Episode 115

Original airdate: March 10, 1999
Contestants: Wayne Brady, Denny Siegel, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles

Overview

Questions Only: at a singles' bar
Song Styles: Wayne sings to Dennis the engineer in the style of a 60's girl
  group
News Flash: Ryan and Denny talk to Colin, who is in front of dancing Santas
Hey You Down There: Denny lectures Colin and Ryan on camping
Party Quirks: Denny hosts, Wayne is girls at a slumber party, Colin is the
  Summer Olympics, Ryan is a tranquilized giraffe
Scene to Rap: in a tsunami
Helping Hands: Drew is Ryan (with Colin's hands)'s boss; Ryan bakes cakes

Did you notice...

Scott Robinson:
   ...the person with The Tick shirt on behind Dennis?
   ...Ryan and Denny sit opposite the way they sat for News Flash in 117?
   ...the News Flash film is repeated?
   ...Ryan seems genuinely concerned about eating raw dough?

References

"Twist and Shout" (song)
"She Came in Through the Bathroom Window" (song)
"Anytime at All" (song)
"P.S. I Love You" (song)
   - All Beatles songs used in the opening
"A Visit from St. Nicholas" (poem)
   - "There arose a real clatter" (the actual line is "There arose such a
     clatter")
"YMCA" (song)
   - the Santas in News Flash dance it at one point

Reviews

Scott Robinson: As ABC allows WLiiA? to slowly slip back into hiatus status, 
   we are offered another average episode, where very few moments stood out. 
   As I have said before, the performers did their job and that was it.
   Other fans have said that Denny is a good singer, but I guess I just
   don't see it. It seemed like she was just shouting. Of course, that's
   what made Alanis Morisette big, but now I'm rambling...

