when Ryan's "alien" felt his face?
   ...the game's name has been changed to Film, Theater, and Television 
      Styles, yet no television styles were given?
   ...Alicia's friend on her right, who was much more animated than Alicia
      herself?
   ...Ryan trying to tell the audience member to move his hands in the air?
   ...Ryan trying not to laugh during Colin's verse in Scene to Rap?
   ...Drew repeating the letter L in Alphabet?
   ...Drew doesn't know that Siegfried starts with an S?

References

"Alien" (film)
   - Ryan has an alien coming out of him
The Muppets
   - Brad notices Ryan's alien looks like a (Jim Henson) hand puppet
"Deep Impact" and "Armageddon" (films)
   - Colin shouts "Meteor!"
El Niño (weather condition)
   - Ryan's weatherman name is Al Niño
"Charlie's Angels" (TV)
"Cagney and Lacey" (TV)
   - Drew's gun-pointing and humming upon learning an audience member is
     named Lacey
"Friday the 13th" (film)
   - Ryan has a knife and hockey mask

Reviews

Scott Robinson: This was a good episode to show on ABC's part: the episode
   they want to hook people with, especially those who were told about last
   week's episode. As always, everyone did a great job. However, I'm not so
   sure about Weird Newscasters. Seems a little, well, weird.

