Episode 206

Original airdate: September 30, 1999
Performers: Greg Proops, Wayne Brady, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles

Overview

Weird Newscasters: Colin hosts, Greg is a heckler, Wayne is a child actor,
  Ryan is an angry NBA player
African Chant: Wayne and others sing to Pat the sprinkler guy
Scenes From a Hat: State mottoes rejected for license plates, what God
  created on an off day, bad things to hear from the doctor who's operating
  on you, President Clinton's "Things to do" list
Change Emotion: Greg, Colin, and Ryan in the jungle; knife = fury, canteen =
  lust
Greatest Hits: Ryan and Colin pitch "Songs of the Exterminator" as sung by
  Wayne
Hoedown: Wayne, Drew, Colin, and Ryan sing about the Village People
Credits: Greg and Ryan are frat boys at the beach

Did you notice...

Scott Robinson:
   ...Colin and Ryan trade chairs after Ryan knocks them over?
   ...Wayne gets Pat to act like an elephant as well?
   ...when Pat goes back to his seat, Laura is also acting like an elephant?
   ...only four scenes from the hat?
   ...Wayne changes "rats" to "roaches"?
   ...the director cuts to Greg at the desk as often as he cuts to Drew at
      the desk?
   ...Ryan sings higher than usual?

Déjà vu

121 - "Songs of the Exterminator"

Miscellaneous

The Village People indeed acts -- in 1980 they released a movie entitled
"Can't Stop the Music." According to their web site, it's a popular cult film
around the world.