Episode transcript

DREW:  Good evening, and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway? On tonight's
program: Twist and shout, it's Wayne Brady. She came in through the bathroom
window: Denny Siegel. Any time at all, Colin Mochrie. And P.S. I love you,
Ryan Stiles. And I'm your host, Drew Carey, come on down, let's have some
fun. Hello. Hello. Hello. And welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway?, the show
where everything's made up and the points don't matter. If you never saw the
show before, what happens is these four people are going to come down here
and make up stuff right on the spot, right off the top of their heads based
on suggestions from the audience and suggestions that we have on these blue
cards right here that they've never seen before. And then at the end of each
game we're going to give them points, I don't know why, they don't mean a
thing, 'cause at the... (he laughs a little) at the end of the show I pick
the people I like best and they get to play, they get to play a little game
with me. I won't tell you what the game is, 'cause sometimes we can't air
it. We're going to start with a game called Questions Only. This is for all
four of you. Denny and Wayne, you're going to start out the game. They're
going to start a scene, but they can only speak in questions. That's all
they're allowed to do is speak in questions. And I'll buzz them if somebody
does, you know, forgets to ask a question or goes wrong, and the other
person will take their place. And the scene is you're at a singles' bar
right before closing. Questions only, go ahead.
WAYNE: Wanna go home?
DENNY: You talking to me?
WAYNE: Is there anybody else here as good-looking as, hic, you?
DENNY: Is there anyone here as repulsively drunk as you?
WAYNE: Can't you cut me a break?
DENNY: Shut up. (buzzer)
(Ryan walks in)
WAYNE: Where'd you come from?
RYAN:  Is that any way to talk to a lady?
WAYNE: You wanna kiss me?
RYAN:  Who doesn't?
WAYNE: Care to take a big swipe at these luscious love cushions?
RYAN:  Do you wanna boogie?
WAYNE: All night long?
RYAN:  Have you heard that song?
WAYNE: Heard it? (Wayne walks off in defeat) (buzzer)
RYAN:  May I see some I.D.?
COLIN: Don't I look old enough to drink?
RYAN:  Don't you know the drinking age is 47 here?
COLIN: Does it matter that I'm Canadian?
RYAN:  You're Canadian?
COLIN: Can't you tell?
RYAN:  Have you ever heard of a town called Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan?
COLIN: Isn't that right beside Left Noob?
(Ryan leaves) (buzzer)
DENNY: Would you be interested in hearing that I've got a Canadian fetish?
COLIN: What's your sign?
(Denny laughs and leaves) (buzzer)
RYAN:  Still here?
COLIN: Is it all right if I have a parrot?
RYAN:  What's his name?
COLIN: Why do you ask?
RYAN:  Are you aware that he just went on your shoulder?
COLIN: Don't you know that's good luck?
RYAN:  Oh, is it?
COLIN: Don't you read books?
RYAN:  You wanna dance?
COLIN: (complacently) Yeah.
(Ryan starts to dance as Colin walks off to Drew's buzzer. Ryan realizes
what happened and stops dancing)
DREW:  Let's get out of here. Okay, that's it right there, we'll stop it.
Well, minus a hundred to Ryan for cheating. And an extra hundred to Colin
for saying Left Noob. (laughs) I got to go to Left Noob, Canada, that sounds
like a really fun place to go to. Okay, let's go on to a game called Song
Styles. This is for Wayne, with Laura Hall on the piano, how about Laura
Hall?
(audience applauds)
DREW:  I need to go out in the audience. I had my eye on you, sir, can you
come out? What's your name?
DENNIS: Dennis.
DREW:  Dennis?
DENNIS: Dennis.
DREW:  What do you do for a living, Dennis?
DENNIS: Engineer.
DREW:  You're an engineer? Okay, come on down, Dennis the engineer. Say hi
to Wayne. Dennis claims to be an engineer. I don't know what he does really,
but you'll be singing to him in the style of a 60's girl group.
(music starts)
DREW:  He's probably wondering, 'cause this is like the first time we've
brought out a man instead of a woman, so go ahead.
(Wayne has his back to the audience for each introduction)
WAYNE: (on Dennis' right, turning around) I'm Lawanda.
       (behind Dennis, turning around) I'm Lavores.
       (on Dennis' left, turning around) I'm Lequisha.
       (as Lawanda) And we're here to sing for you. Right, girls?
       (as Lavores) That's right.
       (as Lawanda) Sing.
       Ooh, from the very start
       I want a man who can build a bridge to my heart
       And it's you, uh-huh
