Episode 107
Original airdate: September 23, 1998
Contestants: Greg Proops, Wayne Brady, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles
Overview
Daytime Talk Show: Hansel and Gretel; Greg hosts, Ryan and Colin are guests,
Wayne is in the audience
Song Styles: Wayne sings to Mae the baker
Moving People: Colin is a motorcycle cop stopping Ryan
Props: Greg and Colin have two flat pointed yellow things, Wayne and Ryan
have two ringed gray things
Party Quirks: Greg hosts, Wayne is a cartoon character in love, Colin is
"Gone With the Wind," Ryan is a salesman-chimp
Hoedown: commercials
Foreign Film Dub: Wayne and Drew perform "The Amazing Tricycle Adventure" in
ancient Egyptian, Greg translates Wayne, Ryan translates Drew
Did you notice...
Scott Robinson:
...although slightly edited, the entire opening is the same one used in
106?
...Wayne sits right next to Mae for Daytime Talk Show?
...Wayne sings "Oh Mae" 11 times?
...Colin laughs when Ryan wants to be held tighter?
...the yellow props seem to have a curved line drawn on each, where the
cut might originally have been made?
...Colin shakes his head when Ryan says "Yes!" after Party Quirks?
...everyone seems kind of reluctant to get up for Hoedown?
...Drew's ancient Egyptian sounds more like fake Chinese?
...for one line, Wayne lapses into his stadium P.A. impression?
References
Snoop Doggy Dogg (singer)
- as a host, Greg is Proop Doggy Dogg
"Donahue" (TV)
- Greg bends down with his microphone out like Phil Donahue
"Gettin' Jiggy With It" (song)
- Greg says Wayne is getting jiggy on the sugar
"Lost in Space" (TV)
- Ryan's "Danger, danger" is a reference to Robot
"Jeopardy!" (TV)
- Ryan phrases his answer in the form of a question
"The Sound of Music" (film)
- "How do we solve a problem like Maria?"
"Popeye" (TV)
- Wayne does an impression in Party Quirks
"Fat Albert" (TV)
- Wayne then says "Hey, hey, hey"
Miscellaneous
Before the closing credits of this episode, WLiiA? fans were treated to this
message:
(Drew and Ryan are walking backstage somewhere)
DREW: Hey, uh, you know, "Whose Line is it Anyway?" is going off the air
for a little while.
RYAN: Yeah, but we'll be back later this season. Thanks for watching and
stay tuned.
DREW: Yeah, for more great improv right here on ABC.
(cut to a graphic with Drew's picture and the words "Whose Line is it
Anyway?" with "Will Be Back" in the corner and the word "Wednesday" faintly
slowly scrolling across the bottom of the screen)
The next week, a new sitcom called "The Secret Lives of Men" took the 9:30
p.m. eastern time slot. It premiered to lackluster ratings, and soon,
Whosers were anxiously waiting its demise, as WLiiA? was planned to be used
as a replacement for any failed shows. They did not have to wait long...
Reviews
Scott Robinson: It's understandable why they made two episodes out of this
taping. The performers were hot! Wayne continues to be one of the greatest
song improvisers we've ever seen. This was the best Moving Peoples yet,
at Colin's expense. The party quirks were ones that could be performed
humorously. And Drew finally picked a Hoedown suggestion that had some
possibilities! The only problem? Not enough air time!
Episode transcript
DREW: Good evening, and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway? Tonight's
performers: Whatever you do, don't step in him: Greg Proops. If you're a
lady, you got to love Wayne Brady. Science experiment gone wrong: Colin
Mochrie. And his fiendish creator: Ryan Stiles. And I'm your host, Drew Carey,
come on down, and let's have some fun. Hello, and welcome to Whose Line is
it Anyway?, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
If you've never seen the show before, what happens is, these guys are going
to come down and they're going to come out on stage, and they're going to
totally improvise everything you're going to see tonight, it's all made up,
right on the spot, and they go by suggestions that we have, that they've
never seen before, and also audience suggestions. And then I give them
points for no reason, because at the end of the show I just pick the guy I
like best, and they get to do something with me. You ready to do the first
game, see how it goes?
