Episode 105

Original airdate: September 2, 1998
Contestants: Brad Sherwood, Karen Maruyama, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles

Overview

Let's Make a Date: Karen is the contestant, Brad is Amish, Colin is at the
  dentist's, Ryan is a parrot
Song Styles: Brad sings to Niroshi the political science student
Daytime Talk Show: Alice in Wonderland; Brad hosts, Ryan and Karen are
  guests, Colin is in audience
Props: Colin and Ryan have two pieces of brown carpet, Brad and Karen have
  two separate gray circles with poles sticking out of one end
Film Dub: Karen, Colin and Ryan dub a black and white western with a hairy
  monster
Sportscasters: Brad and Karen announce Colin and Ryan, who are waiters
Hoedown: tourists or kids at a movie theater
Stand, Sit, Bend: Colin, Ryan, and Drew are having a showdown in a saloon

Did you notice...

Scott Robinson:
   ...Ryan loses it when Brad sings "brioche-y"?
   ...Ryan acts startled when Brad sings "Why?"?
   ...Brad clutches Niroshi?
   ...Brad's face looks really big compared to Niroshi's?
   ...Colin yells the suggestion for Daytime Talk Show?
   ...a cameraman ducks as Colin runs down the aisle?
   ...Karen inadvertently hints at the fact that she's seen the film before
      by mentioning "a problem with Bob"?
   ...the "Whose Line is it Anyway?" logo appears on the TV after Film Dub?

References

"Titanic" (film)
   - "Iceberg!"
"Dueling Banjos" (song)
   - Brad plays it in Props

Reviews

Scott Robinson: Karen did an okay job here, outshined by the seasoned
   performers, however. As for the games played, most of them were fine, but
   Sportscasters is one of those games that should really only be played
   once or twice ever. Hopefully, we won't be seeing too much of it in the
   future. Niroshi's song is destined to be a Whoser classic.