Episode transcript

DREW:  Good evening everybody, and welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" On
tonight's show: He has a good beat. Greg Proops! He really rocks. Wayne
Brady! He's easy to dance to. Colin Mochrie! And you'll be humming it all
night. Ryan Stiles! I'm your host, Drew Carey, come on down, let's have some
fun. Hello. Hello and welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?", the show where
everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points
don't mean a thing, just like the bow tie on a chippendale dancer. What
happens is, if you've never seen the show before, these four guys are going
to come up, they're going to make stuff up for you right on the spot based on
suggestions from the audience and things we have written on these cards here.
They've never seen the suggestions before the show, they don't know what's on
these cards. And they're going to just make it all up. And at the end of
every game I give them points. Just a little gag to hold the show together,
don't get excited about them. And then at the end of the show I pick a
winner, and the winner gets to do a little something with me. Please. It's
not what you think. If it was, I'd be doing it right now. So, if we're ready
to start, let's go with Weird Newscasters. This is for all four of you.
Colin, you're going to be anchorman of a news show. Greg, you're the
co-anchor. You're a heckler. Sports is Wayne. You're a precocious
multi-talented child star. And Ryan, you're doing the weather. You're an
angry NBA player about to get ejected. So you're like Karl Malone.
RYAN:  Come again, what?
DREW:  You're Karl Malone. So whenever you're ready, whenever you hear the
music, go ahead and start, Colin.
(news music)
(Greg is pouring back a drink and wobbling)
COLIN: Hello. I'm Jackson Goodreader...
GREG:  And you suck! Boring! Boring!
COLIN: And welcome to the 6:00 news.
GREG:  Yawn!
COLIN: Unfortunately, everything happened at 3:48 today, so we have nothing to
tell you. Over to you.
GREG:  Snore. Snore. Nice haircut, lose a bet? Ha ha ha. Nice top, you got
the bottoms to those? A-ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Nice shirt, what's your
average? Bwa-ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Bring on the chicks! You're
all right, I was just helping you. No, I was just helping you, go on, I'm
going to help you, go on. Go on, I'm going to help you.
COLIN: Thank you for that insightful report.
GREG:  He's just going over the news.
COLIN: Shut up! And now over to sports with Reginald Reginald Regole.
WAYNE: That's Reginald Reginald Regin"alled." It's French. (he puts his hands
on his hips, puffs out his cheeks, and dances for a moment) Today, all of the
sports teams decided to get together and hold a little show. (singing)
Starring me because everyone knows sports are fun. (he dances in place before
continuing) Because when the tennis players take a fall, John McEnroe likes
to hit a ball. (he starts swinging his arms and dancing again) And so I'm
doing this for my mom! (he gets down on one knee, arms outstretched, and
overexaggerates breathing heavily)
COLIN: Well, enough...
GREG:  He was singing.
COLIN: Watch the elbow.
GREG:  He was singing.
COLIN: And now over to the weather. Let's see what's happening this week in
weather.
GREG:  He was dancing, too.
COLIN: Yes.
RYAN:  Well, thanks. As you can see, we've got a sunny weekend in store for
the west coast here, and moving on to the east over here, we've got some
rain, and oop. Touched that cloud there a little bit. Touching... what? What
are you talking about, I barely touched the cloud! (getting in the crane
camera's face) What are you, a little man? What, you're a big man, and you're
a little man, is that what it is? Oh, you're kicking me out, I don't think
you're kicking me out! Oh, you are? That's fine! Okay, that's fine! We'll see
who's... (he storms back to the stage, kicking imaginary things as he goes
along)
GREG:  Fight, fight, fight, fight!
(Ryan knocks his and Colin's chairs over, kicks the set, and walks backstage.
He beats on the set a bit more while he's backstage. Wayne goes over to see
what Ryan's doing. Greg gets up.)
GREG:  Whoo! Whoo!
(Wayne waves at Ryan, who's still backstage. Ryan punches Wayne. Wayne
cries.)
COLIN: Well, that's the 6:00 news. Join us tomorrow for more news and more
news stories. Good night.
DREW:  That was great. A thousand points for everybody. Of course, I have to
subtract five hundred points for Ryan because he forgot to kick a
photographer.
(Ryan looks over at the camera, points to one, and mouths "I'll get you
later.")
DREW:  Let's go on to a game called African Chant. It's called African Chant.
This is for Wayne, with the help of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor on guitar.
Laura Hall and Linda Taylor. We'll walk right back here. I know just the guy
I'm going to pick. Hello, how are you? What's your name, sir?
PAT:   My name is Pat.
DREW:  Pat. Nice to meet you Pat, what do you do for a living?
PAT:   I'm a sprinkler guy.
DREW:  Sprinkler guy. That's a good name for a thing you getting about, I
trust you to do. Okay, come on up here and (muffled by audience applause).
Wayne, this is Pat. Pat's a sprinkler guy.
WAYNE: Yeah. Yeah.
DREW:  Now this is something we're going to do. Ryan, Colin, and Greg, you're
going to do back-up for Wayne here. You're going to sing to Pat the sprinkler
guy and you're going to do an African chant.
WAYNE: Right on.
(The music begins. The other three guys begin to swing their arms.)
WAYNE: Aboopat, Pat sprinkler guy
GUYS:  Awoo
WAYNE: Alltoodoh, alltoopat
       He go (makes a noise like a lawn sprinkler)
GUYS:  (make noises like lawn sprinklers)
WAYNE: (makes noise like a lawn sprinkler)
GUYS:  (make noises like lawn sprinklers)
WAYNE: Oh dee dee rain no come, pat make de water de ground
       Oh Pat
GUYS:  Awoo
WAYNE: Pat
(all four performers dance around Pat)
WAYNE: Oh
GUYS:  Oh
WAYNE: Oh Pat make de water so de animals don't go tirsty
GUYS:  Awoo
WAYNE: Pat
GUYS:  Pat
WAYNE: P
GUYS:  P
WAYNE: A
GUYS:  A
WAYNE: T
GUYS:  T, awoo
WAYNE: If Pat were an animal, Pat would be an elephant
(Wayne makes an elephant trunk with his arm and pantomimes sucking up water
and spraying it. The guys follow suit. Wayne starts making noise, so the
others do, as they all wave their hands in the air (Greg also gives himself
an elephant tail). Pat begins to wave his hand in the air as well.)
WAYNE: Awoo
GUYS:  Awoo
(buzzer)
DREW:  Thank you.
WAYNE: Pat! Pat!
DREW:  Thank you, Pat. That was great, man. Oh man.
GUYS:  Awoo.
WAYNE: Awoo. Oh, they're not letting me back into Africa after that one.
DREW:  They'll make you a prince after that one, are you kidding me? That was
great, hey, feels like rain. How about you guys? Think I just felt a couple
of sprinkles.
GREG & WAYNE: Awoo.
DREW:  A thousand fifty thousand thousand zillion thousand points. Now let's
go on to a game called Scenes From a Hat. Scenes From a Hat, this is for all
four of you. Ryan and Colin on one side, Greg and Wayne on the other. What
I'm going to do is I'm going to take this very patriotic hat here and what we
do is before the show we ask the audience to write down scenes they'd like to
see and we're going to have these guys come up with as many different
examples of these scenes as we can. Let's start out. "State mottoes rejected
for license plates."
GREG:  Mississippi. We do too have all our teeth! (buzzer)
RYAN:  Utah. Thirty thousand wives can't be wrong. (buzzer)
COLIN: Miami. The land that time remembered. (buzzer)
DREW:  Miami's a city.
COLIN: Florida. Not to be confused with Miami. (buzzer)
RYAN:  Montana. How fast can you drive? (buzzer)
GREG:  Texas. Capital punishment rocks!
(buzzer)
DREW:  You got that right, Bubba. "What God created on an off day."
RYAN:  And I shall call it the other white meat. (buzzer)
WAYNE: Hey, buddy, I'm Pauly Shore. (buzzer)
GREG:  And they shall be known as the Dodgers.
(buzzer)
DREW:  "Bad things to hear from the doctor who's operating on you."
COLIN: Good-looking wife you have. (buzzer)
WAYNE: You are my first patient in America. (buzzer)
RYAN:  Ooh, that's different. (buzzer)
WAYNE: Fire me? Hunh. Fire me.
(buzzer)
DREW:  "President Clinton's 'Things to do' list."
RYAN:  Switch to a pipe. (buzzer)
RYAN:  When having an affair, pick someone good-looking.
(buzzer)
DREW:  Okay, thank you very much. That's it. We're going to go to commercial,
we'll be right back with more "Whose Line is it Anyway?" right after this.
Don't go anywhere.