(audience cheers)
DREW: We are going to start with a game called Daytime Talk Show. This is
for all four of you. Greg, you're going to host a daytime talk show. Colin
and Ryan, you're going to be the members of the public appearing on the
show. Wayne, you're a guy in the audience who asks questions. The subject is
not the normal one. We're going to deal with a fairy tale or a nursery
rhyme. Fairy tale or nursery rhyme...?
(audience yells suggestions)
DREW: Hansel and Gretel. That's a good one. We haven't done that before.
Hansel and Gretel, and whenever you're ready.
GREG: Good afternoon, everyone. I'm Proop Doggy Dogg. Hansel and Gretel,
they were two small children who looked for a house made of candy, and then
a world of hurt happened. Sir, will you introduce yourself, and your
relationship to H & G.
RYAN: I'm Jimmy Buffalo, and I own Jimmy Buffalo's Chocolate Factory.
GREG: Mm-hmm. Nice to have you here, Mr. Buffalo. And you, sir, are...?
COLIN: I'm a witch. I'm tired of the bad press we're getting.
GREG: You think that witches get bad press?
COLIN: Are you kidding? This Hansel and Gretel start spreading this story
that I made this gingerbread house, they ate it, and then I tried to eat
them? You don't think that's bad press?
RYAN: Excuse me, I did all the work on her house, and I have yet to be paid
for it.
GREG: What kind of work did you do? Was there extra candy you need to put
on the sides?
RYAN: I installed the thick chocolate doors and took care of the soft
toffee filling.
GREG: So, do you think it's bad to lure children to your house and then try
to eat them?
COLIN: Look, I wasn't luring the children to my house. I just wanted a nice
edible house in case I had guests over.
RYAN: I --
COLIN: It's a very nice -- you shut up.
RYAN: I put double candy cane locks on the insides of all of those doors.
He was obviously intent... or she. Whatever you claim to be.
COLIN: Yeah. Thank you. I am a woman. I can't believe it. (cries)
GREG: Wow. We have someone who would like to say something. Yes, you in the
audience there, I can just make you out from here.
WAYNE: (twitching) Yeah. I'm, uh, r-r-rotten sort of a witch, because she,
the thing is, when you built that house, too much sugar. You shouldn't have
made that house, it's toxic. People are going to, to go over, because over
there, and all of a sudden, I licked the door, and bam, look at me. I'm
running like this. That sucks. You shouldn't build a house like that. That's
crazy. Look at me, I'm running...
RYAN: So what? I like sugar!
WAYNE: Huh? Look at me. I'm gonna run all right. You're crazy. All right.
You right, right? I'm gonna kill you. (twitches violently)
GREG: Wow. How do you respond to that? I mean, there's a guy totally
getting jiggy on the sugar, and there you are with a house full of candy.
COLIN: Look! Look! Look! I have built a nice house! Is it my fault little
chunky German children come out and start nibbling? Do I go over to a house
made of wood and start chewing on the side? No. Because I know better. You
don't eat an abode.
GREG: We have someone else in the audience, yes, you, sitting right next to
the other person, yes?
WAYNE: I'm from the child welfare board. You do not entrap children and bite
their toes off. That's wrong. That's wrong. I'm a mother of fifteen, but
look at me, all right? Let me tell you something. You don't do that. I'm
going to personally come down there and kick you.
COLIN: Yeah? Come on, come on, I'll scratch your eyes out. Come on.
WAYNE: Don't make me come down. I'm going to kick you. (he runs toward the
stage)
GREG: Oh no. Hold it. Hey hey hey hey. Hey. Come on now, please.
(Wayne jumps toward Colin and they fight. Wayne pulls Colin's hair.)
GREG: That's all the time we have for today, I think we've learned a lot.
Tune in tomorrow for Beauty and the Beast, half men, half beast, and the
women who love them.
(they return to their seats)
DREW: That was great. A hundred points each to Hansel and Gretel, wherever
you are. The next game is called Song Styles. This is for Wayne. You're
going to be assisted by Laura Hall on the piano. Laura Hall. Wayne is going
to make up a song about a woman in the audience. Let's see, any women in the
audience that would like a song made up about them? Any women at all? Let me
see if I can pick one. What's your name?
MAE: Mae.
DREW: Mae. And what do you do for a living, Mae?