Episode transcript

DREW:  Good evening and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway? Tonight's
performers: The man who put the "wood" in Sherwood: Brad Sherwood. The
illegitimate son of Mike and Carol: Wayne Brady. Say it loud, he's bald and
proud: Colin Mochrie. And the cute Beatle: Ryan Stiles. And I'm your host,
Drew Carey, come on, let's have some fun. Hello, and welcome to Whose Line
is it Anyway?, the show where everything's made up and the points don't
matter.
(Ryan lets out an exaggerated laugh)
DREW:  What happens on this show is all four performers are going to come up 
here, appear during the show and they're going to totally make up and
improvise everything you're going to see tonight, based on suggestions from
us and the audience. And then at the end of each thing they do, I'm going to 
award them points, which really don't matter, because at the end of the
show, I'm just going to pick whoever I like the best to join me to do some
impromptu at the end of the show. So, are you ready to get started and see
how it works?
(audience cheers)
DREW:  We are going to start with a game called Let's Make a Date. This is
for all of our players. Ryan, Colin, and Wayne, you're going to be
contestants on a dating-type show, hoping to be picked by Brad, just like we 
all are, and each of them has been given a strange characteristic or
identity. They've never seen these before. Their first time looking inside
the envelopes. Brad, you're going to question them about their suitability
for a date, we all know how it works, and at the end, you're going to try to 
guess who they are. When you're ready, Brad, go ahead.
BRAD:  (falsetto) Bachelor number one: I love poetry. Write me a poem!
WAYNE: ("Charismatic politician running for governor")
       A woman like you is so first-rate
       That's how I acquaint you to this beautiful state
       I'd love to run my hands through your rich, lush foliage
       And to be your man, it would be my privilege
Vote me. (from his teeth) Ding.
BRAD:  Bachelor number two: If I were a damsel in distress, how would you
rescue me?
COLIN: ("Thinks Brad is absolutely repulsive") (disgusted look) I'd have to
think about it first. Hopefully, if your face was on fire, I'd beat it out.
BRAD:  Look deep into my eyes, and tell me what you see.
COLIN: Oh, no no no no no no no no no no. Come on. Come on.
BRAD:  Woo me!
COLIN: What you?
BRAD:  Woo me!
COLIN: All right. Just once. (shooing away with his hands) Woo. Woo. Woo.
Woo. Woo woo woo!
BRAD:  Hmm. You might not win. Bachelor number three...:
(Colin gives thumbs up)
BRAD:  I love to get swept away. How would you sweep me away?
RYAN:  ("Astronaut with an alien inside him") Well, first I'd probably take
you down to a beach in Florida, where we'd lie on the beach, look at the
stars, many of which I've been to before. I don't know what...
(his hand starts to come out of his mouth, he pushes it back in, his hand
comes out, he pushes it in, he starts to shake and get a worried look on his
face, his hand pops out over his chest and looks around and touches Colin,
Ryan dies while his hand is still moving around)
(buzzer)
DREW:  Okay Brad, you want to guess who they are?
BRAD:  (normal voice) I think bachelor number one is a politician running
for office.
DREW:  Yeah, running for governor, right.
BRAD:  I think bachelor number two thinks I'm the ugliest woman on the
planet.
DREW:  Yeah, thinks you're absolutely repulsive.
BRAD:  And bachelor number three is either Jim Henson or he's had an alien
coming out of him.
DREW:  Either one would be correct. Thank you very much. That'll be a
hundred points to Colin for finally telling the truth about Brad.
(Brad restrains himself from going at Drew, Drew laughs)
DREW:  Now we're going to go on to a game called Film, Theater, and
Television Styles. This is for Ryan and Colin. And they're going to act out
a scene, and we here in the audience, we're going to give them different
film, theater, and television styles to act out in. What I need from the
audience is different styles of television...
(audience yells suggestions)
DREW:  Shakespeare. Mime doesn't really work good on a show with
microphones. Disaster, horror. One-man show won't work because it's... Porno 
is a good one, whoever said porno. Okay, that's enough, we can go. Okay,
your scene is: Colin suspects his rival Ryan of, yeah, that's you, of
cheating in a fly-fishing competition. And you're going to start out like
normal, and I'll put in these different styles as you get going.
(Colin glances over as Ryan shoots a gun into the water picking up his
reel after three shots)
COLIN: Excuse me.
RYAN:  Yes?
COLIN: I hope you don't think I'm being forward, but I think you're
cheating.
RYAN:  I hope you have some proof to back that up.
COLIN: Well, all those fish with the big holes in their gullets.
(buzzer)
DREW:  A western movie.
RYAN:  That's right, I shot 'em. 'Cause they were no-good fish.
COLIN: That fish was my pa.
RYAN:  I should've known, you look like a guppy. I didn't know you guppy
boys were back in town.
COLIN: Them's fightin' words, stretch.
(buzzer)
DREW:  Disaster.
RYAN:  My God. All the water in the pond. It's going, all the fish are just
lying on the beach.
COLIN: And they're bursting into flame!
RYAN:  And the ground's starting to shake!
COLIN: Meteor! There's only one hope.
RYAN:  Run from side to side?
COLIN: Yes.
(they run from side to side)
(buzzer)
DREW:  Porno.
COLIN: I'm all sweaty.
(Colin pretends to rip off his clothes)
RYAN:  Yes, you are. Let me grab something I can dry you off with. Wow,
you're all tense.
COLIN: You have very strong hands, are you a plumber?
(Ryan pretends to unbutton his shirt while humming funky 70's music)
(buzzer)
DREW:  All right, that's plenty. That's good. Excellent. Thank you. Very
nice. A hundred points to Ryan for making me think of him naked.
(Ryan gets a disgusted look on his face)
DREW:  Now we go on to a game called Duet.
(Ryan starts to get up, sits back down)
DREW:  This is for Brad and Wayne, and they're going to be accompanied by
Laura Hall on the piano. Laura Hall. They're going to sing a duet. Anyone in 
the audience like a duet sung about them? Anybody... hey. Right here in the
front row, what's your name?
ALICIA: Alicia.
DREW:  What?
ALICIA: Alicia.
DREW:  Alicia. What do you do for a living, Alicia?
ALICIA: I'm a student.
DREW:  A student of what?
ALICIA: Music.
DREW:  Uh-oh. (laughs) This I got to see. Alicia, a student of music, meet
Brad and Wayne. What instrument do you...
(Ryan and Colin go over to meet Alicia as well)
DREW:  What's your main instrument?
ALICIA: I sing.
DREW:  Would you like to borrow some cotton?
WAYNE: Wow.
DREW:  I'm just kidding around. They're really good. Alicia, they're going
to sing a song to you, and they're going to do it in the style of a swing
song, sort of a Dean Martin/Sammy Davis Jr. type thing.
(music starts)
WAYNE: Do do do do
BRAD:  Shababa do do ba do do
WAYNE: Now check this, man, listen to me
       You and I could make some groovy harmony
       Because I like the way your notes, they sail
       I'd like to run all up and down your scale
BRAD:  Alicia, good to meet ya, don't you fret
WAYNE: Swing, cat, swing.
BRAD:  'Cause when I change your key, you and I will sing a duet
       Ba ba day bay bay bay
       You and me together in two-part harmony
       I don't care whether you want to sing in the key C or D, G, baby
WAYNE: Oh Alicia, you see, I dig you
BRAD:  Ba ba ba dwee dwee dee
WAYNE: I want to go skididdleybaskibaddleydodobedadododee on you
       Ooh, there's no way no one else compares
       Because I dig your voice and I dig your hair
       Sing it again
       I dig your voice and I
BOTH:  Dig your hair
(Wayne sticks his hand out, Alicia shakes Brad's hand and walks away, Brad
shakes Wayne's hand)
DREW:  Thank you. Thank you. That was great. Hey, while I work out the
points for that, we're going to go to a commercial. Don't go away, we'll be
right back with a lot more of Whose Line is it Anyway?