       I said it's you
       Tell him, girls.
       (as Lequisha, deeper voice) I never had a man like you before, no no
       I never had a man who can build a house and a door, no no
       You must've gone to school for a long time
       But now you're here, you're mine, all mine
       And it's my privilege
       I know that you are going to build that bridge
       (as Lavores) He's gonna
       (as Lawanda) Build a bridge to my heart
       Gonna build it
       Gonna build a bridge to my heart
       (as Lavores) Sing it!
       Gonna build a bridge
       (as Lequisha) You're gonna build a bridge to my heart, oh
       (Lawanda, then Lavores, then Lequisha kiss Dennis on the head)
       (as Lawanda) We love you!
DREW:  Thank you, Dennis! Thank you, Dennis. Thanks very much.
(as Dennis returns to his seat, Wayne, Denny, and Colin perform the "raise
the roof" gesture)
WAYNE: Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! Yeah!
DREW:  Thanks, Dennis. Hey, fifteen hundred million points for Dennis. All
the points you need, buddy, buy yourself a house.
WAYNE: Hey, Drew. Yeah, I am every woman.
DREW:  Yeah, you are. Now let's go on to a game called News Flash. This is
for Ryan, Denny, and Colin. Ryan and Denny, you're going to be two news
anchors in a studio. Colin, you're going to be in the field as the field
reporter. Covering a breaking news story. Problem with him is he can't see
what's behind him on the screen, only we can see it here in the studio, on
our little studio monitors there, you can see it at home. And he has to try
to guess what it is behind him and where he is. So whenever you guys are
ready, start the scene, and let's go.
RYAN:  Is it easier if you're drunk first?
DENNY: Yeah, although I usually feel bad about it...
RYAN:  Oh, we interrupt this program for a special news bulletin. I'm Jim
Furly.
DENNY: And I'm covered in fur.
RYAN:  And we're going out to the scene live with our news action reporter,
Colin Mochrie. Colin, can you hear us?
(behind Colin, many people dressed as Santa Claus are playing on seesaws)
COLIN: Yes, I can.
(now a man dressed as Santa with sunglasses and a rifle is speaking to the
other Santas through a megaphone)
COLIN: As you can see, things have quieted down a bit.
(the Santa with sunglasses is allowing other Santas into a cabin after they
pass through a metal detector; one entering Santa turns around with hands in
the air)
COLIN: But about an hour ago it was just nuts.
DENNY: You know, I never believed I would see this, but I'm starting to
believe it now.
(the many Santas are inside on a dance floor, dancing with many multicolored
lights flashing about)
COLIN: I tell you, I couldn't believe my eyes. I still can't.
RYAN:  Colin, what started the whole thing here, how did this start up?
COLIN: Well, as far as I can tell, it all started with a price check. And
then I don't know how it escalated to this, but I haven't seen this much
action since my wedding night.
DENNY: Colin, Colin, there's some concern that children are watching and
this could be scarring. Do you have any advice?
(Colin pauses, a Santa sticks his face right in the camera)
COLIN: Well, we all have to grow up sometime. Better they see it for
themselves rather than learn about it on the streets.
RYAN:  Colin, have you had a chance to sit on any knees and get any
interviews with anyone?
COLIN: Pardon?
RYAN:  I said, have you had the chance to sit on anyone knees and get any
interviews from -- actually, I said it better the first time. Colin, to get
off the subject, have you been good this year?
COLIN: Oh, I tell you, I've been better than most.
DENNY: Now, is it easy for you to hear anything, because apparently there
arose a real clatter.
COLIN: (woodenly) Yes, that's for sure. (normally) I tell you, this is
amazing, you got to be careful when they're flying overhead.
(the Santas are piling up on top of each other)
RYAN:  Can you describe what was... What was just happening behind you right
there, Colin?
COLIN: Well, perhaps I'll just let the picture speak for itself. It's so
hard to describe what's going on.
RYAN:  Look, Colin... Colin, it looks like you got there just in the nick of
time.
COLIN: That is so true. And I should really check that clause in my
contract...
DENNY: Yes.
COLIN: ...because I don't think I should be doing this.
(buzzer)
DREW:  Thank you very much. Okay, thanks a lot, hey, don't go anywhere,
we'll go to commercial, we'll be right back with more Whose Line is it
Anyway?, stay right where you are.