MAE: Baker.
DREW: You're a baker. Come on down here. Nice buns, Mae. Go ahead, go on up
there. Mae's got some nice buns, oh my goodness. Okay, so Wayne, you're
going to sing a song about Mae, who works as a baker. And you're going to be
singing in the style of a love song from a movie soundtrack.
(music starts)
(Wayne opens an oven, takes some bread out, and gives it to Mae)
WAYNE: I love you, Mae, that's what I said
Take this as my heart, a piece of unleavened bread
Oh Mae, people say I love you, but
Why don't you make me a big love doughnut?
Oh Mae, they say we don't go well together
But like bagels and lox we'll be together forever
Oh Mae, it's no wonder that you and I are together day after day
Oh Mae, when you're there, and you're playing with that dough
I look at your gray hair and inside my heart I love you so
Oh Mae, baby baby, why don't you feel my heart beat
You've got a little chocolate outside and in the middle is wheat
Oh Mae, oh Mae, give me your lovin'
I know it's too darn hot in your oven
Oh Mae, oh Mae, hold me tight tonight
Everybody be quiet because the altitude for baking bread is right
Oh Mae, oh Mae
My love soufflé
(cheers and applause)
WAYNE: Thank you, Mae.
DREW: Oh. That was great. Thank you, Mae. Thank you, Mae. Oh man. A hundred
points for Greg, you should have seen him tapping his toes and swaying back
and forth. That was great. Good job, Greg. Next game is called Moving
People. And in this game, Colin and Ryan, you're going to come up here,
you're going to improvise a scene, but they can't move unless somebody moves
them. Let's go in the audience and pick out a couple volunteers. Hey, how
you doing? What's your name?
KAY: Kay.
DREW: Kay, come on down here, Kay. And who else can we pick? What's your
name? Come up here. Let's have a big round of applause for two lovely
volunteers. Okay. Now pretend they're mannequins. Pretend they're
mannequins, and they can't move unless you put them, so put them in some
kind of position right now. Any old position at all. They're mannequins,
they can't move unless you move them. So go ahead and feel free. Remember,
we're on a Disney-owned channel.
(Colin kneels down and puts his right hand on his head, Ryan has both hands
over his ears and his left foot forward.)
DREW: All right, that's a good one. That's, that's, oh, a little more, all
right, that's good to start with, right there.
(Kay puts Colin's left hand on his crotch, Colin moves it to his right side)
DREW: Okay, yeah. Disney-owned channel. Okay. Now all through the scene,
they can't move unless you move them, so feel free to move them as much as
you want. Colin, you're a motorcycle cop stopping Ryan, who's a
suspicious-looking biker. So go ahead whenever you're ready.
COLIN: (imitating siren) Woowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoo.
(Colin's right hand is moved to point at Ryan, Ryan's hands are moved out in
front)
COLIN: Hey, you. Stop. I'm pointing at you.
RYAN: I see you.
COLIN: Just stay there, I'm getting off my motorcycle. It's actually a
moped.
(Ryan takes a step forward while Kay knocks Colin down on his left side)
COLIN: Let me just stand up.
RYAN: I saw that. It's only this big.
COLIN: I should have put on the bike stand.
RYAN: I'm sorry officer, was I doing something wrong?
(Colin gets up, Ryan has his right hand over his heart and his left hand on
his stomach)
COLIN: Just take a while. There we go. I'm sorry, I have an inner ear
problem.
RYAN: Bet you're thinking I'm a little bit drunk. Well, I'm not. I'm...
(Ryan's hand are swung up and down on each side)
RYAN: I'm just very happy.
(Colin's hands are pointed as guns)
COLIN: Freeze! Show me your license.
RYAN: All right.
COLIN: I'm going to come a little closer so I can read it.
(Colin advances toward Ryan, Ryan holds his right hand out, palm up)
RYAN: Here it is, sir.
COLIN: All right, I'll...
(Colin's hands are moved down)
RYAN: Do you want it or not?
COLIN: Well, I'm just trying to figure out what to do with my gun. Oh no,
all right.
(Colin's left hand is palm up toward him)
RYAN: Ha! I'll knock that gun out of your hand!