Episode transcript

DREW:  Good evening and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway? Tonight's
performers. His name rhymes with gerwood, Brad Sherwood. Her name rhymes
with yo mama, Karen Maruyama. His name rhymes with orange, Colin Mochrie.
And the world's tallest short guy, Ryan Stiles. And I'm your host Drew
Carey, c'mon let's have some fun!
(Audience cheers)
DREW:  Hi, welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway? the show where everything's
made up and the points don't matter. For those of you unfamiliar with the
show, what happens is, our four performers are going to come down here,
they're going to totally improvise everything you're going to see tonight.
It's all made up right on the spot, they haven't seen any of the suggestions
before the show and we also get suggestions from the audience during the
show and at the end of each game I give them points, which don't mean a
thing because at the end I'm just going to pick the guy I like the best or
the girl I like the best and they get to do a little something with me. Are
you ready to get it started?
(Audience cheers)
DREW:  The first game we're going to do is a game called "Let's Make a
Date". This is for all four of you. And Ryan, Colin, and Brad are
contestants on a dating-type show hoping to be picked by the beautiful and
lovely Karen and each of them has been giving a strange characteristic or
identity. This is the first time they're seeing whatever's in the envelopes
here and Karen's going to ask them questions about whether she should go on
a date or not and try to guess who they are at the end of the round. So if
you're ready Karen, off you go.
KAREN: Hi, bachelor #1, I'm a really fun-loving person. If you were a Mac
lipstick colour, what would you be?
BRAD (An Amish Guy): I would be brown like the earth. A good solid earth
tone, but you shouldn't wear so much make-up, you harpy.
KAREN: You're funny! You use big words. Bachelor #2, if I were Monica
Lewinsky, where would you take me?
COLIN (In a Dentist's Chair): (speaks unintelligible gibberish and spits, but
it lands on his shoulder)
KAREN: God, you sound sexy. Um, bachelor #3?
RYAN:  Yes?
KAREN: What's your idea of a really fun afternoon, daytime kinda date?
RYAN (Gradually Turning Into a Parrot): Oh, I'd just like to, you know,
spend some time with you, I think that's the main thing. You seem like kind
of a hard egg but I think I could crack you. Cracker? Cracker? Cracker?
KAREN: God, you're...
(Ryan shakes his head briskly and then nuzzles his shoulder)
KAREN: I can't wait to get back to you! Bachelor #1, what's your favourite
colour and why?
BRAD:  Another colour question. Boy, I'll tell you the colour of a
witherswitch across your behind is what you need. I'll raise your barn, if
you know what I'm talking about.
KAREN: Okay, I like it rough, okay! (Giggles) Gosh, you know what? Bachelor
#2, favourite garden plant.
(Colin screams and stretches his hands. Ryan perches on his right hand.)
BRAD:  He's speaking in tongues.
KAREN: And finally, bachelor #3?
RYAN:  (Imitating Parrot) Hello?
KAREN: Bloomingdale's...
RYAN:  Hello. Who's a pretty girl? Who's a pretty girl?
KAREN: Me! I like that answer and I didn't even ask the question!
RYAN:  I like that answer. I like that answer. I like that answer. Hello.
DREW:  Okay, Karen, you want to guess who they are?
KAREN: Uh, I think bachelor #1 thought he was Sean Connery? Yeah?
(Brad gives a perplexed look.)
DREW:  No, no, no. You want to try it one more time so you don't look so
bad?
KAREN: He was Sean Connery! James Bond.
DREW:  No, he was an Amish guy. It's so easy to get them confused, I know.
BRAD:  James Bond. My wagon turns into a Ferrari.
KAREN: #2 had no jaw?
DREW:  No, he was a guy in a dentist's chair.
KAREN: Okay, and #3 thought he was a parrot?
DREW:  Yeah! Yes! Well, 1000 points for Karen in that round, even though she
got two wrong, I think she's cute. Now we go on to a game called Song
Styles. This is for Brad with Laura Hall on the piano! Laura Hall, how about
it?
(Audience applauds)
DREW:  Brad is going to make up a song about someone in the audience. Let's