DREW:  Hey, welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway? The show where
everything's made up and the points don't matter. Hey, we have a big score
from the last round. If you're watching a TV that's made in America, it'll
appear right on the bottom of your screen. Now we go on to a game called
Weird Newscasters. This is for all four of you. Brad, you're going to be
anchorman of a news show, and Colin, Wayne, and Ryan, you're going to be the 
co-presenters. And Colin, you're going to play a character, you're a kid
showing off in class. Wayne, you're going to be doing sports and you're a
teenager who can't believe he's being dumped by his girlfriend. And Ryan,
you're the weatherman, you're getting younger and younger. So whenever you
hear the music, Brad, whenever you hear the music, go ahead.
(music plays)
BRAD:  Hello, and welcome to the 6:30 news. I'm your host, Chuck Sirloin.
(Colin gives Brad bunny ears and starts to mimic him)
BRAD: Vice-president Al Gore was at a fund raiser today where he walked
around in women's lingerie for charity purposes. People say he looked good
in a pink slip.
COLIN: Look what I'm doing. Look. Look, I'm talking. Look how fast I'm
talking. Look how fast. Look I'm now talking. Look how fast my mouth is
going. I can go... Look, look, look how fast it's going. My mouth is going
really fast.
(Colin walks toward the camera and babbles, laughs, and runs around Brad)
BRAD:  Well, isn't that refreshing. Just a little too much Ritalin. All
right, now let's find out what's going on at the sports desk, shall we? 
Here's Frank Clam Chowder. Frank?
WAYNE: 'Sup? Today the Buccaneers, they lose again. But...
(Wayne stops, points to himself, mouths "Me?")
WAYNE: Dude, what did you...? Because he lost the ball, like I lost you. You 
suck. I hate you. Yeah, I hate you, yeah, broad.
BRAD:  I feel like the meat in an incompetent sandwich.
(Colin plays with his fingers and hands)
BRAD:  And speaking of weather, let's find out from Al Niño what the weekend 
has in store.
RYAN:  (old man voice) Well, thank you, Brad. Well, as you can see, we've
got some clouds moving in over the weekend. (deeper voice) Hopefully,
that'll clear up a little later in the week. A little later in the week,
(punk voice) where that is so cool that that's going to happen. (higher
voice) I can't believe she kissed me. Why would she kiss me like that, I was 
just... goo goo. Goo goo.
(Ryan struggles, cries, squeezes his face back into his hands, stands up,
wiggles his tail behind him like a sperm, bumps his head into his chair, the 
wall, and goes backstage)
BRAD:  Well, it looks like the weekend weather report is just going to be a
gleam in someone's eye.
(Colin mimics Brad again)
BRAD:  That's all the time we have for the 6:30 news, stay tuned tonight at
11:00. Thank you, good night. (to Colin) You're fired.
(music plays)
DREW:  That was great. Unfortunately, that was a non-scoring round. Now we
go on to a game called Moving People. In this game, Colin and Ryan, you're
going to improvise a scene, but they can't move unless somebody moves them.
I need two volunteers from the audience to help move Ryan and Colin around.
Okay, you two know each other, come here. Go on, go up to your favorite
improv-er. Go up to the cutest one, really quick. Hurry hurry hurry.
(Ryan motions toward Brad)
DREW:  Okay. I'm sorry, I forgot to ask your names. What's your name?
KATIE: Katie.
DREW:  Katie.
LACEY: Lacey.
(Drew pantomimes a gun)
DREW:  So Katie and Lacey, why don't you move Ryan and Colin into any old
position right now. They can't move unless you move them, so treat them like 
they're mannequins. Totally flexible mannequins. Remember, we're on network
television.
(Lacey puts Colin's finger in his nose, Katie puts Ryan's right hand behind
his head and his left hand over his heart)
DREW:  Okay, that's a good place to start, right there. Remember, during the 
scene, they can't move unless you move them. And Ryan and Colin: Colin,
you're an outlaw robbing Ryan's stagecoach.
COLIN: Just give me a sec, my gun's stuck.
RYAN:  That's all right, I haven't finished the Pledge of Allegiance yet.
COLIN: Okay, now I've got the gun loosened, I'll just pull it out of my
nose. But first I'll think about it.
RYAN:  Don't shoot me, my arms are in the air. Don't shoot.
(neither of them is moved)
COLIN: And I'm about to pull the gun out of my nose.
RYAN:  Well, maybe somebody will...