DREW:  Hey, welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway?, the show where
everything's made up and the points don't matter. Just like Little League.
Now, let's play a game called Hey You Down There. This is for Ryan and
Colin, they're going to improvise a 1950's public information film and Denny
is going to make up the narration for them, it's called Hey You Down There.
And the subject of this 50's public information film is camping in the wild.
(hokey 1950's music begins)
DENNY: Hey you down there.
(Ryan and Colin wave)
DENNY: You're prepared to deal with Mother Nature, but don't forget, mothers
can have a cruel side. You'd better be careful. Let's check our provisions.
That means stuff we brought.
(Ryan and Colin laugh, Colin casts an angry look upward)
DENNY: What have we got in here?
(Ryan is playing with a switch on a handle)
DENNY: Why, gee, it's a lighter. Oh, no, it's a flashlight. It's both.
(Ryan holds it up for Denny to see)
DENNY: Oh, what's up there? Is that an owl? No, it's a jaguar.
(Colin looks scared while Ryan laughs)
DENNY: And it's headed right towards you.
(Ryan cocks a rifle)
DENNY: Oh, but you've got... you've got your trusty shotgun. Wait a minute,
you'd better put the silencer on.
(Ryan walks behind Colin and places the gun behind Colin's head. Colin
assumes an expression of terror with his mouth wide open.)
DENNY: Wait a minute. Shooting through your friend's mouth can help direct
the bullet.
(Ryan moves away and poses to say "Shhh")
DENNY: Oh, the jaguar went away. Bye-bye, mister jaguar.
(Ryan waves good-bye. Colin pulls something (presumably a sleeping bag) out
of his supplies and unfolds it.)
DENNY: But your friend's got something of his own in his little pack. It's a
tablecloth.
(Colin changes to laying down a tablecloth. Ryan and Colin set the table.)
DENNY: That's right, there's nothing like a romantic candlelight dinner in
the dark. But wait a minute, the edge of that tablecloth is catching fire.
Remember what Smokey says. Better put it out.
(Ryan conveys that he doesn't know what to do. Colin grabs Ryan and uses his
head to put out the fire.)
DENNY: You can use your own body to smother the flames.
(When they finish, Ryan places his hand, palm out, on his head. Colin wipes
his brow.)
DENNY: Oh... You're singed, but safe.
(Colin and Ryan yawn and stretch)
DENNY: Well, anyway, time to go to bed. Did you remember the sleeping bag?
(Ryan nods "yes")
DENNY: Sure you did. I hope... I hope you remembered two. Otherwise it's
going to be awfully tight in there.
(Ryan and Colin offer each other the sleeping bag)
DENNY: It's important to decide who's going to crawl in first because there
could be a scorpion at the bottom.
(They offer each other the bag more emphatically. Ryan crawls in.)
DENNY: That's right, just slide in head first so the scorpion can eat your
eyes out.
(Ryan reads something. Colin starts to dig.)
DENNY: It's fun to read by match. But uh-oh, that comic book can catch fire.
(Ryan pantomimes fire spreading across his head. Colin beats it out with his
shovel. Ryan climbs out of the sleeping bag, with hand palm out on head, and
glares at Colin.)
(buzzer)
DREW:  It's always funny 'til someone gets hurt.
(Ryan pantomimes fire on his head again)
DREW:  Thousand points apiece. Let's go on to a game called Party Quirks.
This is for Denny and Wayne and Colin and Ryan. Now Denny, you're going to
be hosting a party, and these guys are going to be your guests and we've
given each a weird quirk or identity, it's on these cards they've never seen
before. Why don't you come up here and start the party and you guys line up
there, I'll bring you in one at a time with the doorbell. (he rings the
doorbell multiple times) And whenever you're ready go ahead and start the
party.
DENNY: Boy, I hope everyone likes these cinnamon-apple pork rinds.
(doorbell) Oh, a guest is here. Yes yes, hey hey, hiya.
WAYNE: ("Succession of teenage girls at a slumber party") (squealing) Hey,
oh my gosh, come on in! (he re-enters) It's a'ight. (he re-enters) Hey,
quick, I'm going to have a great time, I brought my nightie. (squealing)
DENNY: Have a pork rind. (Wayne re-enters) Great. (doorbell) Yes yes yes,
come in, come in.
COLIN: ("The Summer Olympics in 30 seconds") (he runs in and lights the
torch)