(Ryan's arm is raised and lowered)
COLIN: I just dropped your license.
(Colin starts hitting Ryan with his left hand)
RYAN: All right, well, I'm not a good aim. Ow! Ow! Ow!
COLIN: Stop. Stop.
RYAN: You're killing my hand.
(they stop moving)
COLIN: That's the most force I'm allowed to use at this point.
RYAN: Ooo.
COLIN: That's your first warning. Get off your bicycle.
RYAN: All right. I will.
(Ryan's hands are lowered)
COLIN: Take your time.
RYAN: I am.
(Ryan's right leg is raised a little bit, moved back, and brought down)
RYAN: It's a very small bike, like yours.
COLIN: All right, I want you to walk along this white line that I'm going to
draw.
RYAN: All righty, that sounds like no problem whatsoever.
(Colin's hands are put together with index fingers pointing toward the
ground, and he is bent over)
COLIN: I'll just... okay, wait.
(Kay pulls Colin's waist until Colin falls down)
COLIN: All right, to there.
RYAN: All righty.
COLIN: I'll just stay here, just to make sure your legs are moving in a
regular fashion.
(Ryan's legs are moved forward, slowly walking)
RYAN: Okay. Am I allowed to look down?
COLIN: Sure.
RYAN: 'Cause it's awful hard this way.
(Ryan's left foot is crossed in front of his right, his right foot is moved
so he stands straight)
COLIN: All right, that's good enough. Stop.
RYAN: I passed? Don't make me do the fingers to the nose thing, 'cause I
know that by heart.
COLIN: Do it.
RYAN: Fingers to nose. Fingers to nose. Fingers to nose.
(alternating, Ryan's hands touch his nose, then his cheek, then his
forehead, then the side of his head)
COLIN: Okay, wait 'til I stand up.
(Kay starts to lift Colin up)
RYAN: Here, let me help you. Here, let me help you.
COLIN: Thanks.
(Ryan's left hand is in front of Colin's face)
COLIN: Please, I'm on duty.
(Ryan's left hand is moved down a foot away from Colin's crotch)
RYAN: Shh. Don't talk. Let's just share the moment. Oh, you're a sergeant.
(Colin's head is placed on Ryan's shoulder)
COLIN: All right, your heart beating is irregular.
RYAN: Everything about me's irregular. Hold me.
(Colin and Ryan embrace)
(buzzer)
RYAN: Tighter.
(everyone returns to their seats)
DREW: Thank you very much. Don't go away, we'll be right back with more
Whose Line is it Anyway? right after this.
DREW: Hey, welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway?, the show where
everything's made up and the points don't matter. I was, don't know how many
points to award for the last game, which is a shame, because it's my job.
Now we come to a game called Props. We're going to divide everybody into two
teams. Colin and Greg, come get your props. And Ryan and Wayne, here's your
props.
(Colin and Greg have two yellow pieces of foam shaped like a straight line
with two scythe blades facing away from each other on either end, Ryan and
Wayne have two gray pieces of foam that resemble four rings successively
getting smaller, stacked on top of one another)
DREW: There you go. And they're going to go back and forth, think of as
many interesting things to do with their props as they can. And I'll buzz
them in between. Colin and Greg, why don't you start?
(they are wearing their props around their heads, pointing up)
GREG: So, did we elect the new pope yet?
COLIN: No. (buzzer)
(Ryan has one prop on each arm)
RYAN: Danger. Danger, Will Robinson, danger. (buzzer)
(Colin has one prop hanging down from his mouth)
GREG: The saber-toothed tiger was one of the most vicious of all the
prehistoric carnivores. (buzzer)
(both Ryan and Wayne have one prop on front of them, Ryan presses down on
his and makes a buzzer noise)
RYAN: What is North Dakota? (buzzer)
(Colin and Greg wrap their props around their heads like before, with tops
facing the other way)
COLIN: How do we solve a problem like Maria? (buzzer)
(Ryan has both props in front of him like dumbbells)
WAYNE: All right dude, I got you. I got you, go. Go, go, come on! Come on!