DREW:  Welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?", the show where
everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points
don't matter just like a congressman from Rhode Island. (audience groans)
Wow. We seem to have the entire state of Rhode Island here today. Now let's
go on to a game called Change Emotion. This is called Change Emotion. This is
for Ryan, Colin, and Greg. Now what happens is these guys are going to act
out a scene and these objects...
(Drew pulls out a canteen and a large plastic knife. He offers them to the
performers, with the knife blade pointing outward at Greg.)
GREG:  Whoa. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.
(Drew turns the knife around so Greg can take the handle)
DREW:  There you go. Safety first.
GREG:  Easy, big fella.
DREW:  Yeah. Each item that I gave them has a particular emotion attached to
it. And whoever's holding it... (Greg laughs and acknowledges the knife)
Yeah. Who's ever holding the prop has to display that emotion. And your scene
is you're big game hunters lost in the jungle. And the canteen represents
lust. (Colin quickly passes the canteen to Ryan) And the jungle knife... the
jungle knife represents fury. Like you're furious if you're holding the
jungle knife. (Greg gives Colin the knife) So go ahead and start the scene.
(Ryan begins drinking from the canteen)
COLIN: (swinging the knife violently) Why are there so many trees in the
jungle?
GREG:  Hey, calm down, they're part of the ecosystem, dude.
COLIN: Look, you're only on this trip because we needed someone to carry the
pack.
(Ryan begins licking the opening of the canteen)
GREG:  Woah. You need to take a...
(Colin and Greg notice Ryan licking the canteen)
COLIN: We need that water!
RYAN:  We're almost out of water. All the liquid's almost gone.
COLIN: You don't have it anymore, you take care of it. (he gives the canteen
to Greg)
GREG:  God, you look really strong with that knife in your hand. I never
noticed the cut of your jib before, but you're my kind of explorer.
RYAN:  Hey, take it easy, why don't you let me cut the trail for a little
while. (Ryan takes the knife)
GREG:  No, let me lick the trail clean.
RYAN:  All right, maybe he's right. (Ryan stabs Colin. The knife stays under
Colin's arm.)
GREG:  Hey, (throws canteen to Ryan) that was uncalled for.
COLIN: Excuse me!
RYAN:  Sorry.
COLIN: Excuse me! I am the head of the expedition, this is not right!
GREG:  Yes, but...
RYAN:  Well, run through the forest and cut down the plants since it's
already in you.
GREG:  (to Ryan) You're having some issues, aren't you? (Greg places his
hands on Ryan's hands. They are now both holding the canteen.)
RYAN:  Yes. Yes I am.
COLIN: Well, mister third wheel will just bleed over here if it's all right
with you!
GREG:  Oh, now, don't be such a grouse. Here, I'll take it out. (Greg lets go
of Ryan's hands and takes the knife from Colin) Oh, look at the mess you
made!
RYAN:  Oh, clean that off! (Ryan gives Colin the canteen)
GREG:  Will you clean this? (Greg gives Colin the knife) Do you have to do
everything on this expedition...
COLIN: Yeah. Yes I will! (he rubs the knife on his face and licks the
canteen)
(buzzer)
DREW:  That was a thousand points. Now don't play with them on the way home,
'cause I don't want you to get in a car accident. Okay. Now let's go on to a
game called Greatest Hits. This is for Colin, Ryan, and Wayne, with the help
of Laura Hall on piano, Linda Taylor on guitar. Colin and Ryan are TV
commercial guys talking about a big compilation album that you're trying to
sell. And they're going to try to get Wayne to sing different types of the
songs, they're going to make them up for him. Try to trick him up. What we
need from the audience is something you'd look for in the yellow pages.
(audience yells suggestions)
DREW:  Exterminator. Exterminator. So the album is "Songs of the
Exterminator." Good luck, Wayne.
WAYNE: Thanks.
COLIN: We'll be back to our nature documentary, "Baggy the Anorexic Elephant"
in just a second.
RYAN:  You know... (pause for audience laughter) Hey Colin.
COLIN: Yes, Ryan?
RYAN:  Question. Is this CD set safe for the kids?
COLIN: Answer. Yes it is, and not only that, it's cholesterol free. (there is
little response) All right, moving right along...
RYAN:  We've put together sixty songs on a two CD set about the exterminator.
COLIN: That's right. We have more hits than Dodgers opponents. And we're
going to start off with one of our favorite rockabilly straight from The
Stray Cats, "Ooh, a Spider."
WAYNE: Hey.
       Well, I just moved into a house just the other day
       When I saw an arachnid coming 'round my way
       That thing was so big that I could ride her
       Oh my God, it's a spider
       Come on little spider, why don't you make a will
       Oh little spider, you have got eight legs
       Oh spider, don't you see, (high, scared voice) help me
RYAN:  You know, the range of artists on this CD set is incredible. I think
one of my favorites would be the great Eartha Kitt hit -- Kitt hit!
(Ryan and Colin force laughter. Wayne gets on top of the piano.)
RYAN:  The great Eartha Kitt hit, "You Go Under the House."
WAYNE: (purr), darling.
       I just moved in to a new place
       But under the house is a place I can't face
       (purr)
       You need to find some Raid on the shelf
       And go under the house your own damn self
       Under the hooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuse
       Under the house 'cause I am afraid of the spiders and of the mouse
       (purr)
COLIN: Still brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
RYAN:  It sure does. Those days are gone.
COLIN: Yeah. But are they? Yeah, they are.
RYAN:  They are.
COLIN: But you know, we have more hits than you can possibly think about. One
of my personal favorite artists is the wonderful artist named Cher. And
although I love much of her late stuff, her early stuff was the stuff that I
really, really loved.
RYAN:  It was good stuff.
COLIN: Let's not say "stuff" anymore.
RYAN:  Okay.
COLIN: But do you remember this great hit? "Ants, Rats, and Gypsy Moths."
WAYNE: Oh.
       There, someone said, over there
       I've got rodents and pests stuck in my hair
       Oh Lordy please forgave me
       I need someone to save me
       From the ants, the roaches, and the gypsy moths
       Oh, the gypsy moths, they bite my feet, oh ho
       And the ants, they move to this beat
       Oh, littlelattlemoandtheholandthegolanda
       Gypsy moths ohhololettlelo
       Ohlalalo the gypsy moths
       Oh
       (Wayne waves his head around. He then stops and nurses the neck pain
       it causes.)
DREW:  Don't go away, we'll be right back with more "Whose Line is it
Anyway?" Find out who the winner is, don't go anywhere.