DENNY: Hello.
(Colin positions himself at the starting line, bends over, and makes a gun
noise. He starts running and jumping over hurdles. He reaches the other side
of the stage, dives in, and swims the butterfly. He stands on the step,
bends over, holds his medal in his hands, and starts crying. He uses his
hands to show there are two people lower than him.)
WAYNE: Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. (doorbell)
DENNY: Oh, excuse me, I have another guest. Yes, come in, come in, come in.
Hi.
RYAN:  ("Running giraffe that gets shot with a tranquilizer dart") (Ryan
walks in with his neck outstretched and his legs like a giraffe's. He gets
shot in the backside and starts to run away. Soon, he begins to stumble
until he falls to the ground. In the background, Colin is throwing the
javelin.)
WAYNE: Eww. Eww. Eww. (Colin tosses a discus)
DENNY: Wayne, are you afraid that he's going to ruin your slumber party?
WAYNE: Eww! (buzzer)
DREW:  Wow. Nice job.
DENNY: Yes, well, perhaps... (Colin pole vaults) Perhaps we can find
something for him to do in the Olympics. (buzzer)
(Ryan gets to his knees, only to fall over again)
DENNY: You're, you're an amalgam of all my ex-boyfriends, aren't you?
DREW:  No, that's close.
(Ryan wiggles his finger behind him like a tail)
DENNY: You're a, you're a, you're a... (she laughs)
DREW:  First clue.
DENNY: You're a little pig.
DREW:  No.
(Ryan gets up and swaggers)
DENNY: You're, you're, you're a morphing, sci-fi creature. Oh, you're a
balloon on a float! (buzzer)
DREW:  No. What does he look like really in real life? A gir...what?
DENNY: Geranium.
DREW:  Giraffe.
DENNY: A giraffe.
DREW:  He got stuck with a dart, he's a giraffe, that's why he fell down,
okay.
(buzzer)
(Ryan goes back to his seat and poses as if to say "What could I do?" Wayne
puts his fingers to his head like giraffe horns. Ryan sits down, his face
conveying the message, "Why didn't I think of that?")
DREW:  He still looks like a giraffe, look at him. You know, I got to tell
you, when you guess wrong, at least it's entertaining.
DENNY: That's what I'm here for.
DREW:  I know. Now let's go on to a game called Scene to Rap. This is for
Wayne and Denny, you're going to start, and then Ryan and Colin are going to
join you a little later. And they're going to be rapping through the whole
scene with the help of rap-master Laura Hall. From our 'hood to your 'hood,
it's Laura Hall. What I need from the audience is the kind of disaster you
might make a movie about.
(audience yells suggestions)
DREW:  Flood, earthquake... Let's do... we'll do flood. Tsunami. Let's make
it a tsunami. Okay, so you're going to rap, the scene is about a tsunami,
and, so go ahead whenever you're ready.
(music begins)
DENNY: Now I know you're enjoying here in Taiwan
       But something funky is going on
       Something's happening with the tide
       And I don't think there's any way to go and hide
       Well, there's something happening that you don't get
       But if we hang out here we're going to get real wet
WAYNE: Say what?
       On the horizon, call for mommy
       Winds are blowing, here comes a tsunami
       Oh, that's right, your life you save
       Because tsunami means really big wave
       Coming over here, my life to keep
       Because we might drown and the water is deep
       So who can help us, who can do it?
       Because I don't know, we've got to move it
DENNY: This is just the worst news yet
       Man, the only thing I can surf is the 'net
       Whoa!
RYAN:  Heard on the radio, heard him say
       That there's a tsunami heading this way
       Don't run away, nowhere to go
       Stick with me, my name's Cousteau
       And swim. Swim swim. Swim swim.
(Colin comes in and dances)
COLIN: Hey there guys, I see the wave
       I even had time to shave
       I know it's dangerous, it's quite debatable
       Come with me, my pants are inflatable
       Hop on up, we'll ride the wave
       I'm not, all of you I will save
(Colin and Wayne make inflating noises as everyone clutches together)
(buzzer)
DREW:  That was great. Hey, listen. We're going to find out who the winner
is right after this commercial and they get to do a little game with me. So
don't go away, we'll be right back with more Whose Line is it Anyway?