(Lacey pulls Colin's finger out)
COLIN: There we go!
(Katie moves Ryan's right hand onto his thigh and puts his right leg forward 
and turns him)
COLIN: Give me all your...
(Colin is turned toward Ryan with both fingers pointed)
COLIN: Oh, there you are. Give me all your money.
RYAN:  All right. You'll want the strongbox. It's on top of the...
(Ryan's left hand is moved onto his thigh)
RYAN:  On top of my thigh here. Look, I'll split half the money with you and 
I won't report it. 
(Ryan moves toward Colin, who his leaning to his right)
RYAN:  That's what I'm saying. Either that, or we have a draw, my friend.
(Ryan's left arm goes around Colin's neck)
COLIN: All right.
(Colin says "I" when Ryan says "Back," they pause, and say it together
again)
RYAN:  Back to back, ten paces?
COLIN: You got it.
RYAN:  Back to back, my friend.
COLIN: There we go.
RYAN:  Here we go now.
(Colin's body is turned around)
COLIN: Maybe I'll untwist my legs to make it easier. Yes. That's exactly
what we're going to do.
RYAN:  And I will face the opposite direction of you, hence back to back.
I'm doing it now.
COLIN: All right.
(they slowly get turned around)
RYAN:  I hope I pull a gun faster than this.
COLIN: Instead of ten, why don't we make it three?
RYAN:  All righty.
(they are slowly moved)
RYAN:  Why don't we just make it one, save a lot of time?
COLIN: I'm already on two.
(Ryan's right leg is moved back, then forward)
RYAN:  All right. One...
COLIN: Two. This is where the lightning draw comes in.
RYAN:  I'm just staying in the same spot. I'm going back and forth. Just to
confuse you.
(Colin is turned around to face Ryan, right hand pointed)
COLIN: Bang.
(Ryan faces Colin)
RYAN:  Missed.
(Colin's left hand is pointed)
COLIN: Bang.
(Ryan's left hand is placed under his shoulder)
RYAN:  I think... oh, that one got me. I'm feeling faint. I think I might
fall.
COLIN: I'd catch you, but I don't think I can make it over there in time.
(Ryan is lowered to the ground)
RYAN:  It's okay, it's a slow fall.
(both of Colin's arms go into the air)
COLIN: Bang bang.
(buzzer)
DREW:  Thank you very much. Oh, just think if they knew the game was called
Moving People. Okay, now we go on to a game called Scene to Rap. This is for 
Brad and Wayne. They're going to make up a scene, later joined by Colin and
Ryan. And they'll be rapping. Old tune. Now what I need from the audience is 
an everyday place where people work.
(audience yells suggestions)
DREW:  That everyday? Summer camp's good, though. That was the first one.
Summer camp. Any time you're ready.
(music starts)
BRAD:  Well, I'm sitting in the sun, I don't know what to do
       I'm gonna get me a paddle and maybe a canoe
       I'm gonna have the day away
       But make sure I get some mosquito spray
       I don't want to get a sunburn
       I got something that I got to learn
       So give me some of that SPF
       And put it on me right here, my friend Jeff
WAYNE: Listen to me, listen to me, yes, oh man
       Because this job is really glad
       To see me here at the summer camp
       You know you could swim and jump off the boat ramp
       The great thing about this job, you see
       Is that you've got this job with me
       We'll have the job today, and we'll have it mañana
       Here come the kids to bust the piñata
RYAN:  Well, I'm the new counselor, here to help you
       But I'm a little shy, got to tell me what to do
       Look a little weird, please don't ask
       I got a big old knife and a hockey mask
BRAD:  It's Jason
WAYNE: What? What?
BRAD:  It's Jason, we'll be chasin'
       It's Jason, he's erasin'
WAYNE: Ow ow ow ow!
BRAD:  That's something we'll be facin'
       Run!
WAYNE: Oh no!
BRAD:  Run!
WAYNE: Oh no!
BRAD:  Someone get a gun!
COLIN: Stand right there, don't have a care
       I will save you, I'm Smokey the Bear
       Put out that campfire, put it out now
       Before I hit you with a big brown cow
       I know that don't make much sense
       But I don't care... yeah
WAYNE: Listen to me, listen to me, my heart's racin'
       Two camp counselors, there is Jason
       I've got kids and I've got a wife
       He's got a hockey mask and he's got a knife
BRAD:  I put out the fire, I did it already
       Do something about the guy with the machete!
(they all dance)
(buzzer)
DREW:  That was good. Don't go away, we'll be back with more Whose Line is
it Anyway? Find out who the winner is right after this.