DREW:  Hey, welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" Tonight's winner here
by some strange reason is Greg Proops. I don't know how it happened, but
there he is. Greg Proops. What we're going to do, the rest of us have to be
punished. We're going to be doing a Hoedown for you. A big old Hoedown with
the help of Laura Hall on the piano. Now what I need from the audience, what
I need from you guys, I need a suggestion of a group of people that you hate.
(audience yells suggestions)
DREW:  The Village People. Village People. Let's do the Village People
Hoedown. Village People Hoedown.
(music begins)
WAYNE: I love the Village People, now please don't get me wrong
       I love "YMCA," hey girl, that's my song
       But you see in Francisco's where they belong
       And all them Village People inspired me to wear my thong
DREW:  I love the Village People, they give me confidence
       Even though I'm not too bright, I am rather dense
       I have a fat white body and I don't have a tan
       But when I put on leather pants I am a macho man
COLIN: About the Village People I have a lot of facts
       Did you know they made a movie? Yes, they acts
       It really is quite wonderful, I can't believe my eyes
       If you laid them end to end, I wouldn't be surprised
RYAN:  I don't like the Village People, think they're kind of rude
       Don't you know their lyrics can be kind of crude
       When it's on my stereo I always hit the mute
       But I'll have to admit the Indian's kind of cute
ALL:   The Indian's kind of cute
DREW:  Hey, we'll be right back with more "Whose Line" right after this,
don't go anywhere.