DREW:  Welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway? The winners tonight: Colin
and Ryan! Colin and Ryan are the winners. Who would've thought, huh? What a
come-from-behind, pay-off-the-umpire victory they had. Now they're going to
get to do a scene with me, it's called Helping Hands. And what we're going
to do a scene here, and Ryan won't be able to use his hands. Only Colin will
make his, do his hands for him. And what's our scene, Wayne?
WAYNE: Ryan is a temperamental pastry chef who is trying to create a
masterpiece for the demanding owner of his restaurant, Drew.
DREW:  Hey, listen, we need that wedding cake five minutes...
RYAN:  Don't ever tell me how to make a cake! I am a master. I must get
prepared.
DREW:  Well, why don't you hurry up and get prepared, then? Put on your
stupid hat.
(Colin struggles to fit Ryan's hat over his head)
DREW:  You don't look so great chef to me.
RYAN:  I put it on my head like so, and I look like Jiffy Pop. That's why I
say, Jiffy Pop.
DREW:  (picking up a tray of cupcakes) Listen. I don't know if these hors
d'oeuvres are any good.
RYAN:  Those won't be served. (Colin hits the tray)
DREW:  Why not?
RYAN:  I will swat them out of your hands. These are for my own personal, I
use these for impressions.
DREW:  Oh, let's hear one.
(Colin smears pink frosting on Ryan's lips)
RYAN:  Look, this is my...
DREW:  Oh, it looks like Carol Channing.
RYAN:  (as Carol Channing?) It's really sugary. (normally) Give me some
cupcakes. Give me some cupcakes and guess what I am. I need two. I need two.
DREW:  Don't you...
RYAN:  What do you think I am? What am I?
(Colin puts a cupcake over each eye. Ryan buzzes like a fly.)
DREW:  Now really hurry, hurry up and get some stuff on there. They want
their name on it.
RYAN:  Do you know what this is? (Colin holds up an icing applicator)
DREW:  That's a pastry thing...
RYAN:  It's a pastry squirter, shall we decorate the cake with... I will
decorate the top of the cake, who should I make it out to?
DREW:  Their names are Mike and Diane.
RYAN:  Mike, very careful.
DREW:  Mike and Diane Lipshowitz.
(Colin starts to squirt the majority of the icing onto the cake)
RYAN:  Very careful. "M." (all of the pink frosting is on the cake)
DREW:  (handing Ryan the white icing) Don't forget this one.
RYAN:  Oh yes, I will use...
DREW:  They want it in different colors.
RYAN:  "I." (Colin has squeezed all of the white icing onto the cake)
Apparently I don't have enough frosting. Tell me, do they look... (he licks
icing off Colin's hand) Do they look... (Drew holds up a bowl) The
sprinkles?
DREW:  They need sprinkles. They want sprinkles.
RYAN:  I can't sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles.
I'm shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.
(Colin tips the bowl into Ryan's mouth. Ryan gets some sprinkles into his
mouth, tilts his head back, and blows the sprinkles out. Many sprinkles
remain stuck to his face due to the icing.)
RYAN:  I look like Walt Disney just threw up.
DREW:  Now what are you going to do with this stuff? This stuff's going to
sit here.
RYAN:  That is raw dough. Never eat raw dough.
DREW:  Why, what happens?
RYAN:  They can make worms in your tummy. Worms in your tummy.
DREW:  Well, why would you eat raw dough? What does it taste like, does it
taste bad?
RYAN:  (laughing) You can't eat raw dough.
DREW:  Yeah, I bet you could. Go ahead and eat it. You're fine.
RYAN:  It's bad for you.
DREW:  It can't be that bad, it's all sweet sugar.
RYAN:  Let me have a little try. (Colin places the spoon to Ryan's mouth and
Ryan takes some) It's not bad.
DREW:  Here, here's some strawberries to wash that down with.
RYAN:  I don't eat any vegetables or fruits.
DREW:  Well, you ought to try it, clear yourself up.
RYAN:  Strictly sugar. Strictly sugar for me.
DREW:  Oh, really?
RYAN:  One, and a-two, and a-ha! Ha!
(Colin throws a strawberry into the air. It bounces off Ryan's mouth.)
RYAN:  Oh.
DREW:  Try another one. That was close.
RYAN:  Really?
DREW:  Yeah.
RYAN:  Okay.
DREW:  I'd like to see you entertain me, if you can do that.
RYAN:  A-ha! Ha!
(Colin throws a few strawberries into the air. Ryan doesn't catch any.)
RYAN:  Oh. I'm a failure! (he lets his face fall into the cake)
DREW:  Oh no.
(buzzer)
DREW:  Now you ruined the cake! Thanks for watching Whose Line is it
Anyway?, we'll see you later. Good-bye.
(Denny takes some cake from Ryan's face and eats it)
WAYNE: Look at this. Good.

Transcript credits

Scott Robinson transcribed all of the games


(This episode capsule was compiled by Scott Robinson. Copyright 1999. All
titles of games and related situations are trademarks and the property of
Hat Trick Productions, Warner Brothers, and/or ABC and no infringements on
copyright are intended. Watch the show. It's better than reading about it.)

This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page