turn right behind me and is there anybody here in the audience who would
like a song made up about 'em? You ma'am, with your hand raised. What's your
name?
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Niroshi.
DREW:  Niroshi. (chuckles) What do you do, Niroshi? What do you do?
NIROSHI: I go to UC San Diego.
DREW:  You go to UC San Diego. What's your major?
NIROSHI: Political science and economics.
DREW:  So Niroshi, who majors in political science and economics...
BRAD:  Niroshi?
NIROSHI: Yeah.
BRAD:  Niroshi.
DREW:  Try rhyming that! (chuckles) And you'll be singing in the style of a
rock love ballad.
BRAD:  I don't know what to do, I'm failing out of political science.
       Niroshi!
       I don't know what to say, but let's us two go away to France,
       And sail on the Rive Gauche-y.
       Niroshi!
       Let's cook some brioche-y!
       Niroshi!
       I'll put on some suntan loshi!
       Niroshi, I love you.
       It's true, I really do!
       I want to sail across the seven seas, and the Pacific-oshi.
       Niroshi, oo-ooh.
       Why!? Couldn't you have an easy rhyming name?
       Oh why!? I'd have an easier time in this game.
       Niroshi... we're so closey... Niroshi I love you.
(Audience cheers)
DREW:  Thank you Niroshi. That was great. Thank you very much. 100 points
for Pacific-oshi. Now we go on to a game called Daytime Talkshow. This is
for all four performers. Brad, you're going to be the host of a daytime talk
show. Ryan and Karen, you're going to be members of the public appearing on
the show. And Colin, you're going to be a guy in the audience who asks
questions. However, the subject is isn't a normal talk show subject we're
going to do. We need a fairy tale or a nursery rhyme.
COLIN: Alice in Wonderland.
DREW:  Okay, that's fine, that's fine. Alice in Wonderland, that a good one.
Brad, Alice in Wonderland is the subject. So whenever you're ready, go
ahead.
BRAD:  Hello, and welcome to "Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore". Where does
she live? We're not really sure. We're trying to track her down. So let's go
to our first guest to find out what you know about Alice and/or Wonderland.
RYAN:  I'm Lyle Moon, I own Lyle's Glassware.
BRAD:  Where's that located, sir?
RYAN:  Fifth and Johnson.
BRAD:  And how do you relate?
RYAN:  I sold her the mirror.
BRAD:  Ah, the looking glass as it were.
RYAN:  Well, I didn't know that when I sold it to her. I thought it was a
mirror, otherwise I would've charged her more.
BRAD:  How tall was she at the time - five inches or fourteen feet?
RYAN:  Well, I'm 6'6" so it's hard to judge.
BRAD:  All right. We'll get back to you in just a minute. Please tell us who
you are and why you're here.
KAREN: (with strong Asian accent) Yeah, I'm Lilly Hai. She lives in my
building and she has not paid her rent! She always popping down rabbit hole,
"Lilly I don't have it I'm in a rabbit hole." Oh yeah, right.
BRAD:  If I could ask you a question, sir, where in town do you have this
building?
KAREN: Wait till I tell my husband you called me a him!
BRAD:  I got confused by the moustache. I'm sorry.
RYAN:  Alice still owes me for half of the mirror as well so I would have to
agree with the Dutch girl.
KAREN: Actually, I'm Flemish.
RYAN:  Oh, you're Flemish?
KAREN: Yeah.
BRAD:  Well maybe you could get a hankie. Let's go to the audience, shall
we? Let's see, I'm going to take some questions - yes, the effeminate man
right there.
COLIN: Hi. I just wanted to say I think it's horrible that Tweedledum and
Tweedledumber over there have lured this poor girl into a life of going
through mirrors and meeting strange people. I mean, what is that? What is
that? I have a good mind to come down there...
KAREN: Yeah, you come, you want a piece?
COLIN: You want a piece? You wanna go? You wanna go?
(Colin runs down and brawls with Karen. Ryan stands off to the side.)
BRAD:  Well, as you can see I don't think we're going to be able to solve
this today. Tune in next week for "Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore".
(Ryan beats up Brad)
DREW:  Don't go away, we'll be right back with more "Whose Line is it
Anyway?". Stay right where you are!