DREW:  Hi, welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway? Tonight's winner: Ryan
Stiles. Ryan Stiles is the winner. Like I said, nothing to do with the
points, just because I like him the most. And what we're going to do is
we're play a game together called 90-Second Alphabet. And we're going to do
a scene, and every sentence we say has to start with the very next letter of 
the alphabet, starting with what letter?
(audience yells suggestions)
DREW:  G. Okay, that's the first letter I heard, G. And Brad, what's our
scene?
BRAD:  Drew, you are in a restaurant complaining to a temperamental waiter,
and that will be played by Ryan.
RYAN:  And how long do we get for this 90-second game?
DREW:  Ninety seconds.
BRAD:  I have a stopwatch and I will be timing you. Gentlemen, are you
ready? Go.
DREW:  Garçon? Garçon? There's a, something wrong with my food here, it's a
little cold.
RYAN:  Ha ha ha ha. I'm not your waiter.
DREW:  I thought you told me you were going to be, you said a big thing,
"Hi, I'm going to be your..."
RYAN:  Just because I speak to you doesn't mean I must serve you.
DREW:  Knife? Can I have a knife? Is there any, can I have a knife?
RYAN:  Let me get you a knife.
(Ryan throws a knife into Drew's stomach)
DREW:  Lucky I was wearing my knife-proof vest.
RYAN:  Many people have said that to me before. Many.
DREW:  Now, what are you going to do about my meal?
RYAN:  Oh, suddenly you want a free meal, is that what you're saying?
DREW:  Perhaps that's what I'd like, a free meal, yes, that would be won...
a good place to start.
RYAN:  ¿Qué?
DREW:  Right now I think you'd better get your manager, young man, better
get your manager, right now.
RYAN:  Super. I will. Yes, you had a problem, sir?
DREW:  Take your time. I've been waiting here for five minutes. My food is
cold, the waiters have been nasty to me.
BRAD:  30 seconds.
RYAN:  Usually I don't come out at all, but he said this was important.
DREW:  Very good, I'd like a free meal.
RYAN:  Wow, who wouldn't?
DREW:  Xaviera Hollander told me to come here and eat in this restaurant.
RYAN:  Yes, yes, yes, she comes here quite often, I've heard from her.
DREW:  Ziegfried and Roy told me this was a good place to eat.
RYAN:  Absolutely, they've all had dinner here.
DREW:  Bozo the Clown said they had the best desserts here.
BRAD:  10 seconds.
RYAN:  Clowns? We never serve clowns!
DREW:  Don't you deny it.
RYAN:  Éclair?
DREW:  Fine. I'm just going to leave and I'll take my business elsewhere.
RYAN:  Good. Bye-bye.
(buzzer)
DREW:  Thank you very much for watching Whose Line is it Anyway? We'll see
you next time. Good night.

Transcript credits

Scott Robinson transcribed all of the games


(This episode capsule was compiled by Scott Robinson. Copyright 1999. All
titles of games and related situations are trademarks and the property of
Hat Trick Productions, Warner Brothers, and/or ABC and no infringements on
copyright are intended. Watch the show. It's better than reading about it.)

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