You better lift that, bro, lift it! Lift it now! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
come on, come on! (buzzer)
(Colin has a prop over his chest with the ends together)
COLIN: It's a little bigger nipple ring than I expected. (buzzer)
(One prop is on the ground in front of Ryan and Wayne)
RYAN: I think we'd better get out of here before we find the animal that
left that. (buzzer)
(Colin raises the prop above him)
COLIN: Oh no, I'm getting picked.
(he lowers it over his head so both ends grab him and walks off, Greg waves)
(buzzer)
(Ryan has both props on his feet)
RYAN: Yeah, ever since I saw Boogie Nights, you know... (buzzer)
(Colin folds each prop over to look like elf shoes)
COLIN: Snow White, Snow White, there's been a landslide.
(buzzer)
DREW: If I were paying attention, I'd give you a lot of points. There was a
cute girl in the audience I was looking at. Okay, now we go on, that was
great. Now we go on to a game called Party Quirks. This game, Greg, you're
going to be hosting a party, and Wayne, Colin, and Ryan are going to be the
guests. They each have a strange quirk or identity. This is the first time
they're seeing these cards, this is where their quirk or identity is
written. And what Greg has to do is come up with what the quirks are. So
Greg, why don't you come over here and start the party.
GREG: All right.
DREW: And Wayne, Colin, and Ryan, you line up over there, I'll buzz you in
with the doorbell. I'll ring you in with the doorbell. And whenever you're
ready, start the party.
(doorbell)
GREG: That must be the bell. Hello, Wayne.
WAYNE: ("Cartoon character in love") (Wayne comes in, turns around, bulges
his eyes out a few times, pantomimes steam coming out of the top of his
head, rolls his tongue onto the floor, spins his arm around while making an
engine noise, points at Greg, spins around on one leg, walks over to the
other side of the stage, shows his heart beating out of his chest, gives a
wolf whistle, howls like a wolf, puts his arms straight out and laughs like
Popeye, pulls his arms in, and says "Hey, hey, hey" like Fat Albert)
GREG: Have you been drinking window cleaner again?
(doorbell)
(Wayne bulges his eyes toward Greg)
GREG: Here, have a canapé. Hi, Col.
COLIN: ("'Gone With the Wind' in 30 seconds") (makes a noise like a raging
fire) Fiddle-dee-dee, fiddle-dee-dee. You need to be kissed. Once.
(pantomimes kissing someone) I don't know nothing about birthing babies! I
don't know nothing! (pantomimes more fire)
GREG: Wayne, have you met my friend? (Wayne pants)
COLIN: Soldier. Soldier. Soldier. Soldier. Soldier. Soldier. Soldier.
GREG: He's... thinks he's in the movie -- thinks he is the movie "Gone With
the Wind." He's pretending to be the movie "Gone With the Wind." (doorbell)
Hi, Ry.
RYAN: ("Salesman desperate to hide the fact he's a chimp") Hi, I wasn't
really invited, but I thought you might like to buy some of these
encyclopedias.
GREG: Sure, come on...
RYAN: Can I come in? (he hangs from the door frame by one arm)
GREG: Yeah. Do you need a hand?
RYAN: Okay, no, I'm in. I'm in.
GREG: All right. Okay.
RYAN: Hey, I don't believe we've met.
(Wayne pants, unbuttons his chest, takes out his heart, and hands it toward
Ryan. Ryan screeches like a monkey.)
GREG: Have you, have you met Wayne? He's, Wayne's in a cartoon, he's in
a...
DREW: You're very close.
GREG: He is a cartoon. He thinks he's a cartoon.
(Wayne gives the thumbs up)
DREW: What emotion is he showing?
(Wayne waves and shows his heart beating some more)
GREG: What emotion? He's excited. He sees a foxy chick in a cartoon.
DREW: He's in love. He's in love. Cartoon character in love.
GREG: He's in love. It's so simple how we forget, isn't it?
(Ryan picks and eats bugs from Greg's hair)
GREG: You old orangutan, you. You, you monkey boy, you encyclopedia-selling
primate of some kind.
DREW: Yes.
(buzzer)
DREW: I will now give the points in a foreign language.
Akakawakagookawakagookawaka. (click click click click)
RYAN: Yes!
DREW: Now we go on to a game called Hoedown. This is for everybody. With
the help of Laura Hall on the keyboards, Laura Hall. What I need from the
audience is something about modern life that annoys you.