DREW:  Hey, welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" And as a special
treat for all of you people watching on an American-made television, we're
in 3-D. Now we come to a game called Props. Now we're going to divide you
into two pairs. Colin and Ryan, this is your prop, right here.
(Drew hands Ryan and Colin two rectangular brown rugs.)
DREW:  Karen and Brad, this is your prop.
(Drew hands Karen and Brad two foam circles with a pole sticking out of
them.)
DREW:  And the idea is that they're going to make as many things as they can
with these things and I'll buzz them off in between. Ryan and Colin whenever
you're ready you can go ahead and start.
(Ryan uses the rugs as sideburns)
RYAN:  (imitating Elvis Presley) You got a table for Elvis? (buzz)
(Brad uses the props as a ship's controls)
BRAD:  (with British accent) Iceberg! Cling-clink. (buzz)
(Ryan and Colin use the rugs as Russian hats)
RYAN:  Because it is the people's money! (buzz)
(Brad uses his prop as a banjo) (ding-dong)
(Colin uses his prop as a beaver tail)
COLIN: I'll warn the other beavers! (Colin bats his tail) (ding-dong)
(Brad places the props over Karen's breasts)
BRAD:  I think they look very natural. (ding-dong)
(Ryan puts his rugs under his armpits.)
RYAN: Do you have a table for Madonna? (ding-dong)
(Brad imitates Mickey Mouse)
BRAD:  Hi! (ding-dong)
(Ryan puts the rug flat on the ground)
RYAN:  (sadly) It must've been a heavy car! (ding-dong)
(Brad hits Karen with his prop) (ding-dong)
RYAN:  (imitating Captain Kirk) Spock, put the tribbles down and help me
with the ship! (ding-dong)
DREW:  Thank you very much. I was going to give points to Brad, but he gave
me a dirty look. In case you were wondering I was using the doorbell
(ding-dong) instead of the buzzer, because the buzzer is broken. Now let's
go on to a game called Film Dub. This is for Ryan, Karen, and Colin. You're
going to make up a dialogue for a film scene. You're going to be able to see
on it the monitor here, you will be able to see it at home. You're going to
make up lines for all the characters and the scene I'd like you to improvise
is "One Day in the West".
RYAN:  (sheriff) It's because I love you. I've always loved you, and you
know that. As long...
KAREN: (woman) Well, you say that a lot, but you know what? I'm worried
about Bob.
RYAN:  I really wish you wouldn't interrupt me in the middle of a sentence.
I was saying how much I love you. I love you more than the sun comes - yeah,
that's right, I love you.
KAREN: There's something wrong with Bob! I tell you he's not himself!
COLIN: (hairy man) (grumbles)
RYAN:  Forget about Bob, it's you and me baby.
KAREN: Oh...
RYAN:  I'm the sherriff. I can do whatever I want in this town. I love you.
KAREN: I, I love...
(Ryan and Karen's characters kiss.)
COLIN: You! (Colin's character attacks Ryan's and knocks him to the ground)
Look at this haircut you gave me! It's horrible! Look what he did! Look what
he did!
KAREN: Stop it!
COLIN: I asked for a perm!
KAREN: Geez, you left the rods in too long.
COLIN: Oh, I'm sorry, I just got excited. (Colin's character exits)
KAREN: Hello, oh my God.
RYAN:  That was some kiss.
DREW:  I'll give 100 points to Colin 'cause he doesn't get to talk about
perms often.
(Audience boos. Colin looks sad.)
DREW:  Wow! Man oh man... Now we go on to a game called Sportscasters. This
is for all four of you. Brad and Karen you're going to be sportcasters, like
an ESPN-type thing. You're going to be commentating on an everyday event
acted out by Ryan and Colin. Who'll act out the event in slow motion. Ryan
and Colin, you are rival waiters. Brad and Karen, whenever you're ready go
ahead and start.
BRAD:  Hello, and welcome to ESPN's "Waiting Table Championships". I'm Carl
Orangutan, here with Karen Chimpanzee, and it's going to be quite the
competition today, isn't it Karen?
KAREN: That's right, we're really excited.
BRAD:  So let's find out where the competition is going to start. Oh, it
looks like they're already setting down the beverages. They've got water and
oh, looks like Ryan has something up his sleeve.
KAREN: Uh-oh.
BRAD:  He does! A fist!
KAREN: Oh my God, that's right!
(Ryan takes his fist and twists Colin's nose.)
BRAD:  It's the nose-corkscrew trick.
KAREN: That's right. Colin's going to lose grip on his potato skins.
BRAD:  Yowza, yowza.
(Colin shakes a bottle of champagne.)
KAREN: It looks like he's doing the old doctoring the drink trick.
BRAD:  Yes, he learned this when he was butter-churning on an Amish farm.
(Colin shoves the bottle in Ryan's mouth) Ouch, that's gotta hurt.
KAREN: I've never seen that.
(Colin covers Ryan's ears.)
BRAD:  It's the carbonation mind freeze!
BRAD and KAREN: Oh! Oh no!
BRAD:  I must say that Colin is a brute and so is the champagne.
KAREN: That's right. Colin's going for the zucchinis. Uh-oh! He's gotten a
surprise from the back.
BRAD:  Hot hors d'oeuvre cheese and luckily there's a microwave oven to
re-heat his head! Hope he has no metal in his skull.
(Colin pulls out his hair to the sides.)
BRAD:  He looks like Sweeney Todd from the Broadway musical. That's gotta be
painful.
KAREN: That's gotta hurt.
(Colin sharpens a knife)
BRAD:  What has he got here? He's laying down some very expensive cutlery.
And what's he got?
(Colin chops off Ryan's hand)
BRAD:  Speaking of cutlery, all hands on deck...
(Colin shoves something up Ryan's butt)
KAREN: The old back door trick! (Colin whacks Ryan's shins) And the front!
(buzz)
DREW:  Hey, what do you know? Now that we finally found an American one
(buzz buzz) it's working again. God bless America. Okay, now we go on to a
game called Hoedown.
(Audience cheers)
DREW:  Everybody's favourite game with the help of Laura Hall on the piano.
What we need from the audience - let's take the ignored section over there.
(Ignored section cheers)
DREW:  I need something about modern life that annoys you. Something about
modern life that annoys you.
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Kids at a movie theater!
DREW:  Uh, kids at a movie theater is pretty good...
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Tourists!
DREW:  I heard tourists. That's a pretty good one, tourists. So, Laura, why
don't you start the tourists or kids at a movie theater hoedown.
BRAD:  Tourists are the ones in shorts with sandals on their feet.
       When I drive around I run them over in the street.
       I do that for my town's own protection.
       I am singing this song for the ignored section.
KAREN: Tourists from Japan are really the best.
       They're used to travelling without any rest.
       I look just like them, aw, what the heck,
       Except that I don't have a great big camera on my neck.
COLIN: The other day I was at a movie, the kids were all loud.
       They were making noise, and throwing stuff, what an ugly crowd.
       I told them there's something, and then they all cried.
       I ruined the movie, told them Bambi's mother died.
RYAN:  I hate it at the movies, when all the kids scream.
       I have to admit that is really not my scene.
       But one thing's for sure, an usher I will not call
       I just sit in front of them, I'm over six feet tall.
ALL:   I'm over six feet tall!
DREW:  That was great. Don't go away. We'll be right back with more Whose
Line is it Anyway? right after these commercials.