DREW:  Hey, welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" We're going to end the
show tonight with Ryan and Greg reading the credits. And I want you to read
the credits like two frat boys spending spring break at a crowded beach. So
go ahead and start, good night everybody, we'll see you next time on "Whose
Line."
(Greg and Ryan pretend to hold beers and talk as if they were drunk)
GREG:  All right, dude. Dan Patterson.
RYAN:  Dan Patterson, all right! Ha ha ha!
GREG:  Oh man.
RYAN:  Tom Park's got... (Wayne walks by as a woman) hello!
GREG:  Hello, yes.
RYAN:  Wow, Greg Proops has got, hello!
GREG:  When did you get back from heaven, huh?
RYAN:  Keith Richmond's wearing a thong, that's nice to see.
GREG:  Yeah, he sure is, man. How about Stacy Gale?
RYAN:  She's got a little sand in right (slurring)! (Ryan and Greg laugh) Oh
man.
GREG:  (singing) Alpha Gamma Phi...
(Ryan falls on his face)
GREG:  Dude.


(This episode capsule was compiled by Scott Robinson. Copyright 2000. All
titles of games and related situations are trademarks and the property of
Hat Trick Productions, Warner Brothers, and/or ABC and no infringements on
copyright are intended. Watch the show. It's better than reading about it.)

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