(audience yells suggestions)
DREW: Commercials. That's a nice broad topic. So let's hear the Commercial
Hoedown.
(music begins)
GREG: I'm in advertising, you know my name is Rick
And I am really groovy, 'cause I am not a... brick
I sit and sell you stuff, stuff that you don't need
Because I have one motivation, and that's massive greed
WAYNE: Why don't you buy that stuff, you baby boomer?
I know you've got lots of cash, you are a big consumer
Man oh man, everything from cars to fast foods I sell
My biggest slogan: Yo Quiero Taco Bell
COLIN: I hate commercials, what a waste of time
They take up all the program, it really is a crime
They seem to waste all the time in my precious life
Thank God there's sixty seconds, then I can make love to my wife
RYAN: I buy lots of products when I'm at home alone
It's really really easy, you order them by phone
Not to order these things is really kind of hard
But I never worry too much, I use Colin's credit card
ALL: Colin's credit card
DREW: Don't go away, when we come back we're going to find out who the
winner is. They get to do some improv with me. Stay right where you are,
more Whose Line is it Anyway? will be right back.
DREW: Hey, welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway? Tonight's winner: Wayne
Brady. Wayne Brady is our winner, congratulations, buddy. Wayne's going to
improvise a scene with me, it's called Foreign Film Dub. And what we're
going to do is we're going to fake a language. Can anybody shout out a
language we're going to fake...
(audience yells suggestions)
DREW: What's that? Ancient Egyptian. That's a good one. I don't know how to
fake ancient Egyptian, we'll do that one. Who knows how it's going to work
out. And Ryan's going to translate for me, Greg's going to translate for
Wayne. We're going to act out a movie, we need a fake movie, an
epic-sounding title for a movie...
(audience yells suggestions)
DREW: What did you say? Okay. "The Amazing Tricycle Adventure" done in
ancient Egyptian.
WAYNE: Egyptian, yes. Are you ready, sir?
(Wayne yawns and poses like hieroglyphics. Drew also poses)
WAYNE: Tuck na knip na hoop patek. Tanek kanek taka cling cling.
DREW: Nickawa...
GREG: Tutankhamen, I have just invented something. It's small and has three
wheels, or as we say in ancient Egyptan, knip knip.
DREW: Ah, kaneepa wata en a moreekey backa hoa neena. Huia. (he is still
posing)
RYAN: I'm a little teapot, short and stout.
WAYNE: Enek chuk ee teba hoten chek. Oh, susenut. Cha po nek a na pa pa.
GREG: The festival of Isis is upon us, and a sacrifice must be made. I have
made this wheeled vehicle so that you may ride at the front of the parade.
DREW: Ah, tikiwanee henee wacka punee aken nuwanhen haken hunee on...
RYAN: Thank you so very much. Quick, get me my robe and my snake-like hat.
WAYNE: Katek nek a poonan kanada lasabobo che che gumbobo tedee patat
sinerbo shanalete te tekamo te uda te te te eh comban dandan sane.
GREG: You look great.
DREW: Kika baka minewa huk ebonen waken henan boogen... bargen fargen
arargen.
RYAN: Thank you. Many years ago, my father came to this country. They were
different times then. We built everything from the ground out of stone by
slaves who worked many hours during the day. Boy, I'm hot.
WAYNE: (singing like Egyptian music) De deeeee dee dee. (speaking) Tubana
sakay poteneta pom. Tela potela patega eh patom.
GREG: Cleopatra arrives in her barge. Do you wish to see you, um, her, you
see her, you... I cannot speak, I am so excited.
DREW: Kika manay hona kika hogen wagen fagen hugen even hugong harken hugan
waddle aday.
RYAN: Yes, I will see her. And I hope she's not on her pyramid.
(buzzer)
DREW: Thank you very much for watching Whose Line is it Anyway? Good night,
everybody. See you.
Transcript credits
Scott Robinson transcribed all of the games
(This episode capsule was compiled by Scott Robinson. Copyright 1999. All
titles of games and related situations are trademarks and the property of
Hat Trick Productions, Warner Brothers, and/or ABC and no infringements on
copyright are intended. Watch the show. It's better than reading about it.)
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