DREW:  Hey, welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway? Tonight's winners:
Colin and Ryan! Colin and Ryan. Had nothing at all to do with the points, I
just like them best. And we're going to play a game called Stand, Sit, Bend.
In this game one of us must always be standing, one must always be sitting,
and one must always be bending over. And If anybody changes positions the
other ones have to make up for it. And Brad, what's our scene?
BRAD:  You are having a showdown in a Wild West Saloon.
DREW:  All righty.
(Drew stands, Colin bends, Ryan sits. Ryan plays a piano.)
DREW:  The town's not big enough for the two of us, Black Bart.
(Colin bends but stands back up)
COLIN: So what are you saying? (Colin bends, Drew sits, Colin stands)
DREW:  I'm saying we oughtta settle this like men. (Ryan stands)
RYAN:  Wait a minute! I don't want any fights in here.
(Ryan sits, Colin bends, Drew stands)
COLIN: I want you to be the ref.
(Ryan stands)
RYAN:  All right, I'll accept that job. (Ryan walks to the side, then bends)
But I ain't gonna be fair, I'll tell you that.
(Colin bends)
COLIN: All right. (Ryan stands) Now, I don't want any problems in the bar,
I'm just gonna put away all the liquor.
(Colin starts to alternate bending and standing, Ryan bends)
RYAN:  (to Drew) We'll go at the count of three. You cheat!
DREW:  Okay.
(Ryan sits and plays the piano, Drew notices Colin and tries to do the
opposite of his moves)
RYAN:  (to Drew) Please, you've thanked me enough, stop bowing!
(Ryan stands, Drew bends, Colin sits)
COLIN: All right, are you ready? (Colin stands)
DREW:  Yeah, I'm ready. (Drew sits)
COLIN: All right.
RYAN:  On the count of three (Ryan bends) you both turn around and walk the
opposite ways. (Colin sits, Drew stands)
COLIN: What? On the count of three?
RYAN:  On the count of three you stand back to back and you both go opposite
ways. (Drew sits, Colin stands, Ryan sits, Ryan bends)
COLIN: So on the count of three, when I walk that way, you, where, what, let
me be here. (Colin sits, Drew stands, Ryan bends)
RYAN:  You gotta stand back to back, don't you understand me? (Colin stands)
COLIN: We stand back to back?
RYAN:  Yes! (Ryan sits, Colin sits)
COLIN: All right. (Ryan bends)
RYAN:  How much clearer could I make this? (Drew bends, Ryan stands)
COLIN: All right! (Colin stands)
RYAN:  Back to back. (Ryan and Colin sit, Drew stands, Ryan bends, Colin
stands back to back with Drew, Ryan sits and plays the piano, Colin bends)
COLIN: I'm back to back. Well, the chair's in my way! (Colin moves the
chair)
RYAN:  Take three paces. One. Two. Three, turn around and fire.
(Ryan stands and walks toward the middle, Colin and Drew both bend and
shoot)
RYAN:  Oh, God, you got me in the... (Drew stands, Ryan bends clutching his
leg, Colin sits) Oh, oh, that got me bad.
(buzzer)
DREW:  Hey, thanks for watching Whose Line is it Anyway?, we'll see you
another time. Good night.

Transcript credits

Dan D. transcribed Let's Make a Date through Hoedown
Scott Robinson assisted Dan D. with Stand, Sit, Bend


(This episode capsule was compiled by Scott Robinson. Copyright 1999. All
titles of games and related situations are trademarks and the property of
Hat Trick Productions, Warner Brothers, and/or ABC and no infringements on
copyright are intended. Watch the show. It's better than reading about it